I didn't mean to!

and all I feel is shame

from doing it and

taking selfish actions

to try to hide my hurt from it

even though my dream boy

is hurting more because of it.

do I love him

if I put him through that?

connor's fingers

brushed against mine

as we walked down an average street.

I felt nothing, but

couldn't help but pretend to.

what am I doing with my life?

with this?

I'm a mess,

I admit,

all this stress just

I guess it hit-

I would say "hit home"

but my home is in

nico's heart,

not sure if that's good or not,

and I don't want to

keep reminding myself

of who hurts

and what hurts

and how much.

and I hate love

which is hypocritical,

but I can't help it!

I don't know the difference

anymore,

between blood and

gore and glory and

victory.

all I know is, it sucks

and I don't like it.

it hurts.