I don't think I am good enough.

• ♡ •

"Advika, wake up," the voice sounded in Heer's ears and she opened her eyes. "Advi, wake up it's very late," She heard Kabir's voice more clearly this time. Her eyes opened and she saw Advika get out of bed while Kabir stood at the edge of the bed.

"What's the time?" She asked in a sleepy voice sighing as she turned over hugging the pillow that Advika had been using. 

"Eight!" He answered before walking away in a hurry.

"Hmm," she responded and then the fact settled in. Shit, that was late! She sat up immediately tying her hair into a bun. She quickly walked into the washroom. Minutes later she was in the kitchen to find a panicking Kabir moving about the kitchen. 

She saw the cucumber he had left on the chopping slab to wash the potatoes. She quickly picked up the peeler and started skinning the cucumber. She silently proceeded to slice it while Kabir stood beside her peeling the skin of the hot potatoes. 

"Shall I butter the slices?" Heer asked and he nodded in a positive.

"Did you check on her?" He asked opening a cooker filled with cooked rice.

"Yep, she was bathing." Heer replied applying the butter on the bread slices. "How come you woke up late?" She asked with a smile.

Kabir glanced at her and then put his gaze on the contents of the pressure cooker. "I don't know. Maybe the change of the bed."

"Seems to be that for the two of you," Heer replied with a chuckle. "I will go help her get ready, so that she can eat!" She announced picking up the sandwich that Kabir put together. 

He noticed her walking out. The truth was he couldn't sleep last night. At first, he was only thinking about Heer and then he was overthinking. He didn't know what she wanted and what she didn't. He was confused about what's he felt for him. He was also irritated by it all. He just couldn't put the pieces of the puzzle together. He took a deep breath and focused on packing the lunchbox for his daughter.

Advika sat chewing on her bite of sandwich while Heer braided her hair. "Advi, do you have P.T today?" Heer asked after she had braided Advika's hair. 

"Yes mom, it's Friday!" Advika answered. Heer quickly picked Advika's white canvas shoes from the shoe rack. They seemed washed. Kabir. She smiled. 

Kabir definitely was a better parent than she was. She just didn't do well with school stuff. She neither did well when she herself was a kid. She sort of had a laid back attitude when it came to the small things such as making sure her shoes were cleaned or remembering to put in the books for the day's classes. She was impressed how Kabir always had everything in place before time for Advika. She had a lot to learn from Kabir. 

Kabir walked out of the kitchen with Advika's lunch bag in his hand. His gaze paused on Heer who sat on the floor slipping the shoes into Advika's feet and then tying her laces while Advika ate her sandwich. A smile, radiating of gratefulness, appeared on his face. He just couldn't hold it against Heer. She always gave him reasons to give up being pissed at her. He shoved his thoughts aside and quickly gathered Advika's school bag. "Advi, are you ready?" He asked looking at the time. 

He quickly called the school bus driver to make sure he didn't leave without Advika while walking out of their flat to call the elevator. 

"Take care, and have a good day!" Heer wished kissing Advika's cheek before she stepped into the elevator. Kabir was all heart eyes at the scene. Heer waved before the elevator doors closed. The contentment of seeing his daughter have a mother filled his heart with joy.

"You didn't have milk today!" Kabir spoke looking at Advika as the elevator moved down.

"It's okay to miss milk sometimes." Advika spoke glancing at him with a smile.

"You had a good sleep?" Kabir asked leaning.

"I did," she smiled.

Kabir bent forward, "Good morning," he wished kissing her forehead.

She giggled and kissed him on his cheek, going on her toes.

"Have a good day, be a good girl and do well on the class spelling test." Kabir spoke as he walked her to the bus.

"Yes, yes and yes!" Advika told before getting on the bus. Once on board she turned to wave at him. "Paa, lunch bag," she said suddenly realizing that it was in his hand. He quickly handed it to assistant on the bus as the bus started moving. He smiled waving. 

* * *

"Kabir," Heer called for his attention as she sat on the kitchen stool sipping her tea.

"Hmm?" He responded sitting on the kitchen stool while spreading out the newspaper on the island. 

"Have you ever been late like this before?" 

Kabir looked up and glanced at Heer who sat beside him after he heard her question. His eyebrow raised a little clearly giving it away that he didn't expect the question. "Well, yes. A few times."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, once it was when Misha stayed with us. So Misha and I had a movie night after Advika slept and we ended up sleeping pretty late an hour or more after midnight. That resulted us to wake up pretty late, so late that Advi had to miss the bus and then eventually I had to drive her to school."

Heer smiled looking at him as he narrated the scene with a smile on his face. He definitely had a charming smile, that made him look hundred times more handsome. Heer sipped her tea thoughtfully, "Can I ask you something?"

Kabir glanced at her, "which movie was it?" He guessed what she was asking the permission to ask.

Heer smiled, "not that, but now I am curious,"

Kabir chuckled, " Fast and Furious,"

"Oh!" Heer reacted not expecting it.

"What did you think?" Kabir turned to her with a smug smile on his face. 

"Nothing..." Heer muttered.

"Come on, I am not buying that." Kabir said smiling to himself. He had a hunch that she thought it was some adult movie.

Heer smiled, "thought it would be some R Rated movie," she replied.

Kabir chuckled, "You definitely don't differ from Misha at that. She's a pain.."

"She's a sweetheart, don't you dare talk like that of her." Heer spoke cutting her off.

Kabir smiled, "Seems like she has you on her team."

"Definitely. Anyways, what I actually wanted to ask was," Heer spoke as her fingers circled the top of her now empty cup, "if you were to rate me for my parenting skill on a scale of ten, what would you give me?" 

"Heer," Kabir's voice was serious as he looked at her. "Where is this coming from? If this is about whatever happened yesterday.."

Heer placed her hand on the back of his palm. "Kabir, just answer that, please."

"Look, I don't understand why would you even want someone else to tell you how good or bad you are," Kabir spoke glancing at her hand and then his gaze went back to her face. 

"Becasue you are her father, Kabir. It matters to me what you think about my parenting. Honestly speaking, I don't think I am good enough. I mean you are perfect. You just know what's right for her, what she wants and how to deal with her. At times, I just... don't feel I fit the role." Heer confessed.

Kabir gently placed his other hand on top of Heer's palm. "Heer, I wasn't this way before. I understand what you feel cause I have been there. Seeing people raise kids and actually raising a kid are two different things. There was a time when I was ... different. There were days I wouldn't even spend time with Advika. Varsha used to be so disappointed. At that time, I used to be at the restaurant most of the time while Varsha would be with Advika. I wasn't a good father Heer. And then life turned things upside down leaving me with just Advika. I had to learn how to understand her, how to deal with her, how to raise her." He paused looking away.

"It was very difficult, Heer. I was not in the right mind space to even raise a child. I just didn't know how to deal with ...her death." His voice trailed, he pulled his lips into a hard straight line and looked at Heer. "You eventually figure a way out. In my case Misha moved in with us to be there for us. And now we have you..." he spoke blinking his eyes while gently caressing the back of her palm.

He took in a deep breath, "Heer, I don't know what makes you think you aren't good enough. If you see yourself from my eyes, I see you as Advika's mother who knows how to raise her girl."

Heer's lips parted slightly and she looked at him in adoration. His words meant so much to her. "Thank you," she said softly, looking at her left hand held between his two hands. 

Kabir smiled at her. He wished she reflected his feelings. Every time he saw those deep brown eyes filled with gratitude and that smile which narrated stories of courage he fell a little more in love with her. He withdrew his hand that was placed above hers. He noticed the ring on her ring finger. His smile momentarily wavered. She quietly pulled her hand back. 

"When do you have to leave?" He asked to change the mood coloring the air around them. Although he knew the answer to that question.

"Ten," Heer replied, focusing on finishing her remaining breakfast.

"By what time will you be done today?"

"I can't say right now. But we should wrap up by eight." Heer spoke taking the last bite into her mouth.

"Okay, let me know if you want me to pick you up or something. I need to rush, I have a meeting with the staff at nine thirty."

"Okay," Heer spoke getting off the chair while glancing at the click that hung on the kitchen wall. "Kabir, why don't you go and take a bath and get ready, I will clean the kitchen." Heer offered. 

"Thanks," Kabir spoke accepting her offer. He made his way to the room. 

Kabir returned to the kitchen all set for the day. He had put on a shirt with black trousers. His black hair well set with a light jelly. He was greeted with the sight of Heer making juice.

"Hey, I thought I'd save some more of your time.." Heer spoke handing him the glass of fresh juice. A habit of his she had learned over the past few days she had spent with him. He took the glass from her hand while his eyes remained fixated on her. Heer managed to pull her lips into a small smile. She didn't know why she felt that way. His fingers brushed against hers in the process and Heer suddenly was aware of how close he was. His fresh scent was all she was breathing. Her eyes stealthily had a glimpse of his lips. This wasn't right. 

Heer quickly took a step back and turned to pour the remaining juice into a glass for herself. Kabir had perched upon the stool and was drinking the juice. His eyes wouldn't leave her. The harder he tried to back away, the more she gave him reasons to believe that they had a chance. He didn't know what had got into him earlier. If a few months back someone told him that he would be wholeheartedly telling Heer that he saw her as nothing less than Varsha he would have caused a havoc. But he did that today. What was more important was that he meant it! 

Kabir placed the empty glass on the counter. "Thanks, it was nice," he said softly, his feet taking a step closer to Heer. She turned to look at him and gave a wide smile. His lips curved up broadly seeing that smile. If his compliments did that, he should perhaps do that more often. "All the best for you final rehearsal!" Saying that he leaned and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead before turning around to leave. 

Heer let out the breath she had been holding and released the grip of her fingers on the counter end. She quietly sat on the same stool lost in her thoughts. Kabir did have feelings for her and she was attracted to him. If she wasn't careful enough she would hurt him.  She needed to keep her fluttering feelings in check if she didn't want to ruin what she had with him. She took a deep breath, maybe putting a little distance between them would help. 

* * *

Heer was exhausted. It was eight on the clock when they had finally wrapped up. Their first show was day after. Heer couldn't believe how far she had actually come. One of her many dreams would finally meet reality. A freaking musical theater. She stood alone in the shadow by the theater's side wall near the second row where she had placed her bag as she stared at the stage team take care of the props. She sat on the chair staring at everything. She wouldn't have been where she was if it wasn't for Kabir or Misha technically. 

She inhaled deeply and her lips curved upward to form a line of contentment. For once, she didn't feel she had screwed up everything. For once, she was happy for where she was. For once, it all seemed perfect. Maybe her bad days were over. Maybe it was time for new beginning.

The phone's message beep had her entire attention. She glanced down to find a text message from Dev asking her to come out. She sighed and glanced up. Proud of her self she made her way out of the theater.

"Surprise!" Two voices called and almost instantly a full blown smile filled with surprise adorned her face.

"Advi!" She called in surprise and seconds later she was on her knees with Advika in her arms.

"Paa and I thought of surprising you," Advika spoke.

"Well, I am surprised!" Heer spoke after kissing her cheek.

"Hey!" Kabir smiled greeting her as she looked up.

"Hi, how did your meeting go?" Heer spoke when at the same time Kabir said, "How did your rehearsal go?"

The two chuckled, "good!" They replied in unison yet again.

"Mom, jinx pinch!" Advika quipped excitedly.

"Jinx!" Kabir said aloud pinching Heer lighty at her arm before she could. 

"Now mom gets to be quite for sometime," Kabir chuckled.

"No way!" Heer exclaimed immediately.

"And mom loses!" Kabir chuckled while Advika looked disappointed.

"Mom, I told you to say it."

"Your mom is slow, now can we all move cause I am very hungry!" Kabir spoke.

Heer rolled her eyes, "Let's go,"

"How did your spelling test go?" Jerr asked as they made their way to the car.

"How do you spell entrepreneurship?" Advika asked pronouncing the word slightly wrong despite splitting it up.

"It's okay that was hard," Heer said for a moment she was confused about the spelling herself.

"She doesn't know it either, Paa. See I told you that word is hard," Advika spoke as she slipped onto the backseat.

Kabir looked at Heer.

"I was a science student,"

"I can spell engineering," Kabir said mocking her.

"I bet you can't spell angiomyogenesis," Heer challenged.

"Is that even a word?" Kabir retaliated.

"Oh, it sure is Mister I know it all. Advi, it's okay you can learn up that spelling so that you get it right the next time." Heer spoke turning around to look at Advika who nodded. Her gaze swiped to the man on the driver's seat. He passed her a smile. A totally heart melting smile! Heer now realized that his smile was like lava. The grumpy Kabir was a dormant version while this smiley one was active version of the same volcano. The only way to save yourself from an active volcano was to back off. She was totally counting on the distance between them to set things back to normal. 

It's so good to be able to post a chapter! Hope you liked it, would love to know what you think. 

Also, I would request you all to vote on all the chapters of this book to help this book get noticed! 

Take care!