Their first appearance promoting the new album had just ended with the satisfaction of many fans who had been hoping for a comeback after the successfully finished world tour.

Now walking back into the green room, one by one until the last one closed the door, giving out the only sign that told them it was time to fall on the sofas, chairs or even on the floor, to let out the bothersome sighs that had stuck along in their chests from the moment their feet stepped on the venue.

"that was intense" said Yugyeom with a chuckle as he plopped himself down next to the second youngest "my hands are still shaking" he added while checking around for the other's frame of mind.

Just as expected, it took sometime for anyone to be able to respond. It was interesting how even after many years of stages, whether it was in front of 100 or 10000 fans, the same thing they felt on their first ever performance had stuck up with them even up to this point.

"no one did any mistake though, I'm proud of us" JB finally said and they all nodded overwhelmed.

Nervousness or whatever they felt had never ever blinded the effort they put into every single note they sang and every single step they danced, even during their trainee days it was impossible for them to give up the feelings they had been chasing from the moment their dreams were born.

Still it doesn't mean it is an easy job you can find anywhere or can reach because you can sing or dance, or both. It is a job that requires a lot of dedication, even when you get to a point where it gets hard to breathe.

"yo Jackson, you okay?" Mark lifted his back from the sofa to reach for a clean towel folded on the dressing table and handed it to the brown haired resting on the floor.

That year had been a tough year for the 7 guys, especially for Jackson. He had taken a new path and focused on his first album, obviously as well as being with his team in every concert and stage, but mostly working his head off when going from studio to studio not wasting a single moment inside cars to write lyrics, and sacrificing one of the most needed for humans, sleep.

Clearly it had been worth because everyone seemed to like what he had created with his own hands, what he loved doing the most was being liked and he couldn't be more grateful, always feeling too blessed.

"I'm fine" all eyes went on him when he forced his muscles to get him to stand with the help of a nearby chair "I'm perfectly fine" he repeated and slowly patted the white towel over his face and arms to sweep the sweat away.

But the bad thing is that hard work always follows with some disadvantages, and one of the many was physical pain. There's a point at which someone becomes so physically tired, that even sleeping for a whole day wouldn't help much.

"you sure?" the oldest walked to him and carefully taped his shoulder with worry. Not only him, but they all knew it had been a tough and busy year for him, barely spending time at home. He still came to visit from time to time and obviously saw them at times of new album promotions but they knew there was a special person he had been longing to see but wasn't able to for many reasons.

They could sense his desperation and it hurt them to see their brother like that, so they tried to come up with something just a few minutes before the stage, which meant not long ago.

As Mark tried to comfort the exhausted Jackson, he secretly signalled the others to come over with the other hand, and so they quickly did when they realised the start of their small plan.

"yeah, I think you should take a rest, we all know how hard you've been working" Youngjae said with a quick smile.

"go home already, we'll take care of the rest" the leader followed the chain and said his words too, but what they did not expect had just happened.

"I'm sorry guys" Jackson lowered his head and clenched his fists together "I don't even deserve you lot" his eyes got teary.

It never occurred to them that this would end up being so sentimental knowing he barely had these moments to speak his heart out, so they had to quickly come up with something to continue what they started. They all suddenly became awkward and looked and shrugged their shoulders, slightly pushing each other to the front for the next move.

Jackson had started to pick up his head when they desperately searched for someone in between each other with the courage to say something. The moment was getting closer and Bambam couldn't take it anymore so he instinctively pushed Jinyoung harder to the front gaining a quick, voiceless curse in return as he hid behind Youngjae at a safe distance.

"stop talking nonsense and go" Jinyoung was fast to cover his wrath with a big smile, completely changing the atmosphere when he suddenly ran to Jackson's bag and started placing in any of his belongings that appeared in his view "hurry up" he then got behind Jackson's confused self and started pushing him to the closed door.

"what are you doing?" Jackson trying to look back at the rest while Jinyoung actually looked at them resentfully was too funny for the guys not to laugh, except for Bambam who had been too busy thinking about running away through the window to escape what was awaiting him "what's happening?" poor, clueless Jackson all he could do was follow their unplanned plans until he reached the corridor and Jinyoung was just one step from it "what-"

"make sure to rest" he quickly blurted out even before Jackson had the time to ask what was going on.

"thank you guys for this, but if you want me to go I should get changed-"

"just get home quickly" all he saw the next seconds was his bag and coat being thrown out to the floor and the door stomping right before his face.

His eyes blinked and opened back the same way for a few seconds as he tried to understand what had just happened, and bit later shouts and running was heard inside the room, finally making Jackson get the situation, just to make him laugh his lungs out as he imagined what was happening behind the door.

"these guys" he mumbled, picking up his stuff from the floor and with heavy steps made his way through the building as he covered the thin outfit with his favourite gifted, puffy coat, still laughing at his friends' weird being that night.

Even before, he realised that something had been going that made them act strangely. During the pre-recording, during the recording, backstage, they all asked him about how he felt and if he needed anything at all points. It happened at different times, but they all did, and if he questioned why they just ran off not saying anything.

Jackson loves these guys so much but they always manage to make him question their reasoning when doing somethings.

Now that he was reaching the barrier separating the warmth of the inside and the cold from outside, he pulled up the zip of the Fendi layer and moved the bag's handle further up his arm to leave it hanging on his wrist as his hand crawled inside the pocket to get the only thing he had to communicate with her.

But as always, before unlocking it his eyes and hands stopped right on the screen.

Her face had always been just as pretty as the first day he saw her, her eyes twinkling with laughter and her teeth glistening as she smiled. So much time has passed from the last time they saw each other, and all Jackson had left of her were some pictures he never missed a day to go over. Not to mention his old habit (more like a 'have to do' thing) of binge watching all new videos and daily pictures posted by fans before going to sleep.

Soon enough, he unlocked the phone and quickly got the number on the screen as he tried to stop the 'about to burst excitement'.

After his long days of enormous hard work; from signing albums, to singing, to dancing, and all the way to reading those hurtful comments that coldly stab his never assumed delicate heart, there's only her that can soothe the pain, one person who saved him from falling deep down.

He pressed the call button in one go and made his way to the car, skipping up and down to release the energy, completely forgetting he could barely walk a few moments ago. His feet were quick to reach before anyone answered, so he took the time to throw the bag inside the boot and redirect his feet inside the driver's seat. Then the moment he sat on his place, all that could be seen was a mushroom with one hand on the steering wheel and a foolish smile stuck on his lips as the other hand tightly held the phone next to his ear, in the dark.

The phone's beeps seemed endlessly long and what were seconds in reality felt like minutes to him. His endurance was really at the edge of collapsing and that faint thought he had to change the GPS' destination to the new dorm situated on the other side of the city was slowly becoming a possibility, but finally after impatient seconds the constant sound stopped and what had been a dark and cold car suddenly filled up with brightness and warmth as soon as her voice was heard.

"sorry I took long, I was in the shower" Jackson's ears engulfed with her delicate voice.

"it's fine Noona" everyday, at the same time he had this same feeling knocking hard in his chest. The feeling that made him realise what she was for him, his renaissance to a new level of loving someone.

It's true his eagerness to see her was just getting him crazier, but he found out it was worth taking the pain sooner than later so maybe in a few years they would be able to be together again, close and happier

"how was your day off?" he was also usually the first one to start their daily talk, never to complain about his things but always to listen to her voice as much as possible.

"it was a bit weird to be alone" the little giggle that followed next punched Jackson's heart in the most cruel way "but it was good to let me catch up with some stuff" she added, leaving him begging for his heart to stop trying to jump away.

"I'm glad it was good" even his husky voice turned to the warmest and best one to listen to out of all.

More than once it has happened when he had no other choice but to talk with her in the presence of the guys or even his managers, and they have to always tease him about the 'soft' way he speaks to her, which they argue it does not go well with his appearance. It isn't like he changes his complete self and only shows the 'boyfriend material' qualities he possess, which are many, but he just wants to change for good and end his hated habits of himself just in case destiny decides to give him what he hopes for in the future.

"so what did you do?" he shifted to a more comfortable position on his seat and listened carefully.

"oh details, I see how it is" she chuckled.

"I just wanna know what you did" he mumbled back with the same expressions he would have if she was sitting next to him.

"I know, but you sometimes assume different things" he gasped and held his chest.

"because I don't trust those guys. It's not like I was saying you did something, what I was saying was that those filthy rats could do anything..." he sat straight on the seat and clenched the seat belt tightly just for thinking about this past incident.

"work is work Jackson, I can't do anything about it and you know I never accept things without asking for your opinion" she pointed out, giving him reasons to sink back on the chair.

"I know..." his lips naturally went for a pout as his voice became smaller with every word "I just can't believe other people get to see you more than me" in the inside he was always annoyed from watching clips about these random comedians being able to breathe the same air as her and not appreciating the rare opportunity as much as they should.

"I want to see you too" and now he was going to feel bad for the rest of the week. He shouldn't have said that at all, knowing his sentimental side always takes over at the slightest mention of this.

"I'm the one to blame, I suck at this" a bitter smile ran from his mouth as he buried himself further down on the seat.

He had been focusing on work quite a lot lately. Travelling from place to place, even the plan they had for their anniversary celebration in the romantic city had to be suspended for it. She ended up going alone, and even though Jackson didn't believe her, she did not blame him once, the thought never crossed her mind, not even once.

"let's not blame anyone" her wise brain worked out that whatever they did or said would have no effect on the fact that the first one they blame was themselves before anyone else, so she decided to stop it before it got to the point where turning back was not an option.

"...okay" he still believed what he believed but his obedience got him to stop talking it out loud and only give a sullen pout instead.

"I know you are pouting right now, stop it" it was always easy for her to guess what he was doing and it always flustered Jackson just as much as the first time it happened.

"n-no" he unintentionally raised his voice when trying to sound confident, just to confirm her about it even more "I'm just focused on the road while driving back home" he continued on telling but this time he hurriedly dropped the phone on his tights after pressing the speaker option and quickly turned on the engine while securing the seat belt at the speed of light.

"sure, sure" she laughed out loud.

"what? I'm actually driving" he said while twisting the keys to start the engine and quickly checking the phone for her response.

"I heard the keys" she stiffened her voice and he finally gave up.

"okay yeah, you got me Sherlock" he chuckled "like always" now she laughed at him for pointing out her impeccable inference skills.

"anywayyy... what about you, how was your day?" Jackson's smile slowly drifted away, turning serious on his words.

He had to be honest with himself and accept the fact that he had been having rough days, well weeks, maybe even months "I'm here for you" all the tips she had given him to overcome these feelings helped a lot, but it still wasn't as if she could come to him any second and keep him in her embrace until everything faded.

He also didn't like talking much about this with her, but the fondness they shared and the understanding they had of each other couldn't even allow him to lie.

"I guess...hard" as much as he wanted to hide it he couldn't.

"I'm sorry for not being there" the words had been stolen from Jackson's mouth. He never saw the reason for her to apologise. He always thought work had taken away parts of his life, and one of these was losing the touch of her skin.

It killed him knowing there was nothing in his power that would make them see each other more often. His chest ached at the thought of the last time he was able to fill his nose with her scent, and he knew no one would ever be able to replace her, that's why the conclusion he reached was that if he suffered now, maybe later he would be able to give 1000% of him to her, and probably more.

"Noona..." he called out as his breath became heavier.

"what's wrong?" a small smile curved up her mouth as she carefully listened to his words.

Silence took over him for a bit but knowing she is listening, made him get everything out.

"I miss you" his voice trembled through his lips "I miss you so much" his shoulders quickly rised to wipe his eyes, never taking his hands off the steering wheel just like she always tells him "I need one of your hugs so badly" he bit his bottom lip and continued wiping his eyes as his eyebrows raised and dropped from sniffing the runny nose back to its place.

"Jackson..." she called, making him come into the realisation of his state.

"I'm sorry I don't know what got into me" he sat straight on the seat again and quickly wiped his eyes one last time before letting out an embarrassed laugh.

"Jackson let me-"

"it's late already, you should go to sleep" he blinked the last tears away and half smiled as he spotted a free space on the apartments' parking "oh and Noona, don't go out alone, the streets are dangerous at night" when he found a chance, he parked the car and took the phone into his hands "good night Noona" the screen turned on so hurried to hang up before hearing her voice made him regret things again.

The ache returned to him as silence echoed inside the car. The phone he had once held excitedly, slowly slid down onto his thighs to let his hand grasp the left side of his coat for the self support he had learned.

He chewed on his bottom lip as more tears threatened to fall out. There was so much inside his heart that there was no way it wouldn't pour out at any moment, it was too full for him to be able to control it anymore.

Really, the only thing he wants is to fall in her arms and have the nice sleep he had been imagining for months.

His sobs got louder and his face fell forward ashamed of himself. He knows there are so many people who are at a worse situations than his, that he was the only one being affected by it, so why did it hurt so much?

How many more times is he going to have to go through this alone?

---

The saddened person sitting inside the car opened the door and dragged himself to the boot to get the now heavy bag.

He felt like he was carrying thousands of bricks on his back and all he hoped was to get to the temporary house and just throw himself into a cold shower until everything felt numb.

His heavy feet made their way up the now tall stairs as his head hanged down from the neck. All his senses had turned neutral. At least the pain did too.

But as he went further up, a sudden distinctive smell woke him up a little. His stomach growled and twisted the more he took in the smell and it was seriously making him suffer a whole lot, until he finally remembered about what he had eaten that day, nothing.

Not able to take it anymore, he clenched his fists together and finished what he had left with a run and a loud shout that had probably woken up all the sleeping neighbours.

By the time he got to the top, his whole body was exhausted and begging him to stop his loose mind for a bit of oxygen.

"what was that about?" at first he thought his ears had started to hear things but the more he tried to poke them, the more an extra breath banged inside his head. His head slowly rised to its normal position and the moment his eyes looked forward he dropped the bag on the floor and harshly rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

"Noon-"

"what took you so long, the pizza is cold now" she tilted her head to the side and pointed at a box covered with a bag resting on the floor.

Out of disbelieve, Jackson paused all the questions thrown at his brain asking if he had gone crazy and instead switched to the easiest way to find out. Without any doubt, he poked out his index finger and thumb and quickly pinched his right cheek without any mercy.

"Jackson?! what are you doing???" her hand reached up next to his cheek and covered it with care "it's all red now" he really wasn't believing any of this. How was it possible that she had gotten here so fast? Jackson thought and thought but the only conclusion he came up with, was that she lied to him.

Before he even realised his hand was already resting on top of hers and holding it tightly when realisation hit him.

"why are you so quiet, I thought you would like the surprise-" he didn't waste another single second to rush over to the smaller figure standing in front and wrapped his arms around her without hesitation.

"it really is you" his eyes widened after his brain recognised the scent and height one more time and then responded to it with tears.

His arms wrapped twice around her shoulders with the intention of not letting go, head on head to get the feeling all over his body. Her arms barely reaching each other as they surrounded his back, ending up grasping on the coat to keep them on that fixed position.

"I got your favourite pizza" a mumble was heard under the pushed up scarf covering her face.

"four cheese?" with tears still rolling down his cheeks, he slightly pulled away to have both their eyes a few spams away from one another.

"obviously"

Jackson cracked up remembering about the amount of times she had to stick to his preferences when they first started dating, only eating his favourites because he could not realise she was too shy to tell him what she wanted.

"what's so funny?" she asked smiling at his contagious laugh.

"nothing, it's just that I remembered how awesome you are" he said wiping away the runny tears, but still making it sound like his most sincere self.

"I know" she squinted her eyes with a little nod as they both chuckled at her confidence suddenly popping out.

After they both calmed down from the laughing session, the place naturally seemed to become warmer as their stares dived into each other's eyes, even the cold they had been feeling was irrelevant at that point.

So if it would be okay, if it's what you want too, just wrap these arms around me every chance the universe is kind enough to give us, I'll be happy...

even when the only thing you'll get me for the rest of my life is four cheese pizza.

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sequel?