"Do you think you have the world on your shoulders?" She asked.

"No, just the dead weight of my dreams." I replied. "Dreams that were suppressed."

"You think your dreams were suppressed?" She enquired. "Who would you hold accountable for that?"

I turned to look at her profile. Her unruly dreads were bound, tied behind her head in a loose bun. Her full edges framed her face just perfect. My eyes fell to her slightly pouted lips, enticed by the cloud of smoke emerging from her mouth. I felt her wiggle her legs in the water, causing a small torrent.

"You suppressed them." She tucked her idle right hand under her left arm and bought the burning cigarette to her lips again with her left hand. "You could've accepted a little delay, a little mishap, a little layover amidst the journey to your dreams but what did you do? You gave up. You stretched out your hands and you let pessimism cuff those wrists."

That panged me and I put off my cigarette by pressing it's burning end against the lawn. "I didn't let pessimism in. I've taken some of life's hardest blows and maybe I'm not strong enough but I cannot see anything positive until the pain goes away. Right now, I'm simply trying to make my father believe that I love him by doing want he wants."

"You're afraid to fail, Fabian. So you hide behind the excuse that your father asked you make sacrifices." She didn't question, she stated matter-of-factly.

I scoffed.

"Sometimes, what we think would be actual gold to the world is really just tricket." I responded meekly, shrugging one shoulder. "Your dreams may not be deemed worthy for the world to actually stop and stare, for them to actually relish it. When you're passionate about something people look down on, or something they're apathetic about, it's a really shitty feeling, it sucks. What good is chasing your dreams if you can't shake the world in some way?"

I lifted one leg from the cold water, arching it and propped an arm on my knee. "Know what's most painful about failure? It isn't you actually failing, it's the rude awakening that something you wanted with every fibre of your being... just isn't meant to be yours. And I don't want to have to feel that. I'd rather wallow in self-pity than chase my dreams only to come up short."

"Oh but don't you know...?" She puffed out smoke, turning to stare at me over her shoulder. "Chasing your dreams, the journey itself; the process of trying to achieve your dreams is part of living your dreams? It's a shame you don't realise it."

I let her words settle in as I stared into space and she continued. "You're your biggest obstacle. Find your purpose, you find the antidote for pessimism. And without pessimism, you can pursue your dreams. Failure is actually a synonym for obstacle..." With her burning cigarette between her fingers, she tapped her temple. "... It's only momentary. Unless of course, it's not God's will. And if it's not, accept it. So brace up, get prepared for failure because it'll be prepared for you and start writing your story."

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