Reluctantly, I pull my hand away from him, creating much needed space. I need to breathe.

His presence does things to me, makes me want things from him that I'm not ready to have.

"Are you okay, Meela?"

"No."

He stands to his full height, invades my space, coming close enough to make my insides clench, the bond hums along my spine.

"You've ruined me, Northerner. You've ruined everything about who I am."

He wants to touch me, the compulsion twitching and squirming down his arm, into his fingers. He wants to reach out. I can see his muscles shaking with the exertion of restraining himself.

It's borderline painful for him, holding himself back, like a constant ache he feels deep in the pit of his stomach.

Backing away from him, no longer able to stand the heat of him. "I can't be what you want me to be, Northerner."

"I'm not going to ask for anything you can't give." His voice is so calm, so soft...gentle.

It's in his eyes, the kaleidoscope of color swirling with emotions. I taste it on him, the agony, the regret... failure.

He wants me to give him absolution. I can't.

I've sealed him to me on such a basic, chemical level, it's primal and he wants nothing else but me. Everything else is of no importance. I feel nothing else but him; everything he feels, everything he wants. I feel it roll through my body like great waves pounding the shore. One after the other, his thoughts almost drown me.

My compulsion wants to give him what he wants, my instincts want me to turn around, bend my neck in submission, drop on all fours and let him have what the Moon demands.

"You make me weak."

I nod, breathing out guiltily. "I know."

He takes my hand, resting the palm on his forehead. "I can feel you in here." He glides my hand over his face, my fingertips brushing against his lips, trailing over his mark and his body shudders with pleasure.

"I feel you in here." He presses my palm hard on his beating heart. He trails my hand down his bare chest, the tips of my fingers creating lines of heat between us, then down his abdomen, finally placing my palm low on his belly. "I always feel you here."

He places both hands on my head. "I want to be in here."

Saturating heat from the palm of his hand penetrates deep into my brain. My lids close slightly with pleasure. The tips of his fingers ever so carefully slide along my face, tracing over my lips, resting on my neck.

"I want my mark here." Still, his fingers descend between the valley of my chest, over my heart. "I want to be in here..."

The wolfs has a low rumble of delight in her chest.

Those fingertips of his purposely trail down my belly, cupping me. "I need to be in here." He lets the words fall on the spot he wants to mark me.

Clenching involuntary, the bond strumming heavy and thick in my body. I'm clouded by his want. He lets go, backing away very slowly. Silver and grey eyes peer intently at me. Both of us are fighting internal battles that can't be won.

"What does it feel like, Meela, to be in here?" He points to himself, cocking his head to the side.

"A beautiful curse," I manage to choke out, my voice cracking slightly. I'm bearing the weight of his eyes on me.

The knock at the door startles both of us.

"What?" he bellows out.

Thomas is there, opening up the door, peering in. "It's time, my brother."

His head isn't in the right place, he's not even thinking about this challenge, just me. All he can think about is me.

"Come," he says. It's more begging than demanding.

Nodding my head with an agreement, turning around to go into the bedroom to change my torn sweater.

Walking slightly behind the brothers, the clearing comes into view, the five challengers in the middle, standing puffed out, full of juvenile pride. The full Moon's glow casts its light on all present.

They're so young, so naive. Their parents look on in disbelief and grief, while the Warriors of the pack look stoic. They understand that to challenge an Alpha means death.

"I'll be here, brother." Thomas's hand rests on his brother's shoulder, lending support.

I can't bring myself to give him any.

"Alpha," I call to him. He turns his eyes to me. "They don't know what they're doing. It's just their juvenile hormones out of control. And the full moon pulling on them. Surely you must know the effects of that." He looks on in understanding.

"Leave them breathing." Saying it while slinking away on the edge of the clearing, observing.

Sharp eyes are on my back. Turning, I see Sophie leaning against a tree, arms folded, bitterness raging from her body. She looks thinner. Her eyes look so sad underneath the hostility.

That's the look I've been expecting to see from the females, the look of malice and hate, but I wasn't prepared for such sadness.

"Sophie," Thomas yells at her, but she ignores it.

He comes to stand in front of her, his hands smoothing over her shoulders, whispering harshly in her ear. He turns an apologetic smile my way. "Behave!" There is no room for argument in his tone as he grips her chin in a vise-like grip. All she does is nod slightly. Thomas makes his way back to the fight.

Sensing her hackles raise as she looks at me. "Say it, Sophie," I say, my face still turned towards the fight, my body ready to spring into action if needed.

"Why are you even here?" Hot venom. That's what her words feel like against my skin, caustic and burning.

"He asked me to come." I still look forward, unable to meet her sorrowful eyes.

I can tell some of the other females of the pack are slowly inching closer to us, unconcerned with the males' violence.

The Northerner's head turns towards me, and he shows a flash of teeth before he turns back to stalking the young males with careless ease. He's too quick for them, too formidable. His muscle coordination is too well honed. How could those pups even think they are a match for him?

Sophie takes this opportunity to position herself behind me, while the other females act as a wall between us and the males.

"You never even called to see how we were doing. Everything is always about you."

The truth in her words unsettles me. "I never knew until I came back. I almost died."

She huffs out a breath. "But you didn't." Her fingers twitch with the justice she feels is needed. Blood for blood. "You think you're better than every female here, that we had it different from you, better, that we weren't taken from our friends, our family, or made to submit at some point in our lives."

I'm slightly taken aback by her words.

"We." She points to her pack mates that keep creeping closer to me. "We've all had to accept our males at some point, but you, our Luna, refuse this, condemning us with your unnatural behavior."

"I'm sorry." That's all I could get out of my mouth. I was truly sorry my actions caused this to happen to them.

"You're making him look weak to other packs, therefore you make our males look weak to other packs." All female eyes are on us, jaws snapping in my direction in a silent threat.

"Our pack is strong, the strongest, but this--" She points to the fighting. "--is not right, not natural. Your fighting is causing descention in our pack. We, as females, will not stand for this." Each word is spoken deliberately to me.

"We want to have order again. We're tied to you, we need you to become the leader that we deserve. Alphas are born to lead, Lunas are made out of hardship, so stop acting like a princess and become our Queen."

Alphas are born, Lunas are made.

Her eyes follow the fighting of the males, and she lets out a defeated breath. "We need you just as much as you need us."

I watch as the Northerner leaves the most aggressive juvenile for last. All the others on the ground are still but breathing. The young male lunges a little quicker than expected, striking the alpha on the chest, his claws gashing an uneven line deep into his flesh. Blood runs down the side of his body, soaking his pants. My chest starts to burn with his injury. I clutch the spot in pain.

"I know what he's done was not right, but you push him too hard. Your stubbornness is too much. You need to make peace with him, for our pack's future."

"And if I don't?" I cross my arms protectively around my chest.

"We will not sacrifice any more of our pups for your temper tantrums. There will be consequences." She speaks her words with truth and honesty. It wasn't a threat, it was a promise.

"Trust us when we say that it's not as bad as you think. Just give in to your instincts. Everything else will follow and it will only make the two of you stronger together. We'll all be stronger."

I keep looking forward as a tear slowly trails down my cheek.

"We want to be with you, not against you." With that she turns me around and presses her cheek to mine, her tears mixing with mine.

The challenge ends quickly, the juveniles all left on the ground, pale but breathing.

The Northerner yells out, "Who's next?" He goes up to every male, looking for any signs of aggression. Thomas is the first to bend a knee, showing his throat. The rest of the males follow.

Soon the females take a knee, leaving me the only one standing. No one breaths...waiting.

A breath of a whisper is heard on the wind, only for my ears: consequences.

I take a knee and bend my neck to him in submission. The pack is all postured down on bended knee to their Alpha.