I'd like to dedicate this quote to bUt_Is_It_BALSAMIC_.

Kat—you are an incredibly special and awesome human being, who also happens to be astoundingly strong, courageous, caring, and kind. I haven't known you for long, but you've already touched my life with your immense optimism and perseverance in the face of challenges. as well as made me laugh while trying to accurately describe my four favorite boy's Aussie accents XD I'm so happy we found each other as friends and hope that you will always remember just how amazing you are. I know you will do great things in life <3 <3 <3

For whatever reason I find this quote to be immensely beautiful and poetic. I love the symbolism of the seasons that the author used.

Summer: Strength and courage and everything that is good

Winter: Pain and hopelessness and everything that is bad

Of course it doesn't hurt that the graphics for this one are once again absolutely stunning. If any of y'all reading this have the talent to create stuff like that I tip my hat to you because I am impressed. I wish I had that ability ;)

But onto delving further into my reflection on the quote itself. I feel so empowered whenever I read it.

Today I had two long doctors appointments which is very hard on my body from a respiratory standpoint. All of my chest wall muscles and diaphragm are extremely weak due to my neuromuscular disorder, and so just the simple act of sitting up for that long, even with my ventilator, is exhausting.

I went into the day dreading what was to come, so as I was waiting on the couch for my mom to finish packing up the car I scrolled through my bank of inspirational quotes and verses on my phone until I stumbled upon this one. Suddenly, I could feel the summer from deep inside of me thawing out the winter that had frozen over.

I was ready to face whatever struggles were ahead of me, because I knew I had the power to beat every single one of them.

It turned out being an amazing day. It was still grueling, and exhausting don't get me wrong, but my doctors had some great ideas for some possible new treatments going forward.

My complex care doctor, who is amazing and literally works tirelessly to coordinate all of my specialists while also providing general healthcare as a pediatrician, is suggesting for me to consider G tube placement. Basically instead of the NG tube I have that goes up my nose, down my throat, and into my stomach (a tube I have to get changed every month might I add, which is not a pleasant experience) this would be a small surgically placed button-like tube that would go straight through my abdomen and into my stomach. It's a more permanent option, that is definitely worth thinking about moving forward with  since I've had the NG for 6 months and show no current signs of weaning.

My pulmonologist, who is my all time favorite doctor in the world forever and ever because of how much he cares for his patients and how much time and effort he put into finding ways to help up feel better, told me of a new type of ventilator he wants to try on me. Right now I'm on a trilogy 100 ventilator through a non-invasive BiPAP setting that I use through a big clunky mask or cannula on my face 24/7. I love my ventilator, it has become my friend, because it has helped me to feel so much better and is what has literally kept me alive for the past 3 years, but I'm honestly so excited to see if this new kind of ventilator works for me. This one is called a negative pressure ventilator, and is actually based off of the same exact concept as iron lungs, which were used during the time of the Polio virus. These new ones are like plastic bubbles/shells that surround your chest and stomach. They literally suck your muscles in and pull them back out mimicking the way a normal person would breathe, instead of my other BiPAP ventilator that uses positive pressure to literally force air into your lungs. The negative pressure ventilator also has cough assist settings which will help to clear secretions since my muscles are too weak to always create an adequate cough by themselves. This machine will take the mask and tubing off of my face (yay!) which will allow me to stop having to worry about skin breakdown. If this works it could be a life changer for me, it could even make me more functional :D

This is probably more information than most of you want, but I'm so excited that I had to share it XD

Anyways, back to the quote. Everyone has an invincible summer within them, no matter how deep inside it might be buried, and it is your job to try your best to allow it to rise up and defeat whatever harsh winter has taken over your life.

Like I mentioned before, one of the things Kat has reminded me of is how important optimism is, and to always try and look on the bright side of things even when most things seem to be dark.

Summers are bright from the sun, just as optimism is bright from positivity...once again, awesome symbolism right?

Thank you to anyone who read through all of this :) I hope you found some inspiration somewhere within all of my ramblings!