THE STRESS IS REAL OMG

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR COMMENTS, BTW <3

Feel

Chapter Three: Sir Batman Dinnerbone Squarepants

Approximate Reading Time: Six Minutes, Forty-Five Seconds

Five minutes. Five minutes. Five minutes.

Just five more minutes.

"And who was the neighbor of the cat of the daughter of the second cousin of the founder of the After Council?" asks our teacher, and I slouch down even farther in my seat. Don't pick me, don't pick me, just don't pick me for five more minutes- "Tyler?"

It's harder for me than it is for the other students, this whole learning thing. I think, if I had lived before, I would have been considered fairly smart. But in the here and now, where the majority of children have no problem staying focused, steering clear of any distraction, and avoiding the nonexistent Feelings that certainly aren't swimming around in their hearts and heads, it isn't enough to be naturally smart and study all the time. Not if you're Feeling, that is.

"Um... S-Sir Batman Dinnerbone Squarepants?" I guess, throwing out a collection of names from various Before things I've read or watched before.

"Correct!" She gives me the best Unfeeling smile she can muster, and I fake my own smile after realizing hers is just an impression of the pity smiles shown in common Before movies. "That's the first one you've gotten right all week, Tyler!"

"Ah, thank you," I mumble, looking down at my paper and going back to slouching. Please don't call on me again, oh dear-

"Can you tell us the name of the daughter and her cat?" Oh, oh my dear Notch, why, world!?

"U-Uh, the daughter was named Emily, and the cat was named Patches." I cross my fingers beneath my desk.

"I'm sorry, Tyler, that's incorrect," she replies, frowning as if she, again, expected more from me. That was a dumb move on her part. Luckily for her, she can't feel true disappointment. "Jordan, do you have an answer?"

"You bet. The cat's name was Emily, and the daughter's name was Patches. Get rekt, Freak!" Jordan shouts near the end, laughing and looking over at me. I sigh and sink down lower so that my mouth is almost level with the surface of my desk.

"Good! All right, your homework for tonight is to finish the questions listed on pages 789 through 791. It shouldn't be too difficult. I expect it to be resting on my desk tomorrow morning at the sound of the bell. Have a good-"

The bell rings, cutting the teacher off and making my classmates cheer in mock relief. My relief, on the other hand, is silent and one hundred percent real as I dart out of the classroom and then out of the school.

I'm a bit uneasy about going home after what happened yesterday, but, luckily, Ryan was easy to persuade to go to a couple of shops with me after school. "I'll teach you how to walk into a store like the Before people did," I'd told him.

"But you taught me how to walk like them a year ago, when those other Blanks were trying to find you before school-"

"No, shh. You've clearly forgotten, so we're doing a touch-up lesson. And, anyways, that was how to walk into a school, not a store."

He fell for it, as always.

"So, what do you think? Am I doing this right?" he asks now as we walk down the street towards a candy shop. It's always funny to hype the Blanks up on sugar and sweets.

"Oh, perfectly, Ryan," I reply, watching as he struts down the road with his hands on his hips and his feet kicking out sharply with each step. I taught him that a year ago for the sheer heck of it (and to keep him nearby for the entire length of my "lesson" so I could protect myself from some angry Blanks), and when he walked into school the next day and told everyone who'd taught him the walk, they were amazed. No one tried to beat me up or call me a freak for almost a week after that, but they had all wanted me to teach them how to walk like a Before person. They thought it would give their lives purpose or something. I didn't really care what they thought, just so long as they half-way respected me as long as they thought it.

The Blanks have conflicting emotions about my ability to Feel. Well, conflicting non-emotions. Hmph.

Conflicting thoughts and actions. Ah, there we go.

"Which shop has the most emotion, Tyler? Can you sense it? Can you Feel it?" Ryan asks, trying to be excited as he glances from shop to shop.

"Oh, I certainly can, Ryan. Which one do you think has the most emotion in it?" None of them. None of them have any emotion at all, but I'm willing to humor Ryan occasionally simply because he's the only Blank that puts up with me and that has never tried to hurt me. Well, besides... It doesn't matter. My old 'friend' ended up hurting me in the end anyway.

"The... The chocolate shop!"

"I dunno, the overall candy shop looks pretty good to me..."

"Darn it," Ryan mumbles, doing a pretty dang good job of faking disappointment.

"No, no, Ryan, you were right. It's the chocolate shop," I laugh, leading him towards it and imitating the odd walk I taught him.

Oh, I love this place. Chocolate everywhere. Nutella on every top shelf, dark chocolate scattered around by the milk and white chocolate, there are Oreos somewhere in the back and you can buy fudge near the front register. "Can I get those coconut chocolate things again?" Ryan asks. "They tasted good last time."

Sometimes I worry that he'll end up one of the Blanks who tries to eat their nonfeelings away. He's thin as a rail, though, so it's not really that pressing of a matter. "Do whatever you want, Ryan, it's your money."

He gives me his best pouty face, which only looks mildly constipated, and I sigh melodramatically. "I suppose I could get it for you. You know, since you're doing such a good job with that walk." He beams, standing up a little straighter just as he was taught, and I catch myself legitimately smiling. Fine, fine, whatever, maybe I have a bit of a soft spot for Ryan. Does it matter? I won't let myself get too attached - after all, he's only a Blank. No matter how many silly "Before" things I teach him, he will never be anything but a Blank. My smile threatens to flip, and I strengthen it with a good dose of total fakeness.

"But why don't you have enough?" I ask, trying to turn my thoughts in a different direction.

"My mother read a Before book where a kid only got his allowance if he worked for it, so she wants to do that with me now." Ah, so that's where the gigantic allowance went. Still...

"So..?"

.

"I have nothing to do. She stays at home all day and cleans everything that could possibly be cleaned. What am I supposed to do?"

"Recommend another Before book, one where the kid gets a ridiculously huge allowance for no apparent reason," I suggest. His eyes widen.

"Woah, that's genius! Thanks, Tyler. Want to stop by the library with me on the way home?"

No, I can't. It's too much, and I can't handle seeing you pretend for much longer today. I hate pretending.

"Ah, sorry, can't. Homework and all that."

He frowns. "You never do your homework."

"Well, I at least try to do it," I huff. "I'll go in early tomorrow morning and ask a teacher for help."

"I could help you! I got most of it done at school."

"How!?"

"I'm just clever like that," Ryan boasts, putting his nose in the air, and I smile softly. He's trying to make me laugh.

"Hmm. Tempting, but still no. Sorry, Ryan." I grab a bunch of coconut chocolate bars and dump them on the counter. While Ryan nearly faints (or at least pretends to) at the sight of all this chocolate, I scan my Feeling card and then shove all the candy into Ryan's backpack. "Have fun with that, buddy."

"Yesss," he drools, and I roll my eyes and try not to smile as I exit the store.