Gi-Kyong carries the bucket back for me and I don't look at him when I enter the house. Mrs. Ho eyes me with concern but remains quiet. Dinner is a silent affair this evening.

We go to bed early, I make sure I know exactly where to find a water bottle and some food to take with me and hide my face under the blanket. It's a good thing I always wake up in the early morning hours and step outside to use the outhouse. Even if Gi-Kyong would wake up, he would think nothing of it and fall back asleep.

He doesn't stir when I softly fold back the blanket and get up. Nothing moves when I take the bag from a hook on the wall and fill it with the corked water bottle. My eyes roam over his sleeping figure one last time, before I step over the threshold. Outside, on the porch, I open a few jars of clay and take out some food, then I step down onto the cold earth. I ignore the sandals and tiptoe to the shed, where I slip into my boots.

Before I walk out of the gate, I turn around and look at the house one last time. Softly I whisper: "Goodbye", then I walk away.

I'm walking east, to where the sun is going to rise in a few hours. My legs are cold and I stop to roll down my pants beneath my skirts. I'm sure my toes will warm up after walking a few miles.

When I reach the river I recognize from the previous time we walked this path, I stop to drink and refill the bottle. Soft pinkish rays peak through the trees before me and I allow myself a moment to regain my strength. I take a few bites of the grain I brought and force myself to continue. Walking and chewing I follow the riverbank further and further away from the place where I left my heart.

It's going to be a beautiful day, I detest it. Rain would be bad, but right now it seems like the sun is mocking me. 'Look what you're leaving behind!' it seems to say, 'are you sure you want to throw all this away? And for what?'

I push the thoughts to the back of my brain. It's not like I have a choice. I don't belong here, I should never have been here.

A shiver runs through me when I think back to the previous evening by the stream. After Gi-Kyong kissed me, he wiped the tears from my eyes and smiled. I still don't understand why, he hadn't spoken to me since. The first time I met him, I thought he was mean and cruel and totally insensitive to the feelings of others. Now I know better. He's a loyal friend, a good son and has a friendly soul deep down.

Before I begin to cry again, I lift my chin and sniff hard. It's no use admitting to myself or anyone how much I've fallen for him. I will never see him again.

Somehow, miraculously, I find the spot where I fell down and hurt my ankle. There I eat the last of the food I stole and refill the bottle for the last time. It's only a short walk now and I'm confident I will find the dot, because I have at least six hours to find it.

When I arrive at the place where I almost lost my live, I divide the area in sections and carefully begin to scour the ground. An hour passes, then two and I'm beginning to lose hope when all of a sudden an arrow burrows itself in the tree next to my head.

I scream and trip, but pick myself up and begin to run.

It's no use, rough hands grab my arms and turn them painfully behind my back. When I lift my head and look at my captures with eyes wide open in fright, I recognize the outfits. It's the same military contingent that had me captured a week ago. What are they doing here?

They force me down to my knees, rip of the scarf that hid my hair and put a knife to my throat. This is it. This time it's really the end. They won't be satisfied with a mere shoulder wound this time, they'll make sure I'm properly dead this time. I close my eyes, and wait for the end. Perhaps it's better this way, I wasn't looking forward to a life without Gi-Kyong anyway.

A new voice blazons through the woods: "Don't hurt her!" The pressure of the blade disappears and my eyes fly open. From behind the closest tree a man steps into the clearing. He's wearing the standard beonggeoji of an officer, a blue tassel hangs over the edge of the black hat, but there's something in his face that makes my eyes squint. Do I know this man?

He has a bow in his hand, that he hangs over his shoulder as he pulls me up from my kneeling position. His eyes travel over my face as if he's searching for injuries and when he finds none, a satisfied expression appears on his face. In plain English he subsequently says: "Hello Jane, good to see you again."

---

My jaw drops. What?

"We thought you were dead when we heard about the fire, until we located your dot in this place. Were you hiding?"

I have absolutely no idea what he is talking about. The men around us seem uncomfortable now that they can no longer understand what's going on. I can sympathize.

"Fire? What fire?"

The man nods. "Ah, then it must have happened after you left. Apparently your unit short-circuited, burned the whole place down, no casualties. You really need to keep it in shape."

Things are beginning to make sense now. This man is a Fixer, like me, and he's here to take me back. Why am I not relieved by that? Wasn't it what I wanted? I guess a tiny part of me was still hoping I wouldn't find the dot, so I had an excuse to go back. That hope lays trampled on the ground now.

Heaving a sigh, I mumble: "I would have, if I had the money."

The man purses his lips, but says nothing. In Korean he orders the men: "Go back to the encampment, I will take care of her."

They waver, but his outfit shows them he outranks them, so they obey and one by one, they bow and disappear. When there's no one left but us, I pull myself free from his grip.

"Why did you come here, what does the agency care about one lost Fixer?"

"Tsj tsj tsj, now that's no way to speak of your employer. They always take good care of their employees." He grabs my chin and turns my head. "Where's your dot?"

I recoil from his touch, take a step back and stretch my arms wide. "Somewhere between the leaves, if 'your men' haven't trampled it into the dirt", I say, emphasizing his deception. "I lost it when I came here and was almost killed by them."

From inside his jeonbok he pulls a small rectangular device that he points at the ground. After a few minutes a red light indicates the dot is found. He picks it up and hands it to me.

I stare at the silver circle in my palm. Had I found it a week ago, I wouldn't have hesitated and put it right on. Now it seems it's no longer a way back home. I look at it and detest the tiny thing that is about to take me awáy from home. I swallow.

"What are you waiting for? Put it on, I will configure it to go straight to headquarters, they will equip you with a new unit. Make sure to take care of it this time."

I don't want to, I really don't. But I have no choice, what do I have to gain from staying here? Even if he would allow me to stay, which he won't, I can never have what my heart desires.

When I still don't make a move, my colleague steps forward, grabs the dot from my palm and moves to place it on my temple. He's right in front of me, his gaze fixed on my face, when I suddenly see his eyes widen. At the same time something shakes his body and his mouth falls open. Before I know what is happening, he falls forward and unable to catch him, I fall with him to the ground.

I try to scream and shove his now limb body away from me, but all air was pushed out of my lungs and he is too heavy. My hands feel something sticky and when I lift them and look at them, they are bright crimson. Blood. There is blood on my hands. Blood from the man that is crushing me. Why is there blood? Why isn't he moving?

All of a sudden I can breath again. The weight is lifted of me and when I blink the moist from my eyes, a dark figure appears in my field of vision. He kneels down besides me, takes both my hands in one of his and touches my face in an almost tender caress. He has a mask over his nose and mouth, but his eyes shine and when he speaks, my whole world is transformed from agony to utter joy.

"Ji-Eun-ah, are you hurt?"