Chapter 1

In a lonely corner of a spiral arm galaxy, a sad scene is taking place. A single, silver starship, sitting motionless in the blackness, opens an airlock and six bodies are jettisoned. They float away from the ship like some frozen flock of birds.

Who were they? Why are they dead? Did they have lunch? So many unanswered questions.

And what of the ship? As the bodies begin to orbit the vessel, it remains, dead as its former crew to the casual eye. If we were able to know what it was 'thinking' what would we learn.

In actuality, the thoughts of the ship were not unlike those of the schizophrenic patient you might find in any of the outstanding mental institutions found wherever intelligence gathers. "Who am I? Why am I here? Do I like the color blue?" These questions and many more flashed through its circuitry.

The explanation for this breakdown of thought can be traced back to the ship's creators. Beings of infinite wisdom and intelligence, the designers wanted to build a vessel that would be wholly unique in the universe. They wanted it to be self-sustaining, naturally, but not so aware that it could come back to them with a grievance.

It was decided after much debate that the ship could be sentient, but only if it first had a crew of sentient beings inhabiting it. This would solve the issue of self-awareness and remove the likelihood of any nasty legal actions.

And so it was built and sent out from the planet of its creation with a Holy Mission to perform. It was programmed to find an intelligent crew whenever needed and for many centuries it performed flawlessly.

Somewhere along the way, however, the details of the Holy Mission were lost as was the identity and location of the designers. This did not impede the ship in any way. It continued to gather crews of intelligent if gullible beings and traveled the stars collecting information that it neither understood, nor used.

Which brings us back to the current situation. The six frozen corpses were only the latest volunteers. They were members of the fun-loving species known as Sodoffians from, oddly enough, the planet Sodoffia (Sodoffians have often been compared to Earth dolphins by those in the know. Dolphins, of course, are universally known as the clowns of the marine world. Sodoffians, much the same, are the clowns of the xenophobe set. This is where the big difference can be seen. A dolphin will perform backflips to the enjoyment of its audience. Sodoffians, on the other hand, perform similar feats of agility but while shooting down members of the audience. A small difference to be sure, but an important one)⁠.

It is a very good thing that Sodoffians are not prone to leaving Sodoffia, which is a paradise by any standards. Food can be found in abundance, the weather is warm and inviting and the most dangerous fauna on the planet can be dealt with using a rolled up newspaper.

Most beings use the word, "Idyllic" to describe the planet and "Lucky bastards" to describe the Sodoffians. So what could the ship possibly offer to persuade six young Sodoffians to sign up as crew?

The answer to that lies in the age-old problem young sentients everywhere seem to face. Do they stay put in their home town where watching paint dry is a sport or do they strike out into the bigger world to make their fortunes?

In this case, they obviously chose to strike out on the ship in search of fun and adventure. Just as obvious is the fact that they failed to find it in a very terminal way.

This turns out to have been a very good thing in the eyes of the universe. Unchecked, who knows what kind of chaos these fun-loving, but xenophobic, crazy kids could have caused.

Their deaths did leave the ship in something of a pickle, however.

Without an intelligent crew inhabiting it, the ship quickly lost the ability to think for itself. The quirks of its failed crew's personalities ensured that it would refuse to accept any local intelligences as new crew and so it sat, its mind fading.

It remained that way until it functioned by means of automatic systems only. These systems were programmed to take over in the eventuality of just such a situation. The automatics scanned for life, any life within its range. Eventually, one long-range scanner detected the faintest traces of intelligent life. Preprogrammed responses took over and the ship's engines fired. It accelerated away from the sad remains of its former crew and was gone.

And what of the former crew? They were destined to be pulled into the gravity well of a small rocky planet where their surviving DNA provided the seeds of life. That life went on to evolve into the galaxy's premier mime artists⁠ (Which just goes to show the universe has a sense of humor too).

As for the ship, it follows the traces of life to a solar system comprised of a single yellow star orbited by several planets and approaches the third planet from the star. It is a pretty little blue planet, largely covered by water circled by a single airless moon.

It is this world that will provide the next crew members for the ship.

It orbits the planet and prepares before it descends on the night side of this small, unsuspecting world.

***

Betty Sue stood over the washbasin and stared out the window of her shack. She looked out at the ramshackle buildings and the grove of pine and spruce that made up her yard and let out a contented sigh.

She had always wanted a place to call her own. Sure, she had been in charge of her father's household after ma had died, but it wasn't the same. It hadn't been hers.

She sometimes wondered if she'd made the right decision marrying Zeke to get all this. Zeke wasn't what you would call a simple man. Simple implied a certain level of intelligence that he'd managed to erase long ago by the constant application of moonshine. 

She shook her head, blond braids rattling around her freckled face. It had been a sacrifice, but only a small one. Zeke was a good provider, albeit, a dumb one. Give him a rifle and tell him what you wanted for supper and, by thunder, he would get it. Possum, squirrel, rabbit. It didn't matter. She asked and he got it⁠ (The best was when it took a few days but he always got her what she wanted).

The screen door in the back of the shack squeaked open. Betty Sue didn't bother turning. Probably one of the hounds.

When she felt the hands on her waist, she knew she'd been wrong. She fired back her elbow, catching her visitor by surprise.

"OOOOFFFF!" the man said, doubling over.

She turned and looked at him. "Jim Bob. What ARE you doing here? Ah told ya not to come around here no more. If'n Zeke catches ya with me he'll skin ya alive!"

He smiled up at her. He was a handsome S.O.B., she admitted to herself. He looked simply adorable in that coverall and bare feet. Problem was, he knew it too.

Jim Bob stood and reached for her. She slapped his hand away just before it touched her halter-top. "Jim Bob, ain't you listening to me? Ah'm a married woman now. We cain't be together no more!"

"Ah come on Betty Sue. Once more for old time's sake?"

"No Jim Bob. We cain't be together ever again. You know that." She heard the sound of broken whistling. "That's Zeke! Time for you to go."

Jim Bob looked at her with mournful brown eyes. "Aw gee, Betty Sue. Do I gotta go? I only just got here."

Betty Sue's smile was rueful. "Yes, ya big lug." She pulled his roving hands off her waist and gave him a gentle shove towards the back door. "Zeke is coming up the drive. You know you don't want him catching you here."

Jim Bob looked around Betty Sue as if to see through the door. "You don't love him. Why don't you come with me and leave the idiot alone?"

Betty Sue sighed again and gave Jim Bob a harder shove. "Ah've made my choice and you've got to live with that. Now git."

The sound of whistling grew louder. The whistler tried to hit a high note and missed rather spectacularly.

"Get out now, Jim Bob or you won't be alive long enough to come see me again!" She gave him a last shove out the door. Jim Bob stumbled off the back porch and lurched his way into the woods. 

The door of the house banged open. "Betty Sue, Ah'm home!" The man in question had a big lopsided grin on his face, a dripping, bloody mess of squirrels in his right hand and a vacant look in his eyes. He gently set down his gun and proudly presented the squirrels to her. "I brung dinner!"

Betty Sue looked at her floor and sighed again. "Zeke, you're supposed to clean them outside the house. Look at the mess you're making on my floor!"

Zeke looked down and his eager expression fading. "Gee Betty Sue, ah'm sorry." Another droplet of blood splattered on the formerly clean floor.

"Well, get outta here with them, then!" Betty Sue took several steps forward and gave him a push. "Clean them critters out by the shed and then bring them in." She leaned out the door. "And make sure you get all the buckshot outta them this time."

Zeke turned and shuffled out the door in the direction of the shed. Betty Sue grabbed a handy bucket and went out to the pump for some water. 

She shook her head to herself. Men. They were always in the way, making a mess or putting their hands where they didn't belong. She pumped the pail full of water and walked back to the house. 

As she knelt on the floor, scrubbing yet another bloodstain out of the wood, her thoughts drifted back to Jim Bob. He sure did look fine in that coverall and he could string more than two words together at a time.

Betty Sue sighed again. "Well, it's too late now."

It was dark when Zeke clomped back into the cabin with the cleaned squirrels. His boots left big clumps of mud on the newly scrubbed floor. "Hi Betty Sue," he slurred. He came closer to give her a slobbery kiss. 

Betty Sue turned her face just as he kissed her. "You smell like a still, Zeke! (Still - def. Apparatus used to produce distilled beverages containing ethyl alcohol used to cure gout, reumatism, hangnails and sobriety) You been at the shine again?"

Zeke grinned. "Shure have! Been out huntin' for the past day and ah was powerful thirsty!"

"Well stay back from me ya big oaf. Your breath is curling my nose hairs."

Zeke hung his head. "Ain't ya glad to see me? Ah done been gone for a couple days. Don't ya get lonesome for me?"

Betty Sue looked up towards the heavens for a moment before she straightened the apron on her dress. She turned to face Zeke. "Why of course ah missed you." Her voice dripped honey. "But a woman likes to have her man sober once in a while."

"Tried that once," Zeke said in a low rumble. "Made my head hurt." He grabbed Betty Sue and pulled her to him. "Ah missed you."

He was about to kiss her when a blazing white light replaced the darkness outside the window. The dishes in the cupboards and on the counter began to rattle.

Even Zeke noticed. "Huh? What's goin' on?"

A low rumbling began and the light continued to grow brighter. Betty Sue gave Zeke a shove only to float away from him. Everything in the kitchen not fastened down began to lift up into the air. Cups and plates careened off walls. The saltshaker floated past, leaking small white granules like a comet's tail. Zeke looked down at his feet as he began to slowly rotate.

Betty Sue screamed as the sound grew louder and light got brighter. Zeke bellowed like an angry bull and floundered around the room, trying to swim through the air to the door, paddling and kicking his feet like a running badger.

The sound grew louder and louder, threatening to burst their eardrums. Betty Sue clapped her hands over her ears. She could see Zeke howling but the cacophony drowned him out. His eyes were squeezed shut in pain. As she watched he jerked one final time and went still, floating like a giant sleeping baby near the door.

She clutched fingers into fists, feeling the nails cut into her palms. The rumbling was overpowering now and she squeezed her eyes tightly closed, her fist pressed against her ears. With a scream she arched her back and went limp, floating in the air like a doll hung over a line.