Clouds will rage and
Storms will race in,
But you will be safe in my arms.
Rains will pour down,
Waves will crash around,
But you will be safe in my arms.
"In My Arms" by Plumb

I sit in my room. I started pondering an hour ago. I have a sudden temptation to throw my desk chair. It's calling me over to it, like it's prey waiting to be pounced on by the killer.

At this point, I don't know what to feel. Grief can be many things. Depression can be many things. I don't want to get depressed again... Cutting your arms is like an addiction to getting high on painkillers. It takes the pain and you find pleasure in tearing your skin open with a blade and then red hot liquid gushing out until you're satisfied. It's gory. I don't want to be addicted to it again.

A man shouldn't make you happy, but Foxy...you're the reason I'm happy...

But how do I live without my happiness? Tammy took it away from me with her greedy hands and sexier body.

I shouldn't have went looking for him in the fire.

My chest aches for real. Like I can't breathe. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

Calm down, Mangle. Don't you start bawling, you baby bitch.

"The happiest memories hurt the most." I say aloud.

"What?" Alex says. I jump and look at him. "Sorry for breaking and entering, but mom said come down for dinner."

"I'm not hungry..." I say quietly.

"AT LEAST come take a few bites. You'll hurt her feelings." Alex says. I roll my eyes.

"She doesn't have feelings for me. She's a two-faced bastard and she'll never be my mother." I reply coldly. Alex gets a confused look.

"Why all of a sudden are you being hostile?" Alex asks. I scoff and get up from my window seat and brush past him. He puts his hands up in surrender.

"Alright, alright." He says and follows me.

I make it down to the dinner table and I sigh and sit in a chair. I look at Alice. She makes me miss my mother. My REAL mother...I flinch and Dad puts his hands up.

"What the hell was that?" He asked. I sigh.

"Someone just walked on my grave-" I say, all of a sudden my phone dings. I haven't gotten a text since I left the school. I look at it and of course, it's f*ck boy. I sigh annoyed.

Foxy: Where you at, babe?

Me: ...Uh? Excuse me? What do you want?

Foxy: Uh, Tammy?

Me: Foxy, you dumbass, you realize who you're messaging right?

Foxy: Tammy?

Me: Oh my god... I'm trying to have a peaceful dinner with my family and you're ruining the peacfulness! And no, I'm not Tammy. I'm Mangle, you stupid, lying, cheating, dick-head, used tampon of the world.

Foxy: ... That last one got me pretty good.

Me: Tammy and I are nowhere near each other and our names start with a different letters, apparently you need to take reading classes 'cause you obviously don't know the difference between "Mangle and Tammy"!

Foxy: Erm... Tammy's nickname may possibly be Mangle 2.0...

Me: -_- ...Fuck you and Tammy, I hope you both burn in hell. T-T

<You can no longer reply to this conversation>

I exhale. I look at everyone who is staring at me. They probably can see my furious/sad face. 

"Margaret Fox, no phones at the dinner table." Alice says firmly. I sigh.

"I'm sorry." I say with an attitude.

"Mangle! Don't you sass me! Just because you're going through a rough time doesn't mean you get to spread your joy with the rest of us!"  Alice says. I sigh again, flustered. "Let's say Grace." Alice says.

After dinner, I storm back to my room and sulk. I can't take any of this. I've been replaced, I've been forgotten,

Cheated.
Left.
Abandoned.
Neglected.
Unloved...

My whole body shivers like I struck a high fever. I put my face in my hands, then the last I need is a knock on my bedroom door. I don't reply, whomever is there comes in.

"Mangle..." Alice speaks. I sigh and look at her.

"Yes?" I ask.

"Let's talk about the incident at dinner..." Alice says and sits in my desk chair. I'm tired of fighting, so I let it slide.

"Alright, I'm sorry." I say. Alice shakes her head.

"No, I don't want you to apologize. I want to." Alice says. I raise an eyebrow.

"I understand how you're feeling. My first husband cheated on me too. Except Foxy wasn't your husband, but you get it." Alice says. I soften my expression.

"Really?" I say. She nods.

"You're irritable, so you're not sure what emotion you want to settle on... I know you're not trying to be mean. It's extremly hard." Alice explains. I nod. "You want to talk about it?"

"..." I take a moment to think about this.

"I know...I'll never be your real mother, but at least let me understand and help you. I know I can never fill that void. Your life is ridiculously unfair. We can't control it. But just shout at me when you want to talk." Alice says and gets up.

I start crying, "Alice." I say, she sits next to me and hugs me. "I'm sorry for how I've treated you."

"Don't be." Alice says. She keeps me embraced. "You just need to ride your emotions..."