She says I'm spreading rumors about her but if I were to spread a rumor about her I would say 'she slept with ten guys and several girls.' I'm not one to spread rumors about people because then it makes it harder to tell the truth, and I'm not a liar I will tell the truth and nothing but the truth.
What I said she did, she actually did because lying about something like that is just fucking stupid, and sick. It's a horrible thing to lie about. It's a horrible thing to go through because it takes over you and controls you. It's all you think about everyday, it's in your dreams, you can't sleep anymore because of it. You feel disgusting, and dirty and you can't trust anyone anymore, you're scared of yourself. You can't even look at yourself in the mirror, you hate yourself. You don't want to speak anymore, you want to change entirely. You want to feel as you did before it all happen, but that will never happen because it's all you think about. You'll be terrified to leave your house because you are so fearful of seeing them out in public and having no way of escaping and you fear everything will happen again and it will all start over. All your progress to get better gets crashed down and your back at square one. You feel like you aren't even there, like it's all just a blur, like nothing is real anymore, like its a dream but you know it's not. You feel so dazed. You stop eating, you start self harming. You stop talking. You stop trying to sleep because of the nightmares, and the day isn't any better because one simple touch can set you off and you have a flashback and you want nothing more than to just cry. You stop caring about grades. You isolate yourself from friends and family. You want nothing more than death.
My teacher had said "Think of your greatest fear. Now face it!" I am scared of myself, who I have become. I am scared of her, and what she did, and what she will continue to do if she doesn't get stopped. I'm going to stop her. My friends are going to stop her. She will not continue with her ways. She will never be forgiven for what she's done, nor does she deserve it, not after all the pain she has caused me.