“i'm afraid but i'll lose myself to her at every point of my life—”

Going into withdrawal is like dying.

Maybe not dying but it's like free-falling through the rabbit hole, just the experience is much scarier, the hole much darker than what Alice found it to be. The senses are heightened, making one's chest burn with need, head to spin and ache as if someone is drilling a hole into the skull to remind them of the one thing they have purposely made their bodies used to.

Migyung gasped for breath, her nails digging into her bloodied hands as she writhed on her bed. Biting her lip hard, the metallic taste hits her tongue, her back arching painfully as if a hot dagger pierced her stomach. This wave of pain was much worse than the previous one.

When it passed and she was able to open her eyes, her hand started searching for her bedside table. Pulling the drawer open she cried out loud when she found it empty. She had forgotten to restock. Amid her worries and tight schedule, she had somehow started to cut off, had started to ignore herself like always and now it hit her like a boulder.

Getting up on shaky legs, she walked towards her closet, she was sure she would find something there. Rummaging through the drawers, pulling out her clothes and throwing them behind her, she ignored the pain, ignored the sweat that made her clothes and hair stick to her body.

She let out a triumphant laugh when she found a little bottle, a paper rolled inside it. She was sure she would find something in there and was quick to open it only to find a powder staring at her.

She gulped, feeling her heartbeat already accelerating thinking how it would make her feel. At the same time, she felt cold sweat drip down her neck, knowing exactly what it would do. There was a reason why she had only tried it once, why it was tucked in the deepest corner of her closet.

Ecstasy made a person hallucinate and the last time she consumed it she had murdered her sister in her imagination.

But it seemed her body had a mind of its own. Before she knew it, her patience giving up, she threw the whole thing in her mouth, uncaring of what it would do as she stumbled back to her bed and laid there, a silly smile lighting up her face as she experienced heaven on earth.

Voices dimmed around her, the blaring horns outside almost a negligible thud in her ears. Her limbs relaxed, the mattress under her feeling extra soft and she felt as if she was sinking in it.

Slowly, the sheets covered her, engulfing her as her breathing slowed down. Her eyes were the last thing to be covered with the stark white sheets, drowning her in complete darkness. But this time around she wasn't afraid, there was no pain because it wasn't trying to kill her.

Suspended in the air, she floated, her mind and body relaxing as one of her favourite songs, Stronger than me by Amy Winehouse started playing somewhere far away but she could easily make out all the lyrics. It relaxed her further, the jazz tunes and her soulful voice had her feeling on top of the world. Stronger with her strong voice backing her.

Suddenly her eyes opened and she realised it was not black anymore. Red, everything was red, a few beams of white light turning pink when it mixed with the red. The pink was pretty but the red made her heart drop.

It was too quiet now, dead silent and her anxiety spiked further when she found herself standing on solid ground, it too was red. She didn't want to stand, she wanted to float some more, but her legs had other plans. They walked forward, her stumbling and falling down when she tried resisting. 

Her hands and knees hurt from the fall and when she lifted her hands up to see the extent of damage, all she saw was red and she wasn't sure if she was bleeding or not. Still, she kept moving, this time cooperating with her body even as her mind rebelled, sensing something off. And soon she realised everything was wrong.

She stood before another person, a woman. Some might confuse her to be her reflection but she wasn't. She was Mijung and she looked exactly like her with the exact same nightdress on her body. But what separated them was their expressions. 

While Migyung frowned seeing her there, Mijung smiled brightly. It was the kind of smile Migyung hated the most. It was the kind of smile that said, ‘I’m going to steal something from you and you won't be able to stop me’. It scared her the most because it was the exact same smile she gave her when she stood on top of the stairs and whispered in her ear to jump.

A movement caught the sisters’ eyes. Both turned to see what it was. It was a person, a man. He continued to move towards them, his eyes looking straight ahead, not at them. He just came closer and closer till Migyung got a good look at his face and she felt her hands balled in fists.

A tear rolled down Migyung’s face when she saw his eyes, those bright eyes filled with happiness shifted. Instead of looking at her, he looked at her sister and she heard something shatter. Her heart.

She was stuck in her place unable to do anything as Mijung raised her arms invitingly and Hoseok went straight to her, embracing her tightly. He was quick to turn his back to her, letting her see her twin’s face as she sneered at her with hatred, “Do you now know what it feels like to have your everything get snatched away from you?”

Migyung couldn't answer, she had no words, only screams as she stood there, watching him comforting Mijung instead of her. She didn't exist in his world anymore and she could feel her heart being crushed further, blown to smithereens before everything went blank.

When her eyes opened once again, she could see black spots dancing in her vision. Her limbs felt heavy, they ached as her lungs did their best to take in as much oxygen as possible. She might as well have been sounding like a dying whale but she didn't care.

Despite the weird pain, she forced herself to put her other senses to work to the best of her abilities given the high she had just experienced and was coming down from. She tried not to move much, which felt really difficult.

The first thing she noticed was that she wasn't in her bed anymore. She sat somewhere cold and hard, it made her body ache more but she ignored it. The next she felt was the wetness. Not only on her face or her neck but all over her body. She deduced, she had either sweated too much or pissed herself.

But when she opened her eyes again, they widened when she found herself in her bathtub, water up to her neck. As soon as her vision cleared, a headache made its presence known immediately and her head rolled back as she groaned loudly.

That's when she felt something on her neck, something that felt too much like a human hand holding it up. Her eyes flew open again, this time her headache completely forgotten as she looked at the person looking down at her with worry written all over his face.

She noticed tear stains on his cheeks and his eyes red as fresh tears started gathering in them again. Looking at him, seeing him biting his lip as his eyes clearly expressed just how worried he was, she broke down.

A sob bubbling from deep inside her chest, she threw her hands around his neck and uncaring of her messy state, he held her tightly to him. The bathroom filled with broken loud sobs as they hugged each other tightly, the events they had both witnessed catching up with them.

“You are stupid, Migyung. So fucking stupid. I thought you were dead.”

“I’m sorry,” she hiccuped, tightening her arms around him even more. “I’m sorry for scaring you but don’t leave me. Don't leave me, Hoseok. I’ll die for real if you leave me. Don’t go to Mijung, please. Stay with me, stay with me…”

He sniffled, burying his face in her wet neck as he felt he could finally breathe. “Shh… I'm not going anywhere. I won’t ever leave your side. You trust me, right?”

He felt her nod against his shoulder as she whispered, almost scared, “I don’t trust Mijung. She-she loves stealing everything from me and I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t,” he quickly reassures her. “I promise, Migyung. I promise.”

Only, he didn't know how hard it would be to follow through that promise.

A/N:

First of all, Happy Hobi Day!!

I was supposed to be on hiatus but I had to publish this chapter today though it's not exactly a very happy chapter but here we are.

Before anything else, I want to say I have never done substance abuse nor will I ever do it in any situation. I do not wish to glorify it but I do wish to show what addiction does to not only the one doing it but everyone around them.

Saying that, this chapter by no means is a direct reflection to what doing drugs exactly feel like, it's different for everyone so don't stereotype it.

Anyho, Lemme know what you think of this chapter and

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!

sorry for the screaming 😅