Warning talks of depression and cursing

I've finally got what I've always wanted. Love. Yes I have experienced love but never like this. The times before are either one sided or not in a romantic way. But this time is different but its different in a good way.
Since I was 11 years old I've struggled with depression badly at times I even wanted to end my own life. I'm so fucking glad that I didn't. If I would have I wouldn't have ever found the love of my life.

I used to think that it doesn't get better but it does. If I would have been told just 2 months ago that I would find someone who is actually going to love me back for who I am I wouldn't have believe it even if my life depended on it. It was so bad sometimes like there were days where id rather die than get outta bed. I just felt useless like i was a ugly waste of space. I had a consoler and a therapist at the same time at one point. But then our insurance ran out so my mom and stepdad especially my stepdad decided to just threaten me or punish me when I had anxiety attacks or broke down in front of them. So I started to keep it to myself. So they wouldn't start saying I'm just doing for attention. I felt so alone.

But I'm now a lot happier of course I still have those stupid thoughts and stuff like that but at least now I have motivation. Its still very hard for me but I've gotten so good at faking a smile and pretending to be happy that no can tell when I am happy apart from when I'm pretending to be happy. 
The best thing about me having them in my life is that when I'm sad and alone I can think of them which always seems to put a smile on my face.
When it comes to love vs depression. Its a battle that can't be lose or won.

The next time have a voice my head that says no one loves me ill tell it to shut the fuck up because them loves me.