''Five years ago, we lost. All of us.''

Now, Katya was nervous, just like everyone else on the platform. Her suit fit perfectly, hair out of her face and the plan had been thought through completely, but despite all that, she was tense and on edge.

She couldn't look at the others, so she stared at the ground instead, Steve's voice filling her ears. On her right side, a prepared Captain. On her left, Clint, who was ready to do whatever it took to see his family again.

Katya stood there with nothing to lose. Of course she cared about her team, but she thought about herself now. She honestly didn't really care if she died on this adventure, as long as Natasha came back, she could rest peacefully. 

''We lost friends. We lost family. We lost a part of ourselves,'' Steve continued, looking around the small circle of friends and allies. ''Today, we have a chance to take it all back.''

Wanda, Sam, Bucky, Wakanda would have its king back.

''You know your teams, you know your missions. Get the Stones, get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes. No do-overs.'' As if anyone needed reminding of that. ''Most of us are going somewhere we know. But it doesn't mean we should know what to expect. Be careful. Look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives. And we're gonna win.'' Tony gave him a proud look. ''Whatever it takes. Good luck.''

Everyone nodded, glancing over the group one last time and taking position along the edge of the platform. Katya had trouble standing still as Tony ordered Bruce, ''All right. You heard the man. Stroke those keys, jolly green.''

''Tractors engaged,'' Banner confirmed. Katya was about to explode from the anxiety when a gloved hand squeezed hers shortly. She didn't have to look to her left to see who it was.

The reflectors above their heads danced until they stood in the correct position, the claustrophobic helmets slid on and from thereon out, it was one big trip. Katya had never taken any drugs, but she imagined it would be something like this.

The ground fell away from under her feet until she floated, landing in the same environment she had been before, her suit following a laid out path. The tunnels were the same, but the path different, obviously. Katya couldn't see Clint, but knew he was somewhere behind her.

The Quantum Realm spat her out on a rusty colored planet, thunderclouds above her head, accompanied by a continues rumbling. It smelled horribly and the muddy and soggy ground sucked her feet in if she stayed in the same place too long. Rocks adorned the landscape and everything was dead.

''Well, this is cozy,'' Katya started, turning in her spot to take in the whole thing, her ponytail following every movement. Everyone but Nebula had a similar look on their faces as they retracted their time travel suits into the watches on their wrists.

Clint enlarged Rocket's ship Scott had made smaller for travel. Rhodey and Nebula would stay here, Clint and Katya would step into the ship and fly to Vormir from here.

When Nebula had detached the ship from the escape pod, she walked out and said it was ready for them. She had locked in the coordinates, the only thing Katya and Clint had to do was step in.

Clint followed Katya to Rhodey, who engulfed her in a big hug. She savored this one. She and Rhodey might not look like an obvious friendship, but his sense of humor and big heart, they had that in common. And overall, she had great respect for him.

''Take care, okay?'' she stressed sternly, capturing his eyes.

Rhodey nodded. ''Take that stone and come back. No messing around.'' She nodded and walked up the ramp, waiting for Clint.

''You guys watch each other's six,'' Rhodey said to Clint. He nodded and walked up to Katya, the both of them disappearing inside the jet. Katya gave one last smile and wave before Rhodey disappeared out of sight. He could handle Nebula, but it didn't feel right to leave him behind like this.

Katya settled into a chair, buckling herself in tightly. She had never been inside a spaceship before. It didn't feel much different from a jet, but still, she would travel through space. She was on an alien planet. To her surprise, it didn't do much. Nothing shocked or surprised her anymore.

Clint looked at her, silently asking if she was ready. Katya nodded, turning to the window while trying to keep her heartbeat under control. Gently, Clint pushed the button Nebula told him to push, and the ship lifted off the ground, shooting into the air at lightning speed.

''It's a long way from Budapest,'' Clint joked to her. Katya kept her eyes on her feet and tried not to get nauseous at the speed of the ship. She had never liked rollercoasters, so this was hell.

''We do not talk about Budapest.'' Katya's voice sounded strangled and less funny than she meant to, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. But it wouldn't work, she shook in her chair and really wished she could get out of the ship already. 

Happy memories, think happy memories. She had to go further back than five years for that. But Katya couldn't concentrate enough. This was so much worse without someone with space experience like Rocket or Nebula.

For some reason, Katya wasn't thrown against her seatbelts when the ship stopped its quick travels through the Universe. It slowed down noticeably as it neared the planet. Katya only knew that because she heard the clicking of seatbelts and rustling next to her, her own eyes fixed on her feet.

Slowly, she dared to look up and saw another purple planet. Were any of these planets yellow or another pretty color? All of these looked like they belonged in Hell. It was so weird to see a planet from the outside. She had heard that your entire view on life changed if you saw Earth from space, but this was pretty groundbreaking too. It looked so small, so innocent. But such horrors had occurred there. 

''Wow. Under different circumstances, this would be totally awesome,'' Clint muttered.

The ship landed carefully and opened without protest, letting the Avengers off.

It was hard to see at first because of the twilight, but after a couple difficult steps, Katya realized why walking proved to be difficult. ''I hate sand,'' she growled. It didn't only cover the ground, it also blew around with the wind, which was quite strong.

On their right, an eclipse was happening. A neighboring planet or one of the moons of Vormir - if it had any - covered the star, emitting a pink glow, turning the sky a purple-pink.

Anyone could see where they were supposed to go. The huge mountain towered over them, on the very top, just below the black clouds, two pillars rising up.

Full energy, they started their climb. The higher they came, the colder it got. Eventually, snow started falling. Well, hopefully it was snow and not ash. And hopefully it wasn't poisonous or something.

It landed on their hair and clothes and blew in their eyes. Katya's good mood had disappeared quickly and she tried to cheat by hiding behind her teammate, out of the wind.

''I bet the raccoon didn't have to climb a mountain,'' Katya whined when they had finally reached the top. After one goddamn hour. Her lungs burned because of the lack of oxygen. The only reason she wasn't sweating was because it was so cold at the top. She shivered when the wind blew through her hair again.

''Technically, he's not a raccoon, you know,'' Clint corrected her.

''Oh, whatever. He eats garbage,'' Katya growled.

''Welcome.''

The two of them snapped around so fast it could have given them a whiplash. Katya and Clint pulled their guns, narrowing their eyes at the floating, dark person in front of them. The last thing she expected here was a living thing.

''Clint, son of Edith. Katariina, daughter of Irina.''

Katya had never wondered much about her parents. They were probably dead anyway, and it was useless to dwell on. But hearing her mother's name caused the grip on her gun to falter slightly, muscles numb.

''Who are you?'' she bit at him, very tense. 

The black cape of the mysterious man floated around his body, covering his head and preventing the duo to see his face. His voice echoed in their ears, like it wasn't spoken from the outside but from the inside. ''Consider me a guide. To you, and to all who seek the Soul Stone.''

''Oh, good,'' Katya answered poisonously but calm. ''You tell us where it is. Then we'll be on our way.''

''Ah, liebchen.'' He stepped closer, his face finally in the light. ''If only it were that easy.''

Katya sucked in a sharp breath. Learning SHIELD's history had been a hobby, a pastime. And the history of the Stones tied into that if you knew where to look. Steve would have a much more intense reaction to the man in front of her. But Katya knew enough to scrunch up her nose.

''It's Red Skull,'' she announced to Clint in case he hadn't figured it out yet. She holstered her gun; he wasn't a threat to them anymore. ''Great, another blast of the past.'' How the hell did he even get here? She knew he was obsessed with the Stones, but how did he go from that to Stonekeeper? He must have been punished by someone.

The Red Skull took them further up the mountain and onto a carved-out platform. It ended in a cliff, which Katya almost didn't dare to look over.

''What you seek lies in front of you... as does what you fear.''

''The stone is down there,'' Katya muttered to herself, carefully peeking over the edge. It reached stories high, higher than any building in New York or outside of that. Terrifying, that's what it was.

''For one of you.'' Red Skull said mysteriously. It had Katya's stomach turn around. She knew there would be a catch. ''For the other... In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. An everlasting exchange. A soul, for a soul.''

''What?'' Katya choked out, spinning around so fast it was dangerous, but no more words came from the Red Skull. He simply floated above the ground and waited. Waited for them to decide who was going to die.

She met Clint's anxious eyes. She must look the same, panicky and shocked. Only one of them could leave this place, and leaving without the Stone wasn't an option. 

Katya didn't have to think about it long. She realized she had already made the decision before she even left on this mission. She would do anything to get Natasha back, anything, even sacrificing her own life, easily. It wasn't even a question, she'd do it within a heartbeat.

''Clint...'' She stepped closer to a pacing Clint, hoping he'd stop and look at her. He couldn't jump, he had a family, kids. No, Katya would never forgive herself if he jumped in her place. She couldn't be truly happy knowing she could have prevented that.

He shook his head swiftly, refusing to listen to her words. ''No. I know what you're thinking, but I can't let you do it.'' His fists clenched and unclenched in frustration. He couldn't let her jump, couldn't face Natasha knowing he didn't save her fiancée. 

''I can't let you do it either,'' Katya whispered softly, the wind carrying her words to him. ''You know what I've done, what I've become.'' She shortly wondered what Natasha would say about her adventures, but shook that off. Katya would never know what she would say.

Clint stopped walking, staring at her with pained eyes. ''I don't blame you for that. You know that. You were grieving.'' He meant it, but Katya couldn't forgive herself that easily. She had lost herself, giving into the pain again.

She smiled sadly, stepping closer to him on the uneven ground, the Red Skull floating somewhere behind her. ''You have a family, kids. They need you. Natasha's strong, she doesn't need me.'' She choked on her fiancée's name. Involuntarily, images of her flashed behind her eyelids every time she blinked. How could one word hold so much power?

''She can't live without you, Katya,'' Clint whispered, grabbing both her hands tightly. ''Losing you will destroy her like it did you.''

She looked deep in his eyes, feeling none of the sadness she expected to feel. Because she was ready. She had accepted this as her end. It felt like a perfect ending. ''We said whatever it takes, and I was ready to lay down my life for her countless times before. Each mission, every day. And now I have the chance to exchange my life for hers, that's the only thing I ever wanted. To save her life.''

Her voice was confident and strong. Never had she spoken truer words.

Clint sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against hers, their breath's mixing in the small space. ''You're a pain in my ass, you know that right?'' Clint breathed, looking up at a sadly smiling Katya. He sighed, giving into her silent plea. ''Okay, fine, you win.''

Surprised, she pulled back, her eyes flickering back and forth between his. The last thing she expected was for him to let her go this easily. But she had to act fast, before he changed his mind. 

''Tell her I'm sorry and I love her.'' The first because she knew Natasha would want to kill her for leaving her alone, the second because her love for Natasha had always been the one constant in her life. 

Slowly, Katya dropped Clint's hands and turned to the cliff, clenching her shaking hands into fists. But before she could take a step, Clint floored her.

''You tell her yourself,'' he called out over his shoulder, heading towards the cliff himself. She didn't know what she'd expected. For him to just stand there and watch her jump?

But Katya was always prepared and quickly shot a Widow Bite at him. It attached to his back. Shuddering and groaning, he went down, passing out within seconds. This fight hadn't lasted a second. And when he woke, she had jumped. 

She scrambled to her feet, a sense of peace falling over her now that nothing would stop her anymore. She crouched down next to her friend, taking the carefully folded letter from her pocket and stuffing it into his suit, knowing he would find it. 

Katya had a feeling something would go wrong, her gut feeling always proving her right, so she had written Natasha a letter for exactly this situation.

''Sorry Clint, but I need to do this,'' Katya choked out, having a harder time saying goodbye to him than she expected. She closed her eyes and hung her head, letting herself feel sad for a couple seconds. When that time passed, she sniffed, straightened up and walked to the edge. With her toes over the edge, she stared out over the strange planet.

It was a beautiful sight, peaceful, calm, like she felt on the inside. Katya didn't think about what she was about to do. There was no reason to, because she didn't fear death. She wasn't jumping because she wanted to die, but because she needed to bring Natasha back. 

She took one deep breath, her lungs filling for the last time, and recalled the face of her favorite person behind her closed eyelids. With complete acceptance, she shifted her weight forwards. 

Katya didn't scream as she fell, only smiled as the sparkling green eyes stared at her, accompanied by the widest smile she had ever seen. It looked like the picture on the laptop; careless, ecstatic, free. She could almost hear her laugh, the wonderful sound echoing in her ears.

The wind laced through Katya's hair and fingers, the fall lasting hours, her body picking up speed. She thought about the last words Natasha would ever receive from her. The letter she left with Clint.

Natalia,

I know you're mad right now, probably cursing and screaming at me, but this has always been my plan. My life for yours, that was the only way I wanted to go. 

Sucks we didn't have our wedding, but I don't need a ring and piece of paper to consider you my wife. Our lives have always been intertwined on another level, like someone laid out a plan for us, twisted the strings of our lives together. What you brought me, that peace, that hope and purpose was more than I ever dreamed of, more than either of us ever wished for. 

Because despite all the shit we went through, you brought me joy, happiness and a calmness in our hectic lives. We always said we didn't have a home, but that was never true. These past five years have made it painfully clear that you are my home, always have been. Because you walked into my life like you had always been there, and you loved me like you had loved me in another life, another time. Everything felt so right and familiar.

I could never imagine loving someone else like I love you. To find someone who understands me and knows me like you do. Who stood with me during the hard times, when I messed up bad and I needed someone to tell me it would be alright. You made me feel safe in a life where that word isn't guaranteed. 

If there is anything like an afterlife, I will spend my time waiting for you, watching over you. But don't you dare come to me before you lived your life. I'll kick your ass out of heaven myself. I mean it. Promise me you'll live your life happy, knowing you'll see me again after all of it. Because even death can't keep us apart.

I'll always be with you.

Katariina

Katya really wished she could have seen her one last time, kiss her one last time. The memories could never measure up to the real thing.

She didn't feel so much as knew she landed at the bottom. She didn't feel anything, no pain, no blow. Blackness simply overtook her and she knew, knew she was gone. Leaving behind a world that had been so cruel to her, kicking her around as a kid, telling her she didn't have a place. But despite everything, she had made a home for herself, a good life, helping people like she always wanted.

No, she didn't regret a single thing as her body bathed in lightness, all her worries washing away.

~~~~~~~~

A/N: bawled my eyes out writing this. One more chapter, don't forget to read :)