"Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second, but then perhaps this is what lovers are."

― André Aciman

"I don't need you anymore."

I stopped walking, and cautiously turned around to look at him.

"What. . . ?"

Victor signed, the creases between is brows colliding painfully on his forehead. Time seemed to stop. The wind eased down to a soft breeze, and the birds playful lullaby's came to a sudden halt. No one seemed to stop moving around us, and yet it felt like everyone stopped to stare.

"I-I don't understand? Wh-what are talking about, I don't- "

"It's plain and simple," he turned to glance up at the birds looming over our figures." I no longer need, nor want you. I've found someone, and they excite me."

The winds picked up then. The dozens of trees surrounding the rink whisked so forcefully the sounds of bark breaking could be heard for miles. Perhaps that was just my heart, I couldn't tell.

I dropped my skates and bag like a sack of potatoes. The disbelief crawling up my spine at lightning speed. He can't do this. No, even if he did it didn't make any sense. There is still so much for us to do, so much for us to share.

I mustered up the courage and smiled. Victor must be attempting one of his tricks again. He was trying to break me as a skater, not as a lover. It's okay. It's gonna be okay.

"Stop fooling around Victor. We have practice, so come on I'll forgive you just this once oka-"

"Fooling around? You think this is a joke?"

Isn't it?

"Up until now I never really felt serious about much of what went on between us. It was fun, I won't deny that but. . .you know things change. People change."

Victor smiled this time. The lines putting together the very reason for my happiness, is now the very reason for my terror. I directed my sight to the concrete beneath my feet. The world was blurring now, and it was loosing color by the second. It was falling apart right before me, but all I wanted to do was crumble and collapse instead.

"Still think I'm joking? I'll show you."

The rink doors slid open. A third presence making themselves known. Each second they came closer was a jab at my soul. Don't cry, don't let him see you like this. Yet the odds were against me again. A kiss, and a giggled echoed into the air.

"Teylor you know Yuri right?"

Teylor?

No.

NO!

"It's a pleasure to meet you Yuri- Hey are you okay? You don't look too good. You should probably wake up."

H-huh?

"Yeah wake up Yuri."

What are they talking about?!

"Yuri wake up!"

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I blinked my eyes open slowly, and against my body's will.

It always seemed so real. The voices, the environment around us, and the people in it. It was becoming exhausting, but I didn't know what to do about my dreams. To stop them.

I signed and pulled myself up from the smooth, satin covers. I pressed my knees up against my chest, and watched the snow pile up against our bedroom window. It was freezing, but I could feel Victor's body heat radiating from the other side of the bed.

Last night was, wonderful.

I hadn't felt as close to Victor as I did then in a long time. Since Spain.

I signed again. I really am ruining everything aren't I?

Chuckling in some form of self-pity, I rose from the sheets and tip toed to the bathroom. It was still incredibly early, but I wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon.

I washed up for a bit, cleaned my wound wrist and pulled open the mirror cabinet. To think it would come to this. I winced as I reached for the anxiety medication prescribed to me. They were tiny little things, but they worked like magic according to the doctor. It should've felt comforting.

"They're small but surprisingly heavy."

Swallowing two, I checked the wall clock and smiled to myself. The rink was open.

"I should wake him up..." I made myself out to our closet and pulled on the right attire. Maccachin was sound asleep next to his owner. They were the worlds deepest sleepers.

I signed again as I dragged a new duffle bag from the bottom of Victor's shoe palace. It's a new day, why not a new bag? They say treating oneself was the best form of self-love. I'm going to need a lot of that after screwing up this entire month. Heck, I'll break into my new skates today too.

What was with that dream anyway? He's a friend to Victor, and Victor is mine anyway so why? Is this what being delusional feels like? I'm seriously messed up.

I shook my head, what a ridiculous dream. My mother would scold me if she could right now. She'd want me to have some time alone, and self-reflect on myself. Same way I did after initially scoring 6th at the Grand Prix. A day won't compare to years but, I think I'll do just that instead.

A banana, some coffee, and a protein bar later I was heading out to the frigid streets of St. Petersburg.

There was more than two feet of snow on every corner I jogged by. Some piles had specs of blue from the post lights while others were a dark gray. It was kind of difficult to jog when the side walks were an ice rink themselves and I nearly slip on the stairs leading up to the actual rink.

I coughed and sneezed from the icy weather. If only it were possible to have a heater inside the rink. One would think we'd get use to the crispiness, but truly we just endure it with twenty layers of cotton.

I gasped as my jog came to a halt. My throat burned and my eyes stung as the winds picked up. Despite this, excitement filled my heart as I walked through the automatic doors. I felt my heart skip a beat just breathing the air. It felt like another world. One that was just entirely me, and the rink.

Well almost entirely, there was a staff but it wasn't like she was specifically watching me.

I settled down on the nearest bench inside the locker room.

It had come to my attention that Russia truly admires, and appreciates their skaters. The quality of the rinks were remarkable. High walls with massive windows for daylight to seep in, the finest flooring, and the smoothest ice ready for its skaters.

It made me miss home. Made me miss how Yuuko and Takeshi tried their best to alter the rink to represent greatness. To represent what they thought of me.

"Okay, I'm ready."

Stepping onto the ice after stepping into hell itself was a feeling I couldn't quite pinpoint. If I had to put a world to it then it felt like stripping. Stripping a heavy layer of lard that's been seeping into my flesh for an eternity.

Maybe that was a little exaggerated but there wasn't anything else I could think of. Each glide against the ice stripped a layer, and it felt like I was sinking into a pit of freedom. It was peaceful.

The edges of my blades scratched and slid like they hadn't before, and without thinking twice I was implementing choreography I'd put together in my head.

The idea was that I wanted to become a swan. A swan stood for inner beauty and self love. They exhibited a certain delicacy, and distinct beauty. I felt an odd attachment to swans, especially after reading that a pair of swans represent soul mates for life.

I smiled to myself. Now who would that other swan be I wonder?

I hadn't exactly shared my thoughts with anyone. The fear of someone possibly saying I was plagiarizing what Yurio had done last season was a lingering worry.

What I wanted was entirely different. I just couldn't explain it very well.

I giggled as I landed a triple axel followed by a double toe-loop. Yes!

Thankfully, I had my body to do that for me.

With a reluctant heart I stopped and glided towards the nearest wall. I had two potential options. I could practice the small pieces Victor made for my short program, or . . .

I glanced towards my phone and AirPod case.

I could put together my own piece. Go with the latter Yuri.

"The latter it is, but why am I so nervous?" I mumbled as I waddled to grab my essentials off the bench. This will most likely be a disaster but I had time to kill.

An orchestra blossomed in my ears. Each pull and drag of the violin erupting a sense of empowerment within me. Not the intimidating kind, but the kind you feel when your the center of attention.

Last season there was only one person I wanted to seduce, since that was the main aspect of my program. Now I want to captivate. I want to captivate and surprise not just Victor, but everyone around me. Is this how he felt?

"Do your thing, do your thing with me now. Do your thing, do your thing with me now"

The feeling is almost insane, like my body was loosing whatever self-control it had mere seconds ago. The lyrics speak of a swan and its reminder to move away from the feeling of being powerless and at the mercy of external forces. It screams at itself that it's time to reclaim their personal power.

When I first listened to it, I felt almost attacked. Being weak was something I was no stranger to but to have a song remind me? Then have said song edge me to overcome my weak self? I liked it. I liked it a lot.

"But what if the moment's right now, right now"

"Triple flip? No maybe a-

The sound of rink doors opening startled me and I tripped over my skates mid rotation. I winced when my shoulder made contact with the ice. Pain coated every inch of my already injured arm. I could cry from the agony I felt but I held it in.

My airpods flew out of my ears too and were scattered at different sides of the rink.

I groaned, I was unmistakably lost in the music. I don't even recall carrying out the moves I had in my head. It was sort of terrifying.

Wincing, I gathering myself, the AirPods, and looked over to the locker rooms. Whomever they were, it just meant people were started to get up for practice.

No more tumultuous programs for me today.

Speaking of people, Victor should be up. I routinely waddled towards my phone to check for messages. Surely there was a couple. Yurio, Victor and Mila. My current family in Russia.

"Oh! You're that guy, right?"

Huh?

"Yes! You are! I definitely recognize that hair cut haha."

No.

Of all days, of all hours and minutes of this infernal day.

I stood almost petrified. The soft part of my palms sweating profusely. I don't want to turn around.

"I'm Teylor, it's nice to finally meet you Yuri."

"Um, y-yeah. It's nice to meet you too Teylor."

The unbearable acidic taste on my tongue after testing his name on my lips left me almost baffled. There was an overwhelming amount of rage in my blood, and I couldn't help but blame it on my dream and past events.

You need to calm down Yuri.

This guy hadn't done anything Victor didn't already explain.

So then why did I desperately want to unleash my rage on him?

He was about two inches shorter than me, but taller than Yurio. His features were the same as the last time I saw him. There wasn't anything I should feel threatened by.

He could skate better than you.

"So! You're an early bird too huh? That's nice so am. We might bump into each other more often."

Teylor twirled his lengthy hair between his fingers. He eyed my injured wrist first then my body up, and down before smiling to himself. I don't know what he was thinking, but I felt extremely exposed.

A chill bolted down my spine. The same chill I felt in my dream.

"I saw you were working on a program, maybe I could give you some pointers? You don't have to worry about me doing some shady stuff, I'm not competing this season."

Good.

"Oh no, I was just messing around with some things. I'm waiting for Victor to get here."

His smile had an odd twist to it. It was unsettling and my flight or fight instincts were starting to kick in.

"Vitya isn't here? I would of thought he'd be kissing up to you." Teylor chuckled.

"I should really go, I have to call him anyway." I snatched my phone from the bench and did my best to scatter away from him. His presence ignited feelings I didn't think were possible.

I heard Teylor say something behind me but it went unheard as I read Victor's message. It didn't appear that he was upset I left him at home. Part of me was grateful, some things are better understood when you don't explain them at all.

A rush of relief flooded over me. He was on his way, and that meant less interaction with Teylor.

I quickly put my phone away and decided to mess with the laces of my skates as I waited. I felt uncomfortable knowing Teylor was probably scrutinizing my every move, so being benched wasn't too bad.

"By the look of your face, it seems sleeping beauty is on his way right?"

I internally cringed at the name," Yeah, he's on his way."

"That's good, he said he would check out how much I've improved." He spun around a bit. Gliding and spinning like a ballerina on ice. He stopped and skated back to where I sat on the bench. "It's too bad you know. He didn't have much time for himself then, and he doesn't have much time now either."

"Every skater has their priorities." I spoke.

He seemed to consider it.

"True, but sure enough there is a time for-" He pulled his leg up on the board to stretch."-other important things. Yet he's wasting away like he always has. It's a pity."

I looked away and took it as a chance to roll my eyes.

"I can assure you that he isn't wasting away. We've hit a dead end recently but-"

His pale blue eyes locked with mine then.

"B-but he's doing great. I know that he's happy with what he has done with himself. I don't doubt it for a second."

Teylor continued to stare. However, his façade broke and he giggled.

"If you think so Yuri, but it seems like you and I aren't on the same page. He's experienced the world unlike any of us, and yet here he is digging a grave for himself with his current chosen lifestyle. If you know what I mean."

Weak I was, but an idiot I wasn't.

I stood up in flash. Wrath pulsing through my veins like venom. "Excuse me-"

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I glared at Teylor who was clearly unbothered.

It was Victor. He was calling me, but in the midst of my fury I couldn't answer him.

Teylor clasped his hands together. "Well, I can't wait for our coach to get here. Can you? Its been a day but I quite miss him already."

He skated away like a snake would after a deadly bite. Indifferent, lethal, and satisfied.

I clenched my phone painfully. One word delivering the ultimate blow.

"Our . . .?"

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Anyone else really like cliffhangers? At last, the Yuri and Teylor confrontation that has been long delayed. The song Yuri skated to is "Black Swan" by BTS (Orchestra version) if you are interested in listening to it. Originally, it was going to be swan lake but bless BTS for their creation. Thank you guys for your support, I am immensely grateful as always. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Love, Nathan