Adi couldn't live even a second without Pooja. Every second, every moment, he was hit with a tidal wave of memories, a whole lifetime of them flashing in his mind's eye like a film reel. He saw snapshots of smiles and frowns, kisses and tears, arguments and reconciliations. He just sat there, lifeless. Yet, when all around him, there was only silence and a deathly calm, within him raged a storm so fierce that he was utterly destroyed. Aditya was a catatonic shell of himself.

Constable Wilkins had been stood just in front of the wreckage and had been observing Mr. Hooda's breakdown. It had given him a very strange sense of déjà vu. A similar yet equally soul crushing tragedy had occurred around 2 decades ago, at the start of his career and a senior officer had been destroyed by the loss of their child. Wilkins had now taken up the position of their subordinate and he swore that to this day, he could still see the pain in their eyes – the trauma still haunted them.

He stepped forward and took the bereaved man by his biceps and pulled him to his feet, gently. He removed the car keys from Aditya's breast pocket and threw them towards his subordinate, tilting his head towards the vehicle. The policeman nodded grimly in response and soon, had driven off in Aditya's car to the mortuary. Wilkins guided Aditya to the passenger seat and sat him inside – he knew that Mr. Hooda was in no state to drive.

The journey to the mortuary was made in deafening silence. Wilkins was no fool, he didn't attempt at any conversation whatsoever. Beside him, Aditya was quiet, not saying a word, just, silent. He was just there. Not saying a single word, not making a single sound. Multiple emotions flitted across his face. Adi jaw clenched, then relaxed. Then his lip began to quiver imperceptibly and stopped. Tears began to roll slowly down his face, just a few. They dried up too and it was only a few seconds before more escaped his tear ducts. He didn't now whether to be angry that Pooja was gone, taken away from him or to be devastated that he'd lost her, forever.

 He just didn't know anything anymore.

It was heartbreaking to see the conflict between his emotions and thoughts after such a shock. Wilkins understood, perhaps more than he would've liked to. He continued to keep his counsel. Soon, they pulled up at the parking lot and both men got out of the car and walked towards the doors. The ambulance had just arrived and Pooja's body was being taken into the building. Aditya saw this and halted in his steps. Breaking into a sprint, he practically flew across the concrete, desperate not to lose sight of her, now that she was in front of him again. Wilkins felt a tear escape his eye and he brushed it off hastily. Not now. Emotions could be dealt with later, when he was alone.

Aditya stood in the doorway of the dimly lit room. Everything else was dark, except the light shining over Pooja's body. A worker stood over her, taking copious notes to form the autopsy report. Adi trudged  backwards, his eyes glued to Pooja, his steps slow, till his legs hit something He collapsed on the cold, uncomfortable seats. He was broken. Aditya felt a warm hand on his shoulder as someone handed him a Ziploc of Pooja's belongings. He clutched the package to his chest and sat there, staring at the bleak notice board in front of him. Around him, the world moved on, but not for Aditya.

Two officers stood at the end of the corridor, trying to get in touch with Mr. Hooda's parents, all the while glancing over to check on the man. Finally, they got through: Mrs. Hooda was on duty, as was her husband and the two would fly in from Scotland in a few hours. Both of them were posted in Edinburgh for the past few months and they were coming back for their son.

The morning sun shone through the large windows, straight into Aditya's eyes, waking him up from his brief sleep. His limbs groaned in pain as he stretched. Being cooped up in that chair for 5 hours had not been a good idea. 

'Adi?' he heard a feminine, gentle voice call out to him. He looked to his right. There stood his mum and dad, eyes weary from travel yet filled with so much sympathy and empathy for him. They understood. They were here for him and right now, that's all that mattered.  Aditya got up slowly and embraced the two of them. The Hoodas stood there for a few moments, drawing comfort from each other, sharing their pain with one another. Not a single word exchanged, a pure silence.

An hour had passed and the three of them had arrived home with Pooja's body. Aditya had completed the formalities in a trance and followed his parents out of the morgue. Now they stood, parents and son, dressed in white, heads bowed in respect as the priest chanted all the prayers required for Pooja's last rights. At long last, the moment that Adi had been dreading, arrived. He was handed a burning log. It was time to say goodbye.

In Aditya's head, Pooja's body took eons to burn but in reality, it was only a few minutes. It was simple. He just wasn't ready to let go. Once again, he collapsed, exhausted, in front of the pyre. Tears sprung into his mother, Anjana Hooda's eyes and she stepped forward to comfort her son. She halted as she felt Harsh's hand on her shoulder. Glancing at him, she nodded curtly and the two of them stepped away, giving Adi some time alone.

I wanna sleep next to you,

But that's all I wanna do right now

The flames of her pyre shone fiercely as they engulfed her body. Adi began to see images of him and Pooja in the smoke that rose up into the clear blue sky. His loss kept hammering into him, beating him down. For the first time since seeing her body, Aditya broke. Tears ran down his cheeks endlessly as he remembered his life with his love.

And I wanna come home to you.

But home is just a room full of my safest sounds

Adi climbed to his feet and slowly stumbled home. He tripped over his own feet, nearly hit the pavement once or twice but he made it back to the house. Their house. Before he'd even rung the doorbell, the front door swung open. Without acknowledging his mother, Adi dragged himself up the stairs, to their bedroom. He'd barely removed his shirt that he fell onto the bed, unconscious. Worn out.

'Cause you know that I can't trust myself with my three A.M. shadow

I'd rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone

The grandfather clock struck 3 AM downstairs and Aditya's eyes flew open. The day had already put him through intolerable pain but the night had been infinitely worse. His best memories kept playing over and over but they'd been tainted by the horrific still of seeing her corpse. They played one after another. The cycle repeated itself , speeding up till it became a blur. Pooja's terrified scream, one Adi had heard only once before, cut through the reel, forcing Adi out of his meaningless rest. 

I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
So come over now and talk me down

The bed was cold. She wasn't there and this was the time that Adi needed her the most. The only person he wanted to vent to about this was Pooja and - and she was gone. Aditya felt lonelier than ever. The bed was too large for one person, the room too spacious.

I wanna hold hands with you

But that's all I wanna do right now. 

But the less time that I spend with you, the less I need to heal

Aditya tried desperately to take his mind off of today's events. He needed to make sure that the wound wouldn't cut too deep. He tried, but somewhere, he knew it was futile. The damage was done. He needed to help himself, but how cold he possibly do that? He was paralysed. He couldn't let his life with Pooja haunt him, but that was exactly what was happening. Aditya was beyond his own control.

If you don't mind, I'll walk that line. 

Stuck on the bridge between us

 This was it.  It was all a memory now. He wanted to be with her, in eternal sleep. The urge to just die took hold of him. He was tempted, for a second, just to end it all but then, he remembered a promise he'd made to Pooja years ago – to live the fullest life possible, even if it was without her. He promised her that he would try. But it was so, so difficult. He had to do it though. For her and for himself. 

This conflict began to cloud his senses. It needed to stop. Now.  He had to let the old Adi die with Pooja. Aditya Hooda had to become someone new, if only a mere shadow of the old. He needed to become numb, that was the only way. 

But sometimes, numbness causes more pain

 Oh that sense of finality. A punch in the gut, a kick on the back, a stab in the heart. A life torn apart.  

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A/N

Okay. This one was so longer, but I need to emphasise that this was necessary, especially for Aditya, as it influences the course of his journey with Zoya. His reaction,how he processes this trauma is drawn from real life experiences and another form will be seen for Zoya - her and Yash make their entry in the next chapter, so don't worry!  When we come to it, I will explain the relation that the cover of this novel has to their character arcs. The primary characters have been established (they're associated with Zoya too) and showing their thoughts was crucial too). Our friend Jones will make his presence felt in Chapter 3 too!

Thank you for the love for Chapter 1, hope it only goes up from here! Do spread the word and keep voting !

Any feedback? Please comment below :)

PS. There's a lot of emotion and thought conflict, a turmoil, in this chapter, I am aware. If anyone's a little lost, do ask!