Kian didn't feel anything when he died; he was too far gone during the surgery. There was the pain of the drugs burning in his veins, the brief feeling of his heart stopping, and then nothing. He was just too high to care about death or pain and he welcomed it. He wouldn't be hurting the people he cared about anymore.

The warm sunlight on his face was a surprise. He was laying in the softest bed ever under a canopy of forest trees. He had a brief feeling that he had been there before. A warm blanket covered him, and he sensed a soft, sleeping body next to him.

"Good morning, darling." She said, turning over sleepily. Her sandy hair was still shining.
"Vanessa?" Kian said, feeling a lump in his throat. Before he could react, she kissed him softly on his cheek. It was just like when they woke up together in the morning, when Vanessa was still alive. This was too good to be true. He touched her cheek with his fingertips, and she squeezed his hand. He could feel it. This had to be real.

Kian didn't know what to say. What do you say when you wake up in Heaven with your dead wife?

"You haven't aged a day." He managed to say.

"Of course I haven't, silly. You have a little." She said, kissing him and then smiling. Her eyes still had that sparkle in them. How long had Vanessa been dead; five, six years?

"What day is it?" He asked.

"It's always the same day here; every day is a new one, and the days are always perfect." She said, stroking his face and looking out over the bank of the lake. The grass was brilliant green and the air was warm and crisp, just like spring.

He recognized the river.

"Is that the river we swam in and drank out of during our last camping trip?" He asked, putting his bare feet on the soft grass. He was wearing the scrubs he'd worn on the operating table; everything else was gone.

"Yes, how did you know?" She asked, turning to him again.

"We carved our names in the log. It was a few months after our anniversary if I remember correctly." He said, smiling at a memory. He felt the bittersweetness of the death of love and the life they'd lost.

"It's perfect here. The flowers are always blooming. I always thought you'd die of old age before coming here." Vanessa said, hugging him.

"I thought I might too. I didn't take care of myself." He said, looking forlornly at the ground. "I hurt so many people I cared about."

"Don't be sad, I died too soon." Vanessa said, kissing him again.

"I know." He said, closing his eyes for a moment. He was afraid to let her out of his sight. "I'm sorry about what happened to you. I tried to save you; why did I leave you alone on that cliff when I went to get help?"

"You did what you could. You always did what you could." Vanessa paused, and smiled at him.
"Bea's here too." She said.
"What? My wife and my ex-girlfriend met up in Heaven?" Kian smiled, not believing his luck.
"She forgives you; you risked your career to save her. It was her heart condition that killed her, not you. Her son is still alive; he's forgiven you too." Vanessa said, contently.

Kian felt the lump in his throat again. Memories of Bea were flooding back.

"I never stopped loving you, Kian. I hoped we'd find each other here someday." Vanessa said quietly.

"I was so lost after you died. I wished I had died with you. Remember my cousin Marty? He saved me during my first bout of addiction. After Bea died, all the guilt came back. I went to the cliff where you died and tried to work up the nerve to jump. I couldn't. I got hurt up on the mountain. After the surgery, the painkiller addiction came back. I tried to stay clean for Jac, for the friends I had made. Why couldn't I? Why did I have to let so many people down?" Kian asked, unable to keep the tears in. He had tried so hard to stay alive for his friends. He thought it was pointless; they were moving on with their lives. Grief was making him feel so weak.

"Don't cry, Kian. It's not like that here. We have all the time in the world to make things right." Kian held his wife close.

"I wish we could have had kids." He said quietly.

"Don't worry; Marty and his boyfriend are going to have a baby with a surrogate. They'll name him after you." Vanessa said.

"What about my mom and the rest of the family back in Canada? I wish I hadn't died in England." Kian said.

"Your mom will be here, but it will be a while. She's going to see the rest of the family heal and be happy. She'll remember you when you were happy and healthy." Vanessa replied, squeezing his hand.

"I wish I had told them all what happened to me. I was holding back all this time. I pushed Jac away when we had a chance at being happy. What will she do when she finds out? What about her daughter Emma?" Kian said.

"Don't worry, it's not your job to worry anymore. They're all going to be fine. Fletch will forgive you eventually, though the guilt will hurt for a long time."

Kian sighed, trying to keep back tears.

"If you hadn't died, maybe I could have done better. I never would have gotten addicted....I never would have hurt the people I cared about."

Vanessa rested her head on his shoulder.
"It hurt seeing what you were going through. I wished I had stayed alive. The only thing that gave me comfort was the thought that we'd be together again, although I thought it would be a long time before you came."

"Thank you, for being such an amazing wife. I could never have been where I am now without you."

"You're welcome," Vanessa said.

Kian leaned down and kissed her passionately, a promise of forever.

"One thing I always missed was holding you." He whispered, wrapping his arms around her. He knew it was real, he was holding her and they would be together forever.

"Now you have all the time in the world," Vanessa murmured.

"I know no one will forget me. I know I helped so many patients. I was glad when they all got well."

"You get to choose to be a guardian angel. You'd make a great one."

"Before I do, do I have to have wings and a halo?" Kian asked. Vanessa laughed.

"No. Is there anyone you want to watch over?"
"Other than my unborn cousin? Jac's daughter Emma." Kian said, remembering the fun times. When he and Jac were a couple, he had wondered what it would have been like to be Emma's stepfather. A thought came to him.

"Does Jac know I died?"
"She will soon," Vanessa told him.
"What will she tell Emma?" Kian asked. He wondered if Jac would tell her the truth or keep things from her. "I want to tell Emma I'm her guardian angel." He said.

"You can, right now." Vanessa said smiling.
"Do I teleport back to Earth or something?"
"Still a nerd after all this time...." Vanessa laughed rolling her eyes. "No, just think about her. You can come back to me when you're finished."
"Okay. I won't alter the universe or anything?" Kian asked, laughing.
"Yes, you will, but it will only be to help someone in need." Vanessa replied.
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure."

Kian stood up and said, " Thank you," and kissed her again. Then he closed his eyes and in his mind, he pictured himself in Jac's house. He hoped Emma was with Jac and not staying with her father. He had no idea what he would say. He was soon in Emma's room. It was the typical room for an eight-year-old girl. Nothing was making it seem silly in his mind. The door was open, and the light from the hallway shined on her bed. She was curled up, fast asleep. Kian sat down on the bed next to her, wishing that things had worked out between him and Jac.

"Hey, Emma. It's Kian. I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I want you to know that I'm okay. I'm going to be looking after you. Be a good girl for your mummy. If she stays in touch with the rest of the staff, be good for your Uncle Sacha and Fletch. You're going to do amazing things. You'll grow up to be smart and hardworking like your mum. Just don't get her crankiness, okay?" He gingerly reached out and rubbed her back. He saw her smile in her sleep, lost in a dream. "Sweet dreams, Emma." Kian said softly.

Just then, a halo appeared around him. Kian burst out laughing, realizing he was in heaven and truly was a guardian angel.

Feeling the need, he walked into the living room. Jac was sitting on the couch, watching tv. Kian saw the tears slide down Jac's cheeks.
"I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you." He didn't know if she could hear him, but going by her face she had found out. He wished he could leave her a sign. "I'm sorry. I know you might not believe me now, but I do love you. I'm going to be with the woman I always loved. Be happy, and stay strong for Emma." Kian said before he faded.

With a blink, he was back in the forest with Vanessa.
"You could have left Jac and Emma a sign." She said.
"Hey, I'm an angel in training remember? I'll wait for the right time." Kian replied. "So, is it true that you get to choose your own heaven?"

"It's true. Do want to go to your own?"
"Nah, I'll stay here with you. " Kian replied. "I don't know if you figured it out, but I overdosed on purpose." He said, looking at her.
"Don't worry, you're staying up here because you love me." She said, putting her hand on his cheek. "Our love was real, and it will be here." She added, taking his hand in hers.

"I'm sorry I wasn't the best husband." Kian said.
"Don't apologize. The few years we were together were the best of our lives. Remember all our adventures?" Vanessa said. "Don't you remember our wonderful trips?"

"Yeah, not Paris though, going there was a mistake." Kian said. "It rained the whole trip."
"You're going to be buried next to me." Vanessa said. "It's what we had talked about."
"That's comforting." Kian, sitting next to the river. He leaned against a tree and looked up at the sky. "It's beautiful, isn't it? I'm okay. I'm not sad. I'm just happy to be with you again."

"Do you remember what else we did in these woods?" Vanessa asked cheekily.
"I remember the dip in the stream turned into something else." Kian answered, remembering their hot kiss and the warmth of her in his arms. "No matter how many women I was with, I never stopped loving you." He confessed. "I held all those memories in my heart over the years. They were my true compass. Even if they tore me up, I loved them." He said.
"And now you'll always be with me." Vanessa replied softly, hugging him. Kian hugged her back, holding her close. "Let's talk and laugh and hold each other." Vanessa said. "Let's have fun and enjoy being together in this stream for as long as you want." She added, laying on the grass. "Even if it's for a few years or a few centuries." She said, pulling him down on top of her.

Kian lay on top of her. He held her tight. The sunlight was replaced with a blue-black expanse of starry night. They snuggled into the bed, and Kian kissed Vanessa on the top of her head.
Warmth radiated from his heart. He knew everything would be just fine.
The couple embraced, comforted by the feeling they had found each other after all these years, and the knowledge that they would be together forever.

THE END