The muttering of the cats is barely audible, but their displeasure is obvious. They die down when a crash comes from backstage, followed by loud screeching. A few seconds later, Gaystripe leaps into the stage in a blur of ginger and white, coughing.

Gaystripe: *panting* Oh my StarClan I am so so sorry this is way overdue and I should have done this a lot earlier I - I - *wheezes*

The cats watch Gaystripe splutter and gasp for air silently, somewhat confused. Some of them stare at the little bits of cotton stuck to his fur.

Gaystripe: *takes several deep breaths* Yes! I will be answering your questions! This should have been done forever ago but complic - oh you know what, that's a lie. Everyone just didn't do this, but let's move on and get right to the answers shall we?!

Stagepaw: *over the speakers* Dude. Calm down.

Gaystripe: I'M TRYING TO, SHUT UP. WHY DID YOU PUT A BOX OF COTTON BALLS IN THE WAY?

Stagepaw: Hey, I wasn't the one who -

Gaystripe: NEVER MIND LET'S JUST START.

There's a deep sigh from the stagepaw, but the first question flashes on the screen:

Gaystripe: *clears throat and glances at the question again* Okay, okay... *reads the question one more time then grins* Oh, lifting, hm? Check these out!

Gaystripe makes a big show of flexing his muscles, which bulge quite significantly. Some of the cats in the audience go 'ooh...' softly, but most just grunt derisively.

Gaystripe: Oh, come on! I'm not that skimpy!

'Yes you are lol' flashes across the question, and the audience giggles. Gaystripe whips around to look at the question, but the stagepaw has already removed the words. Gaystripe scowls but continues with the next question, which is promptly shown:

Gaystripe: Oh my favourite colour? Simple. Stagepaw?

Muffled snickering comes from the speakers as a panel in the ceiling draws back. A disco ball slowly lowers into the room, dark. The audience look at it sceptically when it suddenly turns on, flooding the room with the colours of the rainbow.

Gaystripe: My favourite colour is GAY! BATHE IN THE GAY!

Gaystripe starts laughing on the stage as some of the audience prances about, tussling with each other playfully in the multicoloured light. The rest of the audience rolls their eyes, determined not to give Gaystripe the satisfaction. Eventually, the disco ball turns off and retracts, and the next question is shown:

Gaystripe: Ah, the non-binaries. Lovely people, they are. In fact, two of the admins on the account are non-binary!

The cats give him puzzled looks as the fourth wall sobs and crawls away, broken.

Gaystripe: The one writing this now is a demigirl, and our lovely genderfluid admin really deserves more credit. *shakes fur out* That said, non-binary people are amazing and props to them for being so strong and fantastic. I will go into the genders after the sexualities and romantic orientations, so stay tuned for those.

Satisfied whispering ripples through the crowd. Gaystripe licks his paw thoughtfully as the next question is shown:

Gaystripe: Oh. Um. My crush? I... uh... *licks chest fur* that's - that's quite private! I'll, uh, I'll keep that a sec -

Stagepaw: *yowls through the speakers* IT'S STRAIGHTFUR! HE HAS A CRUSH ON STRAIGHTFUR!

Gaystripe: NO THAT'S NOT TRUE, STAGEPAW SHUT UP!!

Stagepaw: HE'S IN DENIAL! EVERYONE, SEND HIM PICTURES OF STRAIGHTFUR!

Gaystripe: WHAT NOO -

The audience happily pelts him with pictures of Straightfur, though the origin of the pictures is a mystery. Gaystripe is too distracted, however, to figure out how they're getting the pictures.

Gaystripe: ACK - *frantically brushes the pictures off his fur* STAGEPAW WHEN I'M DONE, YOU ARE DEAD.

Stagepaw: *snickering* You always say that. Too skimpy to take on a stagepaw, eh?

Gaystripe: YOU -

He is interrupted by a stray picture of Straightfur that, by pure chance, flew straight (haha) into his mouth. He coughs and spits the picture out.

Gaystripe: NEXT QUESTION! NOW!!

The stagepaw's snickers continue to come from the speaker as the next question is shown:

Gaystripe: *brushes off the pictures of Straightfur off him as quickly as he can* Uh give me a few moments - *kicks them away and clears his throat* Uh. Right. *scans question* Hm. Though I am very well versed in the world of sexualities, romantic orientations and genders, ultimately you are the only person who can define your sexuality. It does seem like you could be greysexual, but you don't have to use that label if you don't want to. Remember: sexuality is fluid, and labels only exist to help you define it. Finding the 'right' label isn't a must, and as long as you are comfortable with yourself, you can do whatever you want, provided it doesn't hurt anyone of course.

Gaystripe pauses, composing his thoughts. The audience shifts slightly, staring at him and wondering what he's going to say next, when he suddenly kicks a pile of the pictures of Straightfur off the stage. The audience bats the pictures away, yowling indignantly, and Gaystripe continues with a smirk that he can't quite hide.

Gaystripe: Though, if you really do want a label, you can use greysexual for the moment if you feel comfortable with it. You could also look into homoromantic. The internet is a great asset in looking for an appropriate label, and I hope you can find a term that you're comfortable with.

Gaystripe kicks more of the pictures back into the audience as the next question is shown. As he turns to read it, the audience throws the pictures, balled up, back at him, making him yelp in fear:

Gaystripe: They most certainly can! I assume that when you're talking about love, you mean romantic attraction, which is separate from sexual attraction. You can be greysexual homoromantic (as shown in the previous answer), greysexual heteroromantic, greysexual biromantic, greysexual panromantic, anything! Furthermore, sometimes grey- is used to describe a trait of someone's attraction. For example, you may meet someone that says they are grey-homosexual, which would mean that they're only occasionally sexually attracted to cats of the same gender.

Crumpling sounds come from the audience, and Gaystripe frowns in confusion. Then he squeaks in fear and ducks when hundreds of paper balls are thrown at him.

Gaystripe: STOP THROWING THE PICTURES AT ME, I DON'T LIKE STRAIGHTFUR!

Stagepaw: *in a singsong voice* Denial~!

Gaystripe groans in annoyance, and waits until the audience is out of pictures. He shakes his fur out again, grumbling slightly.

Gaystripe: Oh! Before I forget! Happy Bisexuality Visibility Day! Give your local bisexual some love!

A few cats in the audience cheer, and Gaystripe hides a grin.

Gaystripe: Well, I'll leave it off here as that's all the questions. Hopefully I'll get the next lecture up soon. I hope you all enjoyed this question and answer session!

The cats softly mutter positive responses as they file out of the room. Gaystripe watches, surprised and delighted, as they go.

Gaystripe: Did they actually say they enjoyed it??

Stagepaw: Maybe. Are you still going to murder me?

Gaystripe: OH, YOU BET. COME HERE, YOU!

Gaystripe dashes off backstage, and the sounds of fighting and yowling come over the speakers. A few cats that stayed behind snicker, then leave.

Written by Aquarius yeet
Edited by Ren, your local genderfluid admin