"I'm not swallowing it," Duke says. "You just want me to turn around, bro. I know all your tricks."

I feel the urge to kick him in the butt, but he'd shoot Mint automatically. I wish I could let it happen. I'm so angry with them, it's not even funny.

"Duke!" I shout at him, just a second before he ends Mint's life. "What the fuck are you doing with a gun here?"

He spins around with the speed of a flying bullet to face me. I must admit that Duke is a cool pro.

Then he tries to hide his gun in his pocket.

It's not possible, because the gun's too big for it. But he's still trying, as if he could hide it from me. Okay, calling him cool maybe was an exaggeration. The idiot's about to blow his own balls off.

"I've already seen it," I sigh. "So?"

"I... um... we..." he mumbles, "we just came to remind you of the good old times! I... um... we... remind you of those, right?"

"You," I snort, "you remind me of Tobey, when he half ate a dog crap and hid the rest behind his back."

Mint bursts out laughing.

"And you," I turn to him, "you still remind me of a fucking salsa dancer. Don't you have any normal clothes to wear? It's nice to see your belly button all the time, but if Duke tried to shoot you, which he totally wants, you'd give me an unnecessarily hard time saving you. Priorities, man! Safety first. Drooling women can wait."

Mint has the audacity to roll his eyes.

"I can defend myself, thank you very much," he says. And he speaks the truth. His gun is already pointed at Duke's back, but, for some reason, he also imagines that I'm not noticing it. So they are both quite surprised when I step between them.

"What the fuck?!" Mint protests. "Are you with Duke now? I thought you were on my side! You saved me! And now you side with him? Are you crazy?"

"You're such an egotistical jerk, Mint," Duke huffs. "Why would she side with you? You're a pest!"

"And why would she side with you?" Mint retorts. "You've always been the second best! You're just delirious because you've spent too much time whacking off while thinking about her!"

"I'm not siding with anyone," I inform them.

They both stare at me as if it was something new to them.

"I told you exactly two hundred and forty-nine times," I go on. "My duty is to guard the lambs committed to my care. I look after those who are mine. And I won't let any of you get lost."

They both take a shaky breath. I can tell that my words have a massive effect on them.

"And this is the only thing that matters to me," I tell them. "I'm not interested in your petty rivalry over a petty virus, or a woman you imagined, but now you can see very well that she's nothing like me."

"Petty virus?" Duke snaps. "The fate of humanity depends on it!"

"Nothing like you?" Mint grunts. "I have no idea what you're talking about! I've never imagined any woman. Not in my whole life. I have plenty of real—"

"Mint," I interrupt him. "And Duke. I know what you expect from me. But I can't do it. I can't stop fulfilling my duty. I wish I could. Now please, go."

"It's not your duty anymore," Duke declares. "Circumstances have changed."

"Not really," I answer. "Relevant circumstances didn't."

"What relevant circumstances?" Mint asks.

"You're still alive," I point out.

"There are other very relevant changes," Duke says, "like Mint turned into a public enemy, and—"

"—and Duke turned into a whining boy scout, sucking on Mr. Toe's dick," Mint finishes.

"Nope," I answer, shaking my head. "These don't sound relevant to me at all."

They glare at me as if I was one of the children in my class, insisting on jumping into a public toilet headfirst. It makes me feel the strange tightness in my chest again.

"Nothing has changed," I explain to them. "You're alive. My job is to keep you so. You know, I am the hand that leads you to safety."

"But our safety isn't up to you anymore," Mint objects. "You don't have to take that Credo literally."

I feel the tightness in my chest intensifying. Here we go again. A conversation I've had so many times. A conversation that I've never planned to have with these two.

"Mint's right," Duke joins in. "We also have our duties. And you're standing in our way."

"I don't care."

"Be rational," Mint pleads.

"I am rational," I snap. "Who the fuck could be called rational, if not me? I proved you exactly two hundred and forty-nine times how rational I was. Why do you doubt me now?"

"You're behaving weird," Duke answers.

"Weird, right?" I mutter, because the tightness found its way to my throat, and it doesn't allow me to speak louder. "My favorite word of them all. Well, you both trusted my weirdness with your life, and I never failed you. But you refuse to trust me now when I tell you that none of your so-called circumstances are nearly as important as your lives. Now that's fucking weird, if you ask me."

Just when I feel that I'm going to suffocate if I need to utter another word, a wailing cry's piercing the air.

It's Tobey.