Katya did not look forward to the talk at hand.

Both her and Natasha didn't like talking about feelings and things that were bothering them. Usually, they stored it all away until it either imploded or exploded, most of the time in a really ugly way.

To avoid that, Katya took the leap today and decided to talk about everything before Natasha had closed off that subject and moved on.

Two short knocks on the closed bedroom door -a bad sign-, alerted Natasha of Katya's arrival. Normally, she would just barge in, but the state Natasha was in was a little uncertain so she knocked anyway.

Not waiting for an answer, Katya opened the door and closed it behind her, creating a little privacy as far as that was possible in this house with six people in it.

Natasha sat on the bed, back against the headrest, knees pulled up to her chest. Beside her lay a book, open, upside down. It looked like it hadn't been touched in hours. Katya had caught her staring at the red wall in front of her, the thoughts in her head way more interesting than the story on paper.

Clint painted the walls in the spare bedroom red as a joke, because Natasha was the only one sleeping in that room. It practically belonged to her. It meant a lot more to her though, something she had never told Clint. When he painted this room in her colors, he gave her something she had never had before.

Green eyes focused on Katya as she walked in, the rest of Natasha's body not moving at all. ''Hey,'' she whispered. 

If any other person besides Clint or Katya would have walked in, the pain and doubt in her eyes wouldn't have been visible and she would have pretended to be fine. But with her friend and girlfriend, it was of no use.

''Hey, Red.'' Natasha rolled her eyes every time she used that nickname, but Katya knew she secretly loved it.

She walked over to the bed, where Natasha scooted over so she could sit next to her. Katya would have gathered her in her arms, but because of her stupid arm, she couldn't, so she opted for brushing her hand through the short red hair. 

Natasha closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of fingers in her hair. For a while, it was silent, the conversation hanging above both their heads like Damocles' sword, neither wanting to give up this peaceful silence yet.

When Katya's fingers finally stopped moving, Natasha knew what was coming next. ''Tell me what's going on in that complicated mind of yours.'' The words were almost a whisper, the sound too loud in the otherwise very quiet house.

That was always the biggest shock whenever they came here. In D.C., even though the Triskelion was surrounded with a big lake and wasn't right in the middle of the city, loud city noises like sirens and car horns were ever present. Here, in this little house in the middle of nowhere, there was nothing. 

No cars, no traffic in general, no noises besides birds and the wind blowing through the trees. And the occasional child running through the house. Just... silence. Real silence. It calmed Katya down but at the same time made her feel uneasy. Like something were to happen at any moment.

Natasha smiled, turning her head just enough so she could look at Katya. ''You're demanding today. I'm usually the demanding one.'' 

She tried to change the subject with the joke, but that wasn't going to work today. ''Sorry Nat, you're not getting out of this one,'' Katya muttered with a faint smile.

The smile disappeared, Natasha's eyes returning to the spot on the wall. ''Just trying to process the fact that we fought aliens yesterday,'' she admitted. Her ability to sit still without fiddling was admirable.

''Ah, yes, that happened.'' Katya saw the frustration on her face, a crease appearing between her eyebrows. She really wished Natasha would look at her, but she could gather her thoughts easier this way, so she let her. 

''Clint was right,'' Natasha continued. ''We weren't prepared for it. Nothing prepared us for this and we went anyway.'' She was angry at Loki and the aliens for messing with their minds. For giving them even more trauma than they already had. She acted as if she regretted going, but Katya knew that if Natasha could go back, she would do the same thing.

She didn't regret fighting, she was frustrated because of the aftermath the battle brought them. The fight might have ended yesterday, but the one in their heads had just begun.

With her free hand, Katya carefully grabbed Natasha's chin and made her look at her. Her touch immediately relaxed her a bit, although the doubt still shone in her eyes. ''We went not only because it was our duty but also because we wanted to, we needed to protect our world.''

Natasha scoffed when she removed Katya's hand from her chin and held it tightly. ''Yes, and look what we got out of it. Our minds messed up even more and one shoulder that will probably never fully heal.'' Her jaw clenched, stopping her from saying more. She had already betrayed herself.

Now it was clear to Katya why she had been sitting here all day. The frown disappeared and made place for relief. It was so much better, knowing why Natasha felt down. This way, Katya could help her. ''That's what this is about. Is that why you have been avoiding me?''

Natasha averted her eyes, focusing on their intertwined hands. Katya had caught the main reason she had been sitting here on her own all day. She had tried to hide it well, but seeing Katya in that white hospital bed, pale and hooked up to machines, did more to her than anyone thought it did. 

The free fall Natasha's heart did when she saw the state her girlfriend was in couldn't have been healthy. Pure panic was the only emotion she felt in that moment. Natasha couldn't lose Katya. Never. Even if she had Clint, picking up life after losing the one person who knew everything about her was just unimaginable.

The fact that Katya would have been dead if the alien had stabbed her a couple inches lower or had actually punctured a major artery gnawed at her mind. 

Natasha hadn't been there to watch her back and even her own teammates hadn't looked out for her like they should have. It made her angry and sad, knowing she could have avoided the pain Katya was in right now, had she been by her side and not on top of a tower.

What she had been doing all day, is beating herself up over it.

Katya suppressed a sigh, knowing Natasha couldn't help herself sometimes. ''Talia, I love you and your protectiveness, but don't beat yourself up over it. If it was anyone's fault, it was my own.''

Like always, Natasha's heart jumped at the three little words. She could happily say she never got used to them and probably never will. Taking Katya's love for granted was the one thing she would never do, could never do. It was still unreal, but slowly she had accepted that Katya was telling the truth when she said she loved her. 

It had taken some time, but she was still here and had never done anything that proved otherwise. So Natasha had finally accepted Katya would never leave on her own, only if Natasha wanted her to go and maybe not even then.

''Why do you always do that?'' Instead of acceptance, Natasha's eyes held frustration and a little anger.

''Do what?'' Katya asked confused, the complete turnaround of emotions surprising her. 

Natasha stormed off the bed, pacing back and forth in the small room. ''Take the blame away from me. You're allowed to yell at me Katya.'' Point is, Natasha wanted Katya to yell at her, because she thought she deserved it. Her anger would be a creditable punishment for leaving her so selfish in battle. 

''Why would I yell at you when there is no reason to?'' Why was this an exact copy from their fight on the Helicarrier? They really loved blaming themselves, didn't they?

Natasha stopped walking to look at Katya. ''''When there's no reason to?'''' she quoted. ''You almost died.''

''I'm fine, Nat,'' Katya said softly, trying to turn down the volume of this conversation a little. Natasha had raised her voice without knowing and they didn't want the kids to hear anything. 

Natasha shook her head. ''That's what you always say, but I know you aren't. I'm not the only one easy to read.'' Her hands were clenched into fists, but she'd never do anything other than yell. Natasha didn't get violent at all. 

Katya closed the distance between them in a few steps, forcing Natasha to look at her, even if she didn't want to. ''You're right, I'm not fine. I'm tired, my whole body hurts and my mind is a mess, but none of that is your fault. If you want to blame anybody, blame that sickening god we locked away.''

Natasha scoffed, but didn't say anything, just continued her pacing. The sun was setting, but since Natasha had closed the curtains or never opened them after this morning, the room was half-dark. 

Katya knew she made no headway so tried go get Natasha to see it from another point of view. ''If it was you who almost died instead of me, would you blame me for leaving you? Would you blame Clint?''

No. That was the first thought entering Natasha's head. It would eat her alive if Katya blamed herself for anything happening to her. They would be having the same conversation, but with the roles reversed.

Katya took her silence as an answer, nodding to herself quietly. ''Then why do you blame yourself?''

Natasha glanced up from her feet. ''Because I deserve it. Look at you.'' She gestured to her shoulder. ''I could have prevented that.'' She had a hard time looking at the shoulder in the first place.

''Maybe,'' Katya admitted, taking a step closer to her. ''But it is a miracle everyone survived the battle in the first place, including you. Especially  you. What were you thinking? Jumping on a flying alien chariot and using it to fly to the tower.''

With her eyes on the ground again, Natasha shrugged her shoulders, her feet leaving a trail in the carpet. ''Someone had to close that portal.''

''Yeah,'' Katya chuckled humorlessly, ''but next time, let that be Tony please. Someone who can actually fly.'' 

A faint knock on the door startled them and broke the little bubble they had found themselves in. ''Yes?'' Katya called out.

Slowly, the wooden door opened, Lila poking her head through. ''Mommy said to get you. Dinner is ready.''

Katya smiled her best smile. ''Thanks Lil, we will be right down.'' She wanted her out of here quickly, keeping the tension from falling on her. But it was too late, Lila had sensed the thick atmosphere.

Her gaze flickered between Natasha, who had finally stopped pacing, and Katya, who had forced a smile on her lips. ''Are you having a fight? Mommy said Nat is sad.''

Said woman looked up at the mention of her name. Quickly walking to the door, she crouched in front of Lila and laid her hands on her shoulders. ''I'm okay, Lila. Just a little tired. Now go tell your mom that we will be right down, okay?''

Lila believed everything Natasha told her, her big eyes scanning Natasha's green ones. Nodding, she closed the door softly when she left to go downstairs. The silence returned, Natasha straightening up but not speaking.

''Are we done here?'' Katya spoke up first. She hated fighting with Natasha, especially about stupid stuff like this. They didn't fight often, but if they did, it could get nasty.  

When Natasha didn't turn around from the door, Katya moved around and stood in her line of sight, back against the door. ''Hey, look at me. Are we done here?'' Her voice was gentle, trying to connect their eyes.

Natasha nodded, but it wasn't very convincing.

Katya sighed, trailing her hand down Natasha's arm until it reached her hand. ''Look. I know getting you to change your mind is useless, but promise me you will try and let this go. I need you, Nat.'' This finally made her look up, her eyes softening. ''Your mind isn't the only messed up one. Don't shut me out, please.''

This time, her nod was way more convincing. Katya knew this was hard for both of them, but with each argument, Natasha trusted her a little bit more, let herself accept Katya's words a little bit easier. The roles were also often reversed, with Natasha being the one comforting Katya. And while she was a little more uncomfortable with that, they always managed to find a way out of it.

Katya knew this was all she could do or say to convince her, the rest was up to Natasha. ''Alright, let's go eat.''

Natasha followed her out the door, down the landing, towards the stairs. Their footsteps were not audible on the creaking floorboards. ''I'm really not hungry.'' How could she not be? She hadn't eaten anything since this morning.

''That's too bad because I helped make it so you're eating it,'' Katya replied, only half-joking.

A light chuckle came from behind Katya as she made her way down the stairs, a chuckle that made her feel a lot better. ''Now I'm definitely not hungry.''

Katya playfully glared at her over her shoulder. ''Shut up you, or I'll push you down the stairs. Don't think that I can't do that because I only have one arm.''

Laura immediately saw that things were okay when they walked into the kitchen, both with smiles on their faces. Her questioning look was answered by Katya with a nod, letting her know everything was fine.

~~~~~

The nightmares slowly but surely got better over the course of two weeks. They were still present, but not as intense. Almost everyone slept through the night at the end of their stay. 

Natasha and Katya prepared to leave on the fourteenth day, leaving Clint and his family to their own business and get back to SHIELD, where Katya predicted they were needed badly. 

The arrival of aliens flipped the whole world upside down and SHIELD was dealing with a lot, so it was too selfish to stay here at Clint's for longer than two weeks. They had their little break, both Natasha and Katya feeling a lot better, rested. And they missed doing something.

Katya's shoulder had been out of the sling for a week now. She had been slowly using her left arm for little movements and light work. Natasha kept a close eye on it, changing the bandage every day and keeping it clean. And making sure Katya didn't use it too intently, something she was prone on doing.

It didn't hurt as bad anymore, but her muscles had already weakened and would need a lot of exercise to strengthen them again. Going on missions was out of the question for at least two months, but Katya could make herself useful within SHIELD in different ways. Help come up with strategies for missions, plan missions and transport, oversee missions, that kind of stuff. Nothing that required too much movement with her arm.

Katya was drawing with Lila at the kitchen table when her phone rang. She only had a phone for work purposes, only used it for SHIELD activity and not for recreational use like social media. It wasn't really her cup of tea. There were other, more important things to do than keeping up with the world of celebrities and gossip.

Prying the black phone from her jeans pocket, she quickly accepted the call when Fury's name was displayed on the screen. ''Yes?''

''Petrova, we need you and Romanoff back in D.C.. I know you are having a little break, but we have a mission that we need your help on.''

Katya suppressed a sigh, this was not the ending of their vacation she had hoped for. ''Alright, we will be there in a couple hours.''

Fury ended the call without any more words. He was a man of efficiency and never wasted time talking when he didn't have to. Natasha and he had that in common.

Lila, who had sensed what it was about, looked up at her disappointed, sad they had to leave already.

''Sorry Lil, work calls.'' Katya reached out and stroked Lila's hair. Normally she would have braided her hair, something Lila always begged her to do whenever she was here, but now that was too difficult of a job.

''But you and Nat just got here,'' she pouted, her pencil hanging above her paper frozen. She loved when they were over, getting a break from playing with her brother all the time. 

Her sad face hurt to watch. ''I know, I'm sorry, but they need us,'' Katya apologized sadly.

It was silent for a while, Katya watching the gears in the girl's mind turn. ''Are you going to catch some bad guys?''

A chuckle escaped her. ''I think Natasha will have to do the catching for now, but I'll watch over her, don't worry.'' This set Lila at ease a little, nodding before going back to her drawing. She didn't have any idea of the horrors in this world and Katya was happy she didn't. Anything to protect her from undergoing the same fate as she was totally worth it.

Katya slid her drawing over Lila's, making her focus on the pencil lines. ''What do you think?'' Katya was not an artist by any means, but she was actually proud of what she had drawn today. Clint's daughter loved horses so Katya had drawn a unicorn, complete with bright colored mane and tail.

The girl gasped and picked it up, admiring it enthusiastically. ''I love it!''

A big smile formed on Katya's face at the pure happiness on Lila's. ''You can keep it. I think it suits your room better than mine.'' Not that she wouldn't pin Lila's drawings to the wall of her SHIELD apartment. She'd do it without a care in the world, the agents wouldn't dare say anything about it anyway.

''Thank you!'' She jumped off the chair and hugged Katya's side, careful not to hurt her. Katya cherished this moment, resting her head atop Lila's. 

''You're welcome. Now do you know where I can find Nat?'' She knew all too well where the redhead was, but she was curious to see if Lila had tracked her movements too.

She nodded. ''On the porch with dad.''

''Thank you,'' Katya replied, smiling when Lila returned to her own drawing.  

The faint voices of the two friends had travelled through the open front door to the kitchen for a while now. It wasn't loud enough to make out any words, but just loud enough to know they were sitting there.

Katya stepped on the porch, interrupting their talk. ''Sorry to interrupt, but Fury just called, they need us back in D.C..'' The second part of the sentence was directed towards the woman who sat so relaxed in the wooden porch chair that it made Katya happy. It was rare to see her so relaxed, Natasha always stressed about something.

She nodded, standing up from her chair and making her way over to Katya, who leaned against the doorframe. ''That man is a pain in my ass sometimes. I'll get our things, can you get Laura?''

Laura disappeared into Cooper's room not long ago, helping him with some homework. 

Katya nodded, following her up the stairs and knocking on Cooper's door before entering. The red blush on the boy's cheeks immediately returned when he saw who stood in the doorway. ''Fury just called, they need us back in D.C..'' Katya repeated the exact same sentence she told Natasha.

Laura nodded, not protesting because it was of no use with Fury. ''That's too bad. You're leaving right now?''

''Yes. Nat is getting our stuff and then we take the jet back to SHIELD.'' Katya hated leaving so unexpected, hoping to say goodbye properly.

Laura stood up, urging Cooper to do the same. ''Okay, but not without a proper send-off.''

Katya laughed, knowing the woman would wave at the jet until they had disappeared out of sight. ''I didn't expect anything else.''

Everyone wounded up standing at the back of the jet that was parked in the middle of one of the big fields surrounding Clint's house. 

Laura hugged both women tightly, whispering goodbyes and warnings in their ears, which caused both Katya and Natasha to laugh, knowing she worried about them too much. ''If she's trouble, you call me, okay?'' Laura said with a little nod towards the redhead.

''I will hold you to that.'' Katya hugged Lila tightly and promised she would braid her hair next time. She gave Cooper a little kiss on his cheek, which resulted in even redder cheeks on the boy. They would see Clint again soon, knowing he would be called in too, eventually. So he only got a smile before the two women walked up the ramp and into the jet.

Katya waved one final time before Natasha closed the door and powered up the engines. It had been the break they needed, but now it was time to go to work again. Do the jobs they were meant to do. 

It was quiet in the jet as they flew away, Katya in the co-pilot seat. The landscape slowly changed from green fields to city areas, a sign that their break was officially over and they were back to being the SHIELD spies they had gotten used to be.