HOSPITAL LIGHTS SHINE like white fumes before my eyes. The smell of medicine, chemicals, and death. I can't see straight; not when I get to the reception desk, not when I dash down the hallway to the emergency ward. I almost crashed the car on the way here, speeding so fast Carson made me pull over, grabbed both my hands, and forced me to breathe.

He's right behind me as I veer into the hallway a nurse pointed me to. At the end of it, Matias stands with his arm in a sling, a bloodied bandage around his head. Even though there's an icy chill in the air, my hair sticks in sweaty pieces to my face.

"Jill, thank God you're here," Matias says. "There was—"

"Is my mom okay?"

"She's in—"

He doesn't have time to finish his gesture toward the door—I'm already inside. I push past a nurse to a small room that reeks of gauze and blood. As soon as I see Mom, standing in front of a bed and alive, my heart sings again.

"Mom!" I skid to a halt, and everything slows. Because the bed in the room is occupied by my cousin, and he's covered in ribbons of red and white.

"Oh my god, Nolan!" I rush to his bed and observe him, as if to make sure he's not actually dead. He's definitely breathing, but he won't look at me. When I try to touch him, he jerks away. Now isn't the time for me to be hurt though.

With shaky arms, I face Mom. "What the hell happened?"

Someone clears their throat, and that's when I notice the two men who stand in the corner of the room: a doctor with overly-tanned skin and white hair, and Officer Stephen Bradshaw, Eric Bradshaw's dad.

"Mom, what's going on?" I ask.

She touches my cheek with a cold hand and smiles, but it's full of sadness. "There was a crash, Jill."

"Where's Colleen?"

"She's fine, sweetheart." Her voice is tired. Unconvincing.

"Sorry to interrupt," Officer Bradshaw says. "But I still need that statement from you, Sharon."

"It was my mom," Nolan says, and everyone looks at him. Tears swell in his eyes, but he rolls over and hides his face in the pillow. "She made Aunt Sharon crash the car."

"I was the driver, sweetie," Mom says. "I was the one who crashed. I'm so sorry."

"I don't care. It was her fault."

Silence. A nurse hugs her clipboard, and the doctor shifts uncomfortably.

"Mom, is that true?" I ask, but she says nothing.

"I know you, Sharon." Officer Bradshaw puts his hands on his hips. "And I know Colleen Mills. Just tell me what really caused the accident."

Mom looks at me, as if for guidance. If Colleen caused this, Mom can't protect her. Not anymore.

"What did Colleen do, Mom?"

She sits on the edge of Nolan's bed, and her body rattles like shutters in a violent storm. "Colleen was... wasted. I was driving her and Nolan home, and I intended on spending the night there with them to make sure nothing happened. But on the way to the park, Colleen became hysterical. She started screaming from the backseat, and Nolan became really upset. I went to pull over, but Colleen grabbed at my hair, and then.... the last thing I saw was headlights."

Mom drops her head in shame. A movie plays in my head; everyone crammed into Mom's SUV, Colleen wailing, the chaos drilling Mom's brain as she tried to drive. My cousin crying. I grit my teeth. Colleen has gone too far this time.

"Right." Officer Bradshaw nods. "You collided with an oncoming truck. Luckily, no one in the other vehicle was hurt. I'd like to talk to you in the hall, if that's all right." Him and Mom head toward the door, but on the way out, he says, "You too, Jillian."

I figured he'd want to talk to Mom alone, but why me?

In the hall, Carson stands from his seat on a waiting room chair, but lowers when he sees the cop. My heart pounds as Officer Bradshaw directs us down the hall, and we stop by a vending machine.

"I'm not sure if you were aware," he says, "but Colleen Mills is already being investigated by Child Protective Services."

Mom and I both freeze.

"What?" I scowl. "There's no way. We would've known..."

Unless Colleen covered it up. Unless she made Nolan promise not to tell.

"I'm obligated to report any evidence of child abuse or neglect," Officer Bradshaw says. "Their case worker will be here in the morning. As their closest family, I'd suggest you two be here for it."

"I'm not going anywhere," Mom says.

"Yeah," I say. "Neither am I."

"Good." He tips his hat. "Just... thought you two deserved to know what's happening. I know how hard you work, and I always see you driving your cousin around town, Jillian."

"Yeah," I croak out. "He's everything to me."

"I know." He looks at Mom. "Now, Sharon, I better talk to you in private about the crash. Get you on record."

Though Mom's face is grim and pale, she nods. I don't want to leave her alone, but Officer Bradshaw ushers her down the hall. Once I have the strength to turn around, Carson jogs toward me.

"Hey, you okay? Matias told me what happened."

"I'm okay." I hug myself, so not okay. "My cousin..."

"He's a tough kid. He's gonna be all right."

"But he's hurt." I choke on a sob as reality slams my shoulders. "I wasn't there to help him, Carson."

"There's nothing you could've done." He pulls me to his chest, and I sink into the warmth of his arms, holding him tighter. Tears singe my eyes, but I bury my face in his hoodie and breathe in. I've never liked the smell of smoke on anyone but him.

"I'm okay, I'm okay." I break away and dab my eyes with my sleeve, just as movement in the window to the room behind Carson catches my eye. Through the narrow glass, Colleen lies in a bed, gaze blank on the ceiling. "Give me a second," I say to Carson before I dash into Colleen's room.

I don't know what I'm going to say, and when I get there—swallowed by the cold silence of her room—there are no words at all. Judging by the way her eyes lull into her head, she's still drunk, maybe even doped up on some type of sedative. And of course, out of everyone, she's the least injured. When she sees me, she has the guts to laugh.

"Here to tell me what a piece of shit I am?"

My nails dig into my palms. Colleen's hair is like hay, lips chapped and parched, bones brittle. She's barely more than a skeleton. That dry, scratchy laugh gets under my skin.

"I ain't stupid," Colleen says. "I know what's gonna happen now. They're gonna take my boy from me." Her eyes gloss over with tears, and she refuses to look at me. "I'll do whatever it takes to fix this. I already told the cops. I'll go to rehab. I'll never drink again. But I can't lose him. Not forever."

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I feel sad for Colleen. "You need help," I say, trying to keep my tone softer, because she's clearly going through hell too. "Mom and I will take care of Nolan. I'd never let anything happen to him, not under my watch."

"Yeah." Colleen's eyes are distant and dead on the wall. "I believe you, Jillian."

There's nothing left to say; she knows what she did, and she's prepared to pay for it. I leave without another word.

Alone in the hall, Carson and I lean against the wall outside Nolan's room. He secures his arm around my shoulder, and it's the only thing that stops my trembling.

"Will you stay with me?" I ask.

"I was never gonna leave."

"CPS is looking at Colleen. They'll be here in the morning. My mom and I are going to have to prove we can take care of my cousin, or else... we might lose him, too."

"I'm sorry, Jill."

I swallow hard and think about our cramped two bedroom apartment and how little space we have as it is. But there's the sunroom. And a cellar. I'll sleep on the floor in the diner if it means keeping Nolan safe. No matter what happens tomorrow, Mom and I have to find a way.

Because this is what we do; we figure it out. If there isn't enough space, we make room. And when it gets too dark, we look for the last sliver of light.