This was written last summer, on 8/4/16, and I'm only posting it now because it's not quite as painful for me anymore. Dedicated to everyone who feels the same way, and to me. I finally have the courage to change my situation, make it better. I'm looking for happiness, without my boyfriend. But this was from when I still struggled.

I remember what loving you felt like

And honestly, I want it back

Do you still read the poem I wrote you?

Remember when I gave it to you?

That was our first hug *smiles*

It was only a few seconds long

But honestly, it felt great

I wasn't sure what I was feeling,

Only that I was full of excitement

And gosh, you smelled wonderful

Just right, like woods and guy-ness

I miss you

I miss your smile

Your chuckle

Your arms around me

Your hand in mine

But I can't love a phantom

A ghost to which I barely speak

I understand that you're busy,

So am I

It's summer and we have lots to experience

But now, I miss you so bad

I want to talk to you

But I'm afraid to pick up my phone

And call, just to hear your voice

Just to have some contact with you

Because I know it'll be awkward,

You won't say much

And that's if you even bother to pick up

And now that school's out,

I barely see you

If we somehow find each other for a moment,

At the store or around town,

We're always rushing to some other destination

We barely spare a second to smile and say hi

I remember at the beginning of the summer

When we were used to seeing each other every day

I'd just left Walmart, just as you walked in

You were sad that we'd missed each other

When I pointed out that all I would've been able to do was smile and wave,

Since I was with my dad,

You said, "At least it would've been something."

Do you not miss me anymore?

What did I do wrong?

Did you do something wrong?

When did we fall apart?

Stop caring, stop picking up the phone, stop trying to see the other?

I don't know

I just know that I miss you

And that I keep having to transfer pages

Because my tears keep blurring the ink