FROZEN STARS
TWENTY EIGHT

THERE WAS a fine line between fear and reluctance.

And, that morning, Marley had woken up early, filled with dread and a reluctance to even leave the familiarity of her tent. She wasn't even being dramatic when she said that she, wholeheartedly, without a doubt, hated hunting. She'd been fortunate enough to avoid the task - mostly because she was sure that Bellamy was fully aware of how much she hated the idea of it (and that, if their diet didn't rely almost solely on whatever animal they'd killed that week, she most likely wouldn't even touch the stuff). But now she had no choice. If it meant surviving - then so be it.

The tension in the air that morning was palpable. The hum of voices, of reluctant anticipation and Sometimes, Marley forgot that there were children — some surely no older than fourteen — that had never had to face something like this before. She felt selfish for forgetting that; their parents were likely still up there on the Ark and, as far as everyone knew, were probably dead or dying.

For Marley, thinking about her parents brought on an ache that felt like a dull knife twisting unrelentingly into her stomach. For all their faults, faults to which they would surely agree, she wasn't sure she wanted to exist in a world where her family were dead. She wasn't close to them - she never had been - but that still didn't mean she wanted to live without them. But she hadn't even stopped to think what it was like for others, especially the kids who had to live out the rest of their teenage years without their parents. Marley was eighteen, she was an adult, but they were still just kids.

It was a terrifying thought that maybe they were down there, alone, with barely enough experience with life to even be counted as adults in the eyes of the law - and now they had to learn to survive on their own. It was rather startling to see them, half the size of the others in their hunting group and barely grazing their shoulders, carrying a weapon. Some held them so comfortably that it was as if it was all they knew. They filed out of camp like lambs to the slaughter — half laughing and joking like hunting, whilst being hunted, was the most normal thing in the world

As Marley was leaving camp that morning — a group comprised of herself, Elijah and two of his friends named Loren and Hunter (both of whom she'd never actually met) — Bellamy had pressed a crudely-made spear into her hand with the promise that she didn't have to use it but she'd at least be able to protect herself against any danger.

The four of them walked under a canopy of green; the sun shone as emeralds onto their skin. Marley walked beside Elijah — who had a gun resting snuggly in his hands — and the others walked in front, each carrying spears like Marley. She wasn't sure it was wise to leave Elijah in charge of the gun; she'd lost count of the number of times she'd seen him trip over something (sometimes nothing at all) straighten himself out only to trip again a few seconds later.

"Do you think they're really gone?" Elijah questioned quietly as they tiptoed through the trees.

"Huh?" Marley questioned, unsure of what he meant.

He motioned towards the sky. "The Ark, do you think they're actually gone? Raven said we lost contact but..." He paused for a second. "My mom's up there."

"Oh... um, I don't know," she admitted quietly, glancing down at the ground. "Maybe, just this once, the universe won't be so cruel to us."

"We are due some good luck."

"What's your mom's name?" For all the time she'd spent with Elijah since being on the ground - which seemed to be almost every single waking hour considering lately they were usually working the same station - she knew next to nothing about him. Aside from the strangest little things (like how he was allergic to the beans they served in the Ark's mess hall and how he had a scar on his knee from the time he convinced himself he could jump over a table).

"Penny." He smiled reminiscently. "What about your parents? They still up there?"

Marley though back to the last time she'd seen her parents. It was via their video link up to the Ark when her mom had run away with tears in her eyes and her dad had done nothing but apologise. In fact, she hadn't really thought about them since then; she hadn't really allowed herself to. Sometimes, she managed to suppress her thoughts. It was growing increasingly easy; if she sat back and glanced up at the stars, those thoughts seemed to drift away. Only briefly — sometimes those thoughts were just too powerful to overcome, flashes of memory and worry and pain clouding her brain like low-hanging storm clouds in a navy sky — but it was better than nothing.

And if she did drift into thinking about her parents, it was no more than the handful of positive memories she held. Not from when her mother had been drunk, not from when she and her father had been arguing, but from the few times they'd actually shared a smile for more than a few fleeting seconds.

"They're still up there," Marley confirmed, a short smile flashing on her face. There wasn't really much else she wanted to say about the situation; she didn't want to think about it and she'd already spilt a little too much to Bellamy. Even if she hadn't told him details, he knew something was wrong. And that was too much.

"I hope we see them again soon." He sighed.

It fell silent for a while, nothing but the sound of their footfalls on the forest floor — crunching leaves, snapping twigs, the faint squelch of wet mud — and the rustling of the trees in a wind that seemed to blow harshly then softly like it couldn't quite make up its mind.

Marley glanced around to see nothing but trees. She wasn't sure what exactly she expected but there was absolutely no sign of movement bar a fly that kept flying into Elijah's face which he kept batting away dramatically. Maybe his flailing arms were the reason nothing seemed to be hanging around them.

"Nice shirt." Elijah broke through the silence that had descended. He spoke as he ducked away from the oncoming pest that was diving incessantly at his face. He began to smirk at her as the fly darted away in what was likely a temporary reprieve.

"Thanks?" Marley's voice was half-questioning, a confusion laced with her tone. His sudden enthusiasm over a t-shirt almost identical to the one he was wearing — a t-shirt with absolutely nothing remarkable or noteworthy about it — was confusing.

Yet he was looking at her like she should know what he meant. Only she had no clue. "So, you and Bellamy, are you... you know, a thing?"

"A thing?"

She wasn't sure how he'd made the jump from a t-shirt to her and Bellamy.

"'A thing' like..." he paused, wracking his brain for an answer, "a thing?" He repeated.

"Wow, thanks for the clarity?"

"You know-" He wa snaking strange gestures with his hands. It was almost like he was trying to pull the words he couldn't find from his mouth. "-dating, in a relationship... smoochin'."

"Smoochin'?" Marley almost laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of it; firstly, smoochin' and, secondly, that he genuinely thought that there was something other than friendship between her and Bellamy.

"I said what I said, Marley."

"You've asked me this before, Elijah." She half-sighed, half-chuckled.

"I know but when you both turn up soaking wet from the creek and you're currently wearing his t-shirt, I've gotta start asking these questions." Marley glanced down at the blue shirt she was wearing. She hadn't even realised that it was Bellamy's; she'd just assumed it was a spare. The shirt was too big - she'd had to tuck it into her pants because it hung off her frame a little too loosely to be comfortable - but she was just grateful she had something dry to wear. Evidently too grateful to realise where it had actually come from.

"This isn't his shirt, it's a spare."

"There aren't any spares left."

"I just- Nothing happened, Elijah."

"You can tell me if it did!" He urged. "I won't tell anyone, I promise."

"Nothing happened."

"I've seen the way he looks at you." He spoke in a sing-song voice, lips curling upwards into a grin.

"He doesn't like me like that."

"Well, you never know until you ask!"

"No, I- How's Raven?"

"Just go talk to him!" He urged.

"How's Raven?"

After a sceptically raised eyebrow and a sigh, he replied, "She's upset with Finn... and Clarke." He looked thoughtful. "And also with me but that might be because I wouldn't leave her alone."

She didn't know much about what was going on between them — she'd barely spoken a word to Clarke and her and Finn's paths had barely crossed lately — but it was kind of hard to miss the glances they shared.

"It seems like everyone's falling in love down here." Elijah wiggled his eyebrows at her, elbow jutting playfully into her side.

"Oh, shut up!"

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            IT WAS with reluctance that Elijah's words still hung in her mind. She was half-tempted to actually go speak to Bellamy like he had suggested. Not because she thought there was any truth in his insistence or because she liked him but because she'd be lying if she said that she wasn't even a little bit curious. Part of her — even if it was only a small part — wanted to know if there was maybe even a little shred of truth in what Elijah had said.

And she almost did. When they arrived back in camp — mostly empty-handed aside from a few berries and a small animal that was likely far too small to pick anything from — it had been all she could think about. The thoughts were a parasite burying their way into her brain. Marley had tried to distract herself but she couldn't focus on anything besides that little voice wondering whether or not there was more to their relationship that she somehow hadn't noticed.

She wasn't even sure why the thoughts wouldn't shift. They just lingered there, gnawing at her. She hated when things would press down on her — the most trivial of things were the worst because they were just so frustrating — and it took heaven and earth to shift them. Because, of course, Bellamy didn't like her as any more than a friend, if that. And, of course, she didn't like him. But she hated doubting herself.

If speaking to him meant confirming what she already knew, that they were nothing more than friends, then so be it. If it meant sating the millions of incessant 'what ifs' flowing through her mind like a rushing river, what was the worst that could happen?

Only the worst that could happen was that there was something there and everything could go wrong.

It was too confusing.

Truthfully, she almost did. Her feet almost carried her to Bellamy's tent. Until the idea was quickly pulled from her mind when she saw Raven leaving his tent, glancing around cautiously as she rebuttoned her pants. Bellamy followed shortly after, hair ruffled. The pair didn't even stop to take a second glance at each other, just wandered off in opposite directions.

For all it did to quieten her worries, seeing Bellamy and Raven together made an unfamiliar feeling bubble in her chest. It was uncomfortable — almost like the wind had been knocked completely out of her — but she wasn't sure why.

Could it have been jealousy? Even just a little bit. But, surely, what did she have to be jealous about?

Marley clamped her hands firmly around herself, cheeks flushing bright red. She was embarrassed. So goddamn embarrassed. She just wanted to curl up in her tent until the swirling on confusing and conflicting emotions stopped flooding her brain and clouding her thoughts.

She didn't even know what all this meant. And, in all honestly, she really didn't want to know. It seemed dramatic — to have such an adverse reaction to something which was surely completely natural — but, honestly, she despised feeling this way.

Jealousy was bad. She'd seen first hand the things it could bring out in people. She'd experienced its backlash. She'd spent far too long flinching away from the grasp of envy.

Feelings were confusing.

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a/n: really short filler chapter werkkkk

next chapter is good, i know i always say that and then half the time it's actually just another filler chapter but i promise this time it's ACTUALLY a good chapter!

anyways y'all probably don't care but i just did four dates on shawn mendes' uk tour and honestly i'm emotionally drained and i miss that man and his hugs

me currently x