Jasper was panicking.

"You have to go, Jasp." Myra urged him. "You and Alexus have been friends forever and you know how close he was to his mother. He needs you. So does Alice."

"You need me," he argued. "Julian on the loose, Diaz might be alive... I can't abandon you now."

"I have had the best guards in the continent with me. I'm fine."

"I refuse to leave now!"

"I refuse to let you stay."

"Myra, bad things happen when I leave you in times like these. Either we're separated for five years or you come back with several new scars—"

"Jasper," she reprimanded, her voice serious now. "I will be just fine without you for a few days. Sirius is only a couple days' ride away. You'll be back within the week and you need to do this for Alexus. He's your best friend and he's distraught. Come on! You know I'm right. He was really close to his mother and you were each others' best men. He needs you right now more than I do."

"Myra—"

"You've watched me to go to war and back, Jasp. What's different about this?"

"What's different about this is that I have a choice this time."

"Jasper, you need to do this for your friend. Alexus needs you. Alice needs you. You know they'd do it for you if Nala died. Admit it. I'm right."

"Yes." He grumbled. "Why do you always win our arguments?"

"Because I'm smarter than you are. Now get packed and go!"

"Fine. But if I get a whiff of trouble, then I'm turning tail and running right back to Triad." Myra only rolled her eyes and sent his room to get packed.

———

He found Alexus waiting on the doorstep. His friend had tried to hide it, but he could tell from his puffy cheeks and red eyes that he'd been crying. Myra had been right. His best friend needed him right now. He couldn't leave him to suffer this alone. Not again.

Jasper closed his eyes, pushing the memory away, but it swept in anyway.

Alexus, making some treasonous joke against Medea. It drew a laugh from Jasper, the first one he'd had in a long while. For once, he hadn't been thinking about his betrayal or the blood on his hands.

A whizz heralded the shot, followed by a great thunk as the arrow embedded itself in the tree where Jasper had been standing a few seconds ago. His hand stung from his awkward landing after he'd been pushed out of the way by a firm hand—the same hand that now reached to help him up. As he staggered to his feet with Alexus' help, gratitude and anger—gratitude for how he'd saved him, anger at his comrade for not letting him die like the traitor was—warred within him.

Alexus, the last time he'd seen him, just before he left to go on that fateful mission, the mission that changed the course of his life and led him towards his aunt and, eventually, Myra. Jasper had still been angry. Their budding friendship awkward and impossible. He hadn't said goodbye.

For years afterwards, he'd thought Alexus was dead, like the rest of his almost-might-have-been friends. But he'd been one of the lucky ones in the cities during the First Crimson War. And then, in the Second, he'd been kidnapped along with twenty thousand soldiers. Controlled by Jasper himself.

He'd been lucky to survive so long in the army. And believed himself even luckier to be in those MindWeaved units. Alexus had quickly joined those willing to convert and after extensive testing and Jasper's vouching, had been allowed to do so. He'd believed himself even luckier when he met Alice—one of Nala's best spies—and never held a grudge against Jasper or the rebellion for what had happened. But he knew it couldn't have been easy for his friend to be controlled, helpless at yet another master's feet.

"I'm sorry," Jasper said, his voice filled with genuine sorrow. After everything Alexus had done to get back to his mother after being conscripted, after all the odds he'd defied, to lose her now...it was cruel. A reminder of fate's horrible sense of humour. He couldn't even imagine his friend's pain—the only comparison he could make was that it was like if he lost Myra to sickness after the war they had survived and the Empress they had faced down. Which he shouldn't think about and definitely would not happen.

"How are you holding up?" Jasper asked.

"I'm okay," Alexus lied. Jasper gave him a doubtful look and he sighed.

"I'll be okay," he corrected. "How's Myra?"

"Still grumpy," Jasper answered, then fixed his friend with a firm glare. "Don't change the subject. How are you feeling now?"

"Angry," he replied. "How could I...how could I lose her now, Jasper? What kind of stupid world lets me get back to her after seven years in the army, in the middle of the worst wars in human history? When so many people died and I made it out, just to lose her now?" Jasper didn't know what to say or do.

"Fate must be laughing at me," Alexus said bitterly. "I was so happy when I got home to find her still alive and well, both of us together again. I thought I was so lucky. I thanked our forgotten gods and the whole wide world because after I was conscripted I thought I'd never see her face again."

"Better that you got these years though," Jasper said softly, unsure how to comfort him. Alexus shook his head.

"I gave up." He said. "When they took me away, I gave up on seeing her again. I made my peace with it. But when I came back and found her, alive and well...I let my hopes get up. And now she's gone again."

"I'm sorry," he repeated, at loss for words. Alexus nodded, taking a deep breath before opening the door and walking in.

"Thank you for coming," his friend said at last. "I know it wasn't easy, with everything."

"I'm always here," Jasper replied. "And if you need to talk..." His friend nodded.

"The funeral is tomorrow." Alexus told him.

"I'll be there," Jasper promised.

———

Jasper didn't sleep well that night. He had taken a bed in one of Sirius' hotels—Alexus and Alice had insisted he stayed with them, but he refused. His friends needed private time, time when they could mourn freely.

Not that Alexus, the stubborn mule, was letting any emotion show. Since he'd broken down outside with Jasper, he hadn't shown a flicker of feeling to anyone, taking everyone's condolences with a grim nod and brushing off both his wife and friends' concerns.

What did you tell a man who'd made it back to his mother against all odds only to have her die now? Yet somehow, Alice found all the right things to say. He had no idea how she did it or what Alexus would do without her.

The knock on the door startled him. He got to his feet, opening it to reveal a frantic messenger.

"Is Alexus alright?" Jasper demanded. The messenger nodded, face grim.

"It's not Alexus."

His knees trembled, about to give way. His stomach plunged and a pit of fear opened in his chest. He could hear the courier's words before he even said them. No. No, no, no, no. It couldn't be happening.

"Myra's been poisoned," the herald said. Oh suns. Oh burning, burning suns. What kind of terrible luck was this? The one time he went away—

"She's in a critical state." The messenger continued, interrupting his thoughts. "The medics ask that you come to the capital as quickly as possible."