I CONTINUE walking without even planning where to go. I was lost, I don't know what to do, where to start. It feels like, everything that happened in my life was a joke. Everything happened seems so fast that I was having hard time to decipher everything. It was so sudden... I never knew that I will fall in love to the person who hurt me before. It was too sudden... but... but the truth is... I never regret every single thing on it. Because, I was blessed to be with him even just for a short period. I was so blessed and I'm truly happy.

I can't even hate him after what happened. Because on the end of the day, Natsu really help me. He help me to discover lots of things about myself that I for myself didn't know. He enlightened everything. I'm still not so sure about my life without him. I'm not even sure if I can live without him.

But one thing is for sure, we need to be separate in order for us to grow.

MY FACE contorted with pain when an incredible pain hit me. I try to focus on the doctor who's currently doing her best right now. I blew through my mouth before I gripped on the sheet. It was so painful and I feel like I'm going too passed out.

"You can do it, okay" she said "You are doing great, Lucy"

Everything tightens like a steel band around my belly. Oh God! I feel so tired enduring this pain. I'm so tired and I wanted to close my eyes but I can't... I pushed so hard and the next thing I heard was a cry - a single cry that echoes the entire room. I looked at my doctor's eyes and she smile at me.

I saw the nurses getting busy and before I knew it - they place my baby on top of me - she's sobbing but the moment I place a soft kiss on top of her head she immediately stop. Her small lips formed into small 'o' and then formed into a smile.

I was taken a back because of that smile. It was too sudden. And the pain I felt... everything seems vanished inside me - like it was replaced by love and joy.

A single tear escaped from my eyes that cue the others to follow. My daughter small hand lift and place it into my cheeks like she was telling me that I shouldn't cry.

"I love you, Nashi" I say.

Another smile flashes on her face which instantly makes me smile.

THEY say that you never knew pain unless you are praying to Him, begging Him to heal you. Its been a year and nine months since I decided to leave. It was hard... it was so painful to leave everything behind.

But after the hardship, I finally succeeded to heal myself. And it was satisfying to see the old me being back. It took me so long to heal but its worth it.

A little noise that was coming to one part of my room makes me smile. I carefully went to the source of the noise and as soon our eyes had met, she immediately smile brightly. Her ash mauve eyes was shining brightly which makes my heart beat fast, her small lips formed into small 'o' before she lift her both arms "Ma...ma" she says.

I carefully carried her into my arms "Good morning, little pumpkin" I says "How was your sleep?"

She smiles widely before kissing me in my cheeks "Good, Mama" she says clapping her both hands.

I chuckle before I gently remove the strands of her hair that blocking half of her face.

At the age of one year old, my daughter can walk without a support coming from me, she can also speak few words and she really loves to smile. One thing I learned about being a mother, is that everything you do just to make your son/daughter happy.

To tell you honestly, during my first trimester in my pregnancy I thought I'm gonna lost my baby. It was hard... that time I was having hard time to forget all the pain, I was having hard time because he wasn't here besides me. I'm having hard time because I miss him a lot.

During those times, I haven't getting enough sleep, I don't eat healthy foods and the next thing I knew I started to bleed and its really scares me. I was so scared that I might lose something important to me. So I changed.

I changed even if its hard to do.

I started to fix myself. I started to let go those things that makes me hurt. I started to forgive and forget and eventually I healed.

And now, here I am being happy with my daughter.

"We will light the lanterns later, little pumpkin" I say to my daughter as I gently place her on her dinning chair.

My daughter chuckled and clap her hand "light" she says.

I smile "Yes baby we will light the lanterns to celebrate your first birthday"

Her ash mauve eyes was fixed to me before smiling brightly "Mama? Papa..." She says which caught me off guard.

"Do you want to know you Papa, little pumpkin?"

She make sounds that its hard for me to understand like she was saying something to me. I inhale sharply before I started to feed her with her food "Do you want me to tell you a story about your Papa?"

She looked at me with her curious eyes as if she can understand what I'm talking about. I pick my phone and show to my daughter the picture of her father, before I started to talk "Your Papa looks like you, minus the color of your hair which you inherited to me. The way you smile looks like him, little pumpkin"

"Love... Papa"

I smile sadly "Your Papa loves you too, little pumpkin"

"Mama... love papa?"

"I love him very much, little pumpkin"

KHIEGILSAN

A/N: I'm very sorry for updating a short chapter today. I promise I'll update a little longer one of this days.

Anyway, I hope you still find this chapter interesting.

P.S we are getting near at the end. So please just hang in there.