ii. Killers don't make for allies

       Lilith likes thinking she's dead.

       Flashes of her life intrude her head whenever she's alone; she sits crosslegged somewhere in the tunnel where she pretends to be drilling, and dangles a cigarette from her her mouth. Her back is to the wall and her head lightly thrums against it; her movements become harsher the more she lets the past flood in. It's easier to think these are all the memories of a dead person.

       1742. The year she was born. Small town, New York, four walls, not a home. Mother that didn't love her enough, Father that couldn't love. 1755. The year she first killed someone—or rather, something. A demon, just like her; only Lilith was human then. A blade to the heart was what it took. Father handed her the weapon, Father made her a killer. Lilith didn't understand the cruelty of it then. 1763. The year Lilith turned into what she killed. A ritual and a sacrifice in the slaughterhouse that was home.

       She doesn't know when the demon became the girl, and the girl became the demon.

       Lilith snuffs out her half-smoked cigarette with the tip of her finger, she likes feeling the sting. A small blister forms on the pad of her index but it will soon fade. She stands and dreams of better things to do than walking aimlessly through a tunnel.

       She nods at two vampires she passes by. Everyone in the tunnel has been working away — even more so now with Spike's newfound motivation after his run-in with the Slayer. After all, killing the Slayer is at the top of his list once he gets his gem. Uninterested in the gem, Lilith stays for the treasure that is rumored to be with it.

       At the end of the cave, Lilith finds Spike. He shovels another hole. Although, he sees her, he ignores her.

       "You could use a break. I can help with that," Lilith says, aiming to take the shovel from him, she reaches out her hand to wrap it over his, it's cold.

       Spike stiffens, his knuckles flex beneath her hand. He makes her let go and presses her wrist to the wall. He feels her heartbeat beneath his palm. It kickstarts. "Yeah, and what could that break be?"

       "Stop it, Spike," she says, teasing and smiling a little. "I might get different ideas of what you want."

       Lilith doesn't mean it, she never does when she flirts with him. Sure, she has thought about it a few times but she is set on that anything she can imagine will be much better than the real thing. Nonetheless, she is a flirt, through and through. She likes playing this sort of game with him. It goes either two ways. Sometimes, he plays along. Pushes a little further. Pretends to buy into the charade. Other times, he stiffens. Pulls away. Makes a snide remark.

       Spike lets go of her wrist. "Wouldn't hate it, would you? Know you'd pry it apart for anyone these days."

       Lilith isn't stunned by his comment since it's what he expects her to do. It's something he likes—saying things like this—as if he needs to get under others' skin. Lilith is often unfazed, which makes her a recurring target. She likes the way he looks at her; all-venom and rancor. She likes feeling like she deserves it. "Like I did for her?"

       "Ah, you finally say it. Started to think you might've forgotten."

       "Why would I? Dru was spectacular," she licks her teeth, "in every sense of the word."

       Here's the thing. Spike hates Lilith for many reasons but they all come back to his ex-girlfriend. Drusilla, all head in the sky and strangely mesmerizing. Unlike Spike, led by desire rather than love. It was this major difference during their time together that caused their stray. A hundred years of a relationship and he could never change the one fact that Dru would prioritize desire, as much as she truly did love him.

Their relationship worked—till she desired someone else.

It was a year and a half into knowing each other that Drusilla and Lilith began an affair. What started out as a few kisses after the club would close led to sly knee touches under the table, then misplaced ribbons on the other's bedside table, and perfume scents in the other's clothes. But it wasn't like this all of the time, they were friends more than they were secret lovers.

Yet if they had been better friends, Lilith guesses they would've never become lovers. As expected at some point, everything spiraled, the love affair was no longer secret. Spike and Drusilla had come close to separating. But Drusilla never planned to properly leave Spike when she came to spend five months away with Lilith. Because after that, Drusilla left her behind, along with any meaningless fantasies that died there, and she returned to the one who loved her more. So, Lilith went back to where had always been, the sidelines.

"She never stopped loving you, you know? When we were together. When she left and came back for you, she meant it."

Spike grabs her by the collar of her jacket, the leather creases between his fingers. "Oh, I know, Lilith. You weren't worth leaving for."

Lilith looks down at the ground, the inches of it that separate their feet. She's never let a comment of his get to her this much, but somehow—with his words—she is reminded of her family. She knows it wasn't his intention, but he's right, and she hates it.

       She pretends to swallow down his comment. "Why did she leave this time, Spike? What did you do?"

       "I didn't do anything," his voice has a new tinge of heartache to it.

       Lilith rolls her eyes, baffled by the things she doesn't understand, like the relationship between Drusilla and Spike. Soulless and heinous, they love each other. Not despite of but in spite of. To many, they're an enigma. Drusilla shaped him and loved him into who he is now, her love created him. Spike has loved and completely devoted himself to Drusilla. While his love is more human, it makes it more alien to Lilith. Lilith, who person after person never falls in love. Lilith, who fears she just might never know love. She supposes that is one of the reasons she hates him, he has something she could never have. It is easier for her to look down on it than to admire it.

       Lilith can't help herself when it comes to others having something she doesn't and could never have, she is selfish and greedy, and takes what isn't hers.

"Did you...oh, but you wouldn't, would you? Played Dru's games? Did you get with Harmony when you two...?" Lilith knows he's incapable of it and maybe that's why she makes her comment.

Spike doesn't give a verbal response. Instead, he punches her on the jaw. Reflexively, Lilith rubs her jaw. She's not surprised by his reaction, almost prepared for it. He can throw a punch for the simple reason of feeling like it.

Lilith reaches for another cigarette from her jacket's pocket. "God, you're easy to tick off."

Spike shrugs and offers out his hand for a cigarette of hers. "I just love doing that."

☀︎

Buffy returns to her dorm in last night's clothes. She shares the room with her best friend, Willow. She doesn't check for her, she heads straight for her bed and starts undoing her top from the back.

A clear of throat is heard. "Good morning." It's Giles, her watcher.

Flustered, Buffy freezes and reties her top as she glances toward Giles. He's joined by Willow. He sits at her desk, working away on the computer. Willow stands next to him.

"Giles, I didn't know you were here," says Buffy, sheepish.

"Oh, really?" he asks, sarcastic.

While Giles can't see her, Willow makes encouraging hand gestures to Buffy as if telling her she's got this and can come up with the perfect excuse as to the reason she didn't sleep at her dorm.

"I was, uh, studying at the library," Buffy rushes out without meeting Giles' eyes. "All Saturday night." She rubs her hands over her sides. "Uh, you know what? I'm an adult and it's none of your business where I was."

Buffy had spent the night with her date. Parker.

"I'm sincerely relieved to hear it," says Giles, then puts on his glasses and glimpses towards the book he's brought—the reason he's here in the first place. "Now, can we discuss the impending disaster?"

Last night, while at the party, Buffy called Giles to tell him about her run-in with Spike. During the fight they had, the vampire had revealed to her the reason he was here. Perhaps better-phrased, Harmony had and Spike had nagged about it. It had been about the legendary gem he has been on the lookout for. The Gem of Amara. At hearing this, Giles had made it his mission to find out all about it and had returned today with valuable information.

Giles has discovered it to be hidden somewhere in the Valley of the Sun ("Demon fancy talk for Sunnydale," as Willow puts it). "It seems that Spike may know what it's about. The gem may exist after all in Sunnydale in a sealed underground crypt," Giles says.

"Why don't you guys try and locate the crypt and I'll try to find Spike before he gets there," Buffy suggests a plan, they agree to it.

Giles starts to stand from the desk, Buffy stops him by bringing in new information. "Wait, Giles. There was something else last night." She licks her lips nervously. "Lilith's back."

Giles rubs his thumb over his chin. "This can't be good."

Willow's perplexed. "Uh, fill me in here."

       "Demon. Pretended to be the new girl at school, Xander totally believed it. Turns out she wanted to eat him." Buffy sticks out her tongue and retches to show her disgust. "And then, I killed her. But apparently, not that well."

"Oh! Right, right," Willow says, remembering. "She was...a lot."

       Buffy shrugs. "She seemed harmless last night. I didn't get the same old demon-y vibe from her."

       "Well...no. No, you wouldn't. She's a succubus, Buffy. It's what she does. And if she's come back at the same time as Spike, the situation is worse than I initially thought."

"Her and Spike...?" Buffy scrunches up her nose. "Does every demon know each other in demon-world?"

Giles lets out a small chuckle and rubs the side of his glasses against his face. "Alongside Drusilla, they were responsible for a number of horrific killings, I believe it was during the prohibition era. I, I have a book on it, it details the events I speak of."

Willow looks appalled. "An entire book? Great."

       "No. Thankfully, no. It is only a section of it. I will have it for you," Giles explains. "They could be trying to recreate that. If Spike seizes possession of the gem, they'd be — I'm afraid so — unstoppable."

       Buffy nods, taking it all in. "Okay, so I find Lilith, too."

       Her and Willow bid their goodbyes and gratitude to Giles.

As Giles goes out the door, he says, "Do you think you could ask her if by any chance she's planning a massacre?"

☀︎

Lilith isn't planning on killing anyone as of late.

Currently, she sits by herself as she stuffs her face with a bag of peanuts. (Food barely tastes like anything to her, but she likes the crunch). Sick of the underground, Lilith took a trip to UC Sunnydale—where she last came to for a college party four days ago. She found a nice outdoor dining hall, strewn with sunlight.

She has been here for a while now—a few hours, really. She's been rehearsing schemes in her mind, ways to get Buffy trust her. Eventually, she comes to the conclusion that she must enroll here. Going to college has been on her bucket list for a while now. However, her thoughts cease when she sees Buffy walking by.

Buffy has her backpack slung over her shoulder, she wears a sheer blue top and black pants. She is pretty, quite pretty. She looks around as if searching for someone until her eyes land on Lilith. First, she stares confused, then scrutinizing. While Buffy has been searching for her, this is where she least expects to find Lilith.

Buffy resolutely approaches her table. Quietly, she surveys Lilith and sits on the chair in front of her. Lilith waits for her to speak first. Buffy toys with her hands. "I remember you."

       Lilith lowers her head and smiles. "Hello, Buffy."

       Buffy is still trying to tell how to approach this. It's not everyday she sits down to have a chat with her enemies. She ponders it for a second, then rifles through her school bag. Lilith sees her pull out a notebook, and a makeup bag, and a loose lipgloss before she finally pulls out a crumpled up set of papers — as if they've been sitting at the bottom of her bag for days. After their meeting, Giles faxed Buffy and Willow copies from one his books. One that detailed a historical massacre Lilith had been the cause of. Two pages filled with much of the atrocities and the aftermath of it. Buffy extends it out for Lilith to see. "Is this what you're planning?"

       Lilith chuckles and takes the copies from Buffy, their hands grazing for a moment. Buffy is surprised to touch warmth, it's almost like Lilith's human.

       The Massacre of Paris, Lilith reads the title aloud. As she skims through the page, she says, "The history books make it sound like we were friends. I mean, it's not all wrong, Dru did love the kill for what it was. But to Spike and I, it was more than that. It was a competition—of who could be the better killer."

Buffy is glad Lilith is openly answering her question, sometimes she prefers staying away from violence. "Ever thought of just competing for gold star stickers?"

       Lilith laughs. "To answer your question, no, I'm not here for any of that. Can't a girl just want the college experience without being defined by her past?" Buffy frowns, Lilith grins. "I'm kidding. I get why you have the jitters about me."

"Why are you here then?"

       "Buffy, I'm here to be your ally."

       Buffy stiffens. For a moment, it feels like she's meeting Faith all over again, making the wound of her betrayal feel as if it had been newly cut open. She doesn't know why she sees pieces of Faith in Lilith; from the way she talks to the way she looks at her. Same air of confidence that is closer to arrogance and same holier-than-thou glower. But the similarities don't stop there, Lilith too is an unrepentant killer. Could Faith had become like Lilith if Buffy hadn't stopped her? Someone who gets written about in books for the way they kill. Faith had promised to be her ally, and she betrayed her. Girls like Faith, like Lilith, they don't make for allies. In the end, they're only on one side. Their own.

       Buffy knows this story all too well, she knows better. "No, you won't be."

☀︎

       "Not her ally? Ugh. Haven't I been nice enough?"

Lilith complains to herself and kicks at a rock after returning to the stupid tunnel. After Buffy accused her of being unable to be her ally, Lilith had tried to hint at Spike's whereabouts—without giving away she had been technically working with Spike for the last few days. Of course, it only made Lilith's case worse. She regrets acting so dodgy when the purpose of all of this was to get on Buffy's good side. But it's okay, Lilith has plenty of time to get Buffy to trust her.

       She still is iffy about siding with the Slayer. Buffy kills her kind, Buffy killed her. Anyway, let bygones be bygones. For now, Lilith is focused on getting to the place where the gem was found. It was at returning to the tunnel that Lilith learned Spike had managed it—he had found the crypt where it had been locked away.

Lilith gets to the spot and has brought a sack to steal all of the treasure, if there is any. She stares up at the hole in the tunnel's roof, she stretches out her arms, gives a little jump and starts to pull herself up. She's halfway through when she starts to struggle. "Harmony!" shouts Lilith. "Help me up."

       Instead of Harmony, it's three others that stare down at her. Lilith doesn't immediately recognize them but she can smell the souls on them.

       Buffy's group.

       "Ah, fuck," she curses, though insists, "Mind giving a hand?" They don't come to her aid, Lilith sighs. "Fine. I can do it myself." With some struggle, she fully pulls herself up.

       As she lays on the ground, she sees the eldest — a man in his mid-forties who Lilith recalls as the school's librarian — is clutching a wooden stake defensively.

       Lilith grimaces. "Stake? Really?"

       Giles doesn't lower the stake. "Lilith, I know what you're here for."

       As she brings herself to stand, Giles brandishes the stake higher, making his threat clear. Lilith dusts herself off. "Look, Buffy told me all about it. I'm not here to repeat history. I'm only here to steal." She shakes the sack she's brought to prove her point.

Lilith looks around the place. The rumors were true, there is treasure, and a lot of it. She tosses the first thing she gets her hands on — a little gold trinket — into her sack. She turns to the only other girl in the room, Buffy's best friend. Wallflower, shy Willow with a heart of gold. Lilith recalls meeting her, as well as using extortion on her to get confidential information about the city through Willow's hacking skills. Okay, it wasn't Lilith's best moment but she has changed since then, at least her motivations have.

       "Willow, tech-genius and all, can you help me set up my online market?"

       "Uh, sure," Willow replies, out of habit. It's what Lilith likes best about her, she is just so nice.

       Giles tries to decipher how to approach this. Lilith has to know where Spike is, but how will he get her to tell them? "Lilith."

       Lilith doesn't turn to the sound of her name, she keeps rummaging through the treasure. Then, she lets the amulet she's picked up drop to the ground when she senses something's off. Along her browsing, she came to stand next to Oz—short, cute, redhead guy—who's soul smells different. Lilith stares for a moment, trying to figure out what he is. "You're not human. How did you make the team?"

       He takes a second to respond—as if processing how she's known so quickly. He glimpses at Willow, a voiceless question. She barely shakes her head, sneakily telling him not to indulge Lilith. But Oz proudly says how he's part of the group. "I'm Willow's boyfriend."

       Lilith raises her brows, impressed. Suddenly awkward, Willow purses her lips and affectionately squeezes Oz's arm.

       Giles think this chat is nonsense. "Can you tell us where Spike is?"

       "If he's not here, he probably has his gem, so he's gone off to kill Buffy," Lilith answers, then looks at Willow, "But I'm betting she kills him first, right?"

       That is enough to get the group running out of the cave. Lilith is thankful that she can finally ransack the place comfortably.

☀︎

On a bench somewhere in the streets of Sunnydale, Lilith sits and she drapes a cigarette between her fingers, the smoke blowing out is hazy by the dimmed streetlights. And the moon hides in between the trees.

She stares straight ahead when she hears footsteps coming from the side. She doesn't turn her head till she sees him sit beside her.

As Spike takes a cigarette of his own, Lilith tells him, "Thought you'd be all dust by now."

He looks cocky then. "Guess the Slayer couldn't take me."

"I think there's more to it."

Spike lights his cigarette and shifts to be more comfortable on the bench — as if he can actually stand to be around her. "When's the last time you were in L.A.?"

Lilith furrows her brows, trying to remember. It hadn't been that long since. "Fifties, I think."

"I'm headed there."

While their interaction is far from flirtatious since there is at least one person's distance between them on the bench and lacks suggestive language, Lilith jokes, "Is this the part where you ask me on a romantic getaway?"

"Far from it. Thinking maiming, bit of torture," Spike says, gruesome and vague.

Lilith sees it then by how he goes out of his way to invite her, Spike wants her for an ally. Only a killer can understand a killer. But she won't choose his side—not this time. "Tempting. I'll pass, though."

Bitter about it, Spike says snidely, "Angel'll be there. Didn't you have a thing?"

Aghast, Lilith makes a face. "What? Since when?"

He nods, knowing he was lying. "Oh, that's right. It's hard to remember who you haven't had."

Irritated, Lilith bites the inside of her cheek. "But who I've had—that just lives in your head, doesn't it?"

Spike chooses to ignore that statement and takes a drag of his cigarette. He tells her why he's going to Los Angeles. "Buffy took my gem, bitch is giving it to Angel." He grumbles. "I mean, all that hard work, fella's gotta think he'll get to enjoy it a bit longer."

Lilith chuckles, she likes hearing him not get his way. "Here's a thought. You should've put the vendetta aside and stuck to sunbathing."

"Hardly as fun."

She taps her thumb on her cigarette to rid it of ash. "So, Buffy hates you but loves Angelus. What is it with that girl? Aren't you, like, the same?"

Spike hasn't looked so offended. "Hey. Watch it. Angel's nowhere near me."

Lilith clicks her tongue. "Yeah, you're right. Heard he has the soul thing going on now. How is that? Vampire with a soul."

"Pathetic, really."

Spike snuffs out his cigarette over the bench's armrest. He's leaving. He didn't get her on his side. As much as they may clash together, they know they made quite the team back in the day. It would've been of use to him now. 

He stands, she remains seated.

"Well, Spike, good luck in L.A., but don't blame me if I root for Angel."

"I'd find it concerning if you didn't."

After this, they are on different sides of the scope. Lilith is determined to side with the Slayer, Spike will fight the fight from where they always have.

spike&lily&dru. my fav complicated trio.
i dont acc endorse cheating. lilith is a demon of seduction so i saw it fitting.

me, making buffy have a type: oh yea oh yea.
buffy being drawn to lily to seal the wound faith left her? i think yes. trying to keep lily close to fool herself into thinking that what she did to faith was justified if she would've just become like her? yeaa
(pls don't root for lilybuffy. it's gonna be a loooong while).