Chapter 11

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

I can't even read this sentence. Thanks @LovelyWhovian for the translation. *Ding!*

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed... Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

Oh boy, where do I begin?

Tears of blood. *Ding!*

'Star-crossed lover commits suicide because she believes her boyfriend is dead but he's not actually dead' cliche. *Ding!*

Steak. *Ding!*

She didn't actually commit suicide with the steak. *Ding!*

Snap. *Ding!*

Loopin. *Ding!*

Masticating. *Ding!*

*10 points from Slytherin!*

It wasn't cancer. It was THIS PARAGRAPH that killed Alan Rickman. *Ding!*

I know Snape would never take points off his own house, but for this he'd make an exception.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

Who the f*ck is Marilyn MASON? *Ding!*

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly...

Womb. *Ding!*
No explanation for there suddenly being guns in the Harry Potter universe. *Ding!*
Using the word 'suddenly' twice in one sentence. *Ding!*

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. 

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT...." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

*Ding!*

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." 

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

Triumelephantly.

Wait, that's not a sin. That should totally be a real word. Go on, say it. Triumelephantly. *!gniᗡ*

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

Perhaps the worst sin of all here: MOMENTARILY SWITCHING TO PRESENT TENSE FOR NO REASON. *Ding!*

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. 

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. 

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE...." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. 

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. 

"Because I LOVE HER!"

Hagrid should be older than both Snape and Lupin. Who's the pedo now?!? *Ding!*

Chapter 12

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!

No! You can't just erase that last sin by saying Hagrid is in love with someone else! *Ding!*
Besides, Cedric is still like 50 years younger than Hagrid, though he is admittedly more mature than Ebony. *Ding!*

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

Really? This again?

'Star crossed lover commits suicide because she thinks her boyfriend is TOTES DEAD when in fact he is alive' cliche. I mean heck, it was even a cliche when Shakespeare did it. *Ding!*

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then..... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. 

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

[Comment from @kaimcr: IT'S NOT EVEN A LIGHTNING BOLT IT'S THE MOTION THAT THE WANT MADE. YOU PIECE OF CHICKEN CRAP]

Today I learned something about the Harry Potter canon by reading a comment on My Immortal. One sin absolved. *!gniᗡ*

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco....Volfemort has him bondage!"

One does not simply magic away a curse scar. *Ding!*

And why would they go to the trouble of doing that if they were just going to cover it up foundation?? *Ding!*

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Conflating pedophilia with attraction to 'hot gurlz'. WTF? *Ding!*

Also, 'constipated the cideo camera'. *Ding!*

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

Then care to explain why you wear so much pink clothing, Ebony?? *Ding!*

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

You don't need to explain why you are angry at him for buying pink roses when you just explained that TWO PARAGRAPHS AGO. *Ding!*

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

Actually, I believe it is spelt 'MASTICATED'. *Ding!*

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .

Are there supposed to be quote marks here? Cripes! *Ding!*

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!"

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

The blackness of the flame is so important, you had to mention it... twice? *Ding!*

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?"

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

Enobby. Sorry, I laughed at that. *Ding!*

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

*Ding!*

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wquallysaid way.

Okay, 'triumelephantly' was okay, but 'wquallysaid' is takin it too far.

*Ding!*

*Five points from Slytherin.*

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

Well that escalated quickly. *Ding!*

Scene DOES sort of contain a lapdance... just not a good one. *Ding!*

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

*!gniᗡ*

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then..... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. 104 "NO!" I ran up closer. 

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco....Volfemort has him bondage!"

Didn't someone already explain this? *Ding!*

Chapter 13

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

These author's notes are getting so stupid, I'm not sure whether to give it a sin or a negative sin. So I'll do both. *Ding!* *!gniᗡ*

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

Objectifying homosexuals. *Ding!*

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Thenâ€Â¦ suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair!

Apparating on Hogwarts grounds. *Ding!*

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!*"

I'm pretty sure this is offensive to Muslims. *Ding!*

Chapter 14

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

I can't tell who's speaking here, Voldemort or Wormtail. At this point I'd believe either. *Ding!*

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.

In addition to everything else, Ebony is now a murderer. *Ding!*

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then... he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

YOU WERE ALREADY CRYING. *Ding!*

And Voldemort in high heels! WTF? *Ding!*

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

Sex-pack. *Ding!*

Also, Ebony is cool with casually dropping references to sex in her fic like 'sex-pack', but instead of saying 'penis', she has to use a euphemism. Doesn't that just perfectly encapsulate the youth of today? *Ding!*

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

You were just faced off against the most powerful dark wizard of modern times, and all that matters is that you are too pretty?!! Gawd! *Ding!*

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

Maybe people would love you less if you wore tacky goth clothing and showed everyone that you have an awful personality. Oh wait. *Ding!*

(SKIPPING CHAPTERS 15-20 BECAUSE THERE ARE NO SINS IN THEM)

Story Sin Counter:

68