“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

Alexa

"I don't know about that. What if Noah–" I get interrupted by Emma. 

"No 'what-ifs'. Just tell Noah that you've never had a first kiss and so would not like to technically fake-kiss him during the wedding because you want your first kiss to be special," She says in a it's-that-easy tone but I'm not buying it. 

Noah will just think I'm a loner for not having a first kiss by now. I'm a whole ass 20 years old; this is just embarrassing. 

The thing is, even if someone were to give me a chance to have the first kiss right now, I would say no. My heart starts racing and my body restless when anyone gets too close to me. Maybe it was the incident with Emma's brother but each time anyone said they liked me, I immediately blocked them out of my life. In short, I'm scared to catch feelings for anyone. Even Noah – especially Noah. 

"Emma, he won't understand."

"Or just tell him the actual truth: that you don't want to kiss him because you aren't an expert in the department and that you are scared that it will be sloppy and disgusting." 

"You know what? I'll figure something out by tonight after calling him."

"I love the confidence. Go get it, girl!" She hypes me up like always. 

"Hey Noah," I clear my throat. When I told Noah that I wanted to say something, I think he noticed I was nervous and so he decided to come over and have the conversation in person. The thing is he doesn't know how embarrassing this is going to be. 

"Hey, Lexy! Ready for the road trip to San Francisco for our fake-fucking-wedding?!" He laughs sarcastically. For a moment I let myself enjoy his laugh. His perfect laughter warm and hearty, made me smile genuinely.

"That's what I wanted to talk about." Not really the wedding but one particular part of the wedding where the groom's lips come in contact with the bride's.

"What? Is it about snacks because if it is, then don't worry I'm going to be loaded with it."

"It's not about that but now that you've reminded me of snacks, I'll bake a cake. But what I wanted to about is… is the kiss," I blurt and I could feel my face turning into a bright tomato. 

"What about it?"

"I don't know how to say it but I haven't kissed anyone before. This is all so new to me and I don't want to ruin the wedding with my... " I trail off hoping he gets what I'm talking about. 

"Is that what you wanted to say?! " His shoulders shook in silent laughter. 

"I knew it. This is so embarrassing. I shouldn't have even talked about this. Don't tell any–," I ramble but Noah interrupts me by taking my face into his palms. Then his hand drifted to my hip. It settled there and pulled me closer. I inhaled sharply as he pulled me against his warm chest, chiselled to perfection. Why must he be so perfect? 

My heart started racing and fingers shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't do this so I splayed my hand against it, intending to push him away, but instead, I left it there. His breathing quickened as did mine. He began nuzzling my neck with delicate kisses. So faint, they were whispers. I urged myself to push away, but couldn’t. My limp body began to tremble uncontrollably. His head was angled slightly to the side as his lips came closer and closer to mine. 

It was surprising to find my own lips parted. Our breaths mingled. My heart stopped racing, instead began to flutter inside my chest. It was a delicate butterfly of a kiss. So comforting and warm. Then his arms encircled me and I heard his whisper, "There, you had your first kiss. If you don't want to kiss during the wedding that's fine but don't tell yourself that it will ruin the wedding because it won't."

I stood there entangled in his arms. So comforting it was. As a person who didn't get this kind of comfort from home, it was a very pleasant feeling. 

I awoke to soft sheets, and the morning light trickled in through the blinds. Shedding myself of the remaining glimpses of a dream, my eyes were still shut as I soaked in the warmth of my covers before letting my hazel eyes see the sun's rays. Then I remembered what I did yesterday. I kissed Noah. 

I had to tell Emma so as soon as I took a shower, I quickly got on the phone and explained the situation and to say she was shocked would be an understatement. A big one. 

"What the actual fuck?! You kissed him?" Emma is yelling through the phone. She is definitely surprised but I know she's happy for me. 

"It was more like he kissed me but yeah," I mumble. 

"No fucking way! I am so fucking happy. I am coming over in a millisecond," Emma gushed. 

I took today off from work to pack for our wedding trip. It wasn't a big deal because today was the last day since Christmas break is starting next week. 

In my own world, I was baking a red velvet cake. Completely taken over by my imagination as I whisked and measured but I possibly couldn't miss the crazy sound of my doorbell being abused. It was Emma.

"Bitch, you had your first kiss," Emma jumps onto me and squeezes me, "I can't believe this!"

The rest of the day, Emma helped me bake then pack for the wedding. Emma is coming to San Francisco tomorrow with my friend from school and together they'll be my bridesmaids.

"Don't do the dirty in his car, OK?" Emma warns me and chuckles when I don't reply because she knows what is going through my mind. "I'm just joking. Don't have too much fun without me."

"Of course, there is no fun without you." 

"Bye girlie."

"Bye." I heard a car coming into the driveway and when I look through the window, it's Noah. I hope he forgets about yesterday and acts as nothing happened. 

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