chapter 7

~caelus~

       I wanna get him back. I wanna make him feel jealous, wanna make him feel bad.

       The front door opens and in walks Sullivan. He closes the door, then just stares at me. He doesn't move. He doesn't take off his shoes or jacket. He just stares at me, not even saying anything.

       "What?" I ask.

       "Turn down the music," Sullivan says. "I was able to hear it in my car when I pulled into the driveway."

       I sigh heavily, reaching for my cell phone. It's on the coffee table, just out of reach if I don't move my body. "I can't," I say. "It's too far."

       "Fine. If you don't turn it down, then I will turn it off. I don't mind you listening to music, but I can't have you disturbing my neighbours."

       I scowl, actually grabbing my cell phone to turn down the music. My phone is connected to Sullivan's speaker, allowing me to listen to music louder than if I just used my phone. Well, apparently, I can't listen to music too loud. What's the point of listening to music if it's not loud?

       "What is up with you, anyway?" Sullivan asks, taking off his shoes and jacket before putting them away in the closet. "This is the second day I've had to tell you to turn down your music because it's too loud."

       "Nothing is up with me," I say. "I've just been in my feels, so I need to listen to music."

       "In your feels?"

       "It means I'm feeling things."

       "I know what it means, Caelus. I was just wondering why you are, as you put it, in your feels. Actually, no, don't tell me. It's none of my business and I don't care."

       "Good, because I wasn't going to tell you anyway." Sullivan completely ruined my mood, so I don't even feel like listening to music anymore. I turn it off, disconnecting my phone from the speaker. I didn't have work today, so most of my day was spent trying to find a place to move into.

       After being unsuccessful, I basically listened to music all day. Living with Sullivan has started to become difficult. Not because he's a bad roommate; we still respect each other's spaces and boundaries. But that doesn't change the fact that he's my ex-husband. The more time I spend around him, the more I remember what our relationship was like.

       The constant arguing, bickering, ignoring each other when we're mad instead of talking things out. All of it just soured my mood all the time, so it's not an easy thing to forget. I'm just worried the two of us will just start arguing all the time, even though we're not in a relationship anymore. I thought us just being roommates would make things easier, but the worry is still there.

       ...I guess it doesn't help that I've been blasting music when Sullivan tells me not to.

       Kona walks over and jumps onto the couch with me, lying down on top of me despite not exactly being a lap dog. I don't mind. There's something comforting about the weight pressing down on me, which is probably why I like sleeping with a weighted blanket.

       "She really likes you," Sullivan comments as he walks to the kitchen to cook something for dinner. "She's going to be really sad when you leave."

       I stare at Sullivan, wondering why he would point that out when it's inevitable. This is a temporary living situation, so I'm going to leave eventually. "Are you trying to make me feel bad for eventually leaving?"

       "No," Sullivan says. "I'm just pointing out that she will be sad when you leave."

       "Okay, but no one wants to imagine a sad dog. I don't see your point of bringing that up."

       "Like I said, I'm just pointing it out. I'm not responsible for how you interpret it."

       I don't get Sullivan. He clearly doesn't want me to stay here permanently, yet he brings up the fact that Kona will be sad when I leave? It's like he wants me to feel bad, even if he won't admit it.

       I spend the rest of the evening just lounging around, jumping between watching movies and scrolling aimlessly on my phone. Sullivan keeps his distance from me, eating dinner in the kitchen before heading to his bedroom. Good. I don't want to be near him after he was so rude to point out Kona would be sad when I leave.

       Kona is still on the couch with me, so I pet her. Her eyes are closed, looking extremely relaxed. I wonder what made Sullivan even get a dog in the first place. I was constantly asking him if we could get a dog when we were married, but he always said no. What changed?

       Oh, well. As curious as I am, it's not my business. And honestly, it's a good thing we didn't get a dog when we were married since we ended up getting divorced. Having a dog together would have just complicated things even more than it was.

       Sullivan likely would have been the one to keep the our hypothetical dog since he got to keep the house and I was jumping from apartment to apartment, most of them being 'no-pets allowed'. It probably would have made me resent Sullivan even more, to be honest.

       I start to get tired and I don't want to fall asleep on the couch, so I get ready for bed before heading to my bedroom. Kona, unfortunately, doesn't follow me. She just decides to sleep in the living room. Maybe I shouldn't be getting too attached to her because the more attached I get, the harder it will be for me to move out.

       I flop down on the bed in the guest room. Why did I think it would be a good idea to ask Sullivan if I can temporarily stay with him? I thought it would just be for a week, but it's so difficult finding a place to live. I just hope I find something soon before things end up more complicated.

___________________

olivia rodrigo is the best to listen to when you're in the feels, thank you for coming to my ted talk. (i'm excited for guts spilled so i can finally listen to obsessed on repeat)

anyway, sullivan knows exactly what he's doing by telling caelus that kona will be sad when he leaves 👀