One Fódlan Day, Ferdinand raised his hand in the middle of the Professor's lecture.

"Excuse me, Professor, but Hubert will not stop polishing that dagger in the middle of class and it is highly distracting...not to mention unnerving."

Byleth stopped talking and looked over at Hubert, who held the dagger mostly concealed on his lap, and was staring boredly at Ferdinand.

"Hubert, I understand the need for proper dagger care but I believe Ferdinand is right. You should focus on the lecture," declared Byleth.

Hubert chuckled and tucked the dagger away into his coat while Edelgard stared at him wearily. "Of course, Professor. How lucky you are to have a goody two-shoes in this class to snitch on the slightest wrongdoing of others."

Ferdinand's eyes widened and his face began to turn red at Hubert's audacity.

Byleth's gaze slid coolly over to Ferdinand. "Ferdinand, it is good that you alerted me," he said, neatly shuffling some papers, "but Hubert also has a point. You should focus on your own work and not tattling on others."

Ferdinand nodded mutely, then let out an angry huff once Byleth had turned his back to the chalkboard. Hubert silently chuckled. Edelgard just rolled her eyes.

After class, Ferdinand walked out and found Hubert standing there doing nothing. Or really, he was waiting for Edelgard to finish pointlessly chatting with Dorothea and Petra so they could leave together.

"Heh, still wasting endless amounts of your time doting on her, eh?" asked Ferdinand. "I bet you could have been relaxing in your room by now with a cup of that infernal sludge you like to drink."

Hubert just fixed him with a trademark cold stare. "It's called coffee. And in case you haven't realized, which I'm sure you haven't because you're too busy futilely training to surpass Lady Edelgard, I actually enjoy my duty to her. I have nothing else worthwhile to do as long as she requires my presence."

Ferdinand brushed back a fabulous lock of hair. "Oh, yeah? Has she asked you to stand guard while she engages in idle chitchat?"

Hubert crossed his arms and glowered. "That doesn't matter. It is my duty to make sure no harm befalls her."

Ferdinand smiled smugly at his small victory, but decided to leave it at that; after all, nothing good ever happened when Hubert's arms were crossed. Ever.

   Later that day, Ferdinand left the training grounds feeling tired but satisfied after a long workout. Deciding to go to the sauna, he headed up there at once but realized he didn't have a clean towel for afterward. Snapping his fingers, he turned around to run back to his room but paused when he heard Hubert's voice.

"Did your little lance dance cause you to lose your memory along with all that sweat?"

Ferdinand whirled around and fixed him with a glare. "I have merely forgotten a towel. It is a common mistake for someone who has been busy with important training, which is something, I may add, I rarely see you doing."

Hubert was sitting atop the low wall, picking the lint off his spotless white gloves. "Who says I don't train? I merely manage my time so that I can actually get useful things done throughout the day."

"Are you trying to say I squander my time? In case you are unaware, none of us will acquire the necessary skills to be true nobles without the proper training."

Hubert pulled a potato out of his pocket and munched on it. "Hm, well for your information, not everyone here is interested in becoming a true noble." He began smirking uncontrollably on the last words.

"You dare to mock me?!" yelled Ferdinand. "That's it. Justice will be served for your unbecoming wordplay. Prepare to feel the intolerable pain of a sweaty towel whip!" he pulled his training towel from off his shoulder with a snap.

"Oh, wow, I am so afraid," said Hubert, stuffing the last of the potato in his mouth.

Just as Ferdinand charged in the name of mighty justice, the sauna door opened and Bernadetta stepped outside.

"Uhh...am I interrupting something?" she asked timidly.

Ferdinand, who had paused mid-strike with his towel in the air, looked over at her, unaware that Hubert had a small blob of purple miasma ready at his fingers to blast Ferdinand into next week. "No, not at all," he said, but remained poised to strike.

"Huh. Well, I'm no forensic scientist, but it kinda looks like you were about to destroy Hubert. And, I mean, don't get me wrong, he can be a little...freaky, sometimes. But I'm not sure he needs to be destroyed because of that."

Ferdinand chuckled briefly. "I am glad that is the worst you can say about him, but unfortunately my grievances run much deeper." Then he wound the towel back again and yelled. "PREPARE TO DIE!!"

But then Linhardt stepped out of the sauna (with cucumbers still on his eyes) and said, "Good grief. Is Ferdinand finally trying to kill Hubert? I figured it would happen soon."

Ferdinand paused again. "Excuse me, Linhardt! I have never shown myself to be of murderous tendency before. Well, until now. But this clown seriously had it coming."

"Well, I feel as though you might get in trouble for throwing down right here, or anywhere really, but I suppose it's not my business to tell you when or where to kill each other." He yawned and peeled the cucumbers off his eyes. "It's already evening?! Yeesh, I'm going to bed. Good night, everyone." He walked by Ferdinand and Hubert, patted them both on the shoulder, and disappeared down the staircase.

The two looked at the remaining Bernadetta.

"U-um," she began nervously sweating. "I guess I'm going to go now. Don't, um, kill each other." She hurried down the stairs and squeaked when she accidentally made eye contact with Hubert.

Ferdinand stared hard at him for a few seconds. Then he relaxed his towel arm and let out an annoyed sigh. "Well now it would just be anticlimactic to lay the beat down on you." He slung the towel back over his shoulder. "But you ought to consider this a warning."

"Pffft," said Hubert. "I would've dismembered you before that disgusting towel ever touched me."

"I highly doubt that," retorted Ferdinand. "The power of the towel whip is beyond your mortal understanding."

"Ferdinand and Hubert!!" called a harsh voice from the base of the stairs.

They looked to see Byleth standing there with a hand on his hip. "See me in my office. Now, please." He walked off intimidatingly.

Ferdinand glanced at Hubert. "But...he doesn't have an office."

   They ended up meeting him in the Black Eagles classroom. He sat on his desk and motioned Ferdinand and Hubert to sit on two chairs he had placed in front.

"Now, I'm going to make this brief. I have received reports that you two are constantly bickering and 'getting caught up in a petty rivalry.' Do you have anything to say for yourselves?"

Ferdinand crossed his arms. "Just that he is pretty dumb."

Hubert huffed. "And he is annoying."

Byleth pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Just who exactly reported this to you? Ugh, I bet it was that Linhardt, trying to get us to stop so we wouldn't accidentally disrupt a nap of his or something," Ferdinand grumbled.

"Actually, it was Edelgard," replied Byleth, casting a glance at Hubert. "And if you two don't learn to get along, I may have to...do something about it." He placed a hand on the hilt of the Sword of the Creator.

Ferdinand gulped, while Hubert raised an eyebrow.

"Very well, Professor," conceded Hubert. "We shall do our best not to kill each other. At least, not until the school year is over."

Ferdinand stroked his chin. "Yes, fine. It's a deal. We will pretend to get along so that nobody's little girlfriend will snitch on us."

Hubert raised a hand as if to smack him. "You would dare mock Lady Edel--"

"Shut up, Hubert," said Byleth. "Now you know how it feels." He handed them both a little wrapped package. "Here's some cookies. Now get out of here."

They walked out with confused looks on their faces. "Sometimes I think the Professor has a secondary voice in his head telling him to do things," said Hubert. "It's my working theory."

Ferdinand scoffed through a mouthful of cookie. "You're a weirdo. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

Hubert chuckled. "Whatever. I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"I wouldn't expect you to make sense," replied Ferdinand.

"GET ALONG!!!" yelled Byleth from the classroom.

"Ah, oops," said Ferdinand.

They finally decided to part ways before things got out of hand again. But as Ferdinand walked away, he still felt a cookie hit the back of his head, accompanied by an evil chuckle.

THE END!