noun ~ a children's toy that, when cranked under pressure, springs open in surprise

NOVA

Over the next few days, I couldn't shake the worry from my shoulders. My stomach was in a constant churn of anxiety, overwhelming me so much so that I was sure the entire pack could feel it. Everybody was over friendly, and I didn't like it. I busied myself as much as I could, even if it meant dragging the twins along in a tandem pushchair.

Today, it only amplified, because today was the day Pollux began to pack his things. I was following him like a lost puppy around the house, my lip in a pout as he sorted through his things.

"Do you want this?" He asked, holding a fluffy green pillow.

I took it but kept the pout in place. "You're not going forever, are you?"

He chuckled. "I don't enjoy being confined to one place, Nova, but I won't be gone forever."

I sighed, clutching the pillow to my chest. Burying my nose into it, Pollux's soft scent flushed down my senses. I knew he had to go because that was who he was, but I would just miss him. Besides, who else would help me annoy Charlie?

We moved from the living area and into the quaint kitchen. He pointed out things that I could have, and I insisted I didn't need any.

"I need someone to eat all my food." He complained.

I rolled my eyes. "Then you know the person is not me, but a certain brown-eyed beta."

Pollux chuckled. "I have yet to say goodbye to him."

"You haven't said goodbye to me yet." I quirked an eyebrow.

"That's because I haven't left yet." He smirked.

"Do you have a route mapped out?" I wondered.

He shrugged. "I'm just going to head south, I think. I went north last time, and have been to the lycan village way too many times now. A little sun won't hurt."

"Got your factor one hundred?" I teased. "It will soon be summer."

Pollux grunted, shutting the cupboard door rather loudly. "I have fur, Nova."

"In the villages too?" I laughed. "That'll end up with you as a fur rug!"

He smirked, head dropping, as he stared at the kitchen counter. "They have arrested me before. I think I can handle some humans."

"Oh please, taking flowers from a bench is hardly jail worthy."

He gasped. "Who told you?"

"Who do you think?" I laughed. "Charlie will tell me anything."

"Oh yeah? Well, neither of you know why I got arrested the second time!"

"What did you do the second time?" I grinned. "Stole somebody else's air?"

Pollux frowned. "You are in for it."

I laughed. "I have to get it all out now. Charlie has rubbed off on me."

"He is a menace." He grunted before sighing. "I will miss him."

"You two have a great bond." I shrugged. "But I know Charlie, and I know he would want you to go out there."

Pollux inhaled sharply, nodding his head softly. "It was him who made me speak to you guys in the first place."

"And did he say the same thing?"

"In his own way." His lips quirked. "And then he got me flat out drunk."

We laughed, reminiscing about that night. I had been so preoccupied, trying to fit into my first major role as a luna, that I hadn't noticed what Pollux was doing. It wasn't until Phoenix nudged me and I found him cuddling up in a corner, kissing a visiting alpha.

As our laughter died, the room fell silent, and I awkwardly cleared my throat.

"You enjoyed your night, though... Didn't you?"

"It wasn't... my favourite thing to do." He shrugged. "I am not a fan of parties. I know I'm in my early twenties, but it's just not my thing."

"I know. I don't like that many people either." I nodded. "But we did it!"

His lips quirked. "I don't remember what I did, but I sure did it."

I laughed. "The alpha didn't seem to mind."

Pollux scowled. "I get enough teasing from Charlie and Calida, not you, too!"

I giggled, covering my face in the pillow. "Okay! Okay! I have said enough... I have a gift for you, anyway."

His scowl deepened. "I don't want gifts. It solidifies me leaving more."

I rolled my eyes. "Please, Polly, I know leaving is more important than staying. So take my damn gift."

Walking back to my bag, I pulled out the shiny blue box topped with a pink bow. He eyed it, unable to hide his curiosity once I handed him the weighty box. I grinned innocently, and he hummed, ripping open the paper. Watching the pieces flutter onto the kitchen side, he paused when he realised what I had given him.

"You were serious about the phone."

"Of course!" I grinned. "I have put everybody's numbers in there, including a certain alpha male."

He groaned. "Why?"

"He is a widowed man! And a bisexual alpha." I winked.

"Nova, you know I do not care about things like that."

"I know, but there was an attraction, so I thought I would just give you a branch." I shrugged. "Nobody is forcing you, Polly. I saw how uncomfortable it made you when everyone gathered around. They are just curious because they don't know you very well."

"That's because I don't tell anyone anything."

"That's fine, Polly, you don't owe them any information if you don't want to give it." I soothed him before changing the topic. "But, anyway, everyone's number is in there. Charlie managed to take it and changed some names, but I double-checked and all the numbers correspond to the... nicknames."

His eyebrows quirked. "Let me guess, he is under something stupid."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Have a look yourself. It's your phone!"

Pollux rolled his eyes before pulling me into a hug. My head fell into his shoulder, making the most of the time I had with him before he went away for a while. The future isn't promised, and those months may turn to years, so I may as well make the most of having my brother here, whilst I can.

We moved to his sofa after he gave up with trying to force things at me. It was his house, and I wasn't about to let him get rid of all the things that made this his home. Whilst he was gone, I was going to either clean it myself or ask for help from somebody I could trust.

Sitting with a cup of tea, my mind wandered to the twins. Although nearly six weeks old, I couldn't help but think about them. It made me nervous to be away from them, but thanks to my parent's offer of weekly baby-sitting, I was learning to be myself without them. It all felt too soon, and leaving the house was hard, but Phoenix made time for me, and together we spent time as a couple. We needed it after the year we had. All this practice made today easier; except this time, my mate was the one in charge of the twins. I was only away for an hour so far, and already picking at any loose threads on my clothes I could find.

Curse you, mum guilt.

"Just go, already."

My head spun, glaring at my brother. "Excuse me?"

"I have just spoken two sentences; did you hear both of them?"

A soft blush coated my cheeks, and I sipped my tea to pass the moment. Pollux's sharp laugh warmed my heart, but I avoided looking at him, knowing that I had been too invested in my thoughts.

"So, if we went back in time, what... were those two sentences?"

Pollux rolled his eyes with a relaxed grin. "Well, I would say, what are you going to do when I'm gone to keep yourself busy? But then I remembered the whole... enemy pack thing."

I was the one to roll my eyes this time. "I wouldn't say enemy."

He snorted. "They threaten this pack. I'd say that was enemy worthy."

"They are just unhappy. They feel threatened and so are acting out like a spoilt child." I shrugged. "Phoenix will handle what he can."

"But what will you do?" He wondered. "Besides the threat thing, will you paint again?"

I inhaled deeply, secretly craving that feeling of gliding brush against canvas. The smell of the wood as you pull it out of its packaged confines. The glistening of acrylic and watercolours dripping down the page, or the rough scratching of pencil to paper.

Exhaling, I dropped my eyes to my tea. "Maybe one day."

"Stop that." He grunted.

He surprised me, using a tone I rarely heard from Pollux. His eyebrows were furrowed, lips down-turned, and the often-gentle happiness to my brother's features had vanished. Not a trace of carefree Pollux was left behind, and I audibly swallowed.

"What?" My voice was shaky.

"I can feel your emotions, Nova. Stop lying."

My eyes widened. "Pollux..."

"Please, just stop lying to yourself." He shook his head. "You are holding yourself back because you think you are not good enough."

"Pollux, that's not what I was..."

"Nova, I know you as well as Phoenix does." He stated. "I feel everything you do, gift or not, our connection is undistinguishable. I felt your longing as you thought about art, and I felt the disappointment straight after it. I also know you are holding back your gift. So, what is holding you back?"

"Nothing, I-

"Nova, please." He sighed. "Open up to me before I go?"

I scowled, not liking how this turned to me. "You open up to me! Polly! You had an entire life before me, and I barely know anything about it. You want to leave, and won't even give me a solid reason."

"I did! I told you-

"You told me you miss exploring, but as you said to me, brother, I know you as well as you know me." I grumbled. "Don't start pointing fingers when you should also point one at yourself. Everybody has secrets, even Phoenix."

He snorted. "Phoenix is all secrets. He barely lets anything slip."

"He is trying!" I shook my head. "He is so open to his emotions now, accepting his inner thoughts more. It's hard for him; his father beat him out of having them, you know?"

Pollux's eyes widened a fraction, the scowl softening at the information. "I did not."

Shrugging, I moved on. "But yeah, secrets, Pollux. We hide them for many reasons, but sometimes, it isn't so bad to share the burden with somebody else."

"I could not share my burdens with yours, Nova. You already have too much on your plate."

"I don't know. There is always a space for stubborn, blonde brothers."

"So no Leo?"

"Goddess, no, he can deal with his problems." I laughed. "But honestly, Polly. Who am I to judge? Have I ever done anything wrong by you?"

"No..." He muttered. "Anyway, how did this conversation flip to you moaning at me?"

I laughed again, shrugging. "I have my ways, Polly."

"Yeah, yeah..." He tutted, drifting off into his teacup.

I watched him from the corner of my eye as the room fell into a soft silence. The gentle ticking of a grandfather clock echoed down the hallway, along with the gentle patter of rain on the roof. Spring was here, and I hoped it would be the last of the rain for a while. It was April, after all! Soon it would be May! Some sun, please?

As we gazed off into our own worlds, I couldn't help but study him. I had my own inclinations why he wanted to leave. One was that he was going stir-crazy, stuck in a pack without an easy exit and entrance. Another was he wanted to explore continents. Then there was the one where he was running away from something, like perhaps somebody was after him. But then, that was stupid, because Pollux had been here a long time now, and surely that person would've found him.

So, it came down to one thing.

There was somebody out there.

Somebody he regretted leaving.

There was tension. I could feel it through the fizz in the air whenever the subject of him leaving arose. But as much as a canvas called to me, this trip called to Pollux.

I wanted to crack open his mind and suck all the memories from it like a fruit. I just wanted to know what plagued my brother.

Placing my empty teacup on the coffee table, I rose to my feet and turned to him. "Think we got all of it done today?"

"I can only carry so much." He mused, standing beside me. "I am not leaving forever!"

"I know, I know." Sighing, I embraced him. "I've only just found you and now you're going again."

"I will be back!" He laughed.

"You will be so busy finding what you desire, that months will pass before we know it!" I gasped.

He tensed a little, just along the spine, but played off my comment as a joke.

"I am certain I won't be that bad. I have the phone now, remember?" He teased, pulling out of my arms.

"It's a scary world out there, Pollux."

"It's a scary world here, too, Nova. There are threats everywhere, remember that." He stated, turning it around on me.

A heaviness settled in my chest, and I nodded quietly at my brother. Even as he walked me to the door, it didn't budge, and after another quick goodbye, I trekked back to my home with a frown. Deep within me, I felt a nervous ache. I did a good job at hiding it most of the time, but every so often, the fear would surface and I would have a hard time choking it back down.

It threatened to boil and bubble over, and ruin my composure. But I wouldn't let it.

The fear of my babies and my pack being in danger terrified me. But I couldn't let it out. It would make people think less of me. I would just be a paranoid new mum; nobody but those in charge knew of the threats. Charlie, as careless as he was, even admitted to finding it uncertain.

If Charlie didn't like something, then you knew it was bad.

Coming to a stop by my front door, I took a moment to settle my composure. I jumped down on that fear, squished it into its box like a spring. Locking it with a padlock and key, I plastered a smile on my face, and entered our home, back to normal.

Question of the day:
Who inspires you to keep on truckin'?