Wetting my lips I forced myself to talk. I could feel the others eyes on us.

"Could I borrow you for a moment?" Please say yes.

Landon was quiet for a moment, making me think he was going to say no. Just as I was about to say never mind and leave with my tail tucked between my legs, Landon nodded.

"We'll only be a second." I told the others before quickly slipping out the door before any of them could ask a question.

Landon didn't say a word as I lead him down a few doors before cautiously opening one. Peeking in to make sure it was empty I stepped in. I fiddled with the ring on my finger as Landon shut the door behind him with a click.

Silent enveloped us. I turned around to face him, my breath hitching in my throat at the sight of him. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his pants, eyes staring right at me. I didn't miss the way he looked me over, his jaw clenching as he did so.

When his eyes reached mine I could see the questions swirling in them. I could see he was holding himself back, making me be the first to talk. Before I jumping straight into it I found myself asking a surface level question.

"How are you?" Inwardly I winced at my words. Seriously Lydia?

"I'm fine." Landon's words were short.

"Oh good. I'm glad you're doing okay. Probably been busy with the wedding and Wyatt." I was rambling but I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"Lydia." Landon's voice stopped me. I closed my eyes briefly at him saying my name. He didn't call me blondie. "What do you want?" He said it in such a tired voice.

It was now or never. If I didn't tell him now I don't think I'll have another chance.

"I met Jared when I was 21 at Uni." I said, deciding to start straight from the beginning. "I was out with some friends at the local bar celebrating my birthday. He was there with his own friends from the Lacrosse team."

In my head I replayed the moment I met him. The handsome brunet who played on the lacrosse team who happened to be a year older than me.

"Somehow, I forget how, our friends started talking and hanging out. We spent that night talking in the corner of the bar for hours. I don't know what it was but we clicked. Maybe it was the easy smile or the way he seemed to listen when I talked."

I wanted to go back and shake that stupid version of myself.

"What started out as just talking turned into hanging out everyday. I would go to his lacrosse games. He would bring me coffee when I got out of class. Before I knew it we were dating."

Landon was quiet as he let me talk. Now that I was talking the words were pouring out of me.

"It didn't take me long to fall in love with him. He was everything I thought I wanted and needed. He was the ultimate boyfriend. And when I met his family it was like I was getting a shot of having something I didn't before." As I talked I moved until I was sitting on the edge of the bed in the room.

"We both graduated at the same time. He may have been a year older but he had to stay an extra year to make up for some class credit. So once we graduated the two of us moved in together. While I was working at some horrible newspaper job he was working at his parents bank.

"Things were good. Or at least I thought so. We may not have seen each other a lot thanks to work but when we did everything was fine. He would still surprise me with coffee or little gifts, and when I could I would drop by with lunch.

"One afternoon about a year into living together I went to his office to see if he wanted to go get some lunch." I looked down at my dress as I spoke, hands playing with the fabric. "Found him kissing some woman on his desk. Afterwards he apologized and apologized. Swore it was a one time thing and it meant nothing. That she came onto him and he fired her. Like a complete idiot I took him back."

I felt sick remembering back on it. Remembering how stupid and naive I was. Letting him persuade me that he was going to change. That he would never do that again. He never cheated before so maybe that was a one time fluke.

"He spent weeks making it up to me and things were better than ever. It was like we were back to when we were first dating." I took a breath as I continued.

"Having grown up the way I did I was always so afraid that he'd leave and I'd be alone. Had it in my head that if he left it meant that I truly was meant to be alone. If my mom left why wouldn't someone else. So six months later when he proposed I said yes."

Landon took a seat across from me, forearms braced on his knees as he listened to me talk. His jaw clenching sightly when I said Jared proposed.

"I took care of everything for the wedding. Jared worked long hours and never showed up to the cake tastings or to look at venues but I wrote it off. He was working to make more money to pay for the wedding, that is how I justified it in my head. Well..." I took a shuddering breath as I prepared myself for the last part.

I didn't like to think about it let alone say it out loud but I needed too. More for myself than Landon's.

"The day of the wedding came and as I was getting ready I had this pit in my stomach. I couldn't understand why and kept pushing it aside as wedding jitters. I was about to marry the love of my life so why was I feeling like this? It eased when I started to walk down the aisle and saw Jared there. But I knew something was up the moment I laid eyes on him." I shook my head at the memory. Remembering the way Jared look at me as we stood up at the alter. It wasn't a look a man gives the woman he's about to marry.

"Before the minister could get a few words out Jared announced to everyone that he no longer loved me and instead was in love with my best friend Cass. My maid of honor." Across from me I heard Landon make a small noise. I kept my eyes down needing to get through the last part.

"Right there in front of tons of people, in front of his family and our friends, he grabbed her hand and the two of them left. Left me standing there." I choked the words out, the tears I tried holding back falling down my face. The makeup artist was going to be pissed when I get back.

"He left me there to clean everything up. To deal with the fall out of his decision."

I've spent years trying to forget that moment. To forget the fact that my heart was ripped from my chest in front of hundreds of people. How my entire world was ripped out from underneath my feet all without a warning.

On top of being humiliated I had to apologize to everyone and cancel everything we planned for the wedding, while he ran off with her. In a matter of minutes I lost everything. The person I thought loved me, the family I was gifted when I had none.

Jared's parents were nice enough to stick around and help me sort things out but Jared was their son. Even though we were close for the four years Jared and I were together, they were always going to choose him. The day after the wedding they called to check on me once and that was it.

"Lydia." My whole body shook as I cried. Familiar arms wrapped around me, tugging me into his side. I kept my head away from Landon's tux so my mascara wouldn't ruin it. With one hand I held onto his thigh needing to feel him as I cried.

I cried as I finally let go of what's kept its hold on me the last six years. I let go of the pain Jared caused me from the cheating to leaving me at the alter. I let it all go because the harder I held onto to it the more it ate away at me.

When my crying eased a little I lifted my head to look at Landon.

"I wanted to tell you. I did but I was so scared of you leaving when you found out." I cried.

"Why would I leave?" Landon asked. His voice soft as he brought a hand up, his thumb wiping at my cheeks.

"Because everyone leaves. I wasn't good enough for my mom and I wasn't good enough for Jared. Why would I ever be good enough for you?"

I finally said the one thing that's haunted me for almost my entire life. Would I ever be good enough for my mom to come back? Would I ever be good enough to get into school? Would I ever be good enough for Jared to love me and only me? Would I ever be good enough to run my own magazine company?

Would I ever be good enough for Landon.

"Lydia." His broken expression made more tears roll down my face. "You are not the reason your mother left. She was selfish and broken. That is not on you." He gently gripped my chin, forcing my eyes to stay on his. "You are not the reason that asshole left. He had a beautiful, smart, capable woman and he blew it. The reason he cheated was because he's an insecure little shit." At his words I let out a watery laugh.

"But he did one thing right." Landon's face was so serious as he looked right into my eyes. "He made it so you could find your way to me."

As if I wasn't already a blubbering mess.

"Don't you ever think you are not good enough for me. You are more than I could have ever hoped for in my lifetime. You're the person I've waited the last 29 years for."

"I think I've been waiting for you too." My words came out in a whisper.

"I need you to understand something. I am never going to leave. Not when you try to push me away or fight with me. Not because of some stupid asshole from your past. I am here and I am not going anywhere." He said it with so much conviction I started crying again. I gripped the front of his tux as I stared up at him.

"You promise?"

"Always."

"I don't want you to ever walk away again. It was the worst four days."

"The worst four days for me too." His hand moved up my face to gently tuck a curl behind my ear. "If there's anything on your mind or if something is bothering you talk to me about it. We'll figure it together. Promise?"

"Always." The corner of his lip tilted up as I repeated his words. I stared into his eyes asking one of the biggest questions. "Does this mean you're mine? No more 'friends with benefits'?" I didn't want this 'friends with benefits' anymore. I wanted him. All of him.

"If you'll have me."

I brought my left hand up and touched the side of his face, his beard tickling the palm of my hand. He turned his head and placed a kiss at the center of my palm.

"I've wanted you to be mine for awhile now." I confessed.

"Good cause I'm pretty sure I fell for you when you called me an asshole the first time we met."

I smiled up at him, my heart feeling like it was ready to burst.

"Will you kiss me because its been four days without-" I didn't get the rest of my sentence out before his lips were on mine. I let out a soft sigh as I kissed him back.

The kiss was sweet and soft. All the pain and hurt from the last few days disappearing. Kissing Landon was like coming home. I never wanted to stop.

Pulling back Landon pressed his forehead against mine. His thumbs were caressing my cheeks. My tears had now long stopped and I knew my makeup was smeared everywhere.

"As much as I'd love to lift up this gorgeous dress of yours and see what you have underneath I don't think we have time." Landon spoke. I wanted nothing more than to feel him against me, in me, but right now wasn't the best time. My best friend and his brother were about to get married.

"We probably should go." I said but made no motion to move.

With a sigh Landon pulled his head back, almost like he had to force himself too. The way he looked at me made my entire body sing. He looks at me like no one ever has before.

"I was never mad at you." He looked between my eyes. "I only left because I wanted you to figure out what you wanted. To figure out if you wanted me."

"I only want you." I reached up and gripped his wrist. "I just had to get out of my own way." I looked at him, hoping he could see just how much I wanted him. How I was tired of fighting what I felt for him.

"I'm glad you did." He gave me a soft smile.

Knowing that we both needed to get back I leaned forward, pecking his lips once. Twice. Three times before forcing myself to detangle from him.

I straightened my dress and wiped at my face with my good hand. Good enough until I got upstairs to get it fixed. Stepped towards Landon I reached up and fixed his tie the best I could. Smoothing the fabric of his tux.

"You clean up well." I remarked.

"This dress looks incredible on you." His eyes raked my form. Eyes lighting up as he did so. "Going to be hard keeping my hands off of you."

With my hand on his chest I peered up at him.

"Then don't." His eyebrow raised at that. "I'm not going to hide us anymore." All of our friends knew and if they didn't they were about to. There's no point in hiding anymore and I didn't want to. Landon was mine and I was going to tell everyone.

"No more hiding." He agreed.

Before Landon opened the door he kissed me one last time. A kiss that made my toes curl in my heels. When he pulled away I had to stop myself from pulling him back in for another.

Stepping out into the hall I gave him a wide smile. I came to find him not knowing how the conversation would go. I let myself be vulnerable and thank god I did.

"I'll see you in a bit." I promised.

With a smile of his own the two of us stepped away. Me heading back down the hall and him back to the room with the guys. I made it only a few steps when he called out to me.

"Blondie." I preened at the nickname. Just a few months ago I hated it, now I ache to hear it from his lips. Glancing over my shoulder I found him standing there, hands in his pockets with a smirk on his face. "You're ass looks good in that dress"

All I could do was shake my head, Landon laughing behind me as I headed back upstairs. 

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

We ride at dawn to Jared's house! Who's with me! Wish I could stab him with a whisk (if you've read my book Trapped for Christmas you'd get that  :D) 

I know there are going to be a few comments saying 'why didn't she just tell him!' 'it wasn't that bad she's so stupid for not telling him'. But remember, Lydia has been alone since she was seven. She only knows people leaving. When Jared left her AT THE ALTER it solidified inside of her that she was better off alone and wasn't lovable. It makes sense she'd be scared that Landon would also leave. 

Trauma doesn't heal over night and sometimes never does. Lydia has been carrying around that secret for six years, never telling anyone, walling off herself to anything romantic. When she finally felt that kind of emotion to Landon she got scared and did what she only knew. 

So please remember that before leaving comments about how she should have done it differently.