Calista

It was the first snowfall of the year. I had spent the morning watching squirrels chasing each other in the quad from my dorm room window instead of studying. Final exams started next week and I was having a hard time focusing on anything. My mind had been a whirling mess ever since the other night when I received that unexpected call from Andrew. Part of me wanted to reach out to Lincoln and see how he was doing, but I didn't want to be overbearing.

Before Andrew had hauled him into his Jeep, I had given both of them very specific care instructions. I also told him that if there was any swelling, redness, or heat coming off of it in the next couple of days that Andrew was within his right to knock him out and drag him to a hospital. No ands, ifs, or buts. I was well aware that the threat went through one ear and out the other. Lincoln wasn't going to be doing anything he didn't want to do. The only thing that gave me a sliver of comfort was Amelia being an RN. Even if he didn't listen to anything I had said, I knew he was in good hands.

What I needed to do was focus on finishing up the semester and passing my courses.

I had invited Harper over in an attempt to keep me on track. And it worked. For a total of fifteen minutes. I groaned, slamming shut the textbook page on anticholinesterase agents.

Harper had been sitting at my desk, laptop open. When I threw myself back on my bed she turned her head to regard me with concern. "Are you having to review manual disimpaction again?"

My face scrunched up in disgust. "No, but thank you for that unwanted mental image." I blinked up at the ceiling. "I think my brain is short circuiting."

"Well, not to be the bearer of bad news," Harper said as she gestured towards a stack of cue cards on my desk. "But you haven't even touched these yet."

I glanced at her, unamused. "Yeah, that's part of the problem. Exams are starting and I haven't even scratched the surface on reviewing. It's stressing me out."

Don't get me wrong. Exam periods were the most stressful thing I had to experience in my twenty-one years on this planet. I had been dreading them even more as the weeks went on because I was putting all this effort into something I wasn't sure I wanted anymore.

"Harp, when did you start thinking about joining the FBI?"

Harper tapped across her keyboard. "Over the summer, I suppose."

"What made you change your mind? Ever since I can remember, you talked about joining the military and climbing up the ladder like your father had."

"It seems like the better fit for me. Relocating time after time due to my father's employment was difficult. It was rough being the new kid seven times over. I wouldn't have to concern myself with that as much with the FBI. And intelligence analytics—whether I decide to go the route of tactical or strategic—is something that I can see myself doing for the rest of my life."

"And what if you change your mind?" I said, pushing myself back up into a sitting position. "What if you wake up one day and decide you would rather drive around and sell ice cream?"

Harper blinked. "Then I'd do it... but why would I choose to sell ice cream? The target audience is children. I hate children."

I shrugged. "It's the first thing that came to mind."

"What does any of this have to do with you studying for exams?"

I drew in a heavy breath through my nose. "I'm having a hard time staying motivated. All I can think about is how I froze up at The Pit the other night."

"It was a high stress situation that caught you off guard," Harper tried, turning in her chair so that her body was facing mine. "All things considered, you had a fairly normal response to such a high stress situation."

"Maybe for people who aren't in nursing school," I muttered. "I was so sure this is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, you know? The more time goes on, the more I'm debating whether this nursing thing is even for me."

"You're not the same person you were when you were twelve, Cali." Harper lowered herself down onto my single bed, her arm brushing mine. "You're allowed to change your mind."

"I've already put so much time and money into this degree," I explained, staring into my lap. "My parents have put so much money into this degree. I feel like it's a waste if I don't finish what I started, you know?"

"Education will never be a waste," Harper stated in a tone that made me believe her.

I fiddled with the bottom of my sweats.

"If I'm being honest," Harper continued when I didn't say anything. "It's ridiculous that society expects children to decide on what to do for the rest of their lives when they aren't even given the right to vote or legally consume alcohol. You shouldn't feel bad for society's short sightedness. Blame capitalism."

I sputtered a laugh. Now that Harper had said the thought out loud, it did sound ridiculous. I had been setting myself up for Fenton's program since I was sixteen––selecting courses that were required to even be considered as a candidate. What about students who had no idea what path they wanted to head down? It seemed silly to put so much pressure on the members of society who had the least amount of lived experience.

I glanced at the cork board that hung beside my bed. Both of my parents smiled down at me from a picture from my eighteenth birthday. I received my acceptance package from Fenton a few weeks later. They were the happiest I remember them ever being.

"I think I'm more afraid of disappointing my parents," I admitted.

The lock on the dorm room door jiggling caught our attention. Ella entered the room, snow dusting the top of her head. When her eyes landed on Harper and I she froze.

"What happened?" She asked, her eyes turning hard. She tossed her keys down on her desk. "Did he fuck up again? I swear Cali, I will not let you make the mistake of being with a guy who can't see how absolutely wonderful you are."

"It's nothing Lincoln did," I rushed out over her tangent. "Well, not intentionally."

Harper came to the rescue. "She's having second thoughts about her degree."

"Like... getting your Masters?" Ella sat down on the edge of her bed, her puffer jacket still on.

"The whole thing," I clarified. If senior year has taught me anything, it's that I don't think I'm cut out for this kind of work. I felt like I was pushing through a childhood dream.

"What made you come to that realization?"

"I think I've been feeling it for a while, but I just kept pushing through for the sake of not wanting to feel like a failure. This thing with Lincoln though... and Hans... it's really got me second guessing everything."

Lincoln's voice rang through my mind. It takes a special kind of person to be a nurse.

"You liked working in the NICU, didn't you? And that children's hospital. Maybe the ICU is what's throwing you off course." Ella said.

"I liked it, but I think that's because I like working with kids." Each unit had their pros and cons, but there was something about working with children that made things a bit easier. At the same time, caring for a baby that was hooked up to a web of wires wasn't the easiest thing to stomach either.

"Do you think you've lost sight of why you were interested in nursing in the first place?" Harper asked.

"No," I said, brushing some hair behind my ear. "I think that's only made things that much harder to let it go."

Years ago, I had made a promise to myself. Becoming a nurse was part of that promise. However, the one thing that would hurt more than breaking that promise would be hurting my parents. The last thing I ever wanted was for my parents to be disappointed in me.

"Take some time to think about it," Ella instructed, getting up to remove her jacket now that the crisis had been averted. "Life's too short to hate what you do every day."
The mattress bounced as Harper got up to return to my desk. "Perhaps take a step back from studying today. If you're not in the head space, cramming information down your throat is the least effective thing you can do."

"Bottomless mimosas?" Ella suggested with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

As Ella and Harper discussed plans for the night my phone vibrated against my desk.

Lincoln: Want to come over this weekend? I could use some company that doesn't consist of a three year old who wants to dress me up and force feed me tea.

I couldn't fight the smile that made its way across my face.

Calista: Sure. I'm always down for a tea party.

* * * * *

author's note:

I would absolutely love to host a tea party. Virtual tea party anyone? (I'm only sorta kidding).

Sorry for the late update. I had the dreaded annual vet visit with my doggos. It's so expensive to be a responsible dog owner where I live. I'm interested to know how many of you guys have pets. Tell me in the comments!

On a more relevant note, it looks like someone misses Cali. Can't wait to share the next chapter with all!

Happy reading!