Don's (POV)

"What the hell." I pace back and forth in front of the kitchen sink, running a hand through my short hair. "Where the heck is he?" I ask no one in particular, hating this turning and twisting feeling inside me I can't even describe.

Am I antsy? Worried? Fearful? Upset? Angered?

I know I'm upset. Probably more than angered. And there's a hint of fear, I find as I gaze out the window that reveals a very dark exterior.

7 P.M. And he's not back yet.

I'd told Lucy after he took off running we should give him some time alone - though that's what we've been giving him. And to be truthful, I'm getting tired of this quiet game where everyone avoids each other.

I want answers. Ones only one person can give me.

"He'll be back soon." Lucy calmly states, though by the way she's knitting faster than a machine at the moment I'd say she's more than worried.

I run another hand over my head, trying to push the prominent anger back to the remits of my mind.

Breathe Don. Don't let the anger control you. You control it.

Though how am I supposed to act after everything that's happened? How when I was finally getting used to Alex being around instead of despising him like I unfortunately did in the beginning - Because all he did was remind me of....him, he gets torn away from us. Leaving us confused and worried. Empty once again.

Then he reappears almost two months later, returning joy to everyone only to end up being completely different.

He was letting us in....and now, now he's only grown further apart.

Then he goes and storms out of the one place that could potentially help him before disappearing for hours once we reached home.

I....I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I glance over at Lucy, noting the way the skin around her eyes seem more drawn and tired. Only reminding me of what we had to go through four years ago.

And she - we can't go through that again.....the heartbreak, the agony.

I clench my hands down on the edge of the kitchen sink, bending my head down low as I take deep and measured breaths.

Something has to change. You can't just run out on a therapist like that and not tell us something. Were the adults, we're supposed to be in charge.

Everything and everyone freezes as we catch the unmistakable sound of the back door opening, soft - barely perceptible, footsteps echoing in before the door shuts. We stay silent as the footsteps lead up the stairs, then there's the sound of another door shutting.

My feet are moving before I even realize it.

Lucy jumps up from her seat, eyes wide. "Don, what are you doing?" She demands, walking forward from her seat in the dining room.

"What's it look like?" I say over my back without pausing my footsteps. Lucy makes a noise. "For heavens sake, Don. You're not in the greatest of moods to be having a one sided conversation."

She's probably right. Though my mind's already made up.

"I'll take that into consideration." I tell her before releasing the kitchen door and letting it fall back into place.

She doesn't follow me as I head up the stairs, my feet moving quieter and stealthier than I knew they could.

Without even pausing to knock like I should, I grab the doorknob to Alex's bedroom, twisting it in one quick motion. I swing the door open, stepping inside.

I immediately spot Alex across the dimply lit room, only a small lamp on to illuminate the whole room.

He jumps in surprise, and swings around to face me while simultaneously pulling his shirt, he apparently had been changing into, down over his lower torso.

But not before I spot the map of gruesome scars that litter some of his back and stomach.

It momentarily leaves me reeling as my mind repeatedly flashes the image before my eyes, reminding me this is all real.

Alex's wide eyes flash with caution before narrowing out, his body posture noticeably tensing.

I shake myself free from the image, noticing the way Alex seems to still be catching his breath. His hair seems darker, wet. His pants different than what he was wearing earlier, revealing he must've changed those too.

How far did he run?

I suddenly find that now that I'm facing him, all my questions and thoughts have abandoned me.

Yet my stubborn anger still waits to be unleashed.

"And where did you go?" I inquire, figuring he might as well have an explanation for this seeing as he's had us worrying for hours.

He shrugs his right shoulder, eyes falling to the ground. "Down the north path." He mutters, his voice sounding older than I remember, more mature.

I walk a little farther in, not missing the way his face twitches in a grimace as I slowly close the door behind me.

He lets a ragged breath out, swallowing thickly before he glances up at me with reserved eyes. His right hand moves to rub his left arm, something I've noticed he does whenever he's nervous.

Why should he be nervous? Though I guess someone barging into your room unannounced could be a reason.

"I'm trying to understand here, Alex." I confess, taking another step closer. "But I'm sadly not a very patient man." I blow a slow breath out, running my hand back through my hair.

"Why did you leave earlier?" I question, immediately catching the way he draws in a quick breath of air, eyes falling back to the floor.

"She can help you, I know it." I continue, trying to hide a grimace at how horrible I must be at this whole 'sentimental' mojo. "Give me a good solid reason why you left, why you ran out like that, and I'll consider not making you go back to see her. Because I'm nice like that." I add the last part in hopes to lighten the mood, but it only seems to grow darker in here.

No. He can't just run out and never go back again. Fear shouldn't hold you back from something that can be possible. Even if it can be more powerful than every other darn thing.

He just needs to see that.

"Stick with him. No matter how unbearable or how hurtful he might get."

I unconsciously nod along with Quinn's voice, squaring my shoulders.

I step closer so there's only four feet between us, our position in the middle of the room.

A obvious struggle goes on in his mind as his face flickers between several different emotions, his jaw tightening.

"I don't need a therapist." His eyes flicker up at me as he repeats what he said yesterday, almost hesitantly.

I frown. "And I think you do - among others." I motion around me, my anger rising. "What do you expect to do, live in this dark room alone for the rest of your life? Isolated from the world?" My voice rises, my foot moving in another step forward.

Alex looks up, his eyes flashing in defiance, both of our stubborn sides clashing."And what if I do?" He shoots back, completely baffling me. He's never challenged us before.

Silence stretches between us, both of our chests moving quickly as we work to keep our anger in check.

Alex abruptly hangs his head, shoulders falling as he steps forward. Preparing to walk by me.

"Everyone would be better off if I was...." He muffles his ending statement like he didn't even mean to say it out loud in the first place, moving to walk past me.

If I was......

I'm suddenly hit with a powerful wave of urgency, my mind needing to know what he said even if I can guess it. How could he even begin to think that, that rubbish.

That's it.

My right arm snaps out, latching onto Alex's right arm as he passes me on the right. He immediately stops in place like he's hit a brick wall, and I catch the sound of his breath hitching.

We stand still. Me looking down at him while he continues to stare down at the floor.

"If you were what?" I repeat, hardening my voice as my hand unconsciously tightens around his bare elbow.

He reacts by placing his left hand up on my right wrist I'm holding him with, pushing against me.

"Well?"

He shakes his head, pushing harder. "N-Nothing." He stutters, sounding almost desperate along with worried.

Yet it doesn't do anything to break me from my haze of anger.

I find myself shaking his arm as my hand tightens yet again over his arm, my eyes narrowed.

"If you were what?" It comes out harsher than it should've, my arm automatically jerking to shake his arm again.

This time Alex starts to try and push away from me, his left hand still pushing against my arm as he strains backwards.

"N-No."

His pleading tone almost makes me release him. But I block it from my mind, forcing myself to continue.

It's for his own good.

"Alex, you can't keep running away." I tell him, quickly switching my grip so I hold his right elbow with my left hand, my right moving to grip his left. Trying to restrain him better.

"Let g-go." He hisses, pulling back so hard it takes all my strength to keep us in the same position.

"Not until you answer me." I tighten my grip. "If you were what?" I raise my voice, leaning in closer to him.

He looks up at my face, his eyes flashing in fear.

His face scrunches together, and I abruptly realize he's practically hyperventilating as he frantically pulls at my wrist while he tugs himself backwards.

"If I was dead!" He abruptly cries with so much desperation and sorrow I feel my heart throb.

His words send blood rushing through my ears, everything going eerily quiet as Alex pauses his frantic attempt to break away.

No.

"E-Everyone would be better off if I was dead." He repeats almost like he cant believe he said it out loud, and I spot a few tears welling in his eyes.

And that's when I realize he's more broken and wounded on the inside than I thought.

"Why.....why would you say that?" My face warps into one of incredulous stupidity, mouth flopping open.

He sucks in a large breath, pulling back on his arms again as his own face falls into one of desperation and uncertainty.

"B-Because it's the...truth." A sob catches in his throat, and he rapidly blinks as those tears begin to overflow from his eyes and run down his cheeks.

I stare in shock, not having seen him express this much emotion since before he was kidnapped.

"Alex, Alex." I call his name, trying to bring his attention back to me. "You can't possibly believe that."

He pulls away, his eyes down on my chest. "It's the t-truth." He repeats, his voice broken and shaky.

I pull him closer as he continues to struggle from my grasp, my own eyes beginning to feel slightly warm, much to my annoyance.

"Alex, that's not the truth. Lucy and I...." I feel a tug somewhere in my chest as I realize what I'm about to say is 100% true. "You're like a son to us." Something in his face and posture changes as I say that one word, his struggling growing weaker. "And I know without a doubt Mack feels like you're the brother he never had."

Alex goes still, only the movement of his chest rising and falling evident. His eyes stare down at the ground, causing his head to be angled downward to the point I can't make out his face.

My grip unconsciously tightens, and that's apparently the breaking point for him.

I hear his breath hitch again before his whole body tenses.

"No....I-I can't, n-no!" He yells, and suddenly Alex is a deadweight as he drops himself down to the ground. I'm pulled down so I'm on my knees as I continue to hold him, Alex's back now pressed up against the floor as I continue to hold his arms while I hover over him.

Terror fills his face, his legs suddenly starting to thrash around as he tries to break free of my hold on him.

I avoid a sure knee to my stomach, quickly pinning his legs down with my left knee. He almost slips from my grip as he shoves against me with more strength than I thought he possessed, and I scramble to find purchase again.

Stars abruptly explode in my vision as his right fist makes solid contact with my temple, my reflexes too slow to snatch his free hand before it snapped up.

I fall back on my heels, unconsciously releasing his arms as I use my hands to hold my throbbing head. I let a groan out, running my fingers over the tender area that now sits on my temple.

That's going to leave a mark.

Alex is suddenly scrambling across the floor in a attempt to get away from me, using his right arm and legs as he keeps his left tucked up to his chest like he's in pain.

I feel a flash of guilt as I realize I probably manhandled him a little too hard while he's still recuperating from a broken shoulder.

He quickly crawls to the far corner of the room, and I don't miss the fleeting look of fear that flashes across his face as he glances back at me. He squishes himself into the corner between the closet wall and his dresser, pulling his legs up to his chest and hiding his head down in the hole he's created, just like I've seen so many other times.

All my anger floods out from my body, leaving it limp, as I realize his whole body seems to be trembling, the sound of ragged breathing growing more prominent.

Peanut-brittle and cookies. What have I done?

I swallow the sudden tension in my throat, slowly scooting forward towards where Alex sits huddled.

"Alex?" I softly call, immediately feeling worse as he seems to jerk at the sound of my voice.

I stop directly in front of him, vaguely feeling as if I was approaching a timid animal. I reach out, eyes scanning over the bare skin of his right arm he has wrapped around his knees, the scars that stand out against his pale skin, before gently placing my hand on it.

He immediately jerks it away like I've burned him, tucking it in his lap as his whole body posture tenses. He pushes himself further back against the walls, his labored breathing sounding more strained as he tries in vain to get away.

"I-I'm s-sorry." He stutters out so breathlessly I almost didn't hear it, hands coming up to shield his head like he's expecting me to....hit him?

More anger fills my veins, only this time it's for a completely different reason.

How can people be so sadistic, so...inhuman and barbaric? So cruel to a minor, a child, of all things.

"Please....p-please d-don't...."

My attention snaps back to Alex as he suddenly begins to rapidly spill out words, repeating himself to the point he sounds delusional. Fear and terror cracking his voice, a tremor causing him to stutter.

His hands tighten over his head, knees drawing closer to his chest.

"Alex, it's alright." I whisper, placing my hand back on his knee. He jerks again at the contact, but I keep my hand there, and I catch the unmistakable sound of a whimper breaking free.

"It's me, Don. You're here in my house. You're not somewhere else. No one's going to hurt you." I move my hand to his right shoulder, barely placing any weight on him. "Not with me around." I practically breathe the last sentence, and I'm not even sure if he heard me.

"N-no." His right hand comes up, pushing weakly against my arm I have extended out, all fighting energy drained from him.

"You're safe." I repeat, forcing some persuasion in my voice. "Me, Lucy, Mack, Polly, and Quinn all care about you." His hand pauses midair, everything growing eerily quiet as his breathing softens tremendously.

I slowly take a seat next to him, spreading my legs out straight as I place my hands in my lap.

Five minutes tick away, all the while Alex slowly begins to uncoil as his body looses its tension.

I glance over at him, after having been staring straight across the room, as I feel a soft weight settle against my shoulder. Alex now has his head up from his chest where he has his arms wrapped around his torso, a tremble still evident on his lips and from the slight shake of his arms.

A nostalgia feeling fills me as I stare over at him, and before I realize it, I'm moving my left arm to wrap around Alex's shoulders.

I feel him tense under my arm before it drains from him just as quickly, and I pull him closer to my side before I can think twice about it.

A memory from the past flickers somewhere in my mind, causing my lips to move in a small smile before it's replaced with a heart throbbing sadness.

I'll never be able to reclaim what's been lost. What we lost.

I look back down at Alex who's staring across the room with half lidded eyes, his head gently resting against my shoulder.

But that doesn't mean I-we can't make new memories. That we can't cherish new moments and welcome new people into our life.

"Will you go back Thursday, just to try it?" I abruptly questions, needing to know his answer. "For Lucy and I?"

Silence fills the room, and I catch the sound of the clock ticking on the wall.

"I a-already did t-try."

Quiet, timid, frail, stubborn. All words to describe how he sounds at the moment.

I frown, setting my jaw. Keep your cool. No need to let our similar attitudes clash again.

"That was barely five minutes, Alex." I wince as it comes out a little rougher than intended, clamping down on my tongue. "Just try it again, please."

I almost don't think he'll answer me this time, the quiet lasting longer.

"Alright."

My gaze snaps down to Alex as his voice drifts up to my ears, and I can tell it wasn't any small feat for him to agree.

I let a breath out I hadn't realized I was holding, feeling the tension drain from my back. I scan over his face he has angled slightly towards the floor, strands of hair falling over his forehead.

A frown once again falls across my lips as I scan the area beneath his eyes, the obvious black-ish purple bags and the way his eyes repeatedly droop like he's fighting off the urge to sleep.

Memories from this past week replay in my mind. All those times I've been awoken, surprisingly, from my sleep only to realize something isn't right.

The muffled screams, the pleas, the begging. Lord only knows how I managed not to barge in and freak him out more, deciding, for at least now, to give him his space while he adjusted to being back.

But I'm done with that now.

I squeeze his left shoulder, a thought hitting me. "Come on, Alex. Why don't we go get you something to eat?" I question.

He slowly shakes his head, making me raise an eyebrow up. "I'm not hungry." He mutters, avoiding my eyes.

I look him over, feeling slightly worried and wondering if it's stomach issue related, depression related, or just simply because he had a mild panic attack no more than five minutes ago.

Because as far as I know, he hasn't eaten anything all day besides that smoothie for breakfast.

"Okay." I slowly say, eying him as he avoids my gaze. He rubs his hands on his jeans  uneasily before slowly standing, using the wall for support as his body tilts dangerously the side.

I stand up beside him, looking him over for anything out of the ordinary.

He's probably just dizzy. People get dizzy after panic attacks....right?

"I'm going to...go shower." He rubs his upper arms, still avoiding eye contact. I give him a slight nod, acknowledging the awkward atmosphere that seems to have taken over the room.

He turns to go, only to pause a second. "Thanks." I barely hear him, and I almost wonder if I actually did hear it. Yet I can't help myself as another small smile twitches at my lips.

He disappears out the door, and I register the sound of the bathroom door opening before shutting.

Making my own way out, I head back down the stairs, already dreading the conversation I'm sure Lucy is going to enforce. Though my heart feels lighter than it has in the past two months.

That was a bonding moment, wasn't it?

As I walk into the kitchen, I'm immediately met with the sight of Lucy pacing the kitchen floor, similar to what I was doing earlier.

Her gaze snaps over to me as I make my entrance.

"Don." I wince at the sharp tone that seems to cut through the air, bracing myself. "What did you do? Please tell me you didn't do anything you're going to regret during your irrational haze of anger?" She walks up to me, eyes full of worry.

I shake my head. "It got a little rough at first, but I think we pulled through at the end." I tell her, completely aware that that made zero sense.

Her face doesn't change except for a small twitch in her cheek.

"What?"

I sigh, leaning back against the counter as I take a sip from my cup of water. "I do regret storming up there with my anger not in check. We argued some, and he...." I trail off as his words float back In my mind.

"Everyone would be better off if I was dead."

The way he said it with so much certainty, so much honesty, I think is what's really heartbreaking. He really believes it.

And that can be the most dangerous thing.

Deciding I'll give her the full report once we've gone to bed, I avoid that specific sentence.

"Long story short; he ended up having a low key panic attack." I don't miss the way her eyes widen in concern. "Though the good news is he's agreed to go back on Thursday. And he's showering right now."

Two beats go by.

I wince as Lucy abruptly smacks my arm, my hands automatically coming up to block anymore possible, and likely, hits.

"Geez, woman." I mutter, rubbing my arm where it still stings. She glares at me a second longer before looking away with a tired sigh. "I don't care that you got him to agree, though that's good, I'm just upset you caused him to have a panic attack, you oaf." She runs her hands over her face, looking exhausted.

I stuff my dignity down in my throat as a sudden guilt pours into me.

I blow a breath out, moving my arm out to wrap around her torso. She stubbornly fights me a few seconds before giving up and allowing me to pull her into my embrace.

Wrapping both arms around her, I place my chin down on top of her head as she wraps her own arms around my waist. She lays her head against my chest, releasing another long breath.

"Don't worry, Lu. We worked it out." I assure her, tightening my arms around her. Another thought hits me. "What has Alex eaten today?" I question, pulling back just enough to look her in the face.

She frowns. "Just that smoothie for breakfast, I think. Why?" She abruptly steps away, a familiar look growing across her face as she mentally prepares a meal.

"I was actually just about to fix him something." She moves to a cabinet, shuffling things around.

"I asked because I just asked him if he wanted supper and he said he wasn't hungry." I tell her, rubbing my thumb across the smooth counter.

She slowly steps away from the cabinet, face growing more worried by the second.

I shake my head. "It's probably nothing, I don't know why I even brought it up." I dismiss, taking a step forward.

"Well, regardless, I'll take him something up to eat if he doesn't come down in a few." Lucy says, immediately looking more confident and happy as she puts her mind towards her work.

I nod. "Alright. I'll be back shortly." I walk towards the kitchen door. "Have a few chores left to complete."

And though I try to block it, I can't help but feel some sort of dread. Almost like a premonition.

Something's going to go down. Something that'll either make or break Alex Rider.

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A/N

  Hehe, so yay, another update! (Finally.) I would apologize again, but I think you guys are about worn out from hearing them, so I'll spare you.

So, a little Don/Alex bonding time. (Finally.) Though is that bonding? I'm not quite sure if arguing and practically wrestling before having a panic attack qualifies. XD. Looks like Don and Alex may be a little too similar in some areas. 😏 Hopefully that won't clash again sometime later.....😎

Questions;

1.) What's that about what don said about despising Alex at first? (Wonder what that's about.)

2.) Do you think Don was a little too.....rough on Alex, or was that just what Alex needed to open up....just a bit?

Alright, I need TWENTY VOTES before I update again!!! ⭐️⭐️

VOTE!! Comment!!

Up next; It's time for Alex to take his evaluation test. Though something tells me he's still a bit emotional after today's events.

Maggy