Haxus was the enemy.

Pidge knew this. She did.

Yet Haxus was still someone's family. Someone's son, someone's grandchild. Perhaps he even had a child himself, who would grow up never knowing their father.

Haxus was the enemy.

Haxus had tried to stop Pidge from saving her team.

Haxus had to be defeated.

All of this was true, yet Pidge still curled herself into the smallest ball possible on the floor of the infirmary, pretending none of it had happened. The entire team had set up camp, waiting for the moment that Lance would step out of the pods.

Pidge wished Lance wasn't in the pod. She wished Sendak and Haxus hadn't set a bomb. In a bright flash of anger, Pidge wished he hadn't jumped in the way to protect Coran.

Immediately, the thought was followed by a rush of cold guilt, and she buried her head in her arms, throat and eyes burning.

Pidge could really do with one of Lance's stupid remarks to lighten the mood right about now.

And a hug

She could always go to Hunk, but he would ask her what was wrong.

She wasn't ready to talk about it.

Pidge had killed Haxus, taken a life. She was the reason that a family would never see their kin again.

Why did she have to kill him?

Pidge had her laptop in front of her, focused intently on a line of code that hadn't been touched in hours. It was all part of her façade. She was fine.

"Hey, I'm going to go make some food, you guys want any?" Hunk asked, getting up from his seat.

"I'll go with you," Shiro offered. Allura and Coran's sounds of agreement came a moment later.

"What about you, Keith? Pidge?"

Keith tore his eyes away from Lance's pod, arms firmly crossed over his chest. "Yeah... I guess I should come with you guys." He said quietly, turning on his heel and half-jogging to catch up to the rest of the team.

"Pidge?" Hunk said by the door, looking over his shoulder. "You coming?"

"I think I'll stay here..." she said, refusing to look up and meet anybody's eyes. "Somebody's got to keep an eye on Lance, in case he comes out, right?" she tacked hastily to the end, masking her own intentions.

Nobody had to know what she'd done.

"Right." Shiro agreed, and from the corner of Pidge's eye she saw him nod in understanding. "Don't hesitate to call us down if he's out."

With those words, Pidge was left in the silence, save the periodic beep of the healing pod.

The door opened with a hiss, letting someone inside the infirmary.

Pidge didn't bother to look up, knowing who it was from the gait alone.

It wasn't Keith – the footsteps were too heavy to be his, and it wasn't Hunk – he tended to shuffle.

Obviously it wasn't Lance.

Coran tended to have more of a bounce, and Allura's shoes made a distinctly different noise on the metal of the floor.

Shiro.

"Hey Pidge, I brought you some food," Shiro said, sitting down next to her and handing her the plate. "Thought you might be hungry."

"Thanks," Pidge replied, staring down at the plate for a moment before placing it beside her with a sigh. "I'll eat it later, I promise."

It was silent for a moment, the absence of Rover's quiet beeping obvious to Pidge, and apparently to Shiro.

"I've been meaning to ask, where's Rover?"

"He-He—" Pidge took a steadying breath, closing her eyes for a moment.

"He didn't make it through the- the battle." she finished, hoping that Shiro would leave it at that.

She had no such luck.

"Well, let's go get him!" he said cheerfully, already moving to stand up. "I'm sure you'll be able to get him back into working order in no time."

She didn't want to get Rover. That would mean seeing Haxus, and Shiro finding out what she had done.

"No!" She cried desperately, scrambling to her feet in a weak attempt to stop Shiro. He looked down at her in confusion. "I- I mean, no, no, it's fine."

"Katie?" Shiro frowned, and Pidge flinched slightly when he used her real name. Obviously he wanted answers. "What is it?"

Pidge never got the chance to answer, the Castle comms crackling to life.

"Paladins, report to the bridge immediately, a Galran body signature has been detected on the ship." Allura's voice rang out.

"Tell me later," Shiro said, getting ready to leave.

"No Shiro—"

It was too late. He was already gone. Seeing no other choice, Pidge ran after him.

Regardless of what happened, she was still a Paladin, whether she liked it or not.

"That's Sendak's lieutenant, Haxus." Keith identified first, staring down at the crumpled body in front of the team. Limbs stuck out at odd angles, his eyes dull and staring blankly above them all as a slight trickle of blood oozed from his mouth. "Or at least, it was." He completed with a small shudder.

Pidge leaned heavily on the wall behind her, eyes unable to leave the broken form of Haxus. She clamped a hand down over her mouth, trying not to scream or sob, afraid of which one would force itself from her body.

She had done this. She had killed him.

"But how?" Coran mused.

Pidge dropped to her knees with a thud, vision blurring into a mess of colours.

"Pidge!"

She tried to hold on to Hunk's shout, she tried to anchor herself with it. The others let out their own cries of concern, the words lost to Pidge.

"Are you okay?"

"Number five—"

"Hey, Pidge—"

Strong arms – one flesh, one metal – lifted Pidge from the ground, wrapping protectively around her.

"Shiro?" Keith whispered, pulling a hunk of crushed metal out from under Haxus. Shiro held Pidge tight, but it was already too late – she had seen.

Rover.

"Oh, Pidge." Shiro whispered, rubbing soothing circles into her back. She buried her face into his chest, hands clutching at the fabric of his vest.

"Hunk, Keith, can you go check up on Lance?" Shiro addressed the other two paladins, sharing a silent conversation with them.

They nodded, departing in silence. Coran and Allura followed, leaving Shiro alone with Pidge.

"Hey, Katie?" Shiro started gently, slowly prising her hands from his back so he could meet her eyes. She avoided him, and he sighed.

"Look at me, please?"

She was slow at first, scared by what she might see, but eventually she raised her gaze to meet his. Shiro's eyes held nothing but warmth and understanding, and Pidge could breathe.

"Listen, you did the right thing." Shiro started, and before Pidge could protest, he continued: "I know it doesn't seem like it, but you stopped the ship from being taken today. Imagine how many people would have died if Zarkon had gotten the Lions."

Pidge sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"Does it get easier?"

A strange look passed over Shiro's face, and she regretted her question.

When he answered, his voice was soft, and Pidge had to strain slightly to hear.

"No, it doesn't," Shiro said, brushing her hair from her forehead. "But you find your reasons for killing and you stick to them."

"So..." She broke off, voice too thick to continue. "So what's your reason?"

Pidge wondered if it was too personal of a question, but Shiro looked thoughtful for a moment.

"To get stronger. So I can protect everyone, and not lose those I care about."

Pidge nodded, finally finding true comfort in their leader's arms as she understood just a tiny bit more about him. He continued to hold her tight, waiting until Pidge was ready to let go.

"I'll try. I'll get stronger."

Shiro smiled warmly, hand firm on her back as they left the room, not daring to look back.

"That's all I can ask."