Abrasion

"Marry me, Ghazal."

Haaris too was shocked as the words left his mouth. What he was thinking at that time? No, he couldn't do that. He couldn't sacrifice her and Adam for his past. But the way she was looking, those sleepy red eyes, her scared face when he had just woken her up some moments ago, his words didn't understand the meaning of patience and instantly left his lips without his permission.

But that's what you wanted.

Yes, but not like this.

He didn't remember when he was so much confused like this. His heart had split itself in two, one was adamant to marry Ghazal, give her every possible happiness and one part was afraid of the reality, it knew what would be their relationship and what would be its consequences.

Please accept me, Ghazal.

No, please no.

Haaris was getting somewhat irritated at the longing silence because it was growing his own anxiety, he was nervous regarding Ghazal's response. With utter efforts, Haaris had got Ghazal's apology and he had again put it on stakes for his past.

"What are you saying Mr. Haaris?"

Ghazal's voice was laced with shock, he could see her face was washed with tremendous astonishment.

"I am saying you to marry me, Ghazal."

Haaris again put forth his point, despite being tormented by his past he wanted Ghazal's company in his life whether it would be short term or long term, it didn't matter to him. His voice was becoming thick due to the clogging tears and his nervousness.

"Go home, Mr. Haaris. You aren't in your right mind."

"Why? Am I looking drunk to you? ", he asked moving ahead, desperateness dripping from his tone and consciously Ghazal took one step back, keeping her hand on Adam's back.

"You will wake up Adam."

He steadied himself hearing about Adam, " I was not so much aware of my surroundings just like I am right now, Ghaz-"

"Please stop it, Mr. Haaris. I can't and I don't want to marry you. Go."

Haaris's heart jerked at its place hearing her straightforward rejection. His head felt like it would tear apart. How could she reject him just like that? What he lacked? He was rich, handsome, held status in the society, what else she needed? Every girl could do anything for him just to be with him and this lady, whom he was proposing, whom Haaris wanted in his life was rejecting him with so much ease, without any regret seen on her face. He never thought Ghazal would give him such a hard time after seeing his condition.

"Why? Why can't you marry me?"

Haaris's voice croaked while asking for the reason as his heart was still not ready to take the rejection.

"I don't want to. I don't need marriage, Mr. Haaris. I am a mother of a child, I am happy wi-"

"You are just a mother, not a wife. Happy? No, you aren't Ghazal. You have made a bubble around you and Adam, you are in a delusion of being happy but you definitely are not. Your eyes are empty, they scream of your sadness-"

His words got stuck as a heavy slap left its imprint on his cheek, "Just shut up." Ghazal pleaded with a tear stricken face.

"You don't have any right to comment on my life. I know that I am happy and content. Stop being childish and stop making it an issue of your ego."

Ghazal whimpered and Haaris silently stared at her face, feeling the slow cracks forming in his heart. " Ma.", Adam slowly patted his mother's cheek and she carefully patted his head to get him back to sleep.

"Please, I beg you to just stay away from me now. Please Mr. Haaris, please."

With that said, Ghazal turned around vanishing in the house, wiping her stray tears. Haaris dejectedly took a step back stumbling on the small pebbles in his way. Why he was feeling so much remorse? Why it was hurting so much? Why he was feeling so much pain when it was just a game for him.

***

Ghazal looked at herself in the mirror, her tears gaining pace as Haaris's words echoed in her mind. Wounds are a difficult thing to tackle, they need time to heal but even a single scratch can open them with great pain than before. That was happening with her now, all her past's pain was coming in front of her with full force and Ghazal was getting weaker and weaker with every memory.

You are living in a delusion of being happy.

Ghazal shook her head to throw his voice out of her head. Her husband was right when he had punished her for talking to his cousin, she shouldn't have ever talked with Haaris, too. That's why this all was happening. This was the reason she was crying over her past and present, if she had stopped herself, Ghazal wouldn't have to face these circumstances.

But, what was her mistake in it? Ghazal never gave the impression that she was suffering, she never cried in front of people that she was not happy like she needed someone in her life. Then, why Haaris saw that pain which she was successfully hiding from three years.

You are just a mother, not a wife.

Those words had hurt every fiber of her body. Like they were screaming the truth that her husband was no more, a pathetic truth from which she was running for a long time. Despite being an alcoholic, abuser, Ghazal had always loved Farzan and her feelings were pure and true. What was wrong in living in a delusion then? What was wrong when she wanted to spend her whole life with Adam and Farzan's memories?

"Ma."

Adam's scared voice pulled her out of the washroom. He was searching for her in the dark and was somewhat worried when he didn't find her.

"What happened, baby?"

Adam shook his head in her embrace, "Are you crying, Ma?"

He asked wiping his hand on her wet cheek and Ghazal shook her head, biting her lower lip to stop herself from weeping in front of her kid.

"Adam was finding me?"

"Yesh, I need water."

Ghazal looked at the bedside jug which was empty. She was surely disturbed as she had forgotten to fill it, knowing Adam always needed water in the midnight hours.

She switched on the light and moved outside her room to bring the water only to be collided by a broad chest on the last stair. It was Haaris who had held her arm to steady in order to save themselves from falling. She quickly wriggled out her arm from his grasp and moved ahead for the kitchen.

While filling the jug, Ghazal felt herself immured in Haaris's unwavering gaze. Why he had followed her? He could probably be holding the same intention as Yawar because in last, he was his friend. He had a reason now for punishing her, he could take his revenge with her for rejecting him. What she would do now? Why Allah always tested her to the extreme? Why she always had to show the strong side of her?

When she reached the kitchen door, Haaris was guarding it. Ghazal needed some space to exit the kitchen and looking at Haaris one could easily understand that he was not willing to give it anytime soon. He was just intently staring at her, folding his arms on his chest, making her uncomfortable at her place.

"Let me go, Mr. Haaris. "

Ghazal said in a clipped tone. Haaris gave a long sigh and the words which left his lips were enough to throw her in surprise.

"I am sorry for making you cry, doctor. "

With that said, he instantly turned around and ascended the staircase in a hurry leaving Ghazal alone with her head full of betraying thoughts and a thudding heart.

***

He took a sniff of that white powder and smiled at the ecstasy.

"You look happy."

A soft but a dazed voice interrupted his moment with himself. Opening his eyes, Haaris found two green orbs intently staring at him with a hopeful smile.

"That's the feeling I don't feel anymore."

He said creating some space for her to sit. " I am Azkiya by the way.", the girl said extending her hand for a handshake.

"Haaris Yousuf. You don't sound Indian."

"That's because I am half English and half French. I have come to India for just vacations. "

Azkiya said shrugging her shoulders, her blonde hair swung in an elegant manner and Haaris felt a new stir in his heart for the first time in his life.

"Let me see what you are taking." Azkiya moved her head somewhat ahead to take a look at the powdered heap, she tasted it and after closing her eyes for a minute, she looked at Haaris with a small smile.

"It's good but not like what I take."

Haaris silently stared at her as Azkiya fished out a packet of weeds. Giving one to him, she put one between her lips. Lighting it with his lighter, Haaris felt like jumping into a pool and in another instant, he was flying. He never experienced something like this.

"I can see you liked it."

Azkiya said taking a puff. Haaris nodded and began to enjoy the weed which was doing a wonderful task to push him out of his past, present and future. He was in an entirely different universe, with everyone yet away from everyone. That's what he needed, an escape which was brought by Azkiya in his life.

"What?"

Azkiya asked as a long time passed for him staring at her. "For what you need an escape?"

She laughed at his question as if it was the funniest sentence she had ever heard, maybe she was getting high. Something was attracting Haaris to her, that he never felt towards any other girl in the nineteen years of his life. Azkiya wound her hair strands around her index finger and looked in his eyes boldly.

"I need an escape from my life."

"Then I can say, we are a traveler of the same path. "

Haaris said in a slightly slurred manner and after that, he couldn't remember anything despite Azkiya's face which was revolving around his mind.

***

Ghazal kneaded her forehead to remove that burning headache. Her eyes felt like on fire just because of the ambiguous events of the past day, she was missing her father immensely and all she wanted to do was to talk her heart out with him. Checking up her last patient of the day, Ghazal packed up her accessories and left her cabin.

Her fingers pressed Baba's cellphone number quickly and her call was picked up at the second ring like he was waiting for her.

" Yes, child."

The dam of her tears broke hearing her father's concerned voice. Only one month would have passed when Ghazal had last seen him but she felt like ages had been spent in missing him. She couldn't go to her maiden house because of her sister-in-law and she didn't felt right inviting Baba at Nanna's house though she had happily told her to do so many times.

"What happened, Ghazi?"

"I want to meet you, Baba."

Ghazal said with a voice wet with tears, she was constantly sniffing in order to calm herself down. How could she move ahead in life when every single thing broke her down into bits and pieces each time. After telling her the place of their meeting, Baba cut the call. Adam was at home, must be waiting for her but she needed to clear her head with all the clutter, which was just because of Haaris Yousuf.

She instantly found her father standing at the entrance of the nearby park. Ghazal hugged him tightly, her tears again began to roll down on her already red cheeks.

"Now tell me everything. "

Baba said taking her hands in his and making soothing circles on the back of her hand. Now they were seated on one secluded bench, away from chirping sounds of evening birds, noises of happy children playing around them.

"You know Haaris Yousuf, grandson of Mrs. Rabiya Hassan.", Baba nodded and wiped her cheek, " He p-proposed me for mar-riage."

She finished her sentence with a stammer. Ghazal was feeling embarrassed sharing that information with her father but she needed to put aside that heavy boulder of anxiety. Baba's movement stopped and he looked at her face with surprise.

"And what my child did?"

"I slapped him. " Baba chuckled at her straight response and patted her head adorably.

"I knew it and why did you do that?"

Ghazal stared at him silently, unable to form words. "Baba, I don't want to get married. I am happy with Adam, we both are happy with each other."

"We both know Ghazi, that's only a lie. " Baba said after taking a long sigh and pressed her hands to stop her speech, "Don't try to deny it."

Ghazal looked away from him, her eyes brimming with tears. Why everyone was hurting her? She was getting agitated with life as it was unfolding itself in front of her.

"Ghazi, I did a mistake when I wedded you off with Farzan. But, you made me proud, becoming a good wife despite his behavior. I can still see the love for him in your eyes but that's not the way you live your life."

Ghazal looked at her father with teary eyes, "What are you trying to say?"

"Ghazal, life is difficult with memories but becomes somewhat easy when you have someone to increase those good memories with you. You will have to think about yourself and Adam at one point in your life and maybe this is the right time. Have a thought on it."

Baba patted her head and left her alone at the park bench. Her father knew her too well and he also knew Ghazal needed sometime alone with only herself. Walking back to her house, she was now thinking about her father's words. What was the guarantee that Haaris would increase her good memories? How could she trust him?

Opening the door of her room, she found Adam sleeping peacefully on the bed with his colors and books. She kissed his forehead and cleaned the bed. As she was about to go in the washroom, the sound of something dropping attracted her attention. It was maybe from Haaris's room, she didn't know he was still here. Knocking two to three times at his door, she unlocked it and her eyes buldge out of her sockets seeing the scene in front of her.

"Haaris."

A shrill scream left her lips and her body felt weak seeing a stream of blood on the floor around Haaris Yousuf.