I was so young, so naive,

I thought i would stay as happy as can be.

But by the time November grew near,

my thoughts began to fill me with fear.

by the end of the month i hated myself

all because of one incident in itself.

i began to hate what i had become,

i wished for a way to make my brain go numb.

then an idea came to me,

and i began to take just one, then two and three.

by the time Christmas was here,

i thought my destiny was oh so clear.

i began to double the pills i took

a life like this has no instruction book.

i reached a point where i couldn't see

what my actions were doing to me.

i lost friends till no one was there, 

wondering if i could ever bounce back from this year.

Then my 15th birthday rolled around,

by the end of the night i was passed out on the ground.

finally it clicked someone was there for me,

i just had to open my eyes and let myself see.

he got me to talk and even wiped away my tear,

i told him about the last half a year.

He helped to get the courage to stop,

to open my hands and just let the pills drop.

By may 11th i was finally free,

but my mind still just wanted to flee.

people thought my life was full of cheer

but i lived every day powered by fear.

i had to fight every day

to keep myself from wanting to stray.

I managed to keep the pills out of me

but it hard beyond any degree.

i never thought i would reach a year

living my life without a smear. 

I guess i was right to think this,

because by June i was a hit and miss.

I started to consume things which should be under lock and key,

taking it to school and saying it was 'tea'.

no one knows what was really in there

it was full of alcohol, the color clear.

all i needed was an escape from life

drugs or alcohol or maybe a knife. 

7 attempts to set myself free,

but here i am still as screwed up as can be.