That Saturday I decided to write Neil an email about hiking. My whole life I'd set goals and achieved them, which meant I could damn well succeed at this dating craziness as well. Who cared if I didn't wait for him to make the first move?

I liked Neil, so I should reach out and tell him. End of statement.

After all, I had a track record of boldness. As young as three years old, I would stare at pictures of European castles and landscapes. I'd begged to see those faraway lands, but my family had no money. As a teenager, I'd pledged to travel to that great continent and live in a place that respected necessities like education, health care, and vacation time.

During my studies I'd stayed true to the cause, driven to earn a scholarship and turn my dreams into reality. I didn't allow myself to get distracted by frivolous or transitory events. Sure, I went to parties when required. Sure, I dated a bit online back before it was cool. 

But no one had kept me from reaching for the stars.

If you can move continents, you can ask a dude out!

Emily was right: I'd made it happen. Fair and square I'd earned my settled status. Built my business here. Created a wholesome, fruitful life until some fool had decided to ruin it.

Thomas might have set me back, but he never owned me. Not my body. Not my soul. Not my heart. Though the Fool might have lived rent-free in my former apartment, he would never reside rent-free in my head.

I'm independent. Time to act like it.

Write that damned email to Neil. Right away. Before you lose your nerve.

___

From: Victoria Bergwald <[email protected]>
To: Neil Frost <[email protected]>
Date: February 29, 2020, 16:42
Subject: Hiking Trail Suggestions

Dear Neil,

Thanks for inviting Emily and me to game night with your friends. I had an amazing time with you and can't wait to try it again next week. 😊

The first time we met, you talked about hiking. It really struck a chord with me, and I would love to give it a try now that winter's coming to an end.

But I feel a bit lost where to start. Do I need special gear? What would be a good walk to try first? Do I need to take supplies?

If you have some suggestions, that'd be great. It would have to be straightforward for a person who gets lost in a phone booth. 🤣 And easily reachable by bus.

Unless--and I know I'm being super forward here--you happen to know a kind person who wouldn't mind guiding me the first time. 😇

I like doing dancing workouts, walking, and cardio kickboxing videos, so I'm pretty fit. But I have zero mountain fitness. Which probably means it will seriously kick my butt. 😱

What would you recommend? I like the sea. I love working out hard, but not for long. Like a dwarf, I have good strength but poor endurance. Maybe you could help me with that. 😉 But right now I'm thinking three or four hours max.

Hope you're having fun this weekend. Stay safe. Don't catch that horrible virus going around!

Hugs,
Toria

___

When I re-read my draft, my heart thudded. Wow! I couldn't tell if I was being brave, gutsy, or the most entitled jerk who'd walked the face of the planet. Maybe all three at once.

There was a lot of competition for that award--especially in 2020--so I was probably safe.

My family had always taught me to let the guy take the lead and not to presume too much. To be conservative. Reserved. Did I really have the balls to ask him out?

Screw them! Why the hell shouldn't I ask him?

Besides, if Neil didn't like me asking him out, he clearly wasn't the guy for me, right? Might as well figure that out now rather than later. Like Emily had told me last night:

I'm a badass!

I cackled evilly under my breath.

Until my inner ultra-conservative monitor waggled a disapproving finger. Are you seriously leaving a blatant double entendre there? 

Let him interpret it like a caveman, my inner rebel retorted. Not my fault. I'm an angel. 

Should I have signed off with 'Hugs'? I wrote that to my family. Neil wasn't family. 

But I couldn't very well write 'Kisses'! We hadn't even kissed in real life.

Maybe 'See you soon'? Maybe 'Thanks'? Maybe 'Take care'? 

Nah, those put him firmly in the friendzone, and that's exactly what I wanna avoid. 

Maybe I should have used a funky tilda or an ambiguous dash to seem all laid-back and chill? Even though I totally was not chill and would never be chill. 

No, definitely not. 'Chill' could quickly become 'cold', and I didn't have a sixth sense for where one ended and the other began. Heck, I prided myself on ninety-ninth percentile verbal skills and still didn't understand what 'chill' meant. Never mind how to act that way.

Ugh, why does communication have to be so difficult? Why can't I say what I'm thinking?

___

Dear Neil,

You are the one of the most amazing, nerdiest (in an awesome way that makes my heart skyrocket), and smartest guys I've ever met. We connected in a way I didn't think was possible. 😊

I want to do all kinds of amazing stuff with you. 😈 😇💃🎉🤗

What do you think?

Let's start with a hike next weekend. Tell me what I need to get, and let's freaking do this thing. 💪💪💪

Toria

___

Yeah, don't send that. Ever. In the history of ever.

Only I'd know about that confession crafted in my rich imagination. Neil would receive the normal email. The one where I hadn't revealed my secret thoughts. 

But did I go too far in the other one as well?

To hell with it. Who cares? Just send the damn draft! Weird 'Hugs' and all.

Better for Neil to discover from the very start just how awkward and nerdy I could be. After all, he'd figure it out eventually.

I clicked send.

___

Word count: 980
Total word count: 11,817/20,000