A week had passed since Neil was admitted in the hospital. He had shown slow but steady progress. The doctors had almost considered it a miracle provided how fast he had responded to the treatment and almost all the injuries were healed. All he needed was to take some extra care of himself and make sure that he doesn't strain his body too much by physical labour. 

The starting two days had been agonizing, each moment seemed to stretch across hours as the doctors were still not confident whether he'll make it or not. He had only gained consciousness on the fourth day but was still weak. Thankfully, his health did not take a turn for the worse after that & he recovered sooner than expected. He was supposed to get discharged by the evening. 

  Amongst all the things falling down, there was one thing that was unshakable though! The family's faith & trust in God that Neil shall be fine. Khanna & Mehta squad had together been such strong a team that even the greater god had to answer their prayers. 

Though Avni was not sure about what she was going to do with her feelings for Neil, however, she was definitely sure that she hadn't felt such strong optimism course through her ever before. There was a point, there were many points where she was convinced that more than optimism, it was her desperation to have him in front of her in all his brightness & charm that made her think & pray positively. Cause not having him around was one thing, but not having him at all was another. And, Avni dreaded the latter! She didn't know what would she live for & by if Neil was not there. 

She used to sit in the lobby outside his room throughout the day but could never gather the courage to step inside the room to have a look at him since the time he got his conscious back. She was too terrified & wrecked in her heart to do that. She didn't know if she would end up crying at the top of  her lungs, or would throw herself upon him the moment she looked at him. 

And no matter how tough it would be for her to endure, she had made up her mind. She was going to do what she was good at, she was going to push him away! 

She had not slept even a wink the entire week. Every time she tried to close her eyes, the same dream will return. She would end up waking up in the middle of the night with beads of sweat coating her whole body as her heart thunder against her chest.

At the moment, Avni was standing against the door of Neil's room in the hospital as she watched him through the little glass window at the door while he was asleep.

A - I know that I am probably the biggest coward alive for pushing you away when you've been nothing but always so gentle & understanding with me. But Neil, I don't know any other way. After losing Mumma-Papa & not having you here, maine khud ko itna uptight aur enclosed bna liya tha that no one could even come close to create even a crack in my highly built walls. Aur sab thik hi chal rha tha! Mujhe har moment yeh darr nahi lagta tha that I'll end up loosing someone again. Par phir...phir Tum mile. The boundaries which didn't even have a dent upon them, you destroyed them! Piece by piece, layer by layer. And I am vulnerable again. All over again in those swamps of fear & uncertainty. And this time, I don't know if I'll make it through! - she thought to herself as tear rolled down her cheek.

On the other hand, Neil was desperately waiting to see Avni. Initially he had thought that she must be on her duty at her hospital, but then he figured that she had been here all along, Kareena had told him.

"Pura din bas bahar baithi rehti hain, neither does she eat or drink anything, nor does she go home. Sabka dhyan rakhti hain bas khud ke alawa!" - she had said. 

Neil was not even surprised at that point, that was such a Avni thing to do. He knew her enough to know that she always shut herself down whenever there was some emotional turmoil. He felt a warmth in his chest that she cared about him & was affected by him so much, but at the same time, he hated it when she was so hurt. And more than anything else, he felt this desperation to see her. To have a look at her, to ensure that she was okay. These annoying syringes & saline could wait. It was becoming difficult to breathe while he knew that she was hurting so much. 

Neil couldn't be more relieved as the day rolled by & he got discharged. Avni wasn't there, neither was she at Khanna Mansion when they reached back home. He could feel his heart dropping to the pits of his stomach when he couldn't find her around. 

N - Baat hui usse? - he asked Kareena when no one else was around. 

K - She told that she had to go to the hospital today! - she told with concerned eyes, making Neil sigh.

N - I have a feeling that this is going to be difficult than I had thought it would be. - he mumbled as he rubbed his face with his palms.

K - What are you going to do? - she asked softly.

N - I don't know, Chamgadar! - he sighed. I'll go see her in the evening. - he said while Kareena nodded.

K - Insaano ki tarah main door se jaana! Abhi haath-paer aur todd lega toh main teri seva nahi karne wali! - she rolled her eyes. And Neil knew very well that this was his little sister's attempt to light his mood up!

N - Ji, bilkul! Aur koi instructions hain toh bta dijiye! - his honey dripping voice full of sarcasm.

K - Pehle yeh toh follow kar! Aur yeh apple finish kar. I'll go get you something to drink! - she said & they were back to your-regular-sibling-fights-mode!

Kareena helped Neil out of the Khanna Mansion making sure that no one saw him leaving. As Shweta would definitely throw a fit if she saw him moving even a finger. Neil was fine now except for the little pain at the back of his head because of the cut due to the accident, however the family refused to let him walk out of his room. 

Taking in a deep breathe, he rang the bell of the main door & thankfully, it was Avni who opened the door. Neil noticed how her expressions turned from blank to surprised to concern before she morphed it to a neutral expression again. 

N - Hi! - he said when she did not say anything.

A - Tum yahan kya kar rahe ho? - she asked in a cool voice & Neil would lie if he said that he didn't feel a pinch in his heart at her nonchalant tone & the fact that it was her first question when she saw him after he almost died. You've been told to rest & not move around. Baitho yahan! - the concern slipped past her cool facade as she led him inside & gestured him to sit on the sofa. 

However, would it really be Neil if he followed what he was asked to do? 

N - Tum aayi nahi mujhse milne? - he asked, standing in front of her, looking straight into her eyes.

A - I was busy. Hospital mein kaam tha! - she told as she swallowed the lump at the base of her throat. Making it a point, not to look into his eyes.

N - Tum thik ho? - he asked in a gentle voice, taking a step towards her.

A - Haan! No! Mujhe kya hona hai? Can you please hold me close? - she dug her nails inside her palm to stop herself from crying.

N - Tumne uss din mujhe Wise Owl bulaya tha, kuch kehna tha? - he asked, reading each & every line of concern & fear on her face.

A - Nahi. - she cleared her throat as her voice suddenly turned hoarse & chest felt tightened. The pressure behind her eyes multiplying ten folds. Waise hi bulaya tha! Hang out. - she looked at her feet. Ab tum jao, you should rest. Koi toh baat sun liya karo! Humesha bas-

N - I love you. - he said, suddenly standing so close that all Avni could see, hear, smell & feel was him. Her body betrayed her mind as she looked up at him. Glistened black eyes met his hazel brown orbs & Avni was lost again. She couldn't  think straight for a moment or two, his eyes captivated her. Always!  

A - Humesha bas apni man-marzi karte ho. Tum ab ghar jao! - she looked away, biting the side of her mouth to stop the sob that was about to leave her throat. 

N - Avni, I love you. - he established the fact again & Avni wanted to run. He was so close, she was running out of breathe.

A - Tum please jao! - she couldn't recognise her own voice. It was merely above a whisper. She didn't know if she was pleading him to go or praying him to stay!

N - I love you. Do you love me? - he made her look up at him as he placed his finger beneath her chin & lifted it up.

Yes. Yes, I do. I love you. I love you so much so that it scares the life out of me. I don't know when & where, but I fell in love with you. Probably, every passing day I was falling in love with you unknowingly. Quietly falling for every smile that you threw my way, every touch that you graced me with, every eye-contact that you encouraged me with, every assurance, every support, every tease, every bicker. But I think you already know, the more I love you, the more I'm clouded in this fear of losing you. I know ke tumne kaha tha that if I distance myself toh main waise bhi sabko lose kar hi rahi hoon, but it is getting too tough, Neil. Jab tum hospital mein the, mujhe laga ki meri saansein chalna band ho jayegi! Tum durr the, tab thik tha, mujhe life se koi hope nahi thi, par ab jab I love you so much, I can not lose you! Toh better hai ki main pehle hi khud ko distant kar lun. Shayad yeh meri sabse badi galti hogi, may be I'll regret it for the rest of my life, but I'm a coward, Neil. I am sorry. I love you!  - So much going on in her head but Avni couldn't utter even a single word. She kept looking at him, as if drinking him in for as long as she could. Before he decided that he had had enough of her! 

N - Do you love me, Avni? - he asked again, voice as gentle as always & Avni wondered just how much he loved her to always be this patient with her when she was hurting him so much.

A - I said leave, Neil! - she didn't know where she got it from, but she did muster up enough energy to push him away as she placed her hand on his chest & pulled herself back. 

N - Answer me & I'll leave. And say the truth! - there was no way he was going without her answer. It was not probably the best move on his part. He should have probably given her time & be a little more patient with her. But he was only human at the end of the day. Why was it so tough to trust him? Had he really been that bad that she couldn't believe in him for even once? They were going to make it. They always did! Why couldn't she take a leap of faith with him?

A - Alright. - she exhaled as she curled up her fists at her sides. The truth is that I don't reciprocate your feelings. - she gritted her teeth to stop herself from crying. Hum itne time baad mile, it was good to catch up with you & all. But then, that's it. I don't feel anything more than that. - she looked up at him. Eyes devoid of any emotion & Neil felt like someone just stabbed him with a knife & were very mercilessly twisting it inside his gut. Now if you'll please leave & save me from repeating the same thing again! - a flicker of something like pain passed through her eyes, but before Neil could hold on to it, it was gone. Her eyes were blank again!

N - So you don't love me? - he refused to believe!

A - No. - she was adamant.

N - Is that why you were so distraught the entirety of the last week? Is that why you've bags beneath your eyes? And is that why you're avoiding eye-contact? - he grabbed her upper arm as he pulled her towards him. How could it be that she didn't feel anything while he felt all things happy & content with her. He had fucking planned his future with her! Was he really that delusional? 

A - I already told you that I don't reciprocate your feelings. - she took in a deep breathe as she looked at him. Now I don't think I'm answerable to anymore questions. - & the remark was thrown with so much of spite that Neil could see the flames of his happily ever after with her burning down to ashes. 

He let go of her arm as he took a step back. He could tell that she was lying & was trying to push him away by the way her shoulders shook & the way she refused to meet his eyes. He could see it in the unshed tears in her eyes, hear it in the inaudible sobs that she tried to bite back by biting on her mouth, feel it in the way she drew crescents in her palm by digging her nails there as deep as she physically could. 

But the question was, what did it change? Loving him or not loving him, she did not want to be with him. And he was not going to impose himself on her. If there was one thing that Neil was proud of, it was the fact that he never crossed people's boundaries. Though how messy or blurred the boundaries between them were, he had no authority to stop her if she was drawing them again.  

N - Is that your final decision? - he asked, trying his best to be as composed as possible.

A - Yes. - she ignored the way her heart felt constricted as if someone was tying it with ropes, pulling on it tighter & tighter with every agonizing second. 

N - Okay. - he nodded. Taking in a long breathe, putting up a smile on his face, he turned around to walk out of the house.

And the dam behind Avni's eyes finally broke. The pressure at the back of her eyes finally released as tears rolled down her cheeks. All the what ifs & could have beens rushing like a whirlwind in her mind. If only she was not such a coward!

However, she had to wipe her tears hastily & stop herself from shaking physically when she heard his voice again. He was not facing her, but was here nonetheless.

N - Just one last thing, yeh sab karne se, mujhe distant karne se sab thik ho jayega? - he asked & Avni could feel the pressure building up behind her eyes & nose again. His voice was so distorted & quiet, Avni could barely hear it above the roaring of her blood in her ear-drums. 

A - Pta nahi. - her voice cracked. Par tum abhi please chale jao. - she uttered.

And with that, he was gone. Just like the rains that he had brought with him were gone. It was cold again!

  As decided, Kareena opened the door when Neil texted her. However, what she saw devastated her. Neil looked so defeated & heartbroken that for a moment Kareena couldn't even recognise that the man standing in front of her was her brother! 

K - Are you okay? - she asked as she carefully walked him up to the drawing room & made him sit on the couch.

N - Woh mujhse utna pyaar hi nahi karti, jitna main usse karta hoon! - he spoke, voice merely above a whisper & Kareena's heart clenched at the sight. Issi liye toh usne mujhe aise hi jaane diya. Ek baar fight bhi nahi ki mere liye, humare liye! - a tear fell from his eye, followed by another & another.

K - Neil. - she wrapped her arms around him. Sab thik ho jayega. Tu please hope mat chhod! - she whispered softly.

N - Koi hope hai hi nahi, Kareena! - he shook his head. Main kitna bhi try karun, woh humesha apne fears ko hi choose karegi! - a laboured breathe left him. 

K - Neil, give her some time. I'm sure she'll reach out for you! - she tried to bring the optimism in her brother back. Cause who was Neil if not a ray positivity & happiness? It was getting difficult to recognise him at this point!

N - I don't know! - he sighed. I don't know if she will. But tujhe pta hai sabse jyada fucked up part kya hai? - he swallowed. Ki mujhe uss par gussa hi nahi aa rha! I just feel so much pain in my gut over the fact ki woh kitna hurt hogi that she is running away from love when it's literally knocking at her door. - & a tear slipped Kareena's eye. Just how much he loved Avni? That he was thinking about her pain even when he himself was breaking with all the pieces of his heart crumbling down. Main usko bahot khush rakhta, yaar! Ek chance toh de sakti thi na! - his voice cracked as another stream of tear rolled down his cheeks.

K - Mujhe nahi pta ke woh aayengi ya nahi, but I'm sure that everything will be okay. Because you deserve the best, Tillu! - she whispered as she tightened the hug.