This was me early Friday morning:  (Yes, this is when I finally managed to get around to writing this.) 👇

Nobody:

Me, still unconscious from sleep, but barely waking up at around 1-2 am: *Aggressively smashes a section of my Lego diorama on my desk with my fist, yowling a battle cry*

Me: *Hazily stares at it and withdraws my balled-up hand*

Me: *Ever so slightly waking up*  And THIS is why bro has learned not to sneak into my room while I sleep.  *Goes back to sleep*

#Thankful that Lego bricks are practically indestructible

Seriously.  

I remember dreaming about something vague, the urge to fight back, and then the next thing I know, my eyelids open a bit, and I see my fist C R A S H I N G down onto my lovely woodland clearing scene.

I felt the need to attack something in my slumber for some reason.

AGAIN.

Me: *To bro*  You know, my life simply hasn't been the same since the accident.

Bro: What accident?

Me: Your birth.

Bro:

Me: 

Bro: *Processing*

Bro: YOU-!!!  🤬

Me: HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!  *Runs away*

Watched a dude walk his cat a few days ago.

His CAT.

I've seen a middle-aged Asian man walk his goat by the Kentucky Fried Chicken, but the CaT.  

The feline looked like it might have been the twin brother of the momma cat, but when I tell you that that cat behaved much better than most dogs I've seen visiting the trail here...

I mean, it walked alongside the guy, its tail straight up in the air, and it just..  Kept purr-fect pace with him.  

It was, quite frankly, ✨AdOrAbLe.✨

Mom: *To bro*  Why are you naked, child?

Bro: *Clearly indignant*  I AM /NOT/ NAKED!!!  I HAVE MY SLEEPING BOXERS ON!!!

Mom: *Quietly muttering to herself*  All those bulging muscles...

When your grandfather's dead, but he still decides to haunt you at random times because HE APPARENTLY HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN TO SLAM THE DOOR TO HIS FORMER ROOM FOR ATTENTION!!!

And yesterday he was basically: *Loud nose-blowing sound from the hallway*

Mom: *Freezes*  WHATWASTHAT?

Me: *Firmly decides not to tell her that it's not a ghost, because I know better by now*

Me: Uhh..  My bedroom window's open, so maaaybe..  ITWASPROBABLYAGOOSEFLYINGBY.

Mom: Are you SURE?  It sounds like someone's in the house!

Me: ................................

Me: *Mentally*  Well, DUH.  It's pretty obvious who that is, seeing as it's the exact same sound as when grandpa BLOWS HIS NOSE, and he keeps messing with us ALL THE DARN TIME!!!

Me: *Sighs*  I'll go downstairs and check all the doors, okay?

Mom: *Hides in her room until the coast is clear*

Me: *Glares at grandpa as I walk out the other room, then pointedly ignores him as I go downstairs*

Grandpa: *Follows me curiously*

Grandpa: *Pokes my shoulder*

Me: *Aggressive roar*

Grandpa: *Suddenly vanishes*

Me: *Yelling upstairs*  IT'S SAFE TO COME DOWN NOW!

Mom: *Tiptoes down, wide-eyed*  Are you sure it's safe?

Me: *Raises eyebrow*

Mom: Then again, I would have heard screaming if you'd have attacked an intruder...

Mom: *Boldly strolls into the kitchen*  Nothing scares me!

Me: Uh, practically EVERYTHING scares you at some level these days.

Mom: ..But as long as you're here, I'm safe!

Me: You realize that this is exactly why I'm stuck here, right?

Me: ..And because you keep losing things, and I'm the only one who can find them, because you keep putting them in really illogical places, like, oh, I don't know: ..The fridge, for instance.

Me: AND I'm your personal assistant.

Me: AAAND your maid.

Me: AAAAANNNDDD the baker girl.

Me: AND-

Mom: YES, YOU'RE MUCH MORE USEFUL THAN YOUR BROTHER, THANK YOU.  I SHOULD'VE STOPPED AT ONE.

Mom: *Talking to my bro, both sitting on the couch, while I'm reading on the rocking chair beside them*

Mom: ..Because boys are strong, and have a lot more muscle in their arms.  

Mom: See?  *Squeezes bro's arm*  Strong.

Me: *Sighs and sticks out my own arm, because I'm psychic and can predict her next move*

Mom: *Turns to me and does the same*

Mom: .............................

Mom: *Mutters*  Holy-  

Mom: 0-O

Mom: *Quickly turns back to my bro* So, uh, as I was saying..  Muscle...  *Now has a small bead of sweat on her brow*

Bro and I: *Make eye contact with each other and smirk*

Me: *Winks and flexes my arm behind mom's back*

Bro: *Evil grin*

Bro: You were saying, mom?

Mom: NEVER MIND WHAT I SAID, LET'S GO OUTSIDE!!!

Not my bro and I legit having entire conversations with each other without saying a single word.  We'll just be looking at each other, silently communicating.  He'll burst out laughing, and mom will just stare at us and ask us what she said that was so funny, to which one of us will reply with something like:

Oh, we were just talking.

Mom: But you didn't SAY anything.

Me: Of COURSE we did.  You just didn't hear it.

Bro: Yeah, we don't need to TALK to do that.

Me: *Sighs and shakes head with mock sadness*  Honestly, how primitive.  This is the future, mother dear.  There is no need for anything VERBAL anymore.

Bro: *Nods*  And Kat's kinda psychic, so it's easy on her end.

Me: 😎😅

Me: It's simple with you guys, though.  It takes much more effort with people that I don't know.

Mom: 😳

Me: Whoops-!  I mean, I'm A gOoD gUeSsEr..?

Mom: I never thought that I'd give birth to such a freaky child.

Dad: *Proudly*  I did!

Mom: *Glares at dad*

Dad: ..What?

The way that these three share a braincell some days, though.  I'm the only one who adults 24/7, ISttFSM.

WE ARE ALL ADULTS HERE, BUT IT FEELS LIKE I'M THE PARENT.

https://youtu.be/kKzpFch0jAc

OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!!!!!  THE LITTLE GREEN BEAN'S TRYING TO GROW UP!!!  HE'S EVEN ATTEMPTING TO GROW A BEARD!!!  *Is dead*

Lloyd-san, ONE little hair does not make a beard, tho.

Apparently, his Uncle taught him much about ninja-ing, buuut..

..Not so much about how not to burn his tea.

Kai: I was arrested for being too cool.
Zane: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.