S2

- Chapter 21 -
If U Were Mine

I sit in the backseat of the car service looking out of the window as we drive through Los Angeles, California. At first I wasn't going to come with Desdemona when she extended the invite, but it seemed like the best thing to do. It's only a week, but I was too paranoid in New York to stay there. It didn't matter that Apollo found everyone that participated in my attack and had them dealt with. It didn't matter that we killed Lil Buddha and Kim. Something still wasn't sitting well with everything that's been happening in my life lately.

After a six hour flight in first class and landing at LAX, we were here. I look over at Desdemona who's busy talking on the phone. I was going to use this week not only to get some work done, but relax. There had been so much shit going on back to back that I haven't had the time to just sit down and breathe for a second. I was slowly losing my mind and it wasn't even close to being over. I still had the Kohh situation weighing heavy on my mind.

I know that I can't avoid the situation because Apollo was convinced he was involved in all the bullshit. When Apollo has made up his mind there's no changing it. If I don't handle it, he will. I much rather handle it myself because Kohh is my friend. I not only brought him to America, but into this world...our world. I was trying to convince myself that he would never turn on me, but you can't trust everyone. Maybe I made a mistake thinking I could trust someone. My biggest downfall is being a trusting person. It's in part because I pride myself on being trustworthy, so I figure everyone is when I know they're not.

My brothers would say the only solution is violence and to kill him the next time I see Kohh on the spot. I needed to talk to Kohh first before just making a move. You can always point a snake out by the way they slither. If Kohh wronged me, I'll be able to tell by changes in his movement and behavior. Actions scream louder than words, right?

When I see Desdemona is finally off of the phone I ask her, "Why exactly are you coming out here again?"

"I have some meetings with Shoedazzle. I'm their new celebrity endorser, so I'm working on a shoe collection with them. I also have the photo-shoot for the campaign." I saw on one of those gossip pages on Instagram that Shoedazzle decided to replace Hazel E with Desdemona after her colorist and homophobic comments. I don't know how true that is, but hey..

"Always working." Desdemona worked with so many companies it was almost unreal. And I know they're paying her a pretty penny just for her face and name. She was a walking advertisement. It's like your company is guaranteed to sell and make a profit if you involve her. She was a safe choice. Desdemona isn't problematic like some celebrities. She's never in the blogs for saying or doing anything negative. No bad press. That's the type of shit I was trying to be on.

"That's the way its gotta be. You have to get this money somehow and someway. Anyhow, anyway."

"Facts. You ain't lyin' about that. You have a meeting today?"

"Yeah, but I think they're just going to show me around the office and talk basics. Not actual work. I guess when I'm done me and you can hang out..go out on the town before the real work starts."

"Dats coo. I'm supposed to be meeting up with Jordy, but other than that I'm not doing anything." I haven't been to California in a minute. When I needed a break from New York I either went to Miami, Florida or Cali.

"Oh, Jordy. How is she?"

"Good," I say shrugging a little. I hadn't talked to or seen Jordy in a good while nor has Ares brought her up since he revealed she's pregnant. Honestly, I didn't even know if she's still pregnant. I didn't know if she got an abortion or kept it. I didn't even know if Ares was still with her. It wasn't my business, but she saw from my social media that I was coming to Cali and asked if we could meet up. When Jordy wasn't traveling for work, she spent most of her time here in California where she's originally from. Her and Ares' relationship was long distance and to me it never had a chance at working. Not with a habitual cheater like Ares.

"Actually can you relay a message to her... I'm looking to buy my first house and I need some help. I need a real estate agent, so maybe I can utilize her services or she can put me in contact with someone else in the New York, New Jersey area.

"I can do that," I say looking out of the window once again. The sound of typing catches my attention making me look over at Desdemona. Her fingers are moving fast on her touch screen as she types away making me notice the gleam of a ring on her right hand.

"You're actually wearing it," I comment as I look at the ring I gave her. This was the first time I was noticing it.

"Huh?" She says too engulfed with her phone. "Oh," she says realizing what I'm talking about as she looks at her finger. "Why wouldn't I? I designed it, so it's a given I think it looks good. You have good taste. It's too expensive not to wear. It was either give it back to you or wear it. I almost gave it back.."

"And why would you do that?"

"Because it's a $50,000 ring from a man I've had 'dealings' with when I'm in a relationship." I chuckle at the awkwardness and whisper that invaded her voice when she said dealings. "It's borderline disrespectful to my man to accept it. Only a man who wants something gives this type of gift to a woman."

I chuckle again as she looks at me. "If you think it's disrespectful why you wearing it then?" Before she can answer I answer for her. "Because you don't have respect for your 'man' to begin with. It's already starting. You make more money than him and you have a better career than him. You don't respect him..at all. If you did he would be on this trip and not me. If you did, a lot of things would've been stopped. And to clarify, I don't want anything for giving you that ring. I already got it. I've had it. The ring was just a nice gesture."

She blinks then puts her phone in her lap shaking her head. "I knew I shouldn't have taken it," she says about to pull the ring off of her finger.

"Take that fucking ring off and I take back us being friends again."

She stops then looks at me dumbfounded. "Wow! That's what we're doing now?"

"Yeah, we are. You do shit "as a friend" and I understand that. I do something as a friend to show that I'm grateful for everything you've done for me and suddenly I just want something from you. I don't know if it's obvious or not...but me wanting anything like that from you sailed off into the distance never to return the night you told me what's up. We're business partners trying to rebuild a friendship. Don't fuck that up tryna be bold over a nigga you've barely been in a relationship with."

"And that's why I should give the ring back." I watch her take it off and extend it to me. I just shake my head and look out of the window.

"Put it back on your finger."

"Just take it, Draco. You can give it to someone else. A future girlfriend. Saweetie." I could tell the last part slipped out making me look at her. When I look at her she quickly looks away pretending she's been looking out of her window.

"Why you say that?" I ask furrowing my eyebrows.

"I just saw the stuff on the gossip sites like everyone else. You know it looks bad.. Not only is she your artist, but Saanvi just died."

"Now you know damn well better than anybody half the shit on gossip pages ain't true. Don't come at me with that bullshit. I ain't fucking with Diamanté. They see two people of the opposite sex together and they assume you gotta be fucking." Never have I had eyes on me as much as I have since Saanvi died. It's bad enough I'm out here doing shit I don't have any business doing, but now I have to worry about people watching me that aren't the Feds. Ever since Saanvi died the public has been waiting for me to do something they can get a headline out of.

Last week it was: Deceased models boyfriend moves on already just weeks after her death. They somehow gathered all of that from me leaving Starbucks with Saweetie. This is exactly why I didn't want to be public with Saanvi. Now I was known as her boyfriend as if I don't have a name. Now I can't live my life because they expect me to be wallowing in sorrow over her death like a widowed husband when I wasn't in love with her.. When our relationship wasn't real to begin with.

Will I admit that I've been hanging out with Saweetie a little more than my other artist? Yeah, but her and I just vibe. We've been cool for years and that wasn't going to change just because I'm technically her boss. There were times Diamanté has made some comments that made me raise my eyebrow, but we've always had a flirtatious, fun friendship. It was nothing new. We're both young, single, and attractive so it's a given. That doesn't mean the line will ever be crossed.

"Regardless if it's true or not..perception becomes reality. People will believe anything put on the internet. That's the generation we live in. There are so many people labeled rapists, colorist, abusive, sexist, homophobic, racist, hoes, and more because of things posted by these blogs that people run with. People you've never met swear they know your whole life story. I'm the rich, pretty girl who only succeeded because of my Daddy and looks. If you ask them I'm a rehabilitated, refined video hoe who turned my life around for the better. Now you'll be known as the asshole who moved on too quickly after your girlfriend's death. We know it's not true, but they don't. Just watch how you move out here."

"I see that," I say shaking my head. When I had this bright idea of starting my record label and clothing line I didn't think about that aspect. You never see record label execs or clothing designers in the tabloids like that. They're more behind the scenes in the shadows. It's usually the actors, singers, and rappers. The people signed to the label and wearing the clothes, not the other way around. I thought I could still be lowkey doing this. I thought wrong.

Not too longer later my phone was ringing and I could see Yūki was calling me. I take a deep sigh contemplating on ignoring it. I had been avoiding him lately just so when Apollo asked if I had seen or spoken to him, I could say no. I decide to answer saying, "Wassup, Kohh?"

"Nothing. I was just calling to ask how long you plan on keeping the nail salon closed? I'm bored as hell. Shit, so bored I wanna be working." After the robbery I decided just to close it for a little while. I lost a lot of money and I was losing more money by it being closed, but I needed to be cautious. It's a drug front and a lot of money goes in and out of that place. That's how I clean my money for legal purposes like taxes and shit. I don't need it getting robbed again for more money even if Kim and her boyfriend were killed. And if Kohh really was in on it, more money could be potentially taken.

"Probably another week or so. I'm in L.A. and when I get back we'll open again. Until then everybody gets a little vacation. Gotta let things cool down."

"Aiight, I understand. I'll let all the employees know. Have you talked to Kimmy though? I can't get in contact with her. She ain't answering my calls or texts."

I look out of the window and all I can see is her dead body tied to a chair after Apollo killed her. It's like I know she did me dirty, but to me killing someone wasn't the answer. I just had a different thought process from other people in this life. One different from my brothers. I look over at Desdemona who is too engulfed in her phone, but I still had to watch my words. "I had to fire her.." I say slightly lying.

"Damn," is all Kohh says. I was expecting him to ask why, but it was like he already knew why and didn't need to ask. "You good though? I can't believe some mutha fuckas jumped you. They gettin' bold out here. Were they taken care of?"

"Most of them," I say vaguely. Kohh was the only one left to be dealt with. If he had anything to do with my attack and the robbery, it was a done deal for him. That's what Apollo was told, but apart of me just couldn't believe it at all. Apart of me didn't want to either. "I'm good though. I always shake back. I'ma hit you later though," I say before hanging up.

We finally pull up to the W hotel in Hollywood getting out of the car when it pulls up to the entrance. The driver pops the trunk and helps me get all of the luggage out of the trunk. I only had one small suitcase and a backpack for the entire week, while Desdemona had about three and a duffel bag. It was ridiculous, but most women seem to over-pack whenever they go on trips no matter how long it is.

I put all of the bags on a baggage cart then we go inside with Desdemona leading the way to the front desk of the hotel. The employee working the desk asks how she can help us making Desdemona say, "I'm here to check in under Desdemona Garnet. Two rooms paid for by Shoedazzle."

"Yes, we've been expecting you," the young, White girl with auburn hair says as she types something into the computer. I just stand there watching.

"So, they paid for everything?" I ask when the employee walks off leaving us alone.

"Yeah, pretty much. Hotel, the plane tickets, transportation. All I had to do was tell them the extra room and ticket was for my assistant knowing I don't even have one anymore."

"You still haven't hired anyone after firing that other girl?" I ask.

She shrugs replying, "Nope. Can't find one I really like, so I've been using temps."

"What about your office? When will the repairs and renovations be done?" The one thing I felt bad about was Desdemona being dragged into my bullshit. Me and Chaos have an understanding now, so it won't be happening again, but it still happened.

With Mr. Ambani and Saanvi out of the picture I thought I would at least have some calmness in my life. I know Sanjay being in hiding won't last forever, so I wanted to take advantage of this time. The way I saw it, I could believe that Sanjay had me robbed and attacked before I believed it was Kohh, Kim, and her boyfriend.

"They said a week, but they said that last week. You know how construction people stay lying. I still have to have an interior decorator come in too." She sighs when the hotel employee comes back with some papers for her to sign. She gives the room keys to Desdemona and as we're walking away from the desk and I pull the luggage cart she hands the one for my room to me.

"On Wednesday, I set up some meetings with a couple of stores who are interested in buying your clothes to sell in their stores. I got in contact with some of the best streetwear retailers in L.A. for Hood Rich Attire. 424, Union, H. Lorenzo, and some other places."

"That's what's up. I've shopped at some of those."

"Yeah, if you sell in those stores you're guaranteed to branch out far. Have you been looking for models?" She asks as we stop in front of the elevators.

As she pushes the up button and we wait I answer her question by saying, "Yeah. Honestly, all I had to do was make a couple of phone calls. I know some people who model from when I had my short stint in modeling when I was younger. Sent a couple of DM's too. I'm also gonna give some new people a chance. I just have a vision and know how I want my clothing lines to come across. I think the world has seen enough tall, pale, and stick-thin models. I'm not for perpetuating unrealistic or European beauty standards." When I look down to see Desdemona smiling at me, I ask, "What?"

"Nothing. I just think that's great! It's great that you genuinely feel that way instead of having to be told that. A lot of designers try to act like they're all inclusive just so they can sell and make money."

"Naw, my Granny taught me better than that." It gets quiet as I watch the light indicating what floor the elevator is on get lower and lower.

"Have you ever thought about moving out of New York?" Desdemona asks randomly.

I shrug. "Not really. I have houses in other states and I stay there for months on end, but I always go back. That's home, ya know. That's where my people at. Why?"

"Just asking. I don't know. I've been in New York for almost ten years now. I've pretty much established myself there as much as I can. I've thought about starting a headquarters for Love, Garnet here in L.A., but I don't know."

I rub my chin hair then say, "It's not a bad idea. There's a lot of celebrities in L.A."

"True, but I've never really felt the need to get an office in L.A. because people more so come to New York City for business. People usually come to New York for meetings and press runs, so I just wait for them to come to me. If I do expand I have to be prepared to hire a whole new team on the west coast and also going back and forth between both places. I'm kind of comfortable in New York."

"I don't know. My Granny always told me if you're comfortable, you're complacent. If you're comfortable that means you're not doing enough. Comfy and cozy is just anotha word for lazy if you ask me," I say shrugging a little.

"When you put it that way..." She starts. The elevator doors open then an older couple steps off off. Desdemona steps in then I push the luggage cart in first before walking in. I lean against the elevator wall as Desdemona pushes the button for the right floor making the door close. As soon as the elevator doors close I stare at Desdemona waiting on her dramatic show. Like always she grips onto the rail tightly while shutting her eyes just as tight. This shit would never get old to me as I laugh.

"Bruh, you too fuckin' grown. Get it together."

She opens one eye trying to glare at me as best as she can. "I'm dramatic, but at any minute this elevator can get stuck or break making us fall to our death."

"And what is doing all that gonna do?" I say pointing at her hand that's so tightly wrapped around the rail it's turning red. "You still gonna be stuck or dead," I say laughing to myself. From her face I could tell she knew I was right, but all she did was roll her eyes.

"Whatever," is all she can say going back to holding on for dear life as the elevator went up. When we get to the right floor we both get off going down the hall towards our rooms. "These are the rooms," Desdemona says stopping in front of a room door. Our rooms were across the hall from one another. Once Desdemona gets the door to her hotel room open I help her take all these damn suitcases she brought into her room. "Thank you," she says when I sit the last one on the floor.

"What time is it?" I say out loud while at the same time looking at the watch on my wrist for the time. "After one. I'ma take a nap before I have to meet up with Jordan."

"I need to be getting ready for this meeting."

"What time are you going to be back?" I ask.

"I have no idea. I'll call you when I'm done or get back, I guess."

"Aiight, if you need me I'll be across the hall," I say starting for the door. I look back at her and she starts chuckling. "What?"

"Nothing," she says shaking her head.

"Aiight, weirdo. I'll see you later." She waves at me giving me this weird face. I shrug it off leaving her hotel room closing the door behind me. I go over to the door of my room unlocking it with the key card. I push the door open grabbing my bag going in. It was just a simple room with a nice size bed, a desk, a flat screen tv, and a mini-fridge. I sit my Louis Vuitton duffel bag on the bed turning on lamps and opening the blinds for more light.

I sit on the bed thinking about when Desdemona asked me if I ever thought about moving out of New York City. I have and I've even tried, but I always go back. There was something about it that drew me there. It didn't matter how much crazy shit I went through, it was still home. It was the only place I had family even if it wasn't much. It was the place that made me feel on top of the world because I got so much respect. There would never be a place like my hood. At the same time I know staying in Brooklyn or New York as a whole might be my downfall. It's a big city, but at the same time it's so small when it seems like everyone is out to get you.

...

Taking an Uber I get to the restaurant Jordy and I are supposed to be meeting at. When the car stops in front of the entrance I get out. I pull my t-shirt down making sure I have my phone and wallet then close the door of the car behind me. I was glad to be in a warm place because that New York winter was kicking my ass. When I look up I see Jordan is walking on the sidewalk towards the restaurant.

"Jordan!" I yell her name making strides in her direction. She turns towards me then stops, so I can catch up. The first thing I was looking to see is if she had a belly. I couldn't really tell though because of her choice in outfit. "Wassup," I say hugging her once I reach her. She gives me a reluctant smile with a sheepish hey letting me know she wasn't too happy. When she asked to meet up and talk I knew it had to be something important or serious. I also knew it has to do with Ares because that's the only time she wants to talk to me alone because she knows he's the closest to me out of our brothers.

We go into the restaurant being seated at a booth. We already ordered drinks and we were both now looking over the menu in silence. I noticed she didn't order an alcoholic drink like she always does. It was a hint that she could still be pregnant. Jordan didn't take me as the type to get an abortion anyway, but you never know depending on the circumstances.

"You good?" I ask sitting my menu down on the table after deciding what I want to eat. "You're being unusually quiet. What did Ares do? Cause I know he did somethin' if you wanted to meet up."

"You haven't talked to him?" She asks still focused on her menu.

"Lately? Naw, it's just been dap and keep it movin' lately. I've been busy. Why?"

"He broke up with me." When she looks up I can see the pain in her eyes. I immediately felt bad even though I've been the one telling him to go ahead and end it already. "Over the damn phone at that. On Facetime. He didn't even have enough respect for me to do it in person."

"Damn," is all I could say. Then again that's what all niggas say when they don't care or have nothing else to say. "Did he say why?"

"He said I work and travel too much. That the long distance isn't working." She sighs then pauses before saying, "I'm pregnant. Like seriously? He waits until I get pregnant by him to end it. Now I have to go through a pregnancy alone and be a single mother at the end of it. I at least thought we would be together. I already felt a way about getting pregnant before being married. I just want to know why...Why now?"

"Maybe he's just scared," I offer as a reason when I know that's not it. Ares seemed to be okay with the fact he's going to be a father when talking to me. "He'st still young. Dude ain't even 21 yet. The idea of a family and commitment prolly got him scared shitless. And let's be honest here.. I'm not blaming you, but he has a point. You're always out of state and the country working. You live here in L.A. and he lives in New York. No relationship is going to work like that."

"Then you tell him that. I already have my life and business established here. Why should I move? He should move out here. He lives with your grandmother for God's sake. It's time for him to be a grown ass man and move out on his own. He has the money. I don't know how because he doesn't really work. I know there's no way he's making as much money as he does by being part owner of a check cashing and loan agency. I don't believe it, but I don't ask questions."

I say nothing at that. From the beginning we knew we wouldn't tell Jordan what we had going on like we did Rhea or Athena. "I just think maybe it's for the better you two aren't together. At this point you just have to co-parent when the baby comes. I know my brother and he's going to be in the baby's life. At least he's not just staying with you because you're having his child."

"You don't get it, Draco. He had me out here looking so stupid! Everybody wondering why I'm with him because he dropped out of college and didn't end up going to the NBA. Me not having an answer to what he does or how he makes money. Him being younger than me. Putting houses in my name for him when I didn't know what the houses were for. He was probably fucking other bitches in them. Hearing he's messing with this and that chick. I stayed with him despite it all because I loved him."

I do feel bad for Jordan, I do. But when you play the fool, you get played like one. Jordan allowed herself to be used. Jordan was one of those girls who would take you back no matter what you did after playing fake mad. An apology later Ares was back in her good graces. She was the type to let you run all over her. She was weak, but that's exactly what Ares was looking for. A pretty girl with money and no backbone.

The part that made me feel bad was that this had went on for years and now a child was the result of it. I also felt bad because I played a part in it. I knew Ares was using her and I took advantage of her as well. It was my idea to have her get houses in her name for us. Back then we didn't have credit so we couldn't get approved for houses, but we needed houses in different locations. Jordan was a real estate agent with good credit and wealthy because she has rich parents. She bought and put several houses in her name while we gave her the money.

Thinking about it, that was so wrong. Imagine if we would've gotten caught. She would've gotten in trouble too because the houses were in her name seeing as we stored drugs, money, and weapons in them.

The waiter comes to our table taking our orders then leaving. It's quiet then I ask, "So how far along are you?"

"Almost 2 months. 7 weeks," she says smiling a little for the first time. I took that as she was at least happy to be pregnant. At the end of the day, a child is a blessing no matter how it comes.

"Have you told anyone?"

She sighs. "Not yet. I'm kinda scared to. My family...their just so traditional. They'll have something to say about me having a baby out of wedlock. Then they'll bring up my career. And of course they'll have something to say about me having a baby with Ares."

"Do they not like Ares?"

"I don't think it's that they don't like him, they just don't get him. They were all for him when he was the star basketball player in college. Once he got injured then dropped out it changed. It changed even more when they realized he didn't want to play basketball at all because they thought he would still try to go to the NBA or play overseas. My family just sees dollar signs. They just didn't want me to be with anyone that's 'not on my level.' I don't care about that stuff. I have my own money. I loved him, but I'm starting to think he never loved me..."

...

After eating with Jordan we went our separate ways. I called Ares to see what was up with him, but he didn't answer. That was surprising because he's the one person who always answers my calls. I walk down the hallway of the hotel getting to my room door. I pull the room key out of my pocket and use it to unlock the door. Once I get it open I walk in hearing that the tv is on making me furrow my eyebrows. I swore I turned it off before I left. I hit the light switch by the door to turn the lights on when I hear, "You're back."

I scrunch my face up taking steps further into the room to see Desdemona laying in my bed holding her phone...

"What are you doing in my room? Better yet, how did you get in my room?"

"They always give you two room keys and I kept the extra one...Ya know, for emergency purposes."

"Emergency purposes, huh? You look mighty comfy in my damn room. Under the covers, AC blasting, the tv on, on your phone, got ya laptop. Last time I checked you had your own hotel room. One that's bigger and nicer than mine."

"You sound real salty right now. I was waiting for you to get back, so we can go out."

"Well, then get up so we can go. Where are we going?"

"I changed my mind. I'm tired from the flight and my meeting. We can just hang out in here."

"When I think of tired I think of sleep. How bout you go to your room and go to sleep and I'll do the same in here."

"Why can't we hang out?" She asks sitting up in the bed.

"In a hotel room? I don't think so. Ja-broke-boy might not like that." It probably seems like I'm jealous that she's with this Jacobi guy, but I'm not. I simply just don't like him.

"Can you stop with the rude names. You know his name is Jacobi. What's wrong with us just chilling? We can order some room service and watch movies. I don't want to go out, but I still want to hang out."

"That means we have to lay in the same bed. That's not a good idea."

"Why are you being so weird? Just friends, remember? So act like it. Come on," she says sitting against the headboard and patting the empty side of the bed. "I'm going to order some room service. You want anything?" She asks nonchalantly grabbing the room service menu that's in the nightstand drawer.

She looks at me waiting for my answer as I groan. "Naw, I just ate. Why can't you do that in your room..alone?"

She makes a stank face asking, "Why do you want me out of your room so bad? You must be having some girl coming or something."

"No, I just don't think we need to be in a hotel room alone. You were screaming about what's disrespectful to this so-called relationship you're in. I think this is along the lines of that. You can't pick and choose what's disrespectful and what isn't."

"Okay, I think giving a woman you slept with a $50,000 ring knowing she's in a relationship is a little disrespectful. But you said it was just a gift as a friend," she says raising her hands up in defense. "Yes, we've crossed some boundaries on the friendship, business line, but I think we can hang out. We're just chilling. You're on one side, I'm on the other. Not too long ago you begged me to sleep in the same bed as you because you were scared–"

"I wasn't scared," I say cutting her off.

"Well, whatever. Now you're acting like it's so different."

"It is different cause you basically said I'm being disrespectful to your relationship, so I'm making sure you can never say that again."

"I didn't say that."

"Basically. Call Jacobi right now and ask him if he's okay with us laying up in the same bed watching movies. Netflix and chill, type shit. See what he says then.."

"I'm not calling him and asking him permission. I'm a grown woman."

"Because he'll say you done lost your fucking mind that's why."

"I know what it is. You know what it is. It's called trust. Now back to my initial question... Do you want anything from room service because I'm about to order. You're offer is going once, going twice.."

"I said I just ate," I say turning around walking towards the bathroom. I didn't feel like arguing anymore because she was set on staying.

"Where are you going?"

"To use the bathroom."

"Alright. When my food gets here don't try and pick off of my plate," she yells behind me as I step into the bathroom. All I could do was shake my head.

Six shots and a glass of wine from the minibar later I was a bit tipsy as I laid in Draco's bed. I knew the alcohol had taken effect when I started giggling for no reason at everything. Some movie I've never seen called The Wood played on the tv as I stared at the screen chuckling. I was still coherent, but I had that dazed feeling. Draco had stepped out onto the balcony to smoke weed leaving me alone to entertain myself.

It's past midnight and I know I have a meeting tomorrow, but I was determined to have that floaty, light, and everything nice feeling I get when I'm off the liquor. In reality I needed to be taking a shower, putting my pajamas on, taking my makeup off, and getting in bed.

I have a tendency of drinking when I'm abnormally stressed out as if it will make my problems go away. Although I love working and making money, it was starting to take a toll on me. I had the guilt of what happened between Draco and I weighing on my mind. It would be there until he got his results back and they said negative. Us even having a friendship before it was determined whether or not he contracted the disease was a surprise.

Throw in my family drama and I was internally a mess. I've had several conversations with my mother after the news of my father having a love child broke and I seemed to be more upset than my mother. She was constantly saying it was fine and that her and my father are working it out. She said they are even going to counseling, but if you ask me they needed it a long time ago and were way past that. In my eyes, it's my mother's time to just leave.

Would she though? No because she signed a pre-nuptial agreement. I always wondered why because my father wasn't rich when she met him. Maybe he just knew he would become something. If my mother was smart she would've asked for an infidelity clause in the agreement before signing it. That way if he cheats, which he did, she can divorce him and still get some money.

Christmas was also closely approaching. That meant I would be meeting my newfound little brother, Lennox, soon. That made me nervous in it self. What if he doesn't like us and doesn't want to come around again?

When Draco comes back in from the balcony I zone back in looking at him. I just stare at him. I couldn't lie, he looked good as hell even with just a white t-shirt and track pants on. It was probably the fresh haircut. That can always make a man look brand new. When I smell the strong scent of weed trailing behind him I stop staring at him and look back at the tv screen.

"I heard you out there laughing your ass off. Is the movie that damn funny to you?" He asks sitting on the end of the bed.

"Yeah, this movie is funny," I comment. I was trying to act as normal as possible, so he didn't know I had been drinking the whole time he was gone.

"I can't believe you've never seen this movie. I'm really starting to wonder if you are Black. You can't tell a Biggie song when it comes on and you haven't seen some of the biggest films in nigga history."

"I told you that's not what I grew up on. My parents didn't let me watch that kind of stuff."

"You can only use that excuse for so long. You grown as hell now. You should've been watched it." I just shrug blinking my eyes slowly. I stare at the tv screen trying to focus, but my eyes felt heavy. When I start laughing Draco turns around looking at me. I can see his eyes are red, so I know he's high. "You good?" He asks still staring at me.

"Y-yeah, I'm good. Are you good?" I ask pointing at him.

"I'm straight. You the one laughing for no apparent reason."

"I'm chilling."

"Have you been drinking?" He asks narrowing his narrowing his already low eyes at me.

"No!" I say stretching my neck back acting offended. "Why are you asking me that? Are you high, Mr. Marijuana smoker?!"

He laughs a little shaking his head. "I'm high as hell. I don't gotta lie unlike you. You're a terrible liar. There's an empty wine and shot glass on the nightstand next to you."

"This is your hotel room, remember? Those are clearly yours, duh." I get from under the covers and stand up on the bed.

"What are you doing?" He asks looking up at me. When I stumble a little he grabs my leg, which helps me balance. When I start jumping on the bed he lets go saying, "What is you doing?"

"Come on! I wanna have fun!"

"No, sit down somewhere. I got high to relax and you all turnt. Sit the hell down!" He says trying to grab my arm to pull me down, but I keep snaking my arm out of his grip continuing to jump. "I'm not gonna argue with you," he says as if giving up. He lays back on the bed putting his arms behind his head as I continue to jump all over the bed making sure to avoid stepping on him.

"You're so boring!" I whine as I look down at him.

"Nigga, if you wanted to do all this we coulda just went out like you said. We coulda went to the bar or the club since you wanna drink and get turnt up. You already dressed and shit." He was right. I had changed clothes ready to go out and everything before he came back. Once I came in his room and laid in the bed I didn't want to go anywhere.

"I don't want to be around other people though. I just want to be with you." I stop jumping and I'm now standing on the bed over him as he lays under me. His arms are still rested behind his head as he looks up at me.

A smile spreads across his lips then it quickly disappears as if he doesn't want me to see it. He licks his lips with this look in his eyes. The lowness in his eyes from being high was oddly attractive even when it seemed he could barely keep them open. I never found men who smoked attractive whether it was cigarettes or weed, but with him it didn't bother me. "Oh, word?" Is all he utters.

"Yes, word," I say mimicking him. I lower myself as he watches me closely. When I land on his lap straddling him his eyebrows raise, but he doesn't budge from his spot.

He blows out air looking off to the side. "You playin' right now. Come on. Act right. You drunk." He taps my leg twice basically saying for me to get off of him, but I don't move.

"I'm not drunk. Tipsy maybe.." I might be fooling myself because I would never be this bold if it wasn't for the alcohol.

He turns looking at me just staring for a second. He props himself up a little by his elbows. "What do you want, yo? Do you even know what you want? You're still under the influence. Shit, I am too technically."

"I was just thinking about that night. And...I was just thinking about how...It was like your dick was talking to me," I say dramatically making him bust out laughing.

"I let you watch Love Jones and now you wylin' out. I think you've had enough of watching Black movies tonight and alcohol. Why you tellin' me that right now? Why are you doing this right now?"

"Noo, I haven't," I say shaking my head. "I still have to watch Set It Off. I can't believe I've missed out on so many classics. Black people are funny, we're talented. You're talented. Like the way you use your tongue," I say holding my hand in front of my face staring at it. "That's talent. You're going places, kid," I say resting my raised hand on his shoulder.

He laughs a little, but stops. "Aiight, now you buggin'. Now I know you drunk. You gotta chill." He lays back flat saying, "Cause like always you're gonna start something you can't finish or you'll regret. You might as well get up off me." He said one thing, but he himself wasn't trying to get me from on top of him.

When I don't move or say anything he raises back up going right back to propping himself up by his elbows. He moves his face closer to mine tilting it to the side. "You don't hear me?"

"I hear you I just don't want to move. I like where I'm at." He sighs in aggravation scratching his head.

"Why are you being difficult?" He asks looking straight at me. I just look at him not saying anything. He didn't move and I didn't either. I was partly waiting to see if he would make a move. He was right. Every time I made the first move I regretted it later because I didn't think first. I still wasn't thinking in this moment.. Not fully at least.

It was like Draco was frozen. I could tell he wanted to make a move, but was almost scared to. I've given him so many mixed signals he was probably tired of being confused. With our eyes glued to one another that was enough to send waves through my entire body. That sensation must've been the reason I jumped the gun by diving into him with not another thought.

When we kissed it felt like the world caved in and we were rushing towards the Earth's core. The deeper we fell through the crust and the mantle the hotter it got. Temperatures raising causing us to melt into each other. The kiss was slow and soft, comforting in ways that liquor would never be. Tonight I confided in alcohol when it could've just been him. His hands traveled to what seemed to be his favorite part of my body, my ass. I pulled him closer until there was no space left between us.

Eventually he fell back onto the bed with me pressed closely to him. Like two magnets we couldn't pull apart. No matter how hard I tried to deny the attraction I couldn't. I could tell lies, but my body couldn't especially when it's urged by my brutally honest friend called vodka.

When Draco flips us to get control that's when my senses seem to rush back fast. "Wait," I say making him look at me. I needed to make sure that I'm thinking clearly this time around. I started this, but I wasn't really prepared. I should've been saying something about the fact I'm in a relationship, but instead I said, "We can't. Not until you get your test results back."

As he hovers over me he looks at me for a second then his shoulders slump a little. I clearly didn't think of everything when I decided to hop on his lap. We can't do anything like that until he gets his test results back. If he's negative, we're just putting him at risk again by having sex without taking precautionary measures. Protection is cool, but not always enough. When you have sex with someone that has HIV/AIDS and you're negative you need to take the prEP medication.

I sigh running my hands through my hair that's sprawled out across the bed. His lips softly touch my collarbone as he kisses there then my chest. He looks at me saying, "Let me watch."

I look at him confused asking, "Let you watch what?"

"I still want you to cum for me. I want to watch you do it," he says against my neck after kissing it as chills run up my body from his voice.

I furrow my eyebrows trying to piece together what he's saying. I knew what he was saying, but I was slightly playing dumb. "Are you saying you want to watch me touch myself..masturbate?" I ask awkwardly looking at him as he props himself over me.

"Exactly what I'm saying." As ready as I was, I was not expecting that. That was made obvious by how I had my mouth open about to say something, but I had no words.

I was no stranger to it. It was the only thing I could do when I was single for two years. It would still never compare to a man's touch, but it was my only option. I don't know why this caught me so off guard.

"But I can't really do it with just my hand. I need like..you know, a toy or something," I finally say. I was becoming shy and freezing up like a clam.

"You've never gave yourself an orgasm with your own hand?"

"I can, but that really doesn't do anything for me. It takes a while. I need a little assistance with something..like, solid or moving."

"I'm your assistance. Just look at me. You can do it," he says nonchalantly moving from on top of me. I just look at him not being able to yes or no. "Alright?" He says kissing my lips while in the process of scooting me across the bed some. Looking at him, I couldn't say no to him. He looked too damn good.

He helps me take my shirt and shorts off then I instruct him by saying, "Sit in that chair." I point at the chair in the corner where he looks. He goes over to it moving it so it's in the perfect spot. Sitting on my knees on the bed I take my bra off first. Nervousness started to grow in me for the simple fact his eyes were glued to me. I was starting to wonder where all that liquid courage I had earlier went. It's like it dried up.

I fall back onto the bed moving my legs from under me, so I can take my underwear off next throwing them to the side. I didn't even know how to start. I was acting like I had never touched myself in my life. I grab a pillow then move closer to the edge of the bed. I prop myself up with the pillow then lay on my back. I open my legs as far as I can spread them, so he can see everything. I was already wet from the kissing and even him simply touching me, but I still stuck two of my fingers in my mouth to get them wet with my spit.

My hand traveled down my body heading straight for the key to a woman's heart, soul, and maybe even crazy...The clit. It's amazing how so many men didn't know the powers that one area possessed as they seemed to ignore it more times than not. I immediately begin rubbing to create friction and get myself going.

No doubt this was still nerve racking to have him watch me. Dare I say it was more nerve racking than sex itself. After awhile the nervous feeling left. The key was to pretend he wasn't here and I was by myself as I normally would be when doing this. At the same time him watching me was like a boost of encouragement to get to the end goal of pleasure. It's self pleasure, but I wanted him to be pleased with me as well if that makes sense.

It's not long before I'm in the groove of things even switching positions by getting on my knees doggy-style and doing it that way. At this point I was undoubtedly having fun with this. My hand had never brought me this much satisfaction. I wasn't really big on insertion when it came to my own fingers and it was no different this time.

When I feel that wave of hotness over my body I know I'm close. I flip back over going back to laying on my back. I know when every muscle begins to tighten, my thighs begin to quiver, and I can't control the way my body convulses I'm about to erupt like a volcano. My head was spinning, my body was shaking uncontrollably, I'm sweating, and I'm wetter than ever. It was like a volcanic eruption. I can no longer make sound to moan and my breathing hitches in the back of my throat as I finally let it all out.

All you can do afterwards is lay there trying to gain composure. Not even knowing why I chuckle to myself as I look up at the ceiling. "Oh, God," it was the wrong time to be seeing that, but hey. I unclench my thighs moving my hand away to see it's no longer clean and dry.

"I told you you could do it," Draco says making me sit up to see him coming towards me. I bite my lip still as turned on as I was before I climaxed. He leans on the bed kissing me sloppily making me giggle. "You did good," he says with his lips still on mine. I smile bashfully as he runs his hand over my head already knowing my hair is a mess. When he takes my hand licking each finger clean my mouth forms an o as I watch.

When a phone starts ringing my eyes shift from him to looking off to the side. On the nightstand is my phone that's lit up and vibrating across the hard surface. From where I was standing I could see it was Jacobi Facetiming me. My eyes immediately grow wide realizing what I have just done. I pretty much cheated. I fucked up...bad.

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