Chapter 3

Betty Sue stood and faced the screen that now showed deep space. “OK Crackmore, or Grabfloor, or whatever your name is. Turn around and take me home. RIGHT NOW!”

“My name is the Grokmar as I told you before,” the ship said. “And as I also told you, I cannot take you back. You humans are essential to my mission.”

“Ah’m essential to your mission? And, ah suppose you’re trying to tell me that Zeke is essential to your mission too?”

Zeke looked up, a glazed expression on his face. “Huh?”

“Hush, ya big lug and go back to staring out the window.”

“OK, Betty Sue.”

“Yes, I am trying to tell you that Zeke is essential to my mission too,” the ship replied.

“OK, Mr. Smartship. Then tell me this: what exactly is your mission that we are so important to?”

There was an uncomfortable few moments before the ship responded. “I…I do not know.”

“Well, isn’t that a fine how-do-ya-do! You tell me ah’m important to a mission that doesn’t even exist.”

“Oh, it exists,” the Grokmar insisted. “Unfortunately, I have had damage to that section of my memory array. In order to access my mission parameters that memory must be repaired.”

“So how do you know we’re important, buster? It doesn’t sound like you know a whole lot about the mission at all. Why am ah important?”

“My core programming tells me I need intelligent beings as my crew so I can function properly. That is you.”

“Betty Sue. Why do you keep referring only to yourself all the time?” Carol Anne asked. “Ya know that this here ship took more than just you.”

“Hush, child….”

“AH AM NOT A CHILD!” Carol Anne stomped up to Betty Sue, her hands on her hips. She thrust out her chin in defiance. “Ah’m a woman, just like you. Ah’m sixteen years old next month. So why are you acting like you’re the only one who is important here?” For the briefest of moments it looked like the girl was going to try to hit Betty Sue.

“Ladies, please,” Jim Bob said, a charming smile on his face and his hands raised in a placating gesture. “Fighting with each other isn’t going to get us home any faster.”

Betty Sue and Carol Anne both turned and glared at Jim Bob. Before they could say anything, they were interrupted by a small voice.

“Um, excuse me, Betty Sue?” It was the boy, Bobby John speaking for the first time. His face was white and he stood hunched over himself. “Betty Sue, is there something to eat? Ah’m powerful hungry.”

The glare left Betty Sue’s face immediately and she rushed over to Bobby John’s side. “Oh you poor child!” She grabbed him and gave him a hug. “When was the last time you ate?”

The boy looked embarrassed at the attention. “Ah don’t know, ma’am. Ah think it was a coupla days ago.” He scuffed the toe of his right foot against the floor. “Ah ain’t been able to find any work the past while and the pickin’s have been real lean.”

Betty Sue gave the boy another hug. “You poor thing.” She glared up at the wall. “Hey Crabmoll, have you got any food for us?”

The ship sighed. “My name is, for the last time, Grokmar. It is not a difficult name to remember, I am certain. As for food, I do have sustenance available for you and your people.” Blinking green lights started flashing on the floor leading to a door that had just opened in the far wall. “Please follow the lights through the open doorway. You will be led to my galley where food will be waiting.

The five humans dutifully followed the light. Betty Sue had to fetch Zeke twice when the flashing of the lights distracted him. When they finally reached the galley they found what looked like a small mound of grass sitting on a table surrounded by five chairs. Aside from the white table and chairs, the room was a duplicate of the previous one right down to the screen showing deep space.

Betty Sue grabbed a single stick of the vegetable matter and took a sniff. “What the heck is this stuff? It smells just like grass.”

“It is grass,” the ship said. “I harvested it when I picked you all up. I scanned your physiologies to determine what sustenance would be sufficient to fuel your systems. The grass appeared to have that capability and grew in abundance near your residence. I have stored enough for the five of you to eat well for several of your Earth-months.”

“Huh?” Betty Sue said, doing a very good imitation of Zeke. “Could you talk in English please? What did all that gobbledy gook mean?”

“Gobbledy gook? I do not understand the phrase, gobbledy gook. Can you define it for me please?”

“All them words you just said. What do they mean?”

“Ah think he said he thinks this is what we eat to live,” Bobby John said avoiding everyone’s eyes. He ducked his head. “Ah’m pretty sure that’s what he’s saying.”

“That is correct, young human,” the Grokmar said. “Am I incorrect in believing you can eat this vegetable matter?”

“What is wrong with you? I.…” Betty Sue looked at Carol Anne. “Ah mean we don’t eat no grass. That’s food for critters, not for people.”

“Are you saying you will not eat this food?” The ship sounded amazed. “You will starve if you do not eat it, you know.”

Bobby John picked up a stalk of the grass and bit into it. He made a face. “Yup, this is grass all right. Except this stuff tastes funny. Kinda sweet.” He took another bite and chewed on it.

“You are correct, young human.” The ship sounded pleased. “I harvested the grass from around the small buildings you call outhouses. The growth was quite luxurious. I wanted only the best for you.”

Bobby John spit out the grass looking a little green. “Ah ain’t eating this. No sirree! Ah’d rather starve.”

The rest of the humans stepped away from the table looking a little green themselves.

Surprisingly, it was Zeke who spoke up first. “What kind of place is this? No place to sleep, nothing to eat. Funny clothes. Ah don’t like it. Not one bit!”

“You humans are certainly fussy beings,” the ship said. “I give you comfortable clothing to wear and you complain. I give you nourishing food to eat and you complain. You have not even seen my sleeping quarters and you are already complaining about them too.”

Betty Sue swept the grass off the table in a single movement and kicked at it savagely. She looked at the nearest wall. “Listen you. We eat meat, like squirrel or possum, or maybe a mess of collard greens or turnip greens cooked up with some fatback. We do NOT eat critter food! Now, you can keep trying to feed us this and watch us starve or you can get some real vittals for us.”

“It makes no difference to me if you all starve,” Grokmar said, going silent for several moments. “Wait a moment. Did you say you consume animal protein? I knew you were primitive, but I did not think you were savages too.”

“Who are you calling a savage? We are people, not savages,” Betty Sue said. “And no, ah did not say we eat animal protein. ah said we eat meat.”

“Animal protein is meat and you will not consume either on this ship,” Grokmar said. “On this ship, there will be no eating of animal protein. Only vegetable matter is permissible!”

“We will not eat this stuff you are throwing at us,” Betty Sue said taking another vicious kick at the grass. “Feed us what we want or else!”

“I will try to obtain sufficient quantities of vegetable matter for you to consume. I will not bring animal protein on board. The very idea is contrary to my morality chip.”

Carol Anne spoke up then. “Give us what we want or we will not eat. It is that simple.”

“Then you will starve.” Grokmar said simply.

“Is that so?” Betty Sue’s blue eyes were intent. “Ah don’t believe you. Ah think you’re bluffing.”

“Bluffing? I am incapable of bluffing.” The ship sounded nervous despite its words.

“Really? You cannot bluff? Huh.” Betty Sue started to pace. “But didn’t you say you needed us for your mission? Ah’m guessing you probably need us alive.”

“Alive, dead. It really does not matter to me,” Grokmar said, trying hard to sound nonchalant.

“What you said was, you needed all of us. Even that imbecile, Zeke,” Carol Anne cut in.

“Yeah you even needed me,” Zeke agreed. “An ah’m an imbecile.” He laughed.

“Hey, that’s right,” Jim Bob agreed. He put his thumbs under his armpits and tried to look distinguished. “You said Zeke was essential to your mission too.” He tapped his head. “Ah gots me a photogenic memory.”

“Very well. You are correct.” The ship let out a very human sigh. “I cannot allow you to starve. Your continued presence is necessary to allow my higher level capabilities to function properly.”

Betty Sue crossed her arms over her chest, a smug smile on her face. “So, you’ll get us the vittals we want?”

“I suppose I must acquire the vittals, as you call them. Unfortunately, the nearest supply station is three days away.”

Bobby John turned a sad face towards Betty Sue. “Ah cain’t wait three days for food, Betty Sue. Ah’m starving now!”

Betty Sue held the boy tighter. “Grokmar, isn’t there something you can do? None of us can wait three days for food.”

The centre of the table lit and several bottles of coloured liquid appeared. Moments later an assortment of plates with glazed coloured cubes appeared beside them. “I still have the foodstuffs from my former crew. I do not know if you will like them, but they are all I have.”

“What are they?” Carol Anne asked.

“The bottles contain a carbonated, flavoured beverage and the cubes are made of concentrations of solidified, flavoured sucrose.”

“Huh? What does that mean?” Carol Anne asked.

“Soda pop and candy!” Bobby John shouted as he grabbed a bottle and started to shovel the glazed squares into his mouth.

The alien foodstuffs did the trick for the humans. Bobby John buzzed around like a sugar-hyped bumblebee bouncing off the bulkheads, a bottle in one hand and a handful of sweets in the other.

The others went from highly energized to comatose and back again as their sugar cycles fluctuated.

“Am I to understand, the provided foodstuffs are sufficient?” Grokmar finally said.

Betty Sue lifted her head off the table. Her pupils were dilated and she looked groggy. “Ya, they’ll do, but even though them vittals’ll keep us from starving, we can’t live off them. Ah hope you can get us something better soon.”

“We will arrive at a supply depot in three Earth-days. I should be able to acquire what you need when we arrive.”

“And what do we do until then? Ah don’t plan on sleeping on the floor or the table.”

“That should not be a problem. I have accommodations for a crew of ten. There will be enough for the five of you.”

“Accommodations? You mean somewhere to stay and sleep? Why didn’t you say so sooner? Ah’ve been sleeping on this here table.”

“You did not ask. Having never dealt with your species before I did not know what form of rest you took, if any.”

“Well stop chawing about it. Lead me to my room!” Betty Sue said, straightening up.