warning: this chapter might be triggering for some readers.

jungkook felt his hands getting clammy the moment he took a seat across from taehyung in the cafe, a warm cup of coffee in his hold and a nervous jitter running up and down his spine.

they had purposely chosen a table that was isolated from the rest just for that extra bit of privacy to prevent reporters from easily spotting them.

taehyung quietly drank his coffee, occasionally glancing up at jungkook from behind the rim of the cup but never saying anything. unbeknownst to the tense jungkook, taehyung was simply letting the younger take however much time he needed since rushing him or making him even more anxious was a big no-no.

"okay," jungkook breathed out after a few more seconds. taehyung raised a brow, slowly setting his drink down onto the table. "i guess i'll start from back when i was still in high school. i was in my junior year of high school when my mother suddenly got into a severe car accident that left her brain dead," he inhaled before resuming. "you already heard about most of what i did afterward from bogum — i tried everything i could to help my mother with the hospital bills. i started stealing from classmates and even blackmailing them at one point, but no, i never tried stealing from stores. bogum made that part up."

"doing all those things was just one big dumb mistake. i was only 17 and i was also blinded by desperation. i didn't want my mom... to die," jungkook explained. "my mind was in an incredibly dark place at the time, and at one point, i seriously considered just ending it all. i could end my mother's suffering and end my own simultaneously. t-that would've been nice, yeah?"

"jungkook, wait," taehyung hesitantly interjected. "you— do you... need a moment? we can talk about this another time," he proposed with a cautious tone at the obvious strain in the other man's voice, almost as if he was trying his best to not sob and cry his heart out on the spot.

"no! i-i need to let everything out now before i regret it," jungkook claimed, nearly knocking his drink over with how hard he abruptly slammed his hand down onto the mahogany table. "it was around that time when i became friends with b-bogum. honestly, he was the reason i never succeeded in ki-killing myself."

taehyung unconsciously tightened his grip around the cup.

"we got close relatively quick and he was like... a beacon of hope for me. he didn't judge me for all the shitty things i did for money. he didn't report me to the principal or the police. in fact, i told him about my mother's condition and he even offered to help me by lending me some cash. with his help, i was about to pay off my mother's hospital fees for the next three months. he was like a fucking miracle." the ravenet pulled a glum smile at the memory. "until a short while later, around two months or so, then e-everything just went to hell," his voice dropped to a mere mumble at that sentence.

"jungkook, you— you're crying," taehyung stated with a concerned look, wanting nothing more than to reach out and hug the life out of the younger male.

"i'm okay." jungkook bitterly chuckled, tilting his head back in order hold his unshed tears in. "bogum confessed to me at school one day. i... didn't feel the same way so i turned him down. h-he didn't like that. he ignored me for the rest of the week and i just felt like literal crap. i simply saw him as a best friend, and i thought he'd never see me as anything more than a best friend either. with no one to rely on nor talk to about my problems while my mother's condition was getting worse and worse, i got pushed back into a dark corner once again."

"then, tha-that bastard," he paused to throw an arm over his eyes but taehyung caught the lone tear that managed to cascade down his left cheek. "i remember that day as if it was yesterday — i'll remember it forever. i stayed at school until 7 in the evening to cram for the calculus test on the next day, and it was starting to storm like mad; t-thunder, lightning, and heavy rain and shit. the school was empty apart from the three or four janitors roaming around and the security guard at the front gate, a-at least that's what i thought."

the blond felt an uneasy feeling creeping up his body. he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the rest of what jungkook had to say anymore.

"i-i was walking to my locker on the second floor to retrieve my umbrella because the storm was only getting worse and there sure as hell wasn't anyone to give me a ride home," jungkook started. "i was forcefully grabbed by two guys and a bag was thrown over my head. at first, i thought i was being kidnapped by some thugs that managed to sneak into the school. b-but, fuck, it was so much worse than that." the first sob escaped his throat, his voice trembling uncontrollably.

"they dragged me to the bathroom where they took the bag off my head. i-it was bogum and hi-his friends," jungkook revealed with a sniff, finally allowing his tears to freely run down his cheeks. "they laughed like maniacs as they r-raped me. i... i got raped by my own friend, taehyung! they la-laughed as if it was some funny fucking joke. then they beat me up even after destroying me from the i-inside. t-they stripped off what was left of my sanity. a-and that fucker, bogum, just laughed throughout th-that whole thing!" he cried out, fingers tugging harshly at his black locks.

taehyung had his hand clamped over his mouth in shock, glassy eyes widened and limbs completely stilled. "oh my god, jungkook," he could only utter out.

shit, that's why you're absolutely terrified of storms.

it was all too much for him to take in. he couldn't believe that the park bogum that broke his heart two years back was the same park bogum that mercilessly tore apart a young jungkook in high school by executing rape.

"bogum even had the audacity to come back and try to ruin my life a second time!" jungkook hissed while furiously wiping his tears away, sniffing loudly. "w-why can't he just let me be happy? is that too much to ask for?!"

"p-please don't cry," taehyung murmured with a deep frown. "i don't like seeing you sad, jungkook. you don't need to tell me anymore."

"no, i'm okay." jungkook emitted a little hiccup as taehyung's thumbs moved to delicately brush away the tattooist's stray tear. "i... i don't like seeing you sad either, t-taehyung," he continued after attempting to calm down. "which is why i keep coming back to you. i don't want you to stay wth bogum. i know he's here to hurt us again, and i-i can't afford to have you hurt the same way i was back in high school, despite him already breaking your heart once."

"y-you're too nice to me," taehyung whispered with a wrenching heart.

jungkook disagreed, wiping away the remaining of his tears. "i-i'm truly sorry, taehyung. if only i just got my shit together and told you all of this earlier, we would've never had so many complications. guess the joke's on me now since not only is my mother dead, but bogum is also living the best life right now simply because i ended up destroying all the trust you had in me," he said with a humorless chortle.

"no, stop." the elder detested how jungkook kept talking down on himself like that. "it wasn't your fault—"

"but it was. i brought everything upon myself like the idiot i was." jungkook sighed, getting up from his seat with a solemn scowl. "well, thanks for taking some time out of your day to hear me spout all the bullshit i should've spouted a month ago. i'm glad you don't find me disgusting after everything you've just heard. as i promised, i'll finally leave you alone this time—"

"no! don't— don't leave," taehyung stammered out before he could stop the words from escaping his lips.

jungkook cocked his head to the side. "what? but i said everything that i wanted to say."

"i haven't," taehyung declared. "sit back down."

the ravenet silently complied, patiently starting at a squirmy taehyung who was fiddling with his fingers on the tabletop, drink long forgotten on the side.

"i-i need to apologize too. i'm sorry, i should've waited to hear your side of the story before jumping to conclusions while getting all petty and overdramatic," taehyung began with a sudden urge to cry as well. "i'm sorry for not trusting you more. i'm sorry i believed every lie bogum said about you. i feel like an absolute dickhead because i probably pressured you to tell me all of this when you obviously didn't want to ever bring this up. if... if only i had known what you went through when bogum was—"

"hey, you didn't pressure me into doing anything. i wanted to tell you all of that 'cause you deserve to know. besides, it felt kind of nice telling someone aside from namjoon about it," jungkook reassured. "how else would you have known about my past with bogum if i never told you? don't blame yourself for something like that, taehyung."

taehyung gulped. "i... i still care about you, jungkook, as ridiculous as that might sound. i've always cared about you. fuck, i was being selfish when i chose to listen to bogum instead of you, and i didn't realize that until it was a little too late."

"taehyung, it's perfectly fine. i don't hate you nor hold a grudge against you for what you did. you don't need to apologize."

"but it's not just that— shit, i don't know," taehyung groaned, his head hung low in shame with his next statements. "i don't know if i love bogum at all. i don't even know if i ever loved him. i'm— i think i—" i have feelings for you, jeon jungkook. "n-nevermind, i'm sorry." i'm such a coward.

"please stop apologizing. i don't like seeing you with your head down like that," jungkook reached across the table and with his hands placed on both sides of taehyung's face, he gently lifted his head back up before slowly retracting his hands away.

the blond male felt his heart skip a beat as soon as jungkook's alluring pair of hazel eyes pierced right through his own — bambi eyes that held so much softness and care in contrast to the rim around it which got all puffy from the crying earlier.

"i, uh, actually have an idea. feel free to decline if you're not fond of it since it's sort of stupid anyway," jungkook bashfully spoke, rubbing the back of his neck with an awkward grin. "why don't we start over from the beginning, right here, right now?"

"s-start over?"

"yeah, as friends. our initial meeting wasn't exactly the smoothest if you recall. yet, even though it wasn't the greatest first meeting we could've asked for, it's still a day that i'll clearly remember for as long as i'm still alive and breathing."

"for all the horrible reasons," taehyung joked with a snicker.

jungkook shook his head with a small beam. "nope, for all the best reasons," he countered, making taehyung blush like a teenage schoolgirl. "so, why don't we start anew? no blatant insults getting thrown at each other, no scorching coffee being poured down my shirt, no starting unnecessary arguments in the middle of anywhere. how about it?"

"you're making me feel bad," taehyung whined, flinching at the memory of his own hands pouring a whole cup of piping hot coffee onto jungkook's chest. "but, yeah, i like the sound of that."

jungkook chuckled before stretching a hand out in front of him in the manner of a formal business handshake. "then hey there, cutie. i'm jeon jungkook."

"when you said start anew, i didn't realize it meant that we were going to start flirting," taehyung commented with a lifted eyebrow.

"there's a first for everything."

"in that case," taehyung trailed off with a playful roll of his eyes. "i'm kim taehyung. it's nice to meet you, mr. jeon."

the younger nearly choked at the title taehyung just gave him.

"that's pretty kinky."

and as taehyung reached out for jungkook's callused palm with a breathy laugh, hands clasped together in a tight grip, taehyung found himself falling for the other man even harder.

he couldn't tell him. not yet.

for now, this was more than enough.

a/n: the plot thickens.