Bernice

September 4th, 2016

It's been a couple of weeks since that day Dave made me take those at home pregnancy tests and they said positive. We're currently at the doctor's office for my first appointment. I was filling out the paperwork. I paused at one of the questions. It was asking about details about any previous pregnancies. 'Have you had any abortions?' I tapped my pen sighing then checking yes. 'How many pregnancies have you had?' I looked over at Dave who was too busy on his phone then wrote two. I continued filling out the forms trying hard not to think about it.

That was my biggest regret in life. The guilt never left my mind. I felt like some irresponsible chick who used abortion as a form of birth control when that wasn't the case. I felt it was my only choice.

Dave didn't even know that when I was 18 and lost my virginity to him I got pregnant. I didn't know what to do. He was all the way in Maryland for school. I was still living with my mother and I didn't want to deal with her wrath, so I handled it. Dave could never know that either. I saw the way he reacted to Keisha having an "abortion". He'd never speak to me again if he knew I did that.

October of 2007

It's been 2 months since David left for school in Baltimore and I've never felt lonelier. Now I spent my days going to work at Wal-Mart and right back home and today was no different. I sat at the checkout counter in the electronics section bored out of my mind. I pulled my blackberry out of pocket checking it, nothing. I've called Dave several times since he left with no answer. I decided to call again. It didn't even ring saying: 'The number you are trying to reach is no longer in service.' I hung up throwing my phone onto the counter.

I leaned my head on my fist beginning to daydream. I was mostly thinking about that night. I couldn't tell if I regretted losing it to him or not. I scrunched my face up staring at nothing in particular, mainly thinking. I haven't had my period since then. Shit! I thought to myself.

My manager came up to me. "Break time, Bernice!" I nodded quickly getting up. I rushed to the break room going to my locker getting my purse. I grabbed it speed walking through the store to the aisle grabbing the first pregnancy test I saw. After I paid for it I rushed to the bathroom going into a stall. I needed to know now. I read the instructions taking it. I timed it on my watch. I looked down at my Casio watch seeing 3 minutes had passed. I read the test then the box.

Positive. I kicked the stall door in frustration burying my face in my hands. How could this happen? I took every precaution. I needed to get this fixed right now. My mom can't find out or she'll beat my ass then kick me out. She's already threatened to because I'm 18 now. I lied to my manager telling her I had a family emergency, so she would let me leave. I got into my 2007 Toyota 4runner driving to the nearest clinic before they close. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. And the one person I thought would always be there for me I can't get a hold of him. A few tears fell down my face looking at the Planned Parenthood Clinic. I wiped my face sighing then got out of my car.

Then I got another abortion when I was 23 and with Richard. He was abusing me and always high on drugs, so I was not about to have a child with him.

Once I was done with the paperwork I took it to the desk. Probably ten minutes later a woman's voice called, "Bernice Brewster." I looked over at Dave and we both stood up following her to the back. They ran tests and did all that extra stuff.

I was sitting on the table thing when a woman walked in. "Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Brewster! I'm your OBGYN, Dr. Lewis. I'll sort of be accompanying you on this journey towards parenthood. We had you take a urine test and you are definitely pregnant. Approximately 8 weeks."

"That sounds about right." I said looking at Dave.

"What can I say? The honeymoon was lit!" The doctor laughed as she cleaned something off.

"If you don't mind lifting your shirt up. Since you're 8 weeks we can go ahead and do a sonogram, so we can hear your little ones heartbeat." I lifted my shirt up exposing my stomach.

Dave

We were driving back home or at least trying to, but we were stuck in this New York traffic. I held Bernice's hand with my right hand as I kept my left on the steering wheel. I randomly smiled like an idiot realizing she's really pregnant. Over the passed couple of weeks it really didn't hit me until I heard that heartbeat today. "You wanna know something?" I asked B.

"What?" She said looking up from her phone over at me.

"I just knew, I just KNEW when I nutted in you you were pregnant. I knew, I'm telling you! I knew that one was a fighter and was going to plant my seed."

Bernice laughed shaking her head. "You're a fucking idiot, I swear!"

"I'm serious. Then my grandma told my mom she was dreaming about fish and eggs and shit. You know what they say when somebody's dreaming about fish."

"Knowing you you probably prayed and wished I got pregnant."

"Maybe. Now you're stuck with me for at least the next 18 years." I said letting go of her hand then rubbing her stomach.

She smacked her lips. "More like a lifetime nigga! You better get used to me being in your life, baby fava."

"I don't mind that at all." I said leaning over kissing her. The kiss was interrupted by my phone ringing. I answered putting it on speaker thoughout the car. "Hello?"

"Yes, is this David or Bernice Brewster?"

"Yes, this is both of us."

"Okay, great. This is the adoption agency. We've finished with your home study results and we're glad to inform you you passed. Obviously the adoption process isn't over, but it's one step forward. The next step is seeing how you interact with the child. Over the next couple of months we'll schedule visits, so the child can get used to your environment. Also, you and your wife will need to come to our office to discuss the price of the adoption and payments. Is next week fine for that?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Thank you."

"No, thank you! We'll see you and your wife next week. Bye!" We hung up. I looked over at Bernice smiling. We high fived doing our handshake.

"Uh!" I yelled dramatically as I pulled away from her hand. "We got this! I really didn't think we'd get passed the first stage," I said honestly as I chuckled. "Especially with the background check. I was like hell no they are not giving us him with my little ass record. Then because I'm a rapper. I thought those white people were going to shut it down."

Bernice laughed. "It's not like you've ever committed a real crime or served real time. Plus, we're not done yet. You heard her. It's not a given that we'll get him. We have our work cut out for us trying to adopt Malachi and me being pregnant."

"Yeah, we do" I said rubbing my head. That's the one thing I'm worried about. Can we handle all of this at once?

Bernice

I straddled his lap as his lips moved down my neck. He took my shirt off throwing it to the side. I grabbed his face kissing him moving from his jaw line, neck, then chest. My phone started to ring playing the song Planes  and I knew it was Jeremih. I reached over to the nightstand feeling for my phone then finally grabbing it. Dave pushed my hand. "Why you stopping?" He whined.

"I gotta get this, it's my client."

"Who? Why the fuck he calling this late?!" Dave asked angrily furrowing his brows up. He was right. It's almost midnight. I shrugged answering.

"Yes, Jeremih?"

"I got an idea that I think we'll set shit off!" He said excitedly through the other end.

"And you decided it couldn't wait and called me this late? Come by the office tomorrow. I'm off the clock."

He smacked his lips. "Aiight. You know you wasn't doing anything anyway, Bernice." He said laughing.

"Actually, I was. Goodnight, Jeremih. See you tomorrow. Hold that idea." I hung up at that putting my phone back on the nightstand. I turned towards Dave who was just looking at me. He looked pissed. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Is there something you need to tell me?"

"No. Why?"

"I mean, y'all sound real fucking friendly. Why does he feel comfortable enough calling you that late? That nigga don't know you're married?"

"I don't know. You would think he would know we're together from the August tour."

"Well, you need to make it clear to him. There's boundaries. You don't call no married woman this late. Fuck outta here! Bout to make me want to pay the Def Jam office a visit."

"That's not necessary, David. You're just blowing it out of proportion. Quit acting jelly!" I said giggling kissing him. He didn't kiss back at first, but finally eased up. He's sort of right. Jeremih is always flirting with me.

The Next Morning

I was at work in my office when there was a knock at my door. I fixed my desk then said, "Come in!" Jeremih walked in smiling. He sat across from me. "So, what is this big idea you called me about last night?"

"About that...I realized it's too far fetched. Plus, I'm positive it won't fit the budget the label gave me. I'm pretty sure I'll think of more ideas."

"Are you sure you didn't just call me because you wanted to talk to me?"

He laughed, "...Maybe. Maybe not. You rushed me off of the phone anyway. I get it though. You want to keep it professional and strictly business."

I turned the picture of me and Dave from our wedding around. "That and I'm married. I'm only going to say this once, Jeremih. Keep it professional or I'll be forced to drop you as a client. No more flirting."

He picked the picture up looking at it. "Should've figured somebody locked you down. I didn't know you and Dave were still together, let alone married."

"We are."

"Well, then I apologize. Tell Dave I'm sorry too."

"Thank you. Apology accepted."

"I'm gonna get going. Call me if you get any ideas." I nodded then he left.

I was checking emails when my cell phone started ringing. It was my mom's husband probably returning my call. I picked it up saying, "Hello?"

"Hey, Bernice. Sorry I didn't pick up. Why'd you call?"

"I just wanted to check on my mother. How has she been?" It had been some months since I called to check on her. I haven't been to see her since that day a year ago in that hospital. I feel bad, I really do, but I can't bring myself to.

"She's better. She's finally home now. You should come visit her."

"Hm, I don't know. I have a lot going on right now. Plus, who's to say she wants to really see me."

"I think she would like it if you came to visit her. You're her only child, Bernice."

"I wish she acted like it," I mumbled to myself. "I'll see. I'll let you know."

"Okay, I'll be waiting to hear from you. Have a nice day, Bernice."

"You too." I said hanging up then sighing. Maybe I should go visit her. I think it's time for me to stop holding a grudge against her.

Dave
The City, Studio

It's been a year since I've put a project out and I'm growing impatient. The only way I've kept the fans from getting impatient right along with me is by putting freestyles out.

Buddha was playing me beats, so I could pick one to jump on. While the beat rode I asked him, "You ask Toya on a date yet?"

"Nah, the timing has to be right."

"Timing? My nigga it's been a year. It's been long enough. You gonna have to pay up to Zeek." I said laughing and shaking my head.

"Y'all needa quit rushing me. Let me work my magic, damn!"

"Magic? Is that what you call it?" I laughed then I saw Bernice walk into the studio. She came over kissing me. "How are you?"

"Good. You working, baby?" She asked me running her hand through my hair.

"Yeah, trying to find a beat."

"This one's hot. You can spit that sexy shit on it!"

"Wouldn't you like that?" Buddha said spinning around in his chair. I chuckled.

"Not for me. His female fans. You don't really do songs for the chicks, so I think you should. Just a little freestyle tease. This is your marketer talking, not your wife. Trust me, I damn sure don't want these broads fantasizing about my man!"

I laughed, "Alright, I'll do it."

"But the Chris Brown beat? I know that's your soul brotha and all Dave...but can you pick another beat?" Buddha said while Bernice laughed.

"That's funny! He do look like Chris Brown and Method Man mixed together." They both laughed dapping each other.

I smacked my lips saying, "Whateva! This beat is fine. Let's go, I got somethin'." I said going into the booth. I put the headphones on and Buddha started the beat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABaCWXbqxO8

Once I was done I walked out of the booth. "Told you that shit would sound smooth! You're gonna have all these broads panties wet." B said as we did our handshake.

"Including yours?" I asked laughing. She rolled her eyes.

"The difference is you actually slide up in me!"

"Ah ha! That was a good one!"

"I knew y'all was some freaks." Buddha said smirking like a creep.

"Little weird ass! Play it back bruh!" He did what I said. While I listened to it I looked over at Bernice sitting on the couch on her phone. I smiled taking a picture posting it with the caption:

"Boss Lady B👑 The 1 who keeps me on my shit. No gimmicks, no stunts, no lies, no secrets, just us #EastEmpire"

No lies or secrets, huh? Should Bernice tell Dave the truth?