S1

- Chapter Three -
Change

Once I reach the address in Manhattan that Desdemona gave me, I pull over to the side parking my car. I get out stepping onto the sidewalk. I dial Desdemona's number holding my phone with my shoulder as I pay for the meter. "You here?" She says as soon as she answers.

"Yeah, outside."

"Okay, I'm coming out of the hotel now." I say okay then we hang up. I finish paying for the meter putting some hours on it. I turn around taking a few steps while I look down at my phone replying to a text from my girlfriend. When I look up I see Desdemona coming down the sidewalk towards me...

You could tell by the way she walked and carried herself she had a high level of confidence. "Heyy," Desdemona says hugging me for the first time since we met. We pull apart and she asks me, "How are you?" I could see she was in a friendly mood today. I'm not saying other times she hasn't been friendly, but today she's more friendly. She lightly places her hand on my back pointing to the hotel as we begin to walk.

"Fine, I'm good. How are you?"

"Well, I had two cups of coffee, so I'm doing great." She has a wide smile on her face as we walk through the automatic doors of the hotel. That explains. "I hope you're as excited as I am for your first photo shoot."

"Eh," I just shrug.

"Eh? You need to be more excited than that. You want to do this, right? Look, you probably want to do the other stuff first. I do too. It's more money, but if we kick this off we can get your face out there and build you a following. Obviously we need this to move faster and we don't really have time to build a portfolio for years before you can get runway shows with popular designers or even just photoshoots with them. Nowadays agencies will actually accept social media pictures if you have a large following," she says pushing the button for the elevator.

"So, what does that mean?"

"It means, you have a large following so we're going to take advantage of that. I've already been talking to some modeling agencies. Also, New York Fashion week is coming up like I discussed. I got a plus one ticket for every event I've been invited to. You'll be able to sit front row and get those looks." We step onto the elevator as I listen to her speak. "I get A LOT of press coverage during that week. If you're with me, they'll start wondering who you are. People know your Instagram or as Saanvi Ambani's mysterious, Black boyfriend-"

I look at her making her say, "Let's be honest here...You know everyone is wondering where this Indian, super model found this tattooed, Black guy. It is what it is. I'm pretty sure she's walking some runways or going to some shows. This is you twos chance to become that it couple in fashion."

"I don't know about all that. I don't really be going to these fashion events with her. I'm not tryna be known as somebodies boyfriend. That ain't me. That's corny," I say looking up at the mirrored ceiling of the elevator as we go up. I look over at Desdemona who's gripping the rail tightly with her eyes closed. "Uh, you good?"

"I hate elevators. They make me feel sick." I hold in a laugh as she opens her eyes looking at me. A grown ass woman getting motion sickness from an elevator was funny as shit to me. The elevator stops then the doors open to the presidential suite. "Look, I'm not saying go to every event and show with her. Just one. But the outfits have to be so sick you turn everyone's heads. That's all I'm asking."

"Aiight," is all I say as we walk into a room full of people. I look around at the camera and lights that are setup.

"Everybody this is Draco," Desdemona introduces me as everyone's eyes are on me.

"What up," is all I say when I see my sister-in-law, Rhea. I figure she's styling me. I haven't talked to or seen her since that day I left my brother's house. I just wanted to know if she talked to Apollo like she said she would.

Desdemona leans into me then says, "Go with Rhea." I nod my head then follow Rhea who's waiting for me into a bedroom. Once again the bedroom has clothes on racks and shoes lined against this wall, but instead they're men's clothing this time.

"This is what I initially pulled, so you're going to try these on to see how they look first," she says referring to three outfits laid out on the bed. "Why didn't you stay for dinner that one night?" As she tries to figure out what shoes to go with each outfit, I just watch her.

"Had shit to do. You talk to your husband?"

"You must really not be fuckin' with him right now. You didn't say my brother. Well, I'm not either. He keeps playing with me and he won't be my husband anymore. I talked to him, but you know his stubborn, big headed ass, wasn't trying to hear it. I think you're working on the wrong person first. Don't start with the oldest who's been doing it the longest. Start with the youngest and most impressionable...Ares. Then work your way up to Glock then Apollo."

"You really think Ares will go for it?" I say with my lips pursed. "They're all one in the same."

"You have to think about it though. Ares was the only one who wasn't involved in this for the longest. He was focused on basketball and even went to college for a little while. He has the mentality and an open enough mindset to want to do something else. He's been on both sides of the fence. In and out of this life. All you gotta do is open his mind back up to the idea of a normal life."

I scratch my goatee looking at her. "I think you're onto something."

"I am. I always am," she says glancing over her shoulder at me. "I think we should invite him to New York Fashion Week. The man is model material. 6'8", no tattoos, clean cut, in shape, and a good looking face. Hell, the nigga gets his damn eyebrows done for crying out loud," she says making me laugh. "He's a pretty boy. You know how many heads he'll turn. He'll get model contracts on the spot. I'm telling you. Then he'll start thinking about it. One down, two to go."

"Sounds like a good idea. You got extra tickets though to invite him?"

"Yeah, I get plus ones for all the shows and events. I'm styling Desdemona all week. It's not like Apollo will come with me." Her voice read attitude, but also disappointment. "And you know Apollo, he comes to New York Fashion Week every year to sell those models, designers, and party goers special bags of party favors." She puts the last couple of words in air quotations.

"Yeah, we've been getting them ready all week. We got a lot of requests this year. More than ever. Drugs are back in style. Well, they never went out of style-"

"Like a little black dress," she says shaking her head. "It's a shame all those beautiful, skinny girls you see walking down the runway are high whether it's coke or pills. If it was me, my ass would trip or walk off the runway not knowing when it ends, especially in those high heels being high. Those bitches really are super. Super high and super heroes for doing it like it's nothing." I laugh then she hands me an outfit. "Put this one on first."

"Where can I change? I don't need you seeing all my goods. You the bro," I say jokingly making her smack her lips.

"Boy, whatever. What goods? Apollo got ALL the goods. Good looks, good dick, good tongue game, good-" she lists on her fingers until I cut her off.

"I ain't tryna hear that shit!" I say going into the bathroom to change. I take off the outfit I was wearing which was just a white t-shirt, black sweatpants, and Jordan's.

When I come out of the bathroom in the beige matching set outfit, Desdemona is now in the room talking to Rhea. They both turn around looking at me. "Oh, I like that," Desdemona says looking me up and down. She has her left arm across her torso with her right elbow sitting on top of it as her hand touches her chin. The jacket she had on earlier is now gone letting her somewhat tight dress be on full display. She examines me squinting her eyes as I just stand there. "Yeah, that'll be the best look for the pictures in the living room. Colors fit the furniture. I agree, do the Gucci shoes," she says to Rhea.

Desdemona steps towards me while at the same time talking, "No accessories. Just a watch. The black face Rollie." She comes directly in front of me undoing the first two top buttons then adjusting the collar. She looks up at me in my eyes then they shift as she asks, "You used to have ear gauges?" I guess she was looking at my ears.

"Yeah, I was on my different shit. I was doing everything to rebel against my granny. Gauges, long hair. Had the ASAP Rocky braids with it dyed," I say as she chuckles.

"I would pay money to see that."

"I'm sure you can find pictures on the internet. I'm tryna let the holes shrink and close. Over that phase in my life."

"They're not big to where it's noticeable. I only noticed because I was looking to see if you're ears were pierced." She turns around grabbing the watch from Rhea grabbing my arm putting the Rolex on my wrist. "Keep that," she says patting it then walking away like it's nothing. I look at the Gold Rolex with a black face and diamond bezel. It was definitely above the $10,000 mark. I look back up at her as she talks to Rhea.

"Wait, you saying I can keep it?" I ask with furrowed brows.

She looks over her shoulder at me. "Yeah, my gift to you. We're about to make some serious money together. That's a thank you for trusting me with your career. What did I tell you the first time I met you? Time is money. Time is literally money with that," she says pointing. "You better always be on time with that kind of watch and you better not let anyone ever waste your time." I just look at her taking in her words. "Put these on then come on out," she says extending a pair of Gucci sneakers.

Desdemona walks out of the room leaving me and Rhea alone. I sit on the bed beginning to put the shoes on. "She really believes in you.." Rhea says making me look at her as I put the left shoe on.

"Why shouldn't she?" Rhea kneels down tying the shoe in a perfect knotted bow. Then I put the right shoe on.

"I don't know. It's just kind of sad how a person who just met you believes in you more than your own family. Aside from the fact you're paying for her services you can tell she believes in you and cares about the vision. That's all I'm saying." She ties the right shoe lace just as perfect. When she's done I stand up from the bad.

"I'm not really surprised. Sometimes people who just met you have better intentions for you then people who have known you your whole life." I just shrug stuffing my hands into the pockets of the pants walking out of the room.

➖

Half way into the photoshoot and I've changed outfits about three times changing locations around the hotel suite. As the photographer took pictures I tried to keep a straight face, but my attention was on my phone ringing in the background. It had rang several times, but I was trying to block it out as if it's not my phone. "Who's phone is this that keeps ringing?" Desdemona announces holding up my phone in its Louis Vuitton case. It's still ringing as she holds it up. I already knew who it was.

"Mine," I finally say.

Desdemona extends it basically saying come and get it. I get up from the chair going over to her grabbing my phone. I answer it then walk off to the side. "Hello?" I say waiting on my girlfriend to speak.

"I'm downstairs. Come down and get me or tell me what floor," she says making me furrow my eyebrows.

"Downstairs?" I question in confusion.

"Yes, did you forget I was getting back in the city today? Or even that you invited me to your first photoshoot? Wow, did you actually even want me to come?"

"No, I did. Just forgot between all the business today," I flat out lie. I honestly didn't think her flight would land early enough for her to come. I just extended the offer to make her feel apart of what I'm trying to do seeing as I haven't been telling her anything lately. "I'll come down and get you." She says okay then we hang up.

I go over to Desdemona making her ask, "Everything good?"

"My girlfriend is here. She wants me to come downstairs and get her."

"That's great! Go get her. I've been wanting to meet her and talk," Desdemona says excitedly. "I'll stall everyone. You go and get her." I nod my head walking to the elevator. I get on pushing the button for the lobby floor making the doors close. When I get to the lobby I get off of the elevator, walk through the hotel lobby, then go outside.

As the sun hits my eyes I look to my left then right seeing her coming towards me...

She comes towards me smiling as she wraps her arms around me tightly in a hug. "I missed you!" Her voice is cheery as I just accept the hug. I had been feeling for awhile that I no longer wanted to be with Saanvi. There was nothing about her that made me feel that way, I just knew I wasn't with her for the right reasons. I was using her for her father.

She made it easy though. We had barely been together before she introduced me to him. Then I was able to wiggle my way in on his good side and land a job at his company. Without Saanvi that never would've happened. I had no college education or experience in this field like the thousands of people that work for him. I damn sure never would've gotten such a high position if I wasn't his daughter's boyfriend.

"I miss you too," I mumble stalely into the crook of her neck. We're pretty much the same height taking an inch off of her.

The first time I saw Saanvi was at the beach in Miami. She was wearing a bikini hanging out with her friends. There was something about the tall, slim girl with olive skin and dark hair. Her face was gorgeous. Her modeling made sense with a face and build like that. My brothers always thought I was weird because my taste in women has always been 'different'. While they liked the 'round the way girls from the Bronx or Queens with a New York attitude and a fat ass, I liked the girls who lived in Manhattan and went to private schools.

I don't know why, I just did. I liked the prissy girls. As bad as it sounds and I'm not trying generalize, but the girls from the hood were content. Content with being a baby mother or being with a dude doing illegal shit or in and out of jail. There's no way I could date a chick who knew the life I was living and encouraged it. I'm not knocking Rhea or even Athena, they're just in love. Saanvi didn't know a thing about what I had going on with my brothers and I was going to keep it that way.

I didn't believe in involving a girl in your shit if you don't plan on her sticking around. If she's not a wife, don't bring her into the life. That's what my uncle told me. That's why I was looking at Glock sideways when he was letting Athena in on all the business despite them being together for a good while. He keeps fucking around and waiting forever to propose she'll leave before he has the chance and rat his ass out from bitterness.

Saanvi also didn't know she had become a casualty of war...

The amount of money I've not only made, but stolen from her father was ridiculous. I felt bad because this man worked hard to build everything he has. And Apollo just wants me to take everything he created for his family AND kill him after making his daughter think I'm in love with her. That's fucked up.

Everyday I become more distant from Saanvi, her father, and my brothers. I ignore calls and texts. I didn't want to be bothered with any of it anymore. Everyday I've contemplated breaking up with Saanvi and it might be soon since she's in New York for awhile.

She kisses me then grabs my hand as we walk back in the building. Once we get up to the presidential suite I introduce Saanvi to Desdemona. They shake hands as Desdemona goes on about how it's nice to meet her and how beautiful she thinks Saanvi is even suggesting they should work on something together. I really think there isn't a time when Desdemona isn't trying to work or network. She was a walking business card. I admired her drive and that was one reason I wanted to work with her.

I was kind of just there while they talked to each other. It wasn't until Desdemona put her hand on my shoulder that I started paying attention again. I look at her seeing she's looking up at me. "We're done. The photographer said we got enough good pictures. You did great for your first one," she says smiling. "Can I borrow him for a second to talk a little business?" she says to Saanvi. Vi nods her head walking off going to talk to Rhea.

I turn towards Desdemona as she begins speaking, "New York Fashion Week starts next week. To kick it off I host an event called Dinner in Designer. This is my third year and every year one of my clients is the guest of honor. It's just all of my industry friends coming together for a social occasion."

"And you want me to be the guest of honor this year?" I ask.

"I could've just been telling you about the event and inviting you," she says with a smirk. "But no, I do want you to be the guest of honor. I can introduce you to a lot of people at this party because we haven't even announced we're working together."

"So, basically it's a bunch of people wearing designer clothes and eating."

"Pretty much. It's fun with a little bit of work. Good food, drinks, and music. Invite anybody you want. The nights about you. It's also going to be a way to network because I invite people in the fashion and music industry. As bad as it sounds, the industry isn't about talent or hard work anymore. It's about popularity and who you know. You seem to be a loner, but you kind of have to get out of your comfort zone. These people don't have to be your best friends, but make them feel like they are every time you see them. Be open and friendly."

"Sooo...be fake? I knew y'all mutha fuckas weren't really friends with the people you smile in pics wit. Y'all really just be using each other if the time comes and you need that person."

"Pretty much. I have a friend for e-v-e-r-y thing," she says enunciating every sound of the word. "I'm not going to lie, there are people who I don't even like, but they come in handy. Everyone is like that. Just smile, laugh, and nod. Oh, and drink. That helps you get through a longgg night," she says making me chuckle. "I'm dead serious. Anyway, you're done, so go change and leave. Enjoy your girlfriend. Bye, Draco." She waves with a smile walking away.

➖

I suddenly wake up shifting my eyes around the dark room. I haven't been able to sleep lately and this was just another night. I just kept seeing me sending that bullet through Louise's head. I don't know how other people do this shit and don't think twice about it. It haunts me. It causes nightmares. I sit up in my bed rubbing my eyes then reaching over to my nightstand to turn the lamp on.

I look over seeing Saanvi asleep. One leg is kicked out of the covers as she sleeps soundly with white sheets covering her naked body. I look at her for awhile until my phone starts ringing. Who could this be? I wonder reaching for my phone. When I see it's 3:12 in the morning that makes me wonder even more. I get my answer when I see Ares across my screen.

"Wassup, bro?" I say answering his call.

"We been calling yo sleepy ass. Sleep is for the weak, so wake that ass up and come to Glock's house."

"For what?" I ask getting from under the covers moving to the edge of the bed.

"You'll see," is all he says hanging up on me. I groan throwing my phone next to me.

"You okay?" I hear Saanvi say making me look over my shoulder.

"I'm good. Why?" I look towards the doors of the balcony seeing some light shine through.

"You've been weird today..everyday. You used to tell me things and now you don't. You're just not here, not present. Does this have something to do with your Aunt?" She asks making me furrow my brows.

"Huh?" I ask in confusion.

"Your aunt that you said is sick. The reason you need to stay in New York." I forgot I told her that lie. This is why you shouldn't lie because you have to keep up with them afterwards.

"Oh, naw. That's not why. I just get like this sometimes." I stand up from the bed in my boxers going over to the dresser. I pull out a pair of black sweatpants putting them on. When I turn around Saanvi is now sitting on the edge of the bed with the covers wrapped around her. I just turn back around putting a white tank top on.

"Where are you going? It's 3 in the morning," Saanvi says as I grab a Givenchy hoodie draped over an armchair in the corner putting it on.

"Out," is all I say looking at her.

"You always do this and expect me not to wonder. You're acting like your Batman and you're going out to fight evil crime doers. What the hell is up?" More like we're the evil crime doers.

"What did I tell you, Vi? Don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to. I gotta go to my brother's. I'll be back later, aiight. Just go back to sleep." I grab my phone and keys leaving my condo without another word.

I go out to the parking garage looking at my 3 cars parked side by side. My Rolls Royce Dawn, Maserati, and a Benz. I was a car and real estate guy. While others bought bullshit like jewelry, shoes, or guns if you were Glock, I was buying things with high resale value. This definitely wasn't all of my cars. I had more cars at my houses in Miami, Los Angeles, Tokyo, and Atlanta. I planned on selling my house in Atlanta to get the money for my clothing line.

I get in my Orange, custom Mercedes Benz G550 4×4². You literally had to hop in that bitch because it was like a monster truck. I drive around Brooklyn as a song by Future plays quietly. Sometimes when I'm driving I wonder how I safely arrive to my destination because I'm so spaced out. I was so in my thoughts I didn't realize I was at the red light of the street I used to live on as a kid.

Seeing that corner store brought back memories from seeing people outside of it selling drugs, my childhood best friend being killed there and being a stupid kid stealing from there on countless occasions. The main memory I had of that place was the day my mother died...

I can just remember my Uncle coming to our apartment telling us our mother died of a drug overdose. Me being a kid, I thought she took too much of a medication like Advil or some shit. I didn't know what crack cocaine was. Apollo did though. He flew out of our apartment with Glock right on his heels. I followed just because I wanted to know where they were going.

Apollo ran down the 4 flights of the stairs in our apartment building never slowing up. He marched across the street not waiting on the sign for pedestrians to say go almost getting hit by a car and horns honked at him. He went across the street to a guy that was regularly seen standing outside of that corner store. Before me and Glock could even get safely across the street Apollo was punching the dude in the face.

A 15 year old was beating the shit out of a dude who had to be around 20. Apollo had always been big for his age with his size and height. That was an anger I had never seen in Apollo. An anger that gave him immense strength to beat the dude to a bloody pulp as he screamed about the guy killing our mom by selling her that 'shit'.

It wasn't until I was older that I realized he was trying to blame that corner boy for our Mom overdosing. It wasn't that dudes fault for her being an addict or taking more than she should have. He was just trying to make money whether it's morally right or not. It took my Uncle coming out to break it up.

The ironic part was that same corner Apollo fought a drug dealer on, he took over when he was 16. The same corner our mother was buying drugs from ultimately resulting in her death was the corner Apollo was selling the same types of drugs to someone else's mother, sister, daughter, father, brother, or son.

Our family was never the same. It hadn't been the same even before then, but Apollo was changed. He got sucked into those streets and I knew they would chew him up, but never spit him out. He's been stuck to them ever since. When you're told you're the man of the house at that young of an age, it plagues you. He was never a child or a little boy. He was always a man with too many responsibilities. He had a mother and three little brothers to protect.

When my mother died, I knew he felt like he failed...

Our mother didn't know how to function without a man in the house. When Apollo's Dad went away the first time she confided in his childhood friend...my father. My Dad wasn't even a De Carlo, but after his parents went to jail he was taken in by the De Carlo's. His parents got so much time the De Carlo's adopted him. Apollo's father, Ar'mon, and my father, Ajax, were raised as brothers despite no blood relation.

My father, Ajax, was supposed to run the business and look after my mother and Apollo while Ar'mon served his 8 year bid. He looked after my mother alright...He got her pregnant twice. That was the ultimate betrayal for Ar'mon, especially because they were lying about it. Fucking behind his back for years, but making kids was the fucked up part. A year after I was born my Dad was found in a dumpster with a bullet in his head. They wanna say the streets caught up to him, but I'm not stupid. My Pop's, Ajax, betrayed his "brother", so Ar'mon made him pay.

Apollo's Dad, Ar'mon got out of jail, but my mom was already a lost cause. She took my father being killed hard and she started using drugs. Her and Apollo's Dad still got back together with my father now out of the picture. My Mom got pregnant again having Ares. Once again Ar'mon got arrested this time being sentenced to life. That really sent my Mom downhill with the drugs.

When my mother died when I was 8, I felt like I had nothing left. It felt that way even more when they separated me and my brothers sending us to different people to live with.

I knew Apollo felt like he failed at his job of man of the house again. But what could he do? He was still a minor. His little money from selling weed wouldn't take care of 4 kids.

Apollo refused to be sent away and no one felt like they could control him anyway. He made the decision to join the family business moving from selling baby ass dime bags of weed to moving serious weight. It didn't take long for him to fill his father's place at the top. Soon each of us followed joining in too.

It was a new generation of De Carlo's. This time we were smarter. There would be no more getting caught by the police or getting caught slipping to be killed. Our father's had never done what we have done. They damn sure haven't seen or touched the amount of money and drugs we have. We definitely would've made our father's proud, but that's not necessarily a good thing.

I stare at the green light not even realizing I was still sitting here. There was no telling how long ago the light changed. I hit the gas continuing to drive a couple of blocks to Glock's place. I park on the side of the road getting out going into his brownstone. When I walk in I see Glock, Ares, and Apollo sitting around the living room watching tv just chilling. "Why y'all call me out of my bed this late?" I ask closing the door behind me.

"We got something to handle," Apollo says too engrossed in the tv to even look at me. I was waiting on someone to tell me what exactly it is we have to do at nearly 4 in the morning. Glock changes the channel and through the quietness I hear muffled noises. It sounded like a voice trying to scream, but it was suppressed. "I know you saw me watching that, nigga!" Apollo says trying to snatch the remote from Glock as I'm trying to listen.

They start arguing and I still hear the noises. I hold my hand up. "Can y'all shut up?! What's that noise?" They all pause looking at me and I hear it again.

"Oh, that's just that nigga, Lux, in the closet," Glock says nonchalantly about a dude who works for us.

"Why is he in the closet?" I ask going over to the closet by the front door. I swing the door open seeing Lux with tape across his mouth and blood dripping down his head. He's tied to a chair with no shirt on. When I notice his stomach cut clean open with skin and a layer of fat hanging down I whip around saying, "What the fuck?"

"That's what we need to handle," Apollo says getting up from the couch. "Found out this nigga been working for Chaos telling him everyone we work with around town. This disloyal mother fucker needs to be dealt with. And to think we put him and his people up in a nice apartment better than the dirty ass projects they were staying at. Can't trust none of these young niggas. They're too easily swayed." He pauses as I look back at Lux who's fidgeting around in the chair.

"We were waiting on you. You come with the big boy?" Glock asks talking about my car.

"Yeah, but y'all not putting him in my car. Hell nah! Y'all could've put him in the trunk of one your cars. I just got all the blood out from the last time."

"Look, we don't have time for your arguments. Pull your car into the alley." I smack my lips, but leave out of the front door going out to my car. I move my car to the alleyway sitting in the drivers seat waiting. They finally come out, so I get out opening the trunk. They still had Lux tied to the chair and everything lifting him up putting him in there.

We all get in my car and I drive. "What the hell we gonna do about all this bullshit? We're being infiltrated by C.A.S. They're not playing about trying to steal our people and fucking up our shit," I say as I drive.

"I don't know. We just gotta show people we're not playing. They wanna switch sides they need to know it'll cost them their life," Apollo says from the passenger seat.

"We can't keep killing mutha fuckas. Too many bodies tying back to us. That's a recipe to get caught up. That's how Casanova's ass got caught. He was getting too sloppy trying to prove a point. We gotta play it smart like Chaos is. That nigga went to college for business. He has more than street smarts, he has book smarts. You see he's being strategic."

"So what the fuck else are we supposed to do?" Ares asks from the backseat.

"Something more than violence and killing. Show him that it's bigger than drugs. We gotta clean up our image in these streets. I rather be respected than feared. Remember what your Pop's did when that little girl got killed in the crossfire of beef?"

"He was shaking hands, kissing babies, helping old ladies cross the street, donating to churches and the homeless, and calling truces." Apollo rubs his beard thinking.

"Exactly, street politicking. There's been a lot of murder happening with the tension between us and C.A.S. It's got people scared. It's never good when the community is scared because then they'll start to want you out..gone for good. They don't give a fuck if they have to go on the stand to do so if that means protecting their family. We need to meet up with C.A.S. and Chaos to come to an understanding. Break bread..." I look over at Apollo who's just quiet thinking.

"Not a half bad idea. Make them think we want a truce then quietly attack." Apollo looks over at me as we sit at the red light. "Still got that sharp mind, model boy," he teases. He extends his hand as we dap. "Rhea told me about you getting your sexy on today. Yo ass tryna be a Calvin Klein model or some shit?" He asks laughing as Glock and Ares join in.

"You laughing, Ares, but you really could cause you ain't got no tattoos," I say looking back at him.

We all forbid Ares from getting tattoos. We needed one of us to look like the boy next door. Ares may be tall, but he's the least intimidating. You wouldn't assume he's out here killing with his model looks, basketball player height, good boy smile or gym trainer build. He's the one we used to finesse old, white ladies and pretty, rich girls. We told him if he ever came home with a tattoo we would cut that shit off with a knife. That definitely scared him enough to never do it.

"Naw, I can't be modeling no tighty whities. I'm too packing. My junk all on display and shit scaring folks."

"Hell nah," I say putting my fist to my mouth laughing. It was either good or bad between us. I guess that's just how it is with siblings.

When we get to the secluded area under a bridge I park my car. We all get out and they take Lux out of the trunk. When Glock pulls his gun out Apollo puts his hand on his chest saying, "Naw, that's too easy. He deserves to suffer. We're gonna run him over." Apollo had this deep, raspy voice that could sound sinister as hell.

"Let me do it cause his bitch ass really sat in my face and lied to me," Glock volunteers. Glock motions for me to hand him my keys, so I do. Me, Apollo, and Ares step off to the side as Lux is still tied to the chair in the middle. I watch as Glock goes to my car. "Yo, you got a fucking stool?!" He yells as we just all watch him struggle to get in my tall ass car. "I. Can't. Get. In," he says with a strain in his voice. "Never mind." We all laugh when he finally gets in.

Glock starts the car making the engine roar as I see Lux squirm in the chair. I couldn't watch this. Glock hits on the gas and break at the same time making smoke kick up in the air as the tires screech then the car takes off towards Lux. My car is nearly 7,000 pounds with 22 inch wheels that are 10 inches wide. This was going to kill him instantly. I look down, but I can hear the force of the car smacking him. "Ohhh!" Apollo and Ares yell in unison like they're watching a tackle at a football game. I look back up seeing Glock do a donut before stopping.

I look around for the body seeing it in a completely different spot from before. "That nigga went flying!" Apollo says casually with a light laugh. "You know his ass dead. Let's dump him in the water."

Things like this are what made me want to leave the game. It would be one thing if no one ever died in this life, but they do. That's what I couldn't deal with. I need to change...

It's the next morning and I'm at the office for my swimsuit line, My Heart's Subdued. I was supposed to be picking swimsuits for the small show I'm having for my line during New York Fashion Week. I mostly wanted to focus on my clothing line, but I also wanted to throw in a couple of my swimsuits. It's about to be fall and only places like California could really utilize a bathing suit unless they're swimming indoors.

While one of my employees who had the body of a model tried them on, I was on my laptop. I was looking at the pictures from Draco's photoshoot. The photographer was sending me his picks of the ones he should edit. He would edit them in photoshop then send them back to me, so I could have them printed out and blown up. Dinner in Designer was never about me. It's about my clients and I'm simply the host.

As I click through the pictures, Renee comes out in a blue one piece saying, "I think you should pick this one." She twists and turns as I only give her a glance because I was too into my computer.

"Yeah, that one. We need at least one bikini, so come out in one next," I say. She nods walking off as I go back to looking at my computer. Every once in awhile I ran across a picture of Draco just looking spaced out and this was one of them...

I stare at it intently for some reason. I was always studying people's body language. Just from being around him a couple of times I could tell he had a lot of pain in him. You could see it in his eyes. The people who have been through a lot either wear it on them everyday or they're able to hide it to the point you can't even tell. He wears his like an ugly outfit your Mama picked out for you. He couldn't hide his sadness and disappointment no matter what you dressed it up in whether it's designer or not.

Me on the other hand, I wore mine like a bra and panties. No one saw it. It was underneath it all. I only revealed it to people I had a deep, open relationship with, but even that was few and far between. There were three people in my personal life who knew my status: My sister, Cordelia, my makeup artist, Paloma, and my chef, Geraldo. That was it. Anyone else who knew were men I dated who left, but I made them sign a nondisclosure agreement to keep them from telling anyone.

"The jeweler just sent an email," I hear my assistant say making me look up from staring at my laptop. "They said all samples are done and ready for you to look at." She was talking about the samples for the jewelry line I want to start. It would be nothing, but pieces using only Garnet gemstones. Some may say I need to chill out with the amount of things I have going on with Love, Garnet, My Heart's Subdued, my clothing line, Love $ick, and my charity. I was all over the place trying to do everything in some people's eyes. In my eyes you could never do too much. I wanted to be a conglomerate. I wanted to take the top spot as the richest female in the world which is held by the owner of L'Oréal right now. I have a lot of work to do.

"We can go today if you want," my assistant suggests. I look at the Rose Gold Rolex on my wrist seeing it's going on noon.

"We'll see. Probably not today," I say standing up from the desk. I shut the laptop then sigh as I say, "I have a meeting, so I'll be back in about three hours roughly. You just stay here and finish taking stock. I'll be back later." She nods her head then I grab the jacket to my pantsuit putting it back on. I fix it then grab my YSL purse putting it on my forearm. I tell everyone bye then I leave. I wasn't exactly going to a meeting. I was going to see my HIV/AIDS counselor. I hadn't been in months and it was about that time.

I drive to Gramercy to her apartment and when I get there I buzz her apartment. She lets me up, so that's where I go. She swings the door open wearing a shift dress and flats with her hair in a bun. She's an African-American woman in her forties that I've been coming to ever since she was suggested to me after getting my positive status. "It's been a long time, Mona," she opens her arms and I hug her tightly. She's always been so warm and non-judgmental.

"I know. I'm always super busy during the summer. I'm sorry, Dr. Myles," I say as we let go of each other.

"I understand. Every time I turn around I'm seeing your face whether it's a magazine cover, billboard, interview on tv or pictures on a blog. You're everywhere, miss lady," she says with a smile as we walk to her office. "Have a seat," she motions towards the couch, so I sit down as she sits across from me. "So, what's been going on? What has been keeping you away from me?"

"I haven't been staying away from you. Aside from being busy I felt like everything was okay.." I move my purse from my lap to next to me then cross my legs.

"And now it's not?" She questions. I just nod my head. "Are you and-"

"Kyle..Still dating?" I knew she was going to ask that. "No."

"I take it you told him." All I can do is nod my head and take a deep sigh. "I told you, I can't tell you when the right time to tell someone your status is. That's your call, but maybe telling guys earlier than 2 months would be a good idea. No one likes to feel like they're being lied to, had a secret kept from them or their time was wasted. You can't put every man on the same time frame of when you're going to tell them. And if you really had a connection you would want to tell them earlier."

"Maybe you're right," is all I can say.

"Desdemona, you're being passive. Sometimes I feel like you're trying to live like you don't have this disease. I get it, I've told you a million times not to let this slow your life down, but you do have this. You can't pretend you don't."

"I don't pretend like I don't have a disease. I know I do. I'm reminded every time I take my medication. I'm reminded every time I date or start to like someone. Is it wrong to want to still be normal and not like a fucking campaign?!" I shout not even realizing it until I look at Dr. Myles who's staring at me with a smirk.

"Then why do you make every man you date sign a non-disclosure agreement?" She looks at me with narrowed eyes with her pointer finger to her temple.

"I have to protect myself, my brand, my reputation."

"Who wants to date someone with that initial mindset? Everything isn't about your brand or your reputation. Why should AIDS tarnish your reputation in the first place when it wasn't your fault for getting it? You should be an HIV/AIDS activist and spokesperson. An advocate for people to look up to not keeping it a shameful secret."

"That would be so easy, huh? A woman like me can't come out and say I have AIDS. No woman could. It's so much easier for a man to have this disease. If a woman truly loves you they can look past this. Not so much for men, they might debate, but they'll break up with you. For example Magic Johnson..he was looked at as a hero for coming out with it. I guarantee if I did the same I would be judged. I'm already perceived as this pretty, dumb girl who lucked up because of my father. Everyone has this idea that my Dad gave me the money to start my companies which isn't true at all. I walk in a meeting and have to win my credibility over because of my looks. If I say I have AIDS all people will see is big tits and a fat ass. What does that equal? I'm a whore who slept around. There will be no pity or hero status even if I say I loved and trusted a man who betrayed me."

A tear drops from my eye and I wipe it. "What I'm telling you is if you want to fall in love like you say you do, you have to relinquish some control." Dr. Myles' voice is soft as she looks directly at me. "You can't control every situation. Loosen the reigns and I guarantee not only will you fall in love, but you'll find a man who will want to be with you. Positive status and all. No more non-disclosure agreements, no more time frames on when to tell them or time frames of when you find it okay to have sex. Don't be reckless, always use protection, but be free. Everything doesn't have to be perfectly aligned to a plan. Allow yourself to live normally. You have to change," she says pointing at me.

I just blink grabbing a tissue to pat my wet bottom lashes. She puts her two hands together pointing them towards me. "Your standards are a bit high. I'm not saying you have to lower your standards because of your status or because no one will want you, but mama..you're delusional." My mouth drops a little as she chuckles then shrugs. "Sorry, sis. Where the hell do you think you're going to find a man with a career who makes 6 figures, but also makes more than you, no kids, never been married before, educated, doesn't cheat, wants children, accepts your status, who's good in bed-"

"Okay, I get it. My standards are a little high, but do you think a man without any of those things will accept me on top of my status? A guy can't make less money than me or be less successful than me because he's going to be insecure. Then throw in me having AIDS? It's too much."

"Maybe you have a point. But success comes in different forms and appearances. They don't have to be a man on Wall Street, a lawyer, doctor or an investor. He doesn't have to be in an Armani suit and clean cut. Your soulmate could be a small business owner from Brooklyn. Someone chasing his dream on the rise. Break out of your box because clearly those type of men aren't meant for you."

"Okay, fine. I'll try and date someone who isn't my usual type."

"Good," she says with a smile. And we ended our session at that. I pay her then I was on my way. Instead of going right back to the My Heart's Subdued office, I go to my penthouse. I knew my little sister just got out of school and I just wanted to check on her first.

When the elevator doors open I walk in yelling her name. "Cordelia!" I yell. You can hear my heels click on the tile as it's completely quiet. I walk through the house and when I hear loud music as I walk down the hallway I know she's in her bedroom. I get to her door hearing the Drake play loudly from outside the door. I turn the knob then walk in to see her sitting at the vanity. She's singing into a makeup brush to Fire & Desire not even noticing I walked in. She swings her head side to side making her brown curls swing on her back. I chuckle crossing my arms over my chest leaning against the doorframe.

"Cordelia," I finally say to get her attention. I remember Cordelia always complaining about her name saying she hated it. I did the same as a young girl. Our mother named me and both of my sisters after women from Shakespeare's plays. My Mom tried so hard to get me into Shakespeare, but I just never got the obsession with his stuff. Maybe it's just me.

Cordelia turns around as I walk further into her room. She turns the music off that's playing through a Beats Pill as I come into her room. "What are you doing here? You're never home this early," she says getting up from her vanity.

"Just wanted to swing by and talk to you. I'm glad to see you don't have your little friends here tearing my place up or eating all my food or a boy. You could've taken advantage of the fact you know I won't be here," I say sitting on her king size bed.

She sits next to me saying, "I know you ask the security to show you the footage from the cameras weekly to see if I brought anyone over. George is my friend," she says referring to the buildings main security guard. I just nod my head at that. She's right.

"I will not confirm or deny your claim. How was school?" I lean back looking around the room that was once the guest room. She had completely made it her own. With our age gap and the dynamic we had with our parents I felt like her mother who had her at 15.

"School," she says shrugging. I chuckle. This girl never liked school. I remember her being homeschooled her freshman year of high school because she kept getting in fights at school. She always had a hard time getting along with other girls. Between rumors being spread and girls just being catty. I would hate to still be in school nowadays with all the social media. Then on top of that she just hated school period.

"I talked to Mom the other day," I say making her immediately groan. "Did you call her back?" She just shakes her head. "Well, she was saying how maybe you should come back to Florida after the Fall semester is over. I told her I would ask you even though I don't think you should. You're fine here, doing better in school, plus, I don't mind you being here."

Cordelia profusely shakes her head. "I'm not going back to Florida. I hated it there. You know what happened with my ex..him putting that video up of me after I broke up with him and all those people judging me." She pulls on a string hanging from the bottom of her jean jacket.

"I told Mom you guys should've pressed charges on him. That's illegal, especially because you're a minor."

"I didn't want to. People were already saying shit and that would only make it worse. Plus, Mom said I shouldn't have been doing it in the first place let alone on camera. He was my boyfriend. It was puppy love, so I just assumed he would never show anyone, especially not put it on fucking Instagram!"

"Mom said that?" I ask furrowing my eyebrows. Cordelia nods her head. "She's wrong for telling you that. He shouldn't have betrayed your trust like that. You know I know about a guy betraying trust. He was wrong, not you. You're getting older and dating, things happen, but intimate moments shouldn't be shared. He was bitter that you broke up with him. That's worse. Look, if you don't want to go back to Florida, that's fine. You're about to graduate anyway."

"Thanks," she says smiling at me as I smile back.

"This is your last year of school, so I need you to focus. Prove to Mom and Dad that you can do this. It's the beginning of the year, but you need to take the SAT test then you need to figure out what college you want to go to. We can go on college visits together, apply for schools and scholarships."

"I don't want to go to college though, Desdemona. You know that."

"Come on, Cordelia. You can't disappoint our parents twice. Miranda already disappointed them by dropping out. The four years will fly by. College is a great experience and accomplishment. Things won't just be handed to you because of our Dad. You have to work for it and a degree is apart of that."

"There isn't anything I want to do that requires college. I want to do what you do. Model and have my own businesses. How can I disappoint our parents twice if I don't go at all? It's not like I'm going and wasting their money by dropping out." She has a point. "If I'm straight up and say I don't want to go, they have to respect that. I already know I don't want to go."

"I know you look up to me, but guess what? I went to college. Nearly 6 years at that. Yes, there are successful business owners with no college education. I have two degrees in business and it does help. I know the books, numbers, rules, and proper terms."

"I don't want to go, Desdemona. Can you please let me come to your Dinner in Designer party? I've modeled for little boutiques but that's not enough. I want to meet the big people. Or at least let me come to one of the fashion shows with you."

"I can't, Cordelia. You're too young for that scene. When you turn 18 in November then we can talk. If you truly don't want to go to college you need to tell our parents...in person." I get up from the bed as she looks shocked.

"Seriously? Dad will kill me."

I shrug. "You're so sure about your decision, so it should be no problem. I have to get back to work. I'll be back by 6 or 7p.m. Have Geraldo to make dinner for us before I get home." I kiss her forehead. She tries to push me away, but I laugh leaving her room. I leave my penthouse going out to my car.

As I drive back to the office all I can think about is what Dr. Myles told me. I need to change. I need to change. I need to change. That's all I could think. If you repeat it enough it'll happen, right?

Draco & Mona in the mm. How are you guys liking the story so far? Leave feedback.