Warning: mentions of alcohol abuse

3 years later

''Gosh I haven't seen you do that in years. It gives me huge flashbacks. You still got it.'' Katya had searched the whole Compound for her wife, only to find her in the last place she had expected, on the small dance floor in front of the mirror in the gym.

Natasha hadn't danced in years, decades even. But like Katya, she had picked it back up and understood what she had meant by the action clearing her head. It was relaxing, muscle memory taking over from the start.

She completely ignored how Katya looked her up and down and sat down on the small bench, drinking some water. ''You were such a sucker for me from the second I walked into that worn out dancing room,'' she spoke across the room. Most of the machines stood collecting dust, since the two Russians always used the same things and there were too much for the two of them.

Katya gasped softly, feigning hurt. ''I was not. I'm surprised you could even see me from under all that hair.'' Both of them had a good day today, which was rare.

Natasha started untying her ballet shoes, smirking to herself. The flashbacks from their youth together coming back at once. How that looked like a piece of cake now. ''If I remember correctly, you almost fell on your ass when you saw me.''

''I did not!'' Katya was being confronted with very embarrassing moments and slowly her cheeks turned red. ''Stop that.''

A soft chuckle came from her wife. ''If it makes you feel any better, the same was the case with me.''

''Oh?'' Katya asked interested as she sat down on the bench. ''I haven't heard that story before.'' She hadn't known there was a connection from Natasha's side from the first moment too. 

Natasha lightly glared at the tone in which Katya said that sentence, bend over her shoes. ''That's because I knew you wouldn't let me hear the end of it.''

''True,'' she admitted. She knew as well as Natasha that she would tease her with any embarrassing stories she told. ''Anyways, I made lunch, if you're hungry.''

Natasha raised her eyebrows in surprise. ''And it didn't burn?''

''Ha ha,'' Katya replied sarcastically, narrowing her eyes. ''If I remember correctly, you burned rice once.'' And almost set the kitchen on fire with it. Natasha was the worst cook ever, so most of the time they ordered in. They saw the pizza guy more often than their friends.

''That's because you were distracting me,'' Natasha used as an excuse, grabbing her dancing shoes and water and standing up.

Katya hurried after her, twisting and turning through the empty hallways. ''I was literally reading at the counter. What is sexy about that?''

Natasha shrugged, pushing another door open with her shoulder. ''Everything about you is sexy.''

Once again, Katya started blushing, which only earned more laughter from the woman next to her. ''God, stop it. What has gotten into you today?''

Natasha smirked. ''Steve just texted me and said he'll drop by tonight.''

Katya was really surprised by that. Steve rarely texted them, let alone visit, so it was enough to make both Russians happy that he was coming. Being in the Compound gave him flashbacks he couldn't handle. If they did text or call, it was always light-hearted, avoiding sensitive topics. There was nothing left of the close connection they once had with him. ''Really? That's nice. How long has it been?''

''Three months.''

''Three months already?'' Katya spooned the eggs and bacon onto two plates, setting them down on the counter. ''Jeez, time passes so fast when all days blur into one.''

Natasha hummed. ''I'm buying you dinner on Wednesday by the way, just a little heads-up,'' she said from behind her, filling some cups with water. 

Katya twisted around, spatula in her hand. ''Why?''

''Because I want to. We haven't had a date since we got married.''

She was right. They hadn't done a date night or anything like that for years. First because they couldn't and now because they didn't have the energy for them. It was definitely time for a worry free night. ''You're right. Alright then.''

There was a loud meow and Liho pressed her head against the redhead's legs. They had gotten the cat a couple weeks after Thanos, hoping to fill some of the emptiness in both the Compound and themselves. Even though it hadn't had that effect, they loved the cat, even if Katya would never admit it.  

''Did you feed the cat?'' Natasha asked as she moved to grab the food.

''It's your cat,'' Katya chuckled, shaking her head at the love her wife had for the animal. ''Still can't believe you named her after the Russian mythical creature of bad luck and misfortune.''

Natasha smirked. ''You said I could name the cat.''

''Should have totally seen this coming,'' Katya chuckled, rolling her eyes. She should have seen such a funny thing coming, since Natasha liked to pull stupid pranks to mess with people. Steve's hat that said ''World War Two Veteran'' while on the run during the fall of SHIELD? Yeah that was all Nat. She also likes to play the national anthem whenever he walks into a room. He loves it but hates it. 

''Yeah, you should have. You've known me for most of my life.''

There was not much to talk about over lunch or dinner or breakfast these days. Society was still picking up the pieces, so no new movies had come out. Sports clubs went bankrupt so sports events and competitions weren't held anymore. They definitely didn't talk about the news or their friends they never saw. So the topics were very limited and most of the time they simply ate in silence or Katya told a story about the orphanage.

Natasha loved how her eyes lit up when she talked about ''her kids'', because that's what she considered them to be. They weren't just children she helped give a home, only to never care about them again. She knew every single one by name, celebrated their birthdays with them and helped them with homework.

Despite both of them loving children, there had been no talk of them adopting a kid of their own anymore. With their mental state and their busy lives, there was simply no time for one and neither of them knew if they were capable of raising a child. It had never been an option before in their life and both of them had come to peace with that. They had enough with each other.

If it were up to Natasha, she'd get six more cats and call it quits. 

''I swear she's like your long lost sister or something. Yesterday she called me ''Kat'' and-'' Katya stopped her rambling about Maya when she realized she was being stared at. ''What?''

''Nothing,'' Natasha said quickly, going back to eating her food. ''Go on.''

But Katya had lost her train of thought and narrowed her eyes in suspicion. She had not missed the emotions behind the green eyes. ''Why are you getting all emotional?''

''You really don't remember, do you?'' Natasha chuckled, dropping her cutlery and leaning back in her chair. It was cruel to mess with the brunette this way, but also very funny. Irresistable really.

''I- Am I forgetting something? You're messing with me. What am I forgetting?'' Katya rambled, not enjoying the smug expression on the redhead's face at all. It made her feel horrible, the idea she had forgotten something important.

Natasha did not stop smirking, in fact, it only turned bigger. ''Does today's date mean nothing to you?''

Confused and scared, Katya picked up her phone to look at the date. ''May 28...'' she repeated a couple times, only at the fourth time did a light go off in her head. ''Oh my god! I forgot our anniversary!''

Natasha chuckled at her response, finding the whole situation very funny. ''Hey it's okay, I only remembered this morning too.'' They had been so busy that something as simple as an anniversary had never been on their mind, ever. Both of them also didn't really value things like this. Birthdays, anniversaries, it stopped to matter after a while.

''We are the worst married couple ever,'' Katya laughed, feeling slightly better she wasn't the only one who forgot. Getting up from her seat, she sat down on Natasha's lap sideways, looping her arms around her neck. ''So that's why Steve is coming over.''

Natasha nodded, her hand finding the brunette's hip. ''He texted me asking if we had plans for tonight and only then I remembered.'' Kind of embarrassing that Steve remembered and they didn't. Maybe he wasn't such a bad friend after all.

''Five years of you being my wife,'' Katya whispered, her eyes jumping over the other woman's face. ''Is it just me or does it feel much shorter?''

''Definitely shorter,'' Natasha confirmed, playing with the long brown hair that shifted into a raven black about halfway down. Both of them had horrible half-half hair, her own starting with red and fading into the platinum blonde. She didn't go out anyway, so why bother fixing it? ''But it has been the greatest honor of my life.''

The blush returned to Katya's cheeks as she ducked her head. ''You're such a sweet talker.''

''I don't only talk sweet,'' Natasha smirked smugly. 

The undertone didn't get lost to Katya, who only got more flustered. ''Nat.'' 

She had to chuckle at Katya's wide eyes and deep red cheeks. ''You're so cute when you get all flustered.''

To negate her point and also to shut her up, Katya twisted until she straddled her wife's hips. Natasha could only laugh at the childish pout before the sound was cut off by a pair of lips. The braid in her red hair was impatiently tugged out, small hands running through it. Natasha's hands gripped the big sweater Katya wore and tugged it over her head, returning to her hips swiftly after to pull her closer.

''We are such a mess,'' Katya breathed when she had to pull back for air.

Natasha quickly nodded, wasting no time to capture her lips in her own again. ''Definitely.''

~~~~~

The door swung open, Katya welcoming Steve with the brightest smile he had seen in a while. No doubt it had something to do with her messy hair. ''Long time no see.'' Her eyes landed on the large bag in his hand. ''See you brought some laundry again.''

He shrugged, following her into the building that no longer felt like his home. How quickly things changed. ''The machine is better here.''

''Sure, Steve,'' she replied sarcastically, leading him to the dining room with kitchen. The dark circles under his eyes and the fake smile didn't escape her. She would never know how much courage it took for him to walk in here. So many bad things had happened in these rooms and halls. 

He chuckled and pulled a bottle from the other bag he had brought. ''Brought some bubbles to celebrate.''

''We already did.'' Of course Natasha had to make the most dramatic and inappropriate entrance, that damn cat in her arms. Katya swore it got more cuddles than her. 

To the redhead's delight, Steve groaned. ''Too much information, Nat.'' He was happy for both women. They at least had each other, but it stung a lot. That was also one of the reasons he didn't visit often. Seeing them happy together only made it harder to deal with his own losses. Sam, Bucky. 

Smirking, Natasha leaned against the counter, stroking the cat slowly. ''So, how is life?''

The man averted his eyes to the floor, knowing he could try to lie but be caught before it left his mouth. ''As best as it could be.''

Natasha was about to continue her questioning, when the device around her wrist chimed. It not only scared Katya but also Liho, who jumped out of her arms. The Russian tapped on the watch, a Holo popping up. ''Damn it,'' she sighed, reading the message. ''Horrible timing.''

Steve's eyes jumped from her to Katya, whose smile had fallen completely. ''What is it?''

''It's Danvers,'' Natasha muttered to Katya, who nodded softly. ''Sorry, it could be important.'' She felt guilty for having to go to work right now, but Katya also knew she couldn't help it.

She smiled softly. ''Of course, go.''

Natasha smiled apologetically and swiftly stalked out, to the library. Whatever message Carol had, she had the worst timing ever.

As soon as she was gone, the brunette turned to the cabinet with alcohol. ''Do you mind if I go for something a bit stronger?'' she asked, holding up a bottle for Steve to see.

Katya's drinking had become a problem. She said it helped her anxiety, and it did, a little bit. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but if she took just the right amount of alcohol, all her worries disappeared for a while. 

Natasha had tried to get her off it, but only got yelled at when she said something. To avoid all that, she simply ignored it, which was possibly the worst thing she could do. Katya was much happier when intoxicated, and she didn't have the heart to take that away from her. Avoiding confrontation as usual.

Steve furrowed his brows into that concerned friend expression. ''It's only five PM.''

''So?'' Katya bit at him. Her mood made a full turn, dark clouds hanging above her head now. She had jumped so quickly to defense, Steve almost missed the switch. 

''Nothing,'' he said softly, not wanting to start an argument or fight with her. This was a sensitive topic. ''Do what you want.'' He waited until she had cooled down a bit to switch the topic. ''So, how are the kids?''

That was the right question to ask, because with her drink in hand, Katya told him every story from the orphanage she could think of. He had a lot of admiration for the organization they had founded, helping kids in need. He himself simply couldn't move on, he couldn't do anything but survive from day to day. 

Nobody blamed him for that, but he couldn't help but feel he was unworthy of the Captain America name. Not that he would ever admit that.

Almost a full hour passed until Natasha came back, eyebrows pulled together in worry. She eyed the drink in Katya's hand warily, suppressing a disappointed sigh, knowing she couldn't help it. 

''Everything okay?'' Katya frowned.

''Yeah, all good.''

Both of them knew Natasha was lying, but they didn't want to talk about this right now. It was supposed to be a day of celebration. They ordered takeout for the hundredth time that month, but the mood was ruined, everyone lost in their own head. Even Liho didn't show herself again.

It got a bit better when they played cards after dinner, with the alcohol starting to work as well, but they were all glad when the night came to an end, Steve leaving with his clean laundry.

''You go to bed,'' Katya ordered when she came back into the kitchen to see Natasha walking back and forth to the sink with dirty plates and cups. ''I'll clean up.''

Surprised, Natasha turned away from the counter. Katya had never told her to go to sleep, staying up to watch the communication channels herself. ''Are you sure?''

Katya nodded, feeling this was the least she could do after snapping at Steve and ruining the mood. ''Yes, you have been putting all-nighters for weeks now. I'll keep an eye on the channels.''

''You don't have to. We can ask FRIDAY to wake us up,'' Natasha tried, not wanting Katya to feel like she owed her something. Looking after the channels was her job, she communicated with Carol, Rhodey and the rest of the team and Katya had the children. 

''I want to,'' Katya reassured her with a weak smile. ''You get some sleep.''

Reluctantly, she gave in. ''All right, good night.''

There was so much more Katya wanted to say as her wife walked out, but she couldn't find the right moment. ''Thank you for putting up with me'', ''thank you for understanding me'', ''thank you for loving me on my bad days as well as the good days''. Their relationship kept getting tested over and over again, and somehow, they always came out the other end. Battered and bruised and dented, but they always made it.

Katya felt Natasha deserved better, someone who wasn't so broken and messed up. 

After washing the dishes and the tidying up the kitchen, she ended up in the library, running her fingers over the books in the cabinets. She hadn't had the motivation or concentration for reading in years, but something about the simple stories in them was very appealing to her now. She wanted to forget about the horrors of this world and dive into much simpler ones.

The leather chair creaked when she sat down, flipping open the first page, in her other hand a drink. 

She must have fallen asleep because next thing she knew, an annoying beeping sound woke her. It startled her so bad, the drink in her hand fell over and spilled the liquid over all the papers on the table. Quietly cursing, Katya pressed the button on the device while trying to save more papers from getting drenched.

''I see you have everything under control over there,'' a sarcastic voice came from the blue light in front of her. 

Katya smiled to herself at the only person she could tolerate at this moment. ''I hope this wasn't important.'' She gave up trying to fix the situation and walked around the table, leaning against it instead. ''Good to see you.''

''Nat asleep?'' Rhodey asked, looking around but not seeing the person he had gotten used to seeing in the chair.

''Yeah,'' Katya answered, realizing she didn't even know what time it was. ''I felt she deserved some rest.''

Rhodey ignored the weird undertone in her voice and the look in her eyes, clearing his throat and stepping away from the topic. ''Alright, I have a new lead on Clint that looks promising. I'm leaving right now but wanted to let you know first.'' The poor Colonel had given his entire life up to look for their friend. He was tired and still had to get a good lead.

Katya's head snapped up and away from her shoes, forgetting the exhaustion in her body and brain. ''Where?''

''Sicily,'' Rhodey started carefully, already seeing this might not have been a good idea. Katya wasn't exactly a rational being at the moment. ''A couple mafia members were crudely slaughtered. No rival gang has claimed responsibility, which is weird. And we know he has been in Europe.''

Katya didn't think for a moment and rushed to clean up the mess she had made on the table, putting the book back in the cabinet. ''I'll fly out and meet you there.''

''What?'' Rhodey exclaimed in surprise. ''No, Kat-''

She didn't want to hear any arguments and stalked up to his projected body. ''I need a change of scenery and Natasha could use a break from me. I'll meet you in the port of Catania at eleven AM tomorrow. Don't be late.''

Rhodey's eyes widened when she went for the button to cut him off. ''Wait-''

But he was too late, she had cut the connection and rushed to her room, trying to stay silent to not startle Natasha too much, but also knew she would wake up anyway. 

Katya could just wrap her hand around the strap of a bag, when a sleepy voice came from the bed. ''Babe, what are you doing?'' There was some rustling, probably Natasha sitting up hastily when she saw what was going on. ''Are you leaving?'' Yep, a lot more anxiety.

Ignoring the knot in her stomach at the fear she was bringing her wife, Katya kept throwing clothes into the bag, thinking of everything she needed in Italy. ''Rhodey found a lead, I'm going to help him.''

More rustling, Natasha crawling over to the foot end of the bed. ''He doesn't need your help.''

''I want to help.'' Hat, sunglasses, shoes. ''It will only be for a week or so. You could use a break from me. I'll be back before you know it.''

A strong hand gripped her wrist tightly to keep her in place. ''I don't want you to leave. We promised not to split up again.'' Natasha was somewhere between angry and sad.

The bed dipped when Katya sat down, brushing the wild hair away from Natasha's face to see her eyes better in the dark. ''I'll be okay,'' she reassured her with a bright smile, patting her bare thigh. ''I'm just checking up on a lead with Rhodey, getting some sun in the process. You always say I need to get out more.''

''Don't use my words against me,'' Natasha glared, but it didn't held the intensity it should. She was way too scared to be angry. ''That's not fair.'' Letting Katya go into the city was one thing, but letting her fly across the world for a week was something else entirely. She had developed such a fear of losing her that she wanted to cry at the thought.

''I'll text you when I land.'' She kissed Natasha shortly, smiling what would hopefully be a convincing smile. ''Love you.'' Grabbing her bag, she moved out without looking back, afraid if she'd see the look on the redhead's face, she would crumble and apologize for ever thinking about leaving.

''You come back, Kat!'' Natasha yelled after her, the door falling into the lock. ''You come back,'' she whispered, more a prayer than an order.

Katya allowed herself to feel guilty until she flew above the ocean, putting the Quinjet into auto pilot so she could lean back in her seat and enjoy the stars. Was she even allowed to fly a jet while intoxicated? It wasn't that she was drunk, but she had had a couple glasses of alcohol and was pretty sure this was illegal.

Her phone didn't ring, which wasn't a surprise. Natasha was mad at her and Rhodey too, but both of them knew it was useless to argue. 

After a long flight to the island in the Mediterranean Sea, nobody was waiting for her at the airport. Air traffic had more than halved, so it wasn't difficult to land and get a place to park. 

Like always, it was warm, the sun shining brightly. Pulling the hat further down and pushing the sunglasses on her face, Katya grabbed some weapons from the small supply in the jet and walked out. It was impossible not to feel better the second the sunrays hit her skin. Her clothes were too hot for this weather, but nobody stared at her weirdly.

The taxi driver didn't recognize her and drove to the port quickly, charging way more than necessary for a ten minute drive. A McDonald's behind the port screamed her name, but Katya instead chewed on the nutbar she had found in the jet. She chose a prominent spot on a bench with a view on the water so Rhodey could spot hear easily, the strong wind tugging on her hair.

She wasn't seated for a minute when her phone chimed. Expecting Rhodey, she pulled it out of her pocket, only to be surprised when it wasn't him. It was only 5 AM in Washington D.C..

''Be careful.''

A wide smile formed on her lips as she typed the answer, wishing she could have heard those words in real life. 

''Always.''

Soft footsteps came closer to the bench.

''You look like an idiot, smiling at your phone like that.'' Rhodey arrived at exactly eleven AM, backpack on his shoulder. ''I still think you shouldn't be here,'' he sighed, dropping next to her onto the bench. The port wasn't anything special, but it had some huge container ships and cruise ships that were impressive and exciting to look at.

''Yeah, well, too late.'' The phone went back into her pocket as she stood, impatient to get to work. ''So, where do we start?''

~~~~~~~~

A/N: a bit of a filler chapter? I didn't want to simply jump over these five years and felt there needed to be something happening inbetween. So what is more Katya than making hasty and stupid decisions to look for her friend across the world? Also a bit Rhodey and Katya friendship moment because Rhodey is highly underrated. Two more chapters after this before we dive into Endgame :)