I mean I know the people who were involved aren't going to actually read this chapter so might as well be 100% transparent...

So, where do I start with this lovely bittersweet package of information? Well, when it's late at night/early morning I think about things that have upset me and idk why.

So I remembered, there was once this hate account came from my friend group' here on wattpad.

And, you know as a good friend does I stood up for them, like I wrote them really long messages where I'm not going to lie here- I was pretty savage.

And when I was getting targeted, nobody cared, at all. I saw everyone fighting for everyone else and being supportive and nobody was there when I was there for them, but nobody considered that I might want support or someone to stand up with me too. And it hurts, a lot. Not only that it kind of annoys me.

I know it's selfish and I'm mad at myself for thinking like this, and this was before I stopped up and left for a bit and stopped all the role plays I was in. And it was because I was slowly noticing how I felt lonely- like they didn't care about me at all even though they said otherwise. I don't know wether it's my underlying trust issues, or the fact that I over think but I just didn't think they liked me.

Even now, when they tag me, when they say they care about me, when they say we are friends. I can't help but think otherwise.

I know I'm being selfish and rude but I couldn't help the way I felt and still feel.

I reach out and try to make friends and I worry about them - for me to feel like they throw it in my face and I know it's wrong, I know it's selfish to feel like this.

To feel alone, when I know some people are there and they want to be my friend and all that.

But the hands that held everyone else up,, they let me fall in a way...

And I can't seem to forget it as much as I want too...