Take this story with a grain of salt 

FatYoshi5

Once upon a time there was a socialist boy called Bernie Sanders. He was on the way to see his rival Hillary Clinton, when he decided to take a short cut through Socialist America.

It wasn't long before Bernie got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Mr. Joseph Stalin, but Mr. Joseph Stalin was nowhere to be found! Bernie began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Mr. Joseph Stalin. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a liberal donkey dressed in a blue lingerie disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Bernie.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed donkey. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Bernie reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from swedes, a house made from McDonalds, a house made from Burger King, a house made from Wendy's, a house made from Communist buffet and a house made from Republican's dicks.

Bernie could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Bernie looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Bernie a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Mr. Joseph Stalin!

"Mr. Joseph Stalin!" shouted Bernie. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give Mr. Joseph Stalin back!" cried Bernie.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let Mr. Joseph Stalin out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, five liberal donkeys rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Bernie recognised the one in the blue lingerie that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Donkey," said the witch.

"Good morning." The donkey noticed Mr. Joseph Stalin. "Who is this?"

"That's Mr. Joseph Stalin," explained the witch.

"Ooh! Mr. Joseph Stalin would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the donkey.

The witch shook her head. "Mr. Joseph Stalin is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Bernie interrupted. "Mr. Joseph Stalin lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Donkey ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Donkey looked at the house made from Republican's dicks and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from Republican's dicks if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next donkey. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Mr. Joseph Stalin."

Bernie watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Mr. Joseph Stalin to Big Donkey. He didn't think Mr. Joseph Stalin would like living with a liberal donkey, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other four donkeys watched while Big Donkey put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Donkey. "Just you watch!"

Big Donkey pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from McDonalds. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Donkey started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of McDonalds, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Donkey.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Donkey never finished eating the front door made from McDonalds and Mr. Joseph Stalin remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Donkey stepped up, and approached the house made from Burger King.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Donkey. "Just you watch!"

Average Donkey pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from Burger King. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After a while, Average Donkey started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a donkey!" said Average Donkey.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Donkey, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the donkey away under his arm.

Average Donkey never finished eating the front door made from Burger King and Mr. Joseph Stalin remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Little Donkey stepped up, and approached the house made from Wendy's.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Donkey. "Just you watch!"

Little Donkey pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from Wendy's. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Donkey started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating Wendy's for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Donkey into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Donkey. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Donkey was never seen again.

Little Donkey never finished eating the front door made from Wendy's and Mr. Joseph Stalin remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Tiny Donkey stepped up, and approached the house made from Communist buffet.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Tiny Donkey. "Just you watch!"

Tiny Donkey pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from Communist buffet. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

However, on the next mouthful, the food fell straight out of Tiny Donkey's mouth. She tried to stuff in another forkful of Communist buffet, but once again, the food fell out. There just wasn't enough room left in her belly.

"This is just not fair!" declared Tiny Donkey, and stomped off into the forest.

Tiny Donkey never finished eating the front door made from Communist buffet and Mr. Joseph Stalin remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Even-Tinier Donkey stepped up, and approached the house made from Republican's dicks.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Even-Tinier Donkey. "Just you watch!"

Even-Tinier Donkey pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from Republican's dicks. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Suddenly, Even-Tinier Donkey stopped eating and started dancing. While he danced, he sang at the top of his lungs, "Republican's dicks! Watch me eat all the Republican's dicks!"

"It looks as though the Republican's dicks are making you hyperactive," laughed the witch.

"Oh no they're not!" cried Even-Tinier Donkey. "I'm always this excited." With that, he walked into a tree.

Bong!

Even-Tinier Donkey banged his head and fell backwards onto his bottom. He passed out, exhausted.

Even-Tinier Donkey never finished eating the front door made from Republican's dicks and Mr. Joseph Stalin remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Mr. Joseph Stalin."

"Not so fast," said Bernie. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from swedes. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the donkeys. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Bernie.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Mr. Joseph Stalin back."

Bernie ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from swedes and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Bernie sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Bernie. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Bernie's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from swedes. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Bernie was down to the final piece of the door made from swedes. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Bernie had eaten the entire front door of the house made from swedes.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Mr. Joseph Stalin or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Bernie hurried over and grabbed Mr. Joseph Stalin, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Mr. Joseph Stalin was unharmed.

Bernie thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Hillary. It was starting to get dark.

When Bernie got to Hillary's house, his rival threw her arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Hillary. "You are very late."

As Bernie described his day, he could tell that Hillary didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Hillary.

Bernie unwrapped a doorknob made from McDonalds. "Pudding!" he said.

Hillary almost fell off her chair.

The End