Nafeesah POV

"what are we?"

He looked at me intently as if studying every detail of me to try and understand the situation better. He let out a breath.

"Why do you want to know?" He asked.

"because I need to know. It's already hard for me to control my feelings and this isn't helping matters" I answered, my voice rising slightly in frustration.

He raised his eyebrows and gave me a quizzical look. "Tell me those feelings" he said.

Crap! Why would you say that dumbo. I internally scolded myself. What should I say? Should I just be honest with him?

I was worried that if I say out loud how I really feel, that just cements it into a truth I could never take back. And I had no Idea on how to cope if he reacted negatively.

After everything that's happened in these last couple of days, I think he's given me enough courage to throw myself into the unknown and pray he's there to catch me.

I took a deep breath and lowered my head, then I began.

"You irritate the hell out of me " I began quietly, tracing my eyes over the floral patterns of my dress. And Farhan smiled at the choice of my words.

"You confuse me more than anyone I've ever met, and you intimidate me to the point that I can't even think straight. I forget how to breath anytime my eyes meet yours and I forget how to speak around you half the time too. You're the most arrogant and enigmatic person I've ever met and most times I think you're clinically insane"

He didn't speak, just waited for me to continue, his eyes turning a shade darker at every word that flew out of my mouth.

I took another deep breath and my brows creased together as I
Concentrated on how to articulate accurately the weird things happening to me because of this man. Which I could never get used to no matter how hard I tried.

" I told myself I needed to stay away from you in the beginning because of how alive I felt whenever I was with you terrified me. I am your surrogate. I know and never for once did I forget that fact. No matter how hard I tried to, I couldn't make sense of it, but the more time went on I realized I just couldn't. Being with you felt like being on fire and drowning at the same time. I realised no matter how hard I try to convince myself otherwise, I needed you and whether you want me or don't wouldn't change the fact that I lost my mind from the minute you kissed me. And if this is what being insane feels like, then I don't want to feel sane ever again."

I held my breath, wanting to crawl under the couch with how vulnerable I felt. There we go, he knows it now and there's no going back.

He stood up abruptly and I felt my reflexes quickened as I stood up and held his shirt in a tight grip.

" please don't leave" I found myself muttering in a voice that indicated that i was breaking. Those tons of emotions I had tried to tuck in came overflowing and I don't know what will become of me if he leaves.

He carefully removed my hand from his shirt and went to his room. Leaving me seated there, A total crying mess.

His action ripped me in half. My heart felt as if it was completely giving out. Like invisible hands were squeezing as hard as they could against my lungs, my knees trembling and threatening to collapse underneath me.

Why did he claw his way into my heart when he knew he was just going to walk out the minute I gave into it?

Just why did he do any of this?

I guess maybe he had actually gotten what he wanted. He was initially interested in the chase and my spiteful remarks and resistance was fun to him. And now that he had realized just how wrapped around his little finger I was, he got bored and lost interest.

A flame of anger ignited in me and I stood up, followed him to his room also to find the door locked. With all the strength I could mutter, I hit the door hard and called his name. He just can't do this to me. It wasn't fair and I wasn't going back on my feelings for him. It's my business and he dare not feel burdened by it. I would sort myself out and keep my feelings for him in check.

He opened the door and held my hand which was midair as I tried to bang the door harder.

"stop Nafeesah you're hurting yourself" he said as he examined my hand for bruises.

"And why is it your concern if ............"

" it feels new to me too because I don't know " he answered in a low tone.

"you don't know what Farhan?" I asked.

" I don't know Nafeesah. Or should I say I had forgotten how to?"

" how to do what?" I pressed gently not wanting to have him shut me off.

"how to care for someone" his eyes flicked up to mine as he answered simply and I could see the lost look in them.

I was shocked by how he looked and it was enough to make my heart ache and I wanted more than anything to make it better.

I was realising more and more just how difficult the situation was. Not just for me but he may be having it worse. I've never met someone who looked so blind with how to handle any type of emotion.

If truly he does care for me the way his actions showed me then it's driving him mad with how confusing it must be.

"It's fine Farhan. We don't have to rush things" I said, intently looking at him as if he would have a change of mind and flip if my eyes should leave his.

"I don't even know how to take it slow" he replied, running his hand through his hair.

" how about we start with you not shutting me out, and me keeping a moderate distance. I wouldn't say or do anything you're not ready for" I answered and he nodded his head in affirmation.

"Deal?" I asked with a smile, stretching my hand out for a handshake.

"Deal" he answered taking my hand in his and pulling me in for a hug. Which I melted into.

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Much Love 💕 Nightingale ✍🏻