Gabriella is a werewolf story written by storyheadquarters101

First impression: Oh cool! It's not about two workers in love! It's about a werewolf!

Though, it should be excerpt instead of spoiler, to sound more professional :p. That's not an excerpt, that's a fact. That's telling how special the titular character is. You can add more dialogue in it, or add more of This isn't your typical Alpha and Mate Werewolf Story. This werewolf girl... can hold on her own... and so on.

If I'm not mistaken it already has 17 chapters, so I'm just going to start with the 1st Chapter, considering how excited I am that this book is not dead yet. (Can a book... die?)

Anyway, it starts with immediate action, which is good because everyone hates the typical waking up thing (I'm guilty of this, though) . Honestly, I was curious from the start.

First of all, I like how we immediately get into her thoughts and emotions. She's scared. She wants to run. But she can't.

Though, there is a problem here.
I can't tell whether it's supposed to happen in the present or past.

Present uses can and will.
Past uses could and would.

Considering the later paragraphs, I'm assuming it's a past event.

So you can write it like,

I felt my inner wolf, urging to escape.

Like it wanted to go out and run.
Run free. Out of here.
Far from danger.

But I couldn't do that.
I couldn't.

The Saber Beasts were out there, hunting me.
I couldn't just run.
They'd be watching me.
They always had.

I felt safe in my cave, dark and silent. With plenty of hiding place.
Safe and sound.

The wolf inside me urged me, begged me to go. Like it was a must. Like I'd die if I did otherwise.
Which was close to the truth.

No, no, no, I told my inner wolf.
The desire to run, to earn freedom, was strong.
I knew how wonderful it'd be to be free.
To feel the breeze in my face.
To run till the end of the world, with no threats or danger in the way.

But I couldn't do that.
Not at the moment.

If it's supposed to be present tense, simply change the past tenses in the suggestion to present. Feel free to ask if you need help in this matter :)

Now I'm a bit confused. I thought but you're not supposed to go out?
But then I realised, oh, it's not that an immediate danger is there (at least until the last sentence) , it's just dangerous in general for her to go out.

I saw the berries from the vineyard nearby.
The juicy, red (or whatever colour you want) berries hung from its vines, twisting up their respective poles.

I licked my lips, imagining the taste.
The sweet sensation in my mouth. The exploding juice between my teeth.
I was hungry.

A quick run wouldn't hurt, I thought. It's only a short distance.
I ran, and rushed to the vineyard, anxious in case of a surprise attack from the Saber Beasts.
My feet thumped on the ground, the breeze touching my face. For a moment, I felt like I was free.

But then, I remembered the Saber Beasts.

A splatter of berry juice was to be expected once I reached the vineyard.
But when I came, all I saw was splashes of blood.

So here, I was thinking, "WHAT? RUNNN!!!"
but in the next sentence, she dipped her finger in it, making me think,  "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT..?" but it's probably some part of her inner wolf that's more familiar with blood.
So, you can still keep the dipping part, but this suggestion of mine was more of an accidental touch.

I bent down to pick up a fallen berry. My fingers brushed slightly into the blood. I stopped.
It felt weird. Strange.

I did nothing of it.
As long as the cause of the blood wasn't around, I'd be safe.
Why would I bother about it?

I picked and plucked a handful of berries, cupping them in my hands. I tossed one into my mouth, the flavour satisfied my taste.

Then I ran back to my cave, making sure I didn't leave any footprints on the ground.
Again, I felt secured and safe.
No one could find me here, I thought.

I ate the berries while closing my eyes.
The sweet taste filling in my mouth, I couldn't help letting out a satisfied, soft "Mmm". It was barely above a whisper.

Footsteps.
Crumpling of leaves.

I froze in place, my heart thumping fast, my skin tight and cold. I bit my lips, my palms gripped into white knuckles.

Someone's here, I thought. Could it be the Saber Beasts? Was it the end of me?

So then, I was thinking, that it's either A) it is a Saber Beast, and she'll get captured for sure but hey she'll escape later 
B) she'll die because at this point it may be a POV of a minor character (till the later paragraphs, when I discovered it's the titular main character). 
C)  it is a Saber Beast, and she'll run away fast.
D) it's  not a Saber Beast at all.

Now, again, I'm confused.
Torchlight?
Wolf?
Whattt...? A wolf holding a torchlight? How?

I'm assuming at this point Gabriella is in human form, or she couldn't have dipped fingers to blood or pluck berries. (If she is, change fingers to paw, and pluck with pluck the stalks with my teeth)

I felt the wolf come close to my hiding spot.

I smelled a scent, a scent of a wolf.

See, the thing here is, the first sentence there shows like she knew it was a wolf all along.
The second one I bolded there shows like she just picked up the scent and figured out it was a wolf.

The first sentence of the paragraph, though, was alright :). Maybe it's better to take out the flashlight part, since I'm assuming it's in wolf form. (If not, then it's alright.)

My eyes were burning.

There was nothing wrong with this sentence. In fact, I'd write it like that. But then I remembered the general rule of writing,  Show, don't tell.

So you can simply said, My eyes burned.
(It's burnt in my country, though, since we followed the British English. I used American English when I wrote stories, though)

I felt the presence of a creature.
I saw shadows from the mouth of the cave. Stepping in, nearing to me.

My breath felt like it stucked in my throat. I closed my eyes.
Prepared to die.

But my nose picked up a scent.
It was no ordinary scent.
It was the scent of a wolf.
Not just any wolf, but with an air of royalty.

Then, all of sudden, we meet a story of how powerful she is. How special she is. How strong she is.
(This is the point where I answer the blurb, NO, BLURB, SHE ISN'T JUST AN AVERAGE HYBRID)

Though some readers won't mind, some (the more harsh ones, particularly) will turn away at this point. They're the kind of readers who hate the Special Snowflake Syndrome, and may see Gabriella as a Mary Sue. (of course it isn't fair to say so since it's only the first chapter.)

Just in case you do not know, Mary Sue is a perfect, flawless character with little to no threats and gets whatever they want. Sometimes, they are flawed, but it's minor and doesn't disturb her journey or relationships at all.
Hardcore Meta Example: Bella Swan from Twilight. Yes, I agree she's actually flawed (please don't hate me if you're a TwiHard) but that isn't the personality SM hints at in the book. In fact, an obvious flaw she did mention about Bella is clumsiness, which doesn't actually harm anything (except for herself, but I don't care about her) and is considered "Cute" and "Endearing".

The Special Snowflake Syndrome is when a character is the special of the specials. Like, they're special, even among the super specials. Rare, even among the rarest ones.
Your line of That makes me a rare and precious treasure, and a whole paragraph more about how rare she is just further sharpen the Snowflake Syndrome here. While I don't mind, since I'm expecting a twist here, some readers do.

Also, where does the light comes from?

Just a wolf.
A wolf, like the one inside me.
A royal wolf, maybe, but a wolf all the same.

I sucked in a deep breath, lips trembling. I stepped out, exposing myself under the moonlight outside.

Maybe you should separate it into two paragraphs, or some will be confused to who's speaking what.

"Gabriella," he said. "The Alpha is calling you."
'Again?' I though.

I wondered what he wanted.
What he wished for me to do.
What killer mission he wanted me to accomplish.
He told me to capture a White Bull once.
'Now what?'

I think it's good here if you emphasize annoyance inside her. She's part human (mom's side, right?), and I'm pretty sure no one would still willingly take dangerous missions like killing a bull without complaining or secretly resenting it.

Also, a female has her own territory-brilliant! I don't see that everyday! :)

This reminds me of Animorphs that suggests dude, shape-shifting is horrible, and disgusting.

To lessen the judgements of those critical anti Mary Sue readers, you can tell that the first time she shifted wasn't easy at all, but she got better with practice.

And... More story of her specialty.
You can still use her special abilities, but how about do it in a chapter where she actually uses it?
You can go all, I had to use that, no matter what and start using that special power of hers, instead of filling in about her specialty.

Or, you can keep it that way, as long as it's planned for confidence or arrogance in her personality. For example, Calaena Sardothien from Throne of Glass series by Sarah J Mass (one of my favourite characters ever)  had many thoughts of how beautiful she is, how dangerous she is, how she can strike better and is the best, and it all makes sense. Ultra confidence is part of her personality.

You knew... Nothing about that?
But you've just told us about it...
Okay, I can already sense her arrogance here, and that's good to not make her flawless.

My former enemies thought I was weak. A weak, ugly human.
They didn't know what I can do.
What I've done.
Who I truly am.

Now there's a... Wolf Curse. Oookay...
So she's a special girl who doesn't like being called weak. That's pretty good. The usual protagonists are kind of timid, but this one isn't :3.

She's changing quite a lot. From the scared girl who fears Saber Beasts and will stay safe and survive to a girl who tell us how powerful she is, how she once cursed her enemies. Though, if she really is an arrogant character, this will work very well, since maybe she's powerless against Saber Beasts but is the best among wolves, hence the personality switch.

I can't change much here, but like I said, if she is confident, then you can keep the tale of her specialness. No problem. Just don't leak too much, readers like knowing more and more of her powers as the story goes along.

If she's supposed to be humble and all, well... you might want to replace them. Though, it's normal for arrogance to take place when someone wants you to do something. Feel free to ask if you need help＼（○＾ω＾○）／.

I don't think we need a reminder of how special she is..

Maybe just cut it short, to

I have a task for you.

Then maybe make her question inside her head, what is it this time?
And he continues if you fulfil this task, the Light Spirits will accompany you, and let you live free, in peace.

What is it? Gabriella, honey, don't you read the description..? Your vampire twin! Duh! (JK)

Generally, I like how this isn't a typical werewolf story where "She belongs to the alpha" thing is going on.

That's all for Chapter 1!
If you have any questions, or explanations, you're welcome to tell me! :3 (ﾉ*>∀<)ﾉ♥

Overall points for now: 6/10
Don't give up and seek more writing advices from the Internet! (I need a lot as well). Sorry if I hurt your feelings. Chapter 2 will be coming up soon.